Lorij13099

You know what sucks, being surrounded by people that have NO IDEA what I'm going through. Yeah I might be grumpy or not myself... but I can't tell them why. Day 8 here and I feel great physically but emotionally I'm dying...

yinzer

We know what you are going through. Come talk to us until it gets easier.

biminiblue

It will get better.

Congrats on Day Eight!

I found that even if I shared with people who did understand, they didn't always answer me in the way I wanted. Go figure!

Keep posting, Lori. Stick with us.

NerfThis

Congratulations on day 8! Yes it's one of those things that feels better kept to ones self (well in my case, only shared with my husband and one close friend) but life would be easier if every one knew, then people would stop asking if you want to go drinking etc! I think as more and more time goes on you'll find it a lot easier. Physically it will be easier and you'll mentally become more and more comfortable with being a non drinker, so you won't be worried about saying to people that you're not drinking.

Renvate

You gotta set yourself some goals to distract you from drinking in the first week(s), Lorji. And not just a " i won't drink" goal


I start to get into a cycle of "woe is me" sometimes. But then i log on here and read some of the stories with a jaw wide open... Some people are truly carrying some sh*t that knows one sees.

I ofcourse dont know your story so i cant comment to much

August252015

Hey Lori - hang in there and keep going!

That Big Question of whether to share or not...very personal. I am very public about my recovery; my mom (and by extension Dad) were quite private. So, you CAN share (IMO)- but it's up to you.

And I have also learned that we really have no idea at all what's going on with other people. Even when I think I do, or they share some things, it's possibly not the whole story.

Take care of yourself - today.
A

Lorij13099

What type of goals?

Lorij13099

I have shared my story partially with some very close friends, husband and Therapist.... but of course I'm not ready to disclose the ENTIRE truth. The closest person to knowing the whole story and that has been a process. I always seem to be right on the verge of telling all with my therapist and then I somehow sugar coat it or don't make it seem as bad as it was. Its still so very embarrassing for me. I mean who wants to admit they have been to school events drunk or chugged pints of vodka locked in a bathroom. UGH.

biminiblue

Well now you've told us and we've all been there - and worse.

You are not a bad person. Just one with an illness, and now you're doing something about it. You don't have to be that person any more.

I find that staying in the "now" is the best place for me. I try to be where my feet are.

Hug

August252015

^^pretty much nobody likes to share the stuff we did when drinking (and we often think we are the only ones that pulled this shenanigan or that )

You're early and you are on the right path- I know the first year was very emotional, sometimes at surprising moments (or what I thought was long enough not to get so upset or want to hide or...) but it did even out as I kept going.

Oh- do you ever look at that right hand column of our SR pages where articles are posted? There is some good stuff there. Today I read this one - https://www.soberrecovery.com/recove...t-youre-sober/

Hugs, momma
A

BDTL

I've been very open with my friends and family. I figure those who accept me as I am will always be there for me. Those who look down on me can move on to another place. By opening up I feel less stress about being in situations where I might be asked to have a drink. I just tell em nope, I'm no longer a drinker unless you got a cold glass of tea, water, or some other non alcoholic beverage. You'll know when to put your foot down or maybe you will choose to stay anonymous. Do whatever helps you feel the most comfortable because you have to live the rest of your life sober..

August252015

Re the goals question.....when I was in my first 90 days, say, I started with to do lists for the day that consisted of REALLY basic stuff. Like 1) eat twice 2) make the bed 3) shower. Seriously. Whatever you need to do, are capable of doing, can aspire to doing (within the specific week, not day, maybe). Gradually my world and my calendar grew to what my life is now- darn full.

It helped me feel like I accomplished something to start small and build. Some days, the only thing I could say is I didn't drink. That's totally ok.

All of this is a process - keep going. It gets better.

lessgravity

They will see the results when you get through. You have this community and any other recovery group you choose. And the truth is we all move through life not knowing what loved ones and strangers are going through. Perhaps instead of self-pity we can use these experiences to generate greater empathy for others. Stay doing what you're doing and share here. We all can relate.

lrish

I’m incredibly grumpy that my co dependant bf told me to stop drinking (which I did but for my Phd not for him) and now is terribly unhelpful for my sobriety. Have me an hour long tirade on my being an alcoholic and when the next after quitting I told him I wanted to avoid going to my dads house because triggers he simply said”sure can you not just say no?” He bugs the crap out of me but I am trying to detach from his behaviour - it doesn’t need to define me or even impact me - just trying to ignore his unhelpful ness and focus on myself. I hope being here helps because people here might understand and we sorely need that. I’m frustrated too and if I’m honest I imagine sticking pins in his ears when he annoys me, and it sort of helps

Dee74

That's why its so great places like SR exist. We understand - and we're here 24/7

nez

Early in sobriety, and even today, the most important person that needs to understand what I am going through and why...is me!

Berrybean

Yes. That's why my recovery network have been (and will always be) so valuable to me. This place and my AA clan really do help. Much as our non-alcoholic friend, partners and family want to help or understand, they just can't. Even if we did reveal to them uhh full awfulness of what we did, they still wouldn't. Not really.

Why not give AA a go? A woman's meeting might be a good first step. You would meet other mum's who can remember doing very similar to what you describe, and have managed to turn things around. There's a lot to be said for experience, strength and hope and it can be found in those AA meetings.

BB

Lorij13099

How do I go about finding one that would be a good fit?

Berrybean

Just try some. You can just walk into any meeting, anywhere. (As long as it's not a gender specific one for the opposite sex). I have some that I feel right at home in. Others not so much, but never out of place. Most people have one that us their favoured one which ends up being their home group and is the one they're most likely to do service at, and is their mainstay, and then they have others they like as well. I have two that are like home groups for me, which I don't like to miss. Others chop and change depending on what else is going on at the time.

Are there a few that you're thinking of then?

BB

Lorij13099

I wouldn't even know where to start looking....