I just do not seem to connect with AA
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 71
I just do not seem to connect with AA
I like the aspect of the group support but have not had ease accepting the use of the steps for some reason. I do believe in God and I plan to continue to go but I have to find a group that I completely connect with.
Is there any other options?
I am mandated to go to keep my job.
I have to fill out paper work and I honestly had been faking the signitures but my behavior became so risky that I know I must stop and I need support.
My life , job and possibly freedom is being put on the line and things HAVE to change. I feel like this last binge has aged me like 5 years.
I did make it to yoga today which was helpful. I not only suffer from drinking, it is other self sabotaging behavior but when the drinking is under control that is more under control.
I am having mild withdrawls but I am thinking it is not to the level of being dangerous, just uncomfortable.
Thanks for listening.
Is there any other options?
I am mandated to go to keep my job.
I have to fill out paper work and I honestly had been faking the signitures but my behavior became so risky that I know I must stop and I need support.
My life , job and possibly freedom is being put on the line and things HAVE to change. I feel like this last binge has aged me like 5 years.
I did make it to yoga today which was helpful. I not only suffer from drinking, it is other self sabotaging behavior but when the drinking is under control that is more under control.
I am having mild withdrawls but I am thinking it is not to the level of being dangerous, just uncomfortable.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 425
I'm assuming you are court-ordered to attend AA ?
If so, it's normal to feel like an "outsider," but believe me, AA people are very used to those in your situation.
AA is not for everyone, including myself. The groups here in this small town tend to all include the same people. Negative, no ambition to find work, etc. I do not identify with that at all. After all, it's not just about sobriety...it's about improving quality of life for myself and my family.
Don't get caught faking your paperwork. Those are legal documents and you very well could be arrested if you are found out.
If so, it's normal to feel like an "outsider," but believe me, AA people are very used to those in your situation.
AA is not for everyone, including myself. The groups here in this small town tend to all include the same people. Negative, no ambition to find work, etc. I do not identify with that at all. After all, it's not just about sobriety...it's about improving quality of life for myself and my family.
Don't get caught faking your paperwork. Those are legal documents and you very well could be arrested if you are found out.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
but I have to find a group that I completely connect with.
if youre referring to connecting to everyone there,that wont happen in ANY organization.
or are you comparing?either way, you will probably get better results relating.
check out different meetings. might be wise to get the big book and read it,too.
also wise to get phone numbers from members and call them.
if youre referring to connecting to everyone there,that wont happen in ANY organization.
or are you comparing?either way, you will probably get better results relating.
check out different meetings. might be wise to get the big book and read it,too.
also wise to get phone numbers from members and call them.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
We have information on a variety of recovery programs and plans. If you are mandated to go to AA to keep your job, I guess you don't have much choice:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
PinkPanther,
wasn't easy for me to accept the stepstuff, and i put off doing it over and over. Until i was miserable enough.
never did find a meeting / group that i completely connect with, and looking at what blocks me from connecting, looking at why i expected to be needing to completely connect, examining why and how these reservations limited me and whether i put them in place in order to not have to actually do the stuff or go to meetings or ....all more than useful and part of the process that has resulted in ongoing sobriety.
if you are unwilling to do things without ease of accepting, or without completely connecting, you are likely setting yourself up for not moving far from where you're at.
wasn't easy for me to accept the stepstuff, and i put off doing it over and over. Until i was miserable enough.
never did find a meeting / group that i completely connect with, and looking at what blocks me from connecting, looking at why i expected to be needing to completely connect, examining why and how these reservations limited me and whether i put them in place in order to not have to actually do the stuff or go to meetings or ....all more than useful and part of the process that has resulted in ongoing sobriety.
if you are unwilling to do things without ease of accepting, or without completely connecting, you are likely setting yourself up for not moving far from where you're at.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 71
I am not court ordered. It is for my job as I failed an alcohol test and to get my job back I was told I have to attend several times a week. I can do online for some but not all. I am also subject to random alcohol tests which I've had on a very regular basis.
I live in a larger city and this particular group seems to be filled with very successful people. The lot is full on Lexus, BMW, the two times that I have been the same Ferrari was there. Yet still diverse. (this comment was more in reply to the font that said they didn't relate because the group did not seem to be driven)
That isn't too important to me but I understand what you mean about some not being progressive. The other place that I used to go to was a mix but I went late one night and it was full of bikers. Nothing against bikers but it is just not my demographic.
They were all very nice to me today. I must have looked like a new comer although I have been there before. Quite a few people approached me and everyone was very friendly . This was a very social group which is nice but was scary for me. I like the support and hearing everyone's story but I don' t immediately embrace the steps but I am going to go and just listen because I could relate to what many people had to say.
I live in a larger city and this particular group seems to be filled with very successful people. The lot is full on Lexus, BMW, the two times that I have been the same Ferrari was there. Yet still diverse. (this comment was more in reply to the font that said they didn't relate because the group did not seem to be driven)
That isn't too important to me but I understand what you mean about some not being progressive. The other place that I used to go to was a mix but I went late one night and it was full of bikers. Nothing against bikers but it is just not my demographic.
They were all very nice to me today. I must have looked like a new comer although I have been there before. Quite a few people approached me and everyone was very friendly . This was a very social group which is nice but was scary for me. I like the support and hearing everyone's story but I don' t immediately embrace the steps but I am going to go and just listen because I could relate to what many people had to say.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 71
[QUOTE=Anna;6810925]We have information on a variety of recovery programs and plans. If you are mandated to go to AA to keep your job, I guess you don't have much choice:
Thank you this is helpful.
(I don't have enough post counts to post the link)
Thank you this is helpful.
(I don't have enough post counts to post the link)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by PinkPanther08 
I am willing to try about anything because everything is holding on by a thread.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by DontRemember
I use multiple groups/systems/tools/whatever for my recovery. I just know on my own didn't work multiple times and being court ordered to AA got me honest with myself. I didn't care what people said( I listened) or about any of the drama that goes on around some meetings.. i was there for one person. I've also signed my slip a couple times when I couldn't make or feel like going to a meeting early on. After a few weeks I was going to more than I was court ordered to attend and it wasn't for the company of others. It was for me.
I am going to just try to make it something I do since I haven't been working it is like I have time on my hands and use alcohol to fill the time which then means I can't go to work. Horrible cycle.
I think I will just try to make a habit of it. I don't like that some meetings try to call you out.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by PinkPanther08
I know I need change. So I will try to do what I am supposed (going to meetings/ coming to this forum) to do because me drinking is NOT helping anything. The money I spend, the risk I take and I feel like my health is on the way to be affected.
I am going to just try to make it something I do since I haven't been working it is like I have time on my hands and use alcohol to fill the time which then means I can't go to work. Horrible cycle.
I think I will just try to make a habit of it. I don't like that some meetings try to call you out.
I am going to just try to make it something I do since I haven't been working it is like I have time on my hands and use alcohol to fill the time which then means I can't go to work. Horrible cycle.
I think I will just try to make a habit of it. I don't like that some meetings try to call you out.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sounds like you need to go to these meetings a bit longer. Longer enough to stop focussing on the differences and start listening for the simalarities. That's how we get to know someone - not by looking at their clothes or cars.
I didn't get willing to get a sponsor and work the steps til I was 6 months sober and so miserable I just wanted to die. Then one day I actually heard How It Works when it was read out, and decided that if I wanted the peace that others around me seemed to have got then perhaps I'd need to climb out of my own butt and ask for some help and get honest. Scariest thing I ever did. And the most worthwhile.
Must admit, I reckon that would be much harder if I didn't feel like I had a choice about going.
BB
I didn't get willing to get a sponsor and work the steps til I was 6 months sober and so miserable I just wanted to die. Then one day I actually heard How It Works when it was read out, and decided that if I wanted the peace that others around me seemed to have got then perhaps I'd need to climb out of my own butt and ask for some help and get honest. Scariest thing I ever did. And the most worthwhile.
Must admit, I reckon that would be much harder if I didn't feel like I had a choice about going.
BB
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by Berrybean
Sounds like you need to go to these meetings a bit longer. Longer enough to stop focussing on the differences and start listening for the simalarities. That's how we get to know someone - not by looking at their clothes or cars.
I didn't get willing to get a sponsor and work the steps til I was 6 months sober and so miserable I just wanted to die. Then one day I actually heard How It Works when it was read out, and decided that if I wanted the peace that others around me seemed to have got then perhaps I'd need to climb out of my own butt and ask for some help and get honest. Scariest thing I ever did. And the most worthwhile.
Must admit, I reckon that would be much harder if I didn't feel like I had a choice about going.
BB
I didn't get willing to get a sponsor and work the steps til I was 6 months sober and so miserable I just wanted to die. Then one day I actually heard How It Works when it was read out, and decided that if I wanted the peace that others around me seemed to have got then perhaps I'd need to climb out of my own butt and ask for some help and get honest. Scariest thing I ever did. And the most worthwhile.
Must admit, I reckon that would be much harder if I didn't feel like I had a choice about going.
BB
I was told by someone else to stop looking a differences.
I was not going like I was supposed to. I thought I could do it on my own.
Today I said I had to try something different and I just come and sit and listen, that is my start. A great conversation about fear and that was something that I could relate to.
Tomorrow I am going to try one of the SMART recovery meetings.
I have more anxiety having to forge the form so I might as stop cheating myself and start to do the work.
What made you so miserable at 6 months sober???
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Originally Posted by PinkPanther08
I read up on SMART recovery and that seems like something I would like they don't have as many meetings as AA but it is something I will look into.
D
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Sounds like you are really thinking and working your recovery, trying stuff on for size and finding your path to what works is a big part of it. I went through many methods and chose what stuck.
Despite your being court ordered you really seem to admit that you have a drinking problem and really want to stop. I observed a number of people in your situation going through the motions so they could get their job or drivers license back. Those types probably would have sought out and stayed on this site with an open mind.
There is more to a group than economic and social demographic. I am solidly middle class and educated with a steady job and a decent but not luxurious lifestyle, with good food and travel a priority. I landed at inpatient rehab in the midst of people very much not that way at all. Many had multiple rehabs, were addicted to alcohol, heroin, meth,, cocaine, pills, PCP, cough syrup and more and in various combinations. People who lived in beautiful homes and others who had been homeless and in and out of jail. A few had serious mental illness. I would have been pretty freaked out, but I was so sick that I didn’t care, and in horrible withdrawal. Addiction is a great equalizer and I learned as much from homeless drug addicts as I did from those that had gone to good schools and had never lost a job. I still find myself liking some meetings more than others, but that is more to do with personal dynamics than demographics.
Keep asking questions, listen a lot and do what feels right to you.
Despite your being court ordered you really seem to admit that you have a drinking problem and really want to stop. I observed a number of people in your situation going through the motions so they could get their job or drivers license back. Those types probably would have sought out and stayed on this site with an open mind.
There is more to a group than economic and social demographic. I am solidly middle class and educated with a steady job and a decent but not luxurious lifestyle, with good food and travel a priority. I landed at inpatient rehab in the midst of people very much not that way at all. Many had multiple rehabs, were addicted to alcohol, heroin, meth,, cocaine, pills, PCP, cough syrup and more and in various combinations. People who lived in beautiful homes and others who had been homeless and in and out of jail. A few had serious mental illness. I would have been pretty freaked out, but I was so sick that I didn’t care, and in horrible withdrawal. Addiction is a great equalizer and I learned as much from homeless drug addicts as I did from those that had gone to good schools and had never lost a job. I still find myself liking some meetings more than others, but that is more to do with personal dynamics than demographics.
Keep asking questions, listen a lot and do what feels right to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by MindfulMan
Sounds like you are really thinking and working your recovery, trying stuff on for size and finding your path to what works is a big part of it. I went through many methods and chose what stuck.
Despite your being court ordered you really seem to admit that you have a drinking problem and really want to stop. I observed a number of people in your situation going through the motions so they could get their job or drivers license back. Those types probably would have sought out and stayed on this site with an open mind.
There is more to a group than economic and social demographic. I am solidly middle class and educated with a steady job and a decent but not luxurious lifestyle, with good food and travel a priority. I landed at inpatient rehab in the midst of people very much not that way at all. Many had multiple rehabs, were addicted to alcohol, heroin, meth,, cocaine, pills, PCP, cough syrup and more and in various combinations. People who lived in beautiful homes and others who had been homeless and in and out of jail. A few had serious mental illness. I would have been pretty freaked out, but I was so sick that I didn’t care, and in horrible withdrawal. Addiction is a great equalizer and I learned as much from homeless drug addicts as I did from those that had gone to good schools and had never lost a job. I still find myself liking some meetings more than others, but that is more to do with personal dynamics than demographics.
Keep asking questions, listen a lot and do what feels right to you.
Despite your being court ordered you really seem to admit that you have a drinking problem and really want to stop. I observed a number of people in your situation going through the motions so they could get their job or drivers license back. Those types probably would have sought out and stayed on this site with an open mind.
There is more to a group than economic and social demographic. I am solidly middle class and educated with a steady job and a decent but not luxurious lifestyle, with good food and travel a priority. I landed at inpatient rehab in the midst of people very much not that way at all. Many had multiple rehabs, were addicted to alcohol, heroin, meth,, cocaine, pills, PCP, cough syrup and more and in various combinations. People who lived in beautiful homes and others who had been homeless and in and out of jail. A few had serious mental illness. I would have been pretty freaked out, but I was so sick that I didn’t care, and in horrible withdrawal. Addiction is a great equalizer and I learned as much from homeless drug addicts as I did from those that had gone to good schools and had never lost a job. I still find myself liking some meetings more than others, but that is more to do with personal dynamics than demographics.
Keep asking questions, listen a lot and do what feels right to you.
Thank you for your post.
I have been to meetings before and it was voluntary and I thought I connected more. At that time I worked in the restaurants and bar industry and just went back to my old ways.
At first I thought I have to do this to get my job back and part of that was out patient rehab with a variety of people that you described. I learned a lot from people of all walks of life. There were quite a few older men who just talked about life and it helped but I did not identify as an alcoholic at the time. I wouldn't even say it in group. I thought my problems were more emotional based and that is probably the driving force and loneliness but that has lead me to where I am now.
I've played around too long and have fallen off the wagon too many times and too hard.
The risks I am taking, I probably need to be committed lol. Well biweekly therapy doesn't seem to be enough.
So I don't like these meetings but perhaps it will help to have some support.
In some one's eyes I live a great life but it is hanging on by a thread and not doing what I am supposed to be doing I have realized is only hurting me.
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