Trelkovsky

Hi people
I almost slipped up again today.. I was sitting on my couch for hours contemplating going out buying beer. I'm currently 3 days sober
and alcohol feels like a strong beast to beat. Ive been very depressed and fatigued since Monday. The last time I screwed up and ended up on a bad binge. I blacked out of course. I woke up on the couch Tuesday morning facing the usual issues through the day.

spasms
tingling
some bruises
stomach pain
fatigue
extreme depression
sweating
anxiety
trouble keeping my legs still
guilt over my actions and the money I threw away when I should have
used them for necessary purchases.

I don't have a large amount of money and after rent and downpayment. I usually use half my salary on drinking. That don't leave much to live on. Im so sick and tired of being broke. Of eating the cheapest healthiest foods I can find regardless the taste. Ive been living like this for so so long and its taking a toll on me.

HOWEVER
I realized something tonight. When I made my first post Rar told me to reach out BEFORE I drank something I felt like doing but something happened when I tried posting and the post I spent a while making disappeared from the screen. The weird thing was. Even though I never got to post It. I felt better. It was like putting everything down in writing helped me overcome the cravings temporarily. I really was desperate while writing and had been for a few hours. Most of the day really. I did think the devil was winning there for a while but he didn't. Not this time

So what I want to do from now on is to post my progress and thoughts in this thread. Good or bad. Even if I fail. I don't really have anyone to talk to in real life about this, and the last couple of weeks trying and failing quitting has made me more reclusive than usual. I have basically isolated myself for two weeks while trying to quit except half an hour walk to the store and home and some phonecalls here and there. Its only natural I feel more alone than usual. Yet I don't really wanna engage with anyone I know right now. Im not ready to talk about what I'm going through. You guys are the only ones who know, and knows how it feel to be in the same position.

I think I made kind of a small breakthrough today. I managed to resist the cravings. The third day is typically hell for me.
Im so grateful for making it through. And I'm grateful for all the insight and great people on this forum.
I can't do this alone so I think holding myself accountable by posting here will help.
The same goes for reading other peoples threads, and conversing with them. I've been learning a lot lately and I feel like I'm not so alone anymore. We are all in this together.

Its night time here and Im glad I made it through another day.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I will do my best to keep this up.
Right now I hope to get a decent nights sleep.
Have a good night or day depending on where you reside in the world.

-Trelkovsky

Dee74

a journal thread is a great idea Trelkovsky

D

iwilltryagain

Trelkovsky - Awesome that you are aware and taking accountability. You can do this...Just do it one day at a time. Keep your mind engaged with something else, keep busy, watch TV(my favorite - netflix) ...keep yourself full (which i think is key). The cravings will slowly go away...Just reprogram your brain. Think about all good things you can buy with that money you spend/t on drinking, how about new shoes or new TV or new computer...well just my thoughts....
...stay sober and be adamant about it....Have a great evening

MissPerfumado

Great work Trelkosky. An accountability thread is great, it will let you get to know folks here and us get to know you, you will get a lot of support, and you may even be helping people without even knowing it.

lessgravity

Nice work and well thought out. Keep us updated.

gettingsmarter

How's it going today Trevkovski?

Hevyn

That was a great post, Trelkovsky. Your list of issues after the binge was so painfully accurate. We can never allow ourselves to go back to that misery.

This is Day 4 for you - congratulations - you should start to feel much better soon.

ChloeRose63

Looking forward to your posts!
Great idea!

Trelkovsky

Today is day 4. Thank you to everyone for your replies. Im currently having a hard time keeping it together. Its a beautiful day here and I feel very fatigued and just want to drink. My gut is craving its poison. Right now my gut is yelling really loud. The spasms has subsided a bit today. My ties and legs are less rigid. I have spent most of the day watching ozark on Netflix. Pretty good show. I also had some short naps. Didn't really. sleep much last night. Its 6 In the afternoon now and Im trying to get through the cravings. I really appreciate everyones posts. Thank you guys. I hope everyone is having a good day.

Trelkovsky

It so strange. I know this **** will make me loose everything if I continue. Still I'm so split in my ability to make rational decisions. Hevyn, Thanks for reminding me It will get better soon. My head is so messed up. It feels like its two people fighting for the right to decide if I should or should not.
If I drink tonight. I have to start over. That means I'm even worse off tomorrow. I think my symptoms of withdrawal are slowly getting worse every time I put my body through a night of drinking. At least it feel like it. I need to think about the future. All my dreams and hopes depends on it.

YuriO

One thing that helps me, Telkovsky, is finding a substitute to drink: water, selzer, tea. My first three days, I'd pound water, the equivalent to what I would have drank in beer, which is a lot.

Once you're fully hydrated, even over hydrated, the crave to drink, at least part of the craving should subside, and drinking all that water gives you something to do. I'd make it a goal to drink 3 quarts in an afternoon, and then I'd feel good about accomplishing the goal, and I'd build on that with more healthy activities to replace drinking.

It's not easy, I know. 4 days is a big accomplishment though, so good for you. It's something to be proud of.

Trelkovsky

Thanks for the tip YuriO Im currently drinking a lot of water. Might go to the store to get a special treat today.
I had a chat in here a moment ago with a kind soul over pm.
That along with reading all your constructive posts and writing down some thoughts helped, I think I can manage a trip to the store now. I will not drink today.

Anna

You're doing great!

I think that each detox we go through is harder than the last. That was the case for me. Also, Day 3/4 were the hardest for me. Once you get past that, it's likely that you will begin to feel better.

ChloeRose63

From "one kind soul" to another....I have confidence in you that you will make your recovery work!
You are a part of the SR Family now and you are never alone...keep dancing!

Trelkovsky

Thanks Anna!

Trelkovsky

ChloeRose63. Im grateful and I am glad to be a part of the family! If I hadn't checked my inbox earlier I would probably have fell of the wagon today..Instead Im on my way out to buy some healthy food and a treat. Thank you.

ChloeRose63

Hey, that's what friends are for! I know you make alot more friends soon!

lessgravity

Have you looked into "urge surfing"? Dee has a post that comes up now and then - just search the boards for the term.

Extremely helpful, practical way to get through the early, difficult cravings.

Stay strong.

Trelkovsky

Thanks for the tip, less gravity. I will search for it later this evening. Im back from the store. Did not buy any alcohol Bought some veggie burgers, icecream, chips and water instead. Its Friday. Need to have a treat or two at hand.

Radix

Congrats on your plan, and congrats on looking for accountability. People do well with accountability; it's how we're built.

For me, the substitute was (and still is) sparking water!