Originally Posted by
fortworthnative 
More things that aren’t normal (right)??
Now we are back in the car and he’s wanting to talk to me and says he “hasn’t had time to process what I said earlier” and all I said was that it speaks volumes that he even has anything to process.
And he’s trying to act like I never said that to him and is trying to be normal with me.
Such a mind f*ck (excuse my language).
It is very possible that he doesn’t remember you telling him before that he is out if he continues drinking (if I understood what you said correctly). A few years ago I had a discussion with my ex about his (to me) excessive use of pornography as i felt it was interfering with our sex life. He totally minimized my feelings and told me it was normal for guys and how he is a visual person bla-bla-bla. So I never brought it up again. To me that was a very important discussion as it was an issue for me in our marriage. As I found I during marriage counseling after he got sober, he had absolutely zero recollection of ever having had that discussion. Chances are he doesn’t remember many things during our relationship. But between that and the alcohol, those were both huge reasons for the deterioration of our relationship and by the time he got sober finally (he tried controlled drinking many times, spoiler alert, it never works for an alcoholic) it was too late for me an I could not get past the years of neglect so to speak while he was ready to move on with me after he got sober. But my feelings for him had changed significantly and I just could not forget and get past it. Too much resentment.
Your AH doesn’t sound like he is at all anywhere near the point that he wants to quit unfortunately. So good for you for setting boundaries and sticking to them as hard as that will be. In the long run it will be healthier for you and the kids. I never realized until the end how much I covered for him, making up excuses why he could not go anywhere or why he wa always tired. Not letting him alone with my kid because I didn’t trust him but coming up with reasons other than his drinking why that was. He got sober when my kid was 6 and he is still sober now 3 years later. I think her exposure to it was limited luckily but had he continued drinking as she got older it would have definitely affected her a lot more. If he decides to get serious about quitting you can always reevaluate after he’s been clean for a year if you chose too. Unfortunately he doesn’t sound like he is ready for that.