Cuckoo

So I finally looked up AA meetings in my local area.
But, I cannot go.
My bosses friend recently got sober. He lives near me and I know that he attends several different meetings.
I just cant risk it 😕

C

Gerard52

Cuckoo, I wouldn't let that stop you attending. AA meetings are confidential and I am sure your boss friend respects that. You have every right to attend without any repercussions, the only requirement is a desire to stop drinking.

August252015

This is a common concern. The AA traditions fiercely prescribe anonymity,et with humans involved it is not a perfect system, IMO and IME.

Two things from my experience- plenty of people knew about my terrible behavior when drinking, and I would rather them know I stopped and got help than just know that old me. Also, I have met plenty of people I had already thought well of outside of AA, did t know were in the program and went, huh maybe they do indeed have something I want like AA talks about.

Is it possible your boss!sriend would share that you start going? Sure. Should he? No way. Should it really be enough to stop you from going if you need to quit drinking like I did? Your call.

For me, anyone who judges me harshly or looks down on me for being in recovery isn't worth my energy. I first had to choose life over death, literally, and now I choose the. amazing, real, sober life I have over anything, anyone and any opinion out there.

Cuckoo

He would absolutely tell him in a heartbeat.
I hear them gossiping and talking about other people.
And I know 100% my boss would tell everyone here at work. He has no tact at all. He has told me things about my work colleagues and repeated something to one that I had said in confidence, I thought. That person and I fell out over it and havent spoken for two years.
Its just not an option.

C

doggonecarl

Yesterday you said you were going to post a more optimistic thread to match your attitude.

How is this optimistic?

tnek97

I would still consider going. Your bosses friend is probably not sitting around with your boss, discussing everyone at everything at AA. I certainly don't discuss what I talk about on SR, with my sober friends.

Plus, as a leader, I'd rather hear that my employee was strong enough to attend AA meetings, and try to set a new course for their life, than to see my employee struggle with alcoholism.

decchemist

Try an online AA meeting like Gabe1980 has done recently.

Or there is SMART meetings near you, closest being Southend.

Or just go further afield.

Gerard52

So what if people know you are going to AA. It is none of their business. Also if your bosses friend is in recovery through attending AA, he would need to be of a particularly low character to do that. That doesn't align with people who attend AA.

August252015

I'm going to go out on a limb here and talk about real life things exactly like having and keeping a job.

I took my sobriety as a matter of life and death, immediately, when I first quit drinking. While at two and a half years sober, my recovered self is not in danger of a quick death by drinking, as long as I do not drink...every choice I make is about my recovery.

Every choice.

That has included decisions to keep a job, risk losing one, leave one myself...because everything whether making a living, keeping an apt of my preference, having a car, filing for bankruptcy if I couldn't pay off debts...absolutey everything was unimportant compared to being sober.

Not easy. Lots of thought and things I learned in AA out into scary seeming situations. My experience may be or sound extreme but my point is to illustrate what "cants" had to be ruled out of my life.

I would also add hat plenty of people look into online AA meetings, some like Dee use SR as their program to longtime sobriety, and perhaps there are other programs available to you locally.

If you truly want to get sober, there is always a way. Some ways make it easier than others, as most of us might tell you, and a plan of action is critical to me like many others. Going it alone is a tough choice from what lots of people I have heard can attest.

Best to you.

NerfThis

I'd rather go to a meeting and risk people I know seeing me there than have an unfortunate fatal result from alcohol consumption one day and have people find out that way.

PeaceInSilence

Hi Cuckoo,

I had the same fears when I first started attending AA. Long and short - they're there for the same reasons as you. Would I rather someone see me at an AA meeting or out seeing me perform? Or worse still hear about me dying!? That's what is came down to for me, my life or what others thought. No choice really.

Those who judge don't matter and those who matter don't judge.

Best decision of my life.

Peace

Dee74

Your bosses friend will be going for the same reason you would be

I hope you reconsider Cuckoo - sometimes we need to do uncomfortable things to save our life. Y'know?.

D

tomsteve

cuckoo, something to consider:
you mentioned before getting with friends and it turning into a drunkfest. seems theres no problem with people seeing ya sloppy drunk.
you mentioned you want to be a role model for your daughter( she started drinking i believe i read).

you let people see you getting drunk yet people knowing youre getting help isnt ok.

it reads like youre in an area with a lot of meetings- maybe head to a neighboring city to attend.

become willing to go to ANY lengths for victory over alcohol- even if that means people learn of you gettting help.

something else to think about:
what HONEST advise would you give to someone desperate to stop drinking, someone that is sinking further and further into alcoholism, that said what you are saying? what would you say to someone that has a concern about their daughter following in their footsteps?

not suggesting to not look at online meetings,too. just that this is a concern many have had and many have found it to be an unfounded fear.

BlownOne

I have a friend who is in the process of dying from untreated alcoholism. His family is in shambles, they have no money, and he's inches from literally drinking himself to death. If AA helps me from going down that same path, I don't care who knows.

eyes99

It sounds like you want to protect the possibility of drinking again in the future. Like, if they know that you’re in AA, then everyone will be judging if you do take a drink. But if you’re never going to drink again, why is that a problem?

Second, let’s say you do go and you relapse. Your boss’ BEST FRIEND is in AA, so chances are that your boss knows a bit about the road to sobriety. Don’t you think that might predispose him to be a bit kinder and more forgiving to you as you seek yours?

doggonecarl

Great point.

AnvilheadII

how is it you know your boss's friend recently got sober and attends meetings?

and trust me, there are a lot worse things to be known for than doing the right thing and getting sober.

least

I'd go anyway. If you see your boss's friend there, tell them you're afraid of them blowing your anonymity. Put the ball in their court.

lessgravity

I feel for you Cuckoo - you're suffering a lot right now. I've been there.

Don't find an excuse to drink if you are worried about AA. Go, don't go - either way, find a way not to drink. There are lots of ways to support your sobriety. Don't let your difficulty getting to a meeting give you an excuse to pick up.

Cuckoo

Thank you less. You understand.
It really is not an option for me. People at work see the hard working, sensible, **** together mum.
Everyone here is telling me that my sobriety should be more important than what people think but I cant get past what people think and so I wont get sober that way.
Its so hard but thats the way I am made. I respect all of the advice especially from the old timers but I just cant do it.
Looking at other options now

C