I keep messing up, trying to stay sober again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
I keep messing up, trying to stay sober again.
I joined here in July after heading to the ER for the first time, I was drinking a liter of 42proof vodka a day for a year and a half and within less than 12 hours of my last drink my pulse was already at 200+ and my BP was extremely high. They kept me there for 3 days on a banana bag, saline and a small dose of ativan the first 2 days. I went home and was great for about 27 days, in fact I felt amazing, like a new person.
Then around Aug 6th it was my girl friend's bday (now ex.) We were long distance at that moment so we'd video chat all day and night for 18 hours a day. I wasn't working and she has an office job in the army which lets her talk while she works. Well anyways I have really bad social anxiety and general anxiety, even with friends and family. This is where I messed up again. I started drinking again thinking I'd be more fun talking to her if I was drinking for that one night.
Well that one night of drinking turned into 4, theres a liquor store half a mile away I must have walked to for more vodka and four lokos. This actually made her upset and even though it was only 4 days of drinking I ended up going back to the ER and was kept for 3 days of detox. I drank every second I was awake according to her for those 4 days, I can't remember those 4 days much, every now and then I'll have a flash back suddenly remembering parts of it, and I thought that would scare me back into staying sober.
I didn't follow up or get anymore help and started drinking about a week later again, almost a liter of vodka a night every now, September 11th I finally got a job after 2 years of looking, retail but its better than nothing. I tried to quit drinking and ended up calling off on my 2nd day saying I needed to go to the ER for my Crohns disease. I was extremely shaky, high anxiety and though I needed detox. The ER dr this time said alcoholics aren't worth a room in the hospital and just have me 3 hours of saline, a shot of benadryl and 2 shots of valium over a 3 hour period, then kicked me out with a prescription for 25mg librium 4 times a day for 5 days. I felt great those five days and even went back to work.
I went back to drinking right away this time again, going to work with hangovers but no one notices and thinks its just my social anxiety I told them about. Almost exactly 1 more month goes by bringing us to mid Oct. I had 2 days off in a row and decided to stop cold turkey again. The first afternoon my shaking and anxiety was so bad I went to the ER being afraid something worse will happen. They admitted me for the 3 day treatment again which upset me because I was going to have to call off a 2nd time at my new job. But around 8pm on day 2 the nurse said my withdrawal rating was so low, they had taken me off the IV in the morning and not needed to give me benzos that he called my dr and said to call for a ride home and I can go to work the next day.
On my ride home passing the vodka stores the cravings kicked in already..
So far I've been to the ER once a month for withdrawal from July - Oct. I finally went to a psych since my regular dr didn't want to try and treat the alcoholism and referred me to this new guy. He put my on naltrexone which I now take but it doesn't seem to help. Right away people at work are talking about stopping for drinks on their way home and boom, my cravings are insane. I've been drinking 24 ounces of 42 proof of rum almost every night for 3 weeks now. I've skipped a night every now and then with no withdrawal effects. I believe 24 ounces of 42proof rum comes to 8 drinks in the US, much less than I normally drink but now its become a nightly thing again.
I'm fine during the day between drinks, no shakes or sweating. I'm really nervous yesterday and today since I planned to taper off since I'm not sure if I need to from 8 drinks or not. I have really bad anxiety all my life so thats not from the alcohol itself. I take my naltrexone a hour before drinking so I don't get too buzzed and I can control myself if I take it one hour before drinking. I plan to drink 6 drinks tonight instead of 8, tomorrow 4, then 2 on Saturday and then no more. I can't go back to the ER since no one will watch my dogs anymore, and I'll lose my job if I call off again in the next 90 days.
The fact that I don't have symptoms and can keep my drinking to 24+ hours apart makes me feel like I won't have issues but my anxiety is just crazy which is why I'm writing this. I also have 5 25mg librium left over from that one ER visit that I'll start Sunday night and take them 12 hours apart for a few nights.
I'm not asking for medical advice, I know you aren't allowed to give any on here. I already measured out my drinks for the taper and got rid of the extra alcohol. I just really hope this works out since its only been 8 drinks a night and I just need to find help in being sober. The counselor at my psych's place told me to start coming into some twice a week drop in group meetings with people who have all sorts of drug addictions since I'm not into AA since I'm not religious. I really need to find a way to stay sober, I hate going through this so much. I didn't mean to type so much either..
Then around Aug 6th it was my girl friend's bday (now ex.) We were long distance at that moment so we'd video chat all day and night for 18 hours a day. I wasn't working and she has an office job in the army which lets her talk while she works. Well anyways I have really bad social anxiety and general anxiety, even with friends and family. This is where I messed up again. I started drinking again thinking I'd be more fun talking to her if I was drinking for that one night.
Well that one night of drinking turned into 4, theres a liquor store half a mile away I must have walked to for more vodka and four lokos. This actually made her upset and even though it was only 4 days of drinking I ended up going back to the ER and was kept for 3 days of detox. I drank every second I was awake according to her for those 4 days, I can't remember those 4 days much, every now and then I'll have a flash back suddenly remembering parts of it, and I thought that would scare me back into staying sober.
I didn't follow up or get anymore help and started drinking about a week later again, almost a liter of vodka a night every now, September 11th I finally got a job after 2 years of looking, retail but its better than nothing. I tried to quit drinking and ended up calling off on my 2nd day saying I needed to go to the ER for my Crohns disease. I was extremely shaky, high anxiety and though I needed detox. The ER dr this time said alcoholics aren't worth a room in the hospital and just have me 3 hours of saline, a shot of benadryl and 2 shots of valium over a 3 hour period, then kicked me out with a prescription for 25mg librium 4 times a day for 5 days. I felt great those five days and even went back to work.
I went back to drinking right away this time again, going to work with hangovers but no one notices and thinks its just my social anxiety I told them about. Almost exactly 1 more month goes by bringing us to mid Oct. I had 2 days off in a row and decided to stop cold turkey again. The first afternoon my shaking and anxiety was so bad I went to the ER being afraid something worse will happen. They admitted me for the 3 day treatment again which upset me because I was going to have to call off a 2nd time at my new job. But around 8pm on day 2 the nurse said my withdrawal rating was so low, they had taken me off the IV in the morning and not needed to give me benzos that he called my dr and said to call for a ride home and I can go to work the next day.
On my ride home passing the vodka stores the cravings kicked in already..
So far I've been to the ER once a month for withdrawal from July - Oct. I finally went to a psych since my regular dr didn't want to try and treat the alcoholism and referred me to this new guy. He put my on naltrexone which I now take but it doesn't seem to help. Right away people at work are talking about stopping for drinks on their way home and boom, my cravings are insane. I've been drinking 24 ounces of 42 proof of rum almost every night for 3 weeks now. I've skipped a night every now and then with no withdrawal effects. I believe 24 ounces of 42proof rum comes to 8 drinks in the US, much less than I normally drink but now its become a nightly thing again.
I'm fine during the day between drinks, no shakes or sweating. I'm really nervous yesterday and today since I planned to taper off since I'm not sure if I need to from 8 drinks or not. I have really bad anxiety all my life so thats not from the alcohol itself. I take my naltrexone a hour before drinking so I don't get too buzzed and I can control myself if I take it one hour before drinking. I plan to drink 6 drinks tonight instead of 8, tomorrow 4, then 2 on Saturday and then no more. I can't go back to the ER since no one will watch my dogs anymore, and I'll lose my job if I call off again in the next 90 days.
The fact that I don't have symptoms and can keep my drinking to 24+ hours apart makes me feel like I won't have issues but my anxiety is just crazy which is why I'm writing this. I also have 5 25mg librium left over from that one ER visit that I'll start Sunday night and take them 12 hours apart for a few nights.
I'm not asking for medical advice, I know you aren't allowed to give any on here. I already measured out my drinks for the taper and got rid of the extra alcohol. I just really hope this works out since its only been 8 drinks a night and I just need to find help in being sober. The counselor at my psych's place told me to start coming into some twice a week drop in group meetings with people who have all sorts of drug addictions since I'm not into AA since I'm not religious. I really need to find a way to stay sober, I hate going through this so much. I didn't mean to type so much either..
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
I feel for you,
I have never been admitted for detox, even though I'm sure I should have many of times. I have weened off of booze at home, and I think that it can be done. I think you are going to feel pretty bad no matter if you quit cold or ween off, I would try to get off as soon as possible, maybe cut those numbers in half to 3-2-1?
Give yourself as many days as you can without any booze in your system, before you have to work and start getting things figured out. And of coarse if the symptoms get out of hand, go back to the ER. If that happens, you may consider a rehab if the temptation to start again is too high. Your health is most important, you can get clean, just reach out and grab it!!
Keep posting and let everyone know how your doing
I have never been admitted for detox, even though I'm sure I should have many of times. I have weened off of booze at home, and I think that it can be done. I think you are going to feel pretty bad no matter if you quit cold or ween off, I would try to get off as soon as possible, maybe cut those numbers in half to 3-2-1?
Give yourself as many days as you can without any booze in your system, before you have to work and start getting things figured out. And of coarse if the symptoms get out of hand, go back to the ER. If that happens, you may consider a rehab if the temptation to start again is too high. Your health is most important, you can get clean, just reach out and grab it!!
Keep posting and let everyone know how your doing
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I just went back and read your posts from July.
Good luck on your taper. From the little I've read and know about you, I think you should do anything in your power to get into an inpatient rehab program and get yourself completely away from alcohol and any temptations. Four ER visits in four months at 35 years old should be a wake up call, and the fact that you've cut BACK to 8 drinks a day indicates that you're beyond being a heavy drinker.
Alcohol tapers rarely work, particularly if unsupervised, and a self-enforced benzo taper probably won't work either.
A supervised rehab program would allow you some abstinence and give you the tools to get and remain sober.
Sounds like you've tried doing it on your own and haven't gotten very far.
Why not try something different?
Good luck on your taper. From the little I've read and know about you, I think you should do anything in your power to get into an inpatient rehab program and get yourself completely away from alcohol and any temptations. Four ER visits in four months at 35 years old should be a wake up call, and the fact that you've cut BACK to 8 drinks a day indicates that you're beyond being a heavy drinker.
Alcohol tapers rarely work, particularly if unsupervised, and a self-enforced benzo taper probably won't work either.
A supervised rehab program would allow you some abstinence and give you the tools to get and remain sober.
Sounds like you've tried doing it on your own and haven't gotten very far.
Why not try something different?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
I agree, thanks for the help support guys. My counselor said the same as you, its 30 days. The main problems are if I'm gone for 30 days I wont be able to work and pay property taxes this Jan or my utilities. My credit cards are maxed out at $15k or so due to being unemployed and buying tons of alcohol =\ Also its hard to find someone to watch my 2 german shepherds who are my main support, they mean everything to me. I just cut down to 6 drinks for the night and had naltrexone a hour before drinking so I don't feel buzzed at all or wanting more. Quitting this time will be easy with naltrexone's help its saying sober thats my problem. =\
One thing I forgot to share is that the 2nd time I was in the ER they put me in the ICU the first night claiming they were out of rooms at our huge Cleveland hospital. Even my mom who is a retired RN said they were lying and did it to teach me a lesson, as in the ICU its just one big room with curtains, no bathroom. Just a chair with a bucket and my crohns disease made it a lot worse. I think I'll be fine withdrawaling this time. I just need to figure out how to fight the cravings to drink again =\ I've read about antibuse but some of the people's reactions to it scare me too much to try it...either thats what I need or I don't know what to do. I also have Caresource due to my low income so I don't have to pay to go to the ER or anything. I think I'm going to start posting here and using the chatroom more as a way of support.
One thing I forgot to share is that the 2nd time I was in the ER they put me in the ICU the first night claiming they were out of rooms at our huge Cleveland hospital. Even my mom who is a retired RN said they were lying and did it to teach me a lesson, as in the ICU its just one big room with curtains, no bathroom. Just a chair with a bucket and my crohns disease made it a lot worse. I think I'll be fine withdrawaling this time. I just need to figure out how to fight the cravings to drink again =\ I've read about antibuse but some of the people's reactions to it scare me too much to try it...either thats what I need or I don't know what to do. I also have Caresource due to my low income so I don't have to pay to go to the ER or anything. I think I'm going to start posting here and using the chatroom more as a way of support.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi and welcome back 
I definitely think you can make more use of SR - you could look into joining the Class of November support thread for example.
All you have to do to join is post.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-pt-2-a-6.html
I wouldn't rule out anything just now - there are ways to get past debt and having your pets taken care of, if thats needed.
There are also more methods and approaches than AA.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
I really encourage you to do as much looking around for support and whatnot as you can.
The more you put into your recovery, the more you'll get from it, and the better your results
D
I definitely think you can make more use of SR - you could look into joining the Class of November support thread for example.
All you have to do to join is post.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-pt-2-a-6.html
I wouldn't rule out anything just now - there are ways to get past debt and having your pets taken care of, if thats needed.
There are also more methods and approaches than AA.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
I really encourage you to do as much looking around for support and whatnot as you can.
The more you put into your recovery, the more you'll get from it, and the better your results
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
not sure if youre aware of this, but AA isnt religious. if it was, it would be hard to say which religion is is since theres members that are athiests, buddhists, christians, agnostics, jewish- even one member i know thats had a squirrel as his higher power for 20+ years.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Thanks for all the replies and I'll check out the links shared tomorrow, my internet is really bad right now. I was mistaken when I said AA was religious, my bad. I just don't agree with their 12 steps I guess. Nothing against them, they've saved countless lives, its just not for me and my social anxiety.
Stopped at my 4 drinks last night as planned using naltrexone 1 hour before drinking, drinking my last 3 or 4 hopefully right now, took the naltrexone which does make a huge difference in how much I drink like the Sinclair method claims it does. Luckily I haven't been drinking the 20+ drinks a day like I was in the past so this is a pretty quick detox instead of a ER visit. Today I woke up feeling refreshed for once after cutting down from 8-12 drinks only only 4 last night. I felt like me again even though I had a little to drink. I woke up from the jolts a few times during the night but I've been having them since I was fully detoxed in the ER a month ago and they won't go away, even with 300mg b1 a day and a beta blocker. I have very vivid dreams nightly but thats probably from my paxil for social anxiety, they aren't nightmares. I work retail and was able to handle black friday today like it was nothing which is giving me hope for tonight being my last night drinking. Thank you to everyone who has commented. Sorry for the slow reply, internet is being horrible and its busy working retail at the moment.
Stopped at my 4 drinks last night as planned using naltrexone 1 hour before drinking, drinking my last 3 or 4 hopefully right now, took the naltrexone which does make a huge difference in how much I drink like the Sinclair method claims it does. Luckily I haven't been drinking the 20+ drinks a day like I was in the past so this is a pretty quick detox instead of a ER visit. Today I woke up feeling refreshed for once after cutting down from 8-12 drinks only only 4 last night. I felt like me again even though I had a little to drink. I woke up from the jolts a few times during the night but I've been having them since I was fully detoxed in the ER a month ago and they won't go away, even with 300mg b1 a day and a beta blocker. I have very vivid dreams nightly but thats probably from my paxil for social anxiety, they aren't nightmares. I work retail and was able to handle black friday today like it was nothing which is giving me hope for tonight being my last night drinking. Thank you to everyone who has commented. Sorry for the slow reply, internet is being horrible and its busy working retail at the moment.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 206
For starters them hospital staff are dangerous.
I think you need at a bare minumum a medical detox. not a few days either.
At least a week.
Not sure what facilities they have there but we have a 7 day
inpatient unit here. The wait for people is usually a few weeks
but emergency entrys do happen.
The one ive been in youre locked away in a shared living
environment with other strangers coming off substances.
There is no contact with friends or family/ limited phone. or smoking in the one ive been to. limited
television and activity time and you have to attend groups.
They give you benzos,vitamins and sleeping meds while your
body detox's,all monitored by nursing staff.
It really is a shame some health workers dont take it seriously.
7 days wont change the world but it will get the alcohol out of your system
safely.
A couple of days here and there and doctors not taking it seriously
isnt going to help i dont think.
I really hope you have some kind of facility like this. I also
hope you can work everything out.
There's great help on here.
I think you need at a bare minumum a medical detox. not a few days either.
At least a week.
Not sure what facilities they have there but we have a 7 day
inpatient unit here. The wait for people is usually a few weeks
but emergency entrys do happen.
The one ive been in youre locked away in a shared living
environment with other strangers coming off substances.
There is no contact with friends or family/ limited phone. or smoking in the one ive been to. limited
television and activity time and you have to attend groups.
They give you benzos,vitamins and sleeping meds while your
body detox's,all monitored by nursing staff.
It really is a shame some health workers dont take it seriously.
7 days wont change the world but it will get the alcohol out of your system
safely.
A couple of days here and there and doctors not taking it seriously
isnt going to help i dont think.
I really hope you have some kind of facility like this. I also
hope you can work everything out.
There's great help on here.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 60
Spankedbylife:
It saddens and comforts me how much your story sounds similar to mine. I've been to rehab once and detox twice in the past three years. I think I have about $10,000 in debt thanks to buying things while drunk and from drinking. , luckily I still have a job and I'm working on my sobriety. Not gonna lie though, it's a struggle. It sucks when you sober up and you take a look at your life and make she want to drink again.
What has helped me a lot is when I want to drink I go to a friends house. I go to a friends house that I know doesn't have booze. I too am on Naltrexone. I have found that it does not take away cravings from triggers. It has helped me stay on the right path for a bit though.
Is there something that the doctor can give you for anxiety? Usually, controlling anxiety or other negative emotions helps with people keep sober.
It saddens and comforts me how much your story sounds similar to mine. I've been to rehab once and detox twice in the past three years. I think I have about $10,000 in debt thanks to buying things while drunk and from drinking. , luckily I still have a job and I'm working on my sobriety. Not gonna lie though, it's a struggle. It sucks when you sober up and you take a look at your life and make she want to drink again.
What has helped me a lot is when I want to drink I go to a friends house. I go to a friends house that I know doesn't have booze. I too am on Naltrexone. I have found that it does not take away cravings from triggers. It has helped me stay on the right path for a bit though.
Is there something that the doctor can give you for anxiety? Usually, controlling anxiety or other negative emotions helps with people keep sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Originally Posted by SpankedbyLife 
Thanks for all the replies and I'll check out the links shared tomorrow, my internet is really bad right now. I was mistaken when I said AA was religious, my bad. I just don't agree with their 12 steps I guess. Nothing against them, they've saved countless lives, its just not for me and my social anxiety.
Stopped at my 4 drinks last night as planned using naltrexone 1 hour before drinking, drinking my last 3 or 4 hopefully right now, took the naltrexone which does make a huge difference in how much I drink like the Sinclair method claims it does. Luckily I haven't been drinking the 20+ drinks a day like I was in the past so this is a pretty quick detox instead of a ER visit. Today I woke up feeling refreshed for once after cutting down from 8-12 drinks only only 4 last night. I felt like me again even though I had a little to drink. I woke up from the jolts a few times during the night but I've been having them since I was fully detoxed in the ER a month ago and they won't go away, even with 300mg b1 a day and a beta blocker. I have very vivid dreams nightly but thats probably from my paxil for social anxiety, they aren't nightmares. I work retail and was able to handle black friday today like it was nothing which is giving me hope for tonight being my last night drinking. Thank you to everyone who has commented. Sorry for the slow reply, internet is being horrible and its busy working retail at the moment.
Stopped at my 4 drinks last night as planned using naltrexone 1 hour before drinking, drinking my last 3 or 4 hopefully right now, took the naltrexone which does make a huge difference in how much I drink like the Sinclair method claims it does. Luckily I haven't been drinking the 20+ drinks a day like I was in the past so this is a pretty quick detox instead of a ER visit. Today I woke up feeling refreshed for once after cutting down from 8-12 drinks only only 4 last night. I felt like me again even though I had a little to drink. I woke up from the jolts a few times during the night but I've been having them since I was fully detoxed in the ER a month ago and they won't go away, even with 300mg b1 a day and a beta blocker. I have very vivid dreams nightly but thats probably from my paxil for social anxiety, they aren't nightmares. I work retail and was able to handle black friday today like it was nothing which is giving me hope for tonight being my last night drinking. Thank you to everyone who has commented. Sorry for the slow reply, internet is being horrible and its busy working retail at the moment.
Our rule 2 states it is inappropriate to promote the use of alcohol or drugs on our addiction recovery forums.
I really recommend that you rethink your approach SBL - IMO any recovery plan involving any amount of drinking is like using gasoline to control a forest fire.
Dee
Moderator
SR
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Grayslake, IL
Posts: 732
Please do your Chrohn's a favor and quit. I've had Ulcerative Colitis for 16 years and was extremely fortunate that my drinking didn't cause more severe permanent damage. I'm not preaching but you have a condition that requires you to be as healthy as possible, otherwise, and your drinking is not going to help, ever.
~Bunnez
~Bunnez
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Just a little update, got nervous doing the tapering even though I was doing fine so I went back to my psychiatrist and he gave me a prescription for librium, day 3 on it and I feel great.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Well being sober only lasted about 3-4 days since my last post. Been drinking 4-12 drinks a night every night since then, a guy at a group meeting was drinking a beer in the lobby before the meeting started and that some how triggered me. =\ Been trying to taper the past few nights, finished my last 4-6 at 3:41 this morning. I have 10- 25mg pills of librium left from last night which I just took one of and will make them last atleast 3 days but I do see my doctor tomorrow for additional help to make sure its ok. I don't think I'll even go through withdrawal since I've only been drinking at night and am fine during the day but I don't want to chance it.
Thanks for all the support. I stopped going to the group meetings after that one. =\
Thanks for all the support. I stopped going to the group meetings after that one. =\
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 421
Spanked -
I don't really know what to say that hasn't already been said, it's apparent your drinking is going to kill you. It's apparent you WANT to stop drinking. But nothing you are doing is working for you.
I don't understand the physical withdrawals and tapering personally, but I KNOW you can push through this. If the group meetings worked until that specific one, find a new one to go to (if available). You have to learn how to cope with your triggers as they can be anything and everywhere if you let them.
I really hope you can get this under control, you deserve it.
I don't really know what to say that hasn't already been said, it's apparent your drinking is going to kill you. It's apparent you WANT to stop drinking. But nothing you are doing is working for you.
I don't understand the physical withdrawals and tapering personally, but I KNOW you can push through this. If the group meetings worked until that specific one, find a new one to go to (if available). You have to learn how to cope with your triggers as they can be anything and everywhere if you let them.
I really hope you can get this under control, you deserve it.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sorry to hear that Spanked. Definitely talk to your doctor about this - taking benzos while drinking is potentially a very dangerous combination.
Have you considered rehab out of curiosity? Either inpatient or outpatient should be on your list of options to consider - although most outpatient programs require you to be alcohol free for at least a few days.
Have you considered rehab out of curiosity? Either inpatient or outpatient should be on your list of options to consider - although most outpatient programs require you to be alcohol free for at least a few days.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Why can you last only a few days sober? You say you want to quit but your actions and words dont match. Something isnt lining up. In and out of ER and detox at the age of 35 isnt a good indicator of things to come if you dont quit for good. Cutting back to 8-12 drinks a day isnt really that big if a step forward to sobriety and neither is getting scripts for librium and other benzos as you've tried all that many times. So whats next? What will chance this time around?
You say you dont agree with the 12 steps of AA but how many mertings have you been to and have you given the meetings a chance? Something drastic needs to change and that may mean going to a rehab program. If you say both of those two things sre impossible to do and you wont do them, then what other advice can we possibly give you? What other words of wisdom are there?
I really hope you find your way.
You say you dont agree with the 12 steps of AA but how many mertings have you been to and have you given the meetings a chance? Something drastic needs to change and that may mean going to a rehab program. If you say both of those two things sre impossible to do and you wont do them, then what other advice can we possibly give you? What other words of wisdom are there?
I really hope you find your way.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
I feel so sad reading this whole thread. I mean really, dreadfully, genuinely, sad.
I feel I'm reading the words of a man who is going to die soon. I can't shake that feeling and it is such a waste.
Clearly a sensitive, kind, intelligent person with so much to give.
What a waste if I end up being right? What a dreadful, terrible waste.
I'm sorry if this post breaks the rules. I'm not trying to offend the OP or anyone else here. I'm just genuinely reacting to what I'm reading.
Please seek help.
JT
I feel I'm reading the words of a man who is going to die soon. I can't shake that feeling and it is such a waste.
Clearly a sensitive, kind, intelligent person with so much to give.
What a waste if I end up being right? What a dreadful, terrible waste.
I'm sorry if this post breaks the rules. I'm not trying to offend the OP or anyone else here. I'm just genuinely reacting to what I'm reading.
Please seek help.
JT
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