I keep messing up, trying to stay sober again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Oh I'm eating fine and drinking tons of powerade and water.
I'm doing fine but its like a war inside my head. Drinking 4 units tonight , already had 2 of them and 2 units tomorrow than off. I'm pretty sure I won't have any withdrawal symptoms, at least major ones since I only drink at night so I'm already going 18-24 hours between drinks anyways.
Nothing like when I drank from noon until 3am for 2 years. My anxiety is just out of the roof being scared that I might have a seizure though, even though I know I probably won't. A hour before my 4 hour shift at work today I worked myself up so much thinking what if something goes wrong because I made the mistake of how reading about the alcohol withdrawal time line again and I work on a ladder. I knew nothing was going to happen but still , my pulse during my panic attack went from 75 to 210, my bp was fine though, actually it was great, 112/74.
Took 20mg of propranolol which is a beta blocker to help calm myself down and it dropped my pulse to 130 which it stayed at while I worked. I stock 50lb+ bags and boxes of stuff using a ladder so my pulse being high during that is kinda normal anyways.
Came home, calmed down, pulse back to <70 and started my 4 units not too long ago, cheap 21% vodka and coke. Streaming some video gameplay for fun but the ****** thing is my naltrexone doesn't seem to work at all anymore. I'm already buzzed after just 6oz of 21% vodka when this medication is supposed to block the buzz. I'm already thinking of having 6 units again like the past few days but I'm fighting myself in my head that NO I can't do that and I have to get this taper over with. I wish I could just go cold turkey but I don't want to risk that either.
Infact, I'm going to go dump the rest of the alcohol right after I post this to make sure I don't **** up, I'll just have to buy 2 units worth tomorrow, and thank god I don't work tomorrow. I know people can't give medical advice, and my dr refuses to help me, all he says is go to the er as soon as he hears alcohol with drawal and tells me I'm smarter than this =\
I have 3 25mg pills of librium left which have a really long half like and thank god I wasn't drinking huge amounts this time. Trying to figure out the best time to take the 3 I have, my dr won't even help me with this question when I'm not even asking for more pills. I think I'll just take one around 24,48,72 hours of withdrawal since when I do go to the ER he keeps me for 72 hours.
I just want to this to end already and not have to worry daily if I'm going to embarrass myself at work with alcohol seizures. Having general and social anxiety to the extreme only makes it so much worse.
I'm doing fine but its like a war inside my head. Drinking 4 units tonight , already had 2 of them and 2 units tomorrow than off. I'm pretty sure I won't have any withdrawal symptoms, at least major ones since I only drink at night so I'm already going 18-24 hours between drinks anyways.
Nothing like when I drank from noon until 3am for 2 years. My anxiety is just out of the roof being scared that I might have a seizure though, even though I know I probably won't. A hour before my 4 hour shift at work today I worked myself up so much thinking what if something goes wrong because I made the mistake of how reading about the alcohol withdrawal time line again and I work on a ladder. I knew nothing was going to happen but still , my pulse during my panic attack went from 75 to 210, my bp was fine though, actually it was great, 112/74.
Took 20mg of propranolol which is a beta blocker to help calm myself down and it dropped my pulse to 130 which it stayed at while I worked. I stock 50lb+ bags and boxes of stuff using a ladder so my pulse being high during that is kinda normal anyways.
Came home, calmed down, pulse back to <70 and started my 4 units not too long ago, cheap 21% vodka and coke. Streaming some video gameplay for fun but the ****** thing is my naltrexone doesn't seem to work at all anymore. I'm already buzzed after just 6oz of 21% vodka when this medication is supposed to block the buzz. I'm already thinking of having 6 units again like the past few days but I'm fighting myself in my head that NO I can't do that and I have to get this taper over with. I wish I could just go cold turkey but I don't want to risk that either.
Infact, I'm going to go dump the rest of the alcohol right after I post this to make sure I don't **** up, I'll just have to buy 2 units worth tomorrow, and thank god I don't work tomorrow. I know people can't give medical advice, and my dr refuses to help me, all he says is go to the er as soon as he hears alcohol with drawal and tells me I'm smarter than this =\
I have 3 25mg pills of librium left which have a really long half like and thank god I wasn't drinking huge amounts this time. Trying to figure out the best time to take the 3 I have, my dr won't even help me with this question when I'm not even asking for more pills. I think I'll just take one around 24,48,72 hours of withdrawal since when I do go to the ER he keeps me for 72 hours.
I just want to this to end already and not have to worry daily if I'm going to embarrass myself at work with alcohol seizures. Having general and social anxiety to the extreme only makes it so much worse.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 57
Did you dump the rest yet? Please let us know you did. If you just had 4 units tonight and you don't work tomorrow do you think you'd be ok just not having any? Everyone's situation is different...it just stinks you can't do this under medical supervision. The risk of going out for "just 2" is getting more (I've tried the self taper over and over and failed in the store with snagging some extra "just in case.") Understand you brain is kinda your enemy now. My last drinks were this past Wednesday (had 5). They day before that I had 9. So nothing for me now for 2.5 days and I'm suffering insomnia and anxiety, but not rapid heartbeat...that sounds really scary. I tried naltrexone a few months ago and just ended up drinking more to reach my buzz state, so it kinda backfired for me. I just pray you got rid of the extra. And if your not working tomorrow I pray you find an AA meeting and go.
Originally Posted by SpankedbyLife 
Oh I'm eating fine and drinking tons of powerade and water.
I'm doing fine but its like a war inside my head. Drinking 4 units tonight , already had 2 of them and 2 units tomorrow than off. I'm pretty sure I won't have any withdrawal symptoms, at least major ones since I only drink at night so I'm already going 18-24 hours between drinks anyways.
Nothing like when I drank from noon until 3am for 2 years. My anxiety is just out of the roof being scared that I might have a seizure though, even though I know I probably won't. A hour before my 4 hour shift at work today I worked myself up so much thinking what if something goes wrong because I made the mistake of how reading about the alcohol withdrawal time line again and I work on a ladder. I knew nothing was going to happen but still , my pulse during my panic attack went from 75 to 210, my bp was fine though, actually it was great, 112/74.
Took 20mg of propranolol which is a beta blocker to help calm myself down and it dropped my pulse to 130 which it stayed at while I worked. I stock 50lb+ bags and boxes of stuff using a ladder so my pulse being high during that is kinda normal anyways.
Came home, calmed down, pulse back to <70 and started my 4 units not too long ago, cheap 21% vodka and coke. Streaming some video gameplay for fun but the ****** thing is my naltrexone doesn't seem to work at all anymore. I'm already buzzed after just 6oz of 21% vodka when this medication is supposed to block the buzz. I'm already thinking of having 6 units again like the past few days but I'm fighting myself in my head that NO I can't do that and I have to get this taper over with. I wish I could just go cold turkey but I don't want to risk that either.
Infact, I'm going to go dump the rest of the alcohol right after I post this to make sure I don't **** up, I'll just have to buy 2 units worth tomorrow, and thank god I don't work tomorrow. I know people can't give medical advice, and my dr refuses to help me, all he says is go to the er as soon as he hears alcohol with drawal and tells me I'm smarter than this =\
I have 3 25mg pills of librium left which have a really long half like and thank god I wasn't drinking huge amounts this time. Trying to figure out the best time to take the 3 I have, my dr won't even help me with this question when I'm not even asking for more pills. I think I'll just take one around 24,48,72 hours of withdrawal since when I do go to the ER he keeps me for 72 hours.
I just want to this to end already and not have to worry daily if I'm going to embarrass myself at work with alcohol seizures. Having general and social anxiety to the extreme only makes it so much worse.
I'm doing fine but its like a war inside my head. Drinking 4 units tonight , already had 2 of them and 2 units tomorrow than off. I'm pretty sure I won't have any withdrawal symptoms, at least major ones since I only drink at night so I'm already going 18-24 hours between drinks anyways.
Nothing like when I drank from noon until 3am for 2 years. My anxiety is just out of the roof being scared that I might have a seizure though, even though I know I probably won't. A hour before my 4 hour shift at work today I worked myself up so much thinking what if something goes wrong because I made the mistake of how reading about the alcohol withdrawal time line again and I work on a ladder. I knew nothing was going to happen but still , my pulse during my panic attack went from 75 to 210, my bp was fine though, actually it was great, 112/74.
Took 20mg of propranolol which is a beta blocker to help calm myself down and it dropped my pulse to 130 which it stayed at while I worked. I stock 50lb+ bags and boxes of stuff using a ladder so my pulse being high during that is kinda normal anyways.
Came home, calmed down, pulse back to <70 and started my 4 units not too long ago, cheap 21% vodka and coke. Streaming some video gameplay for fun but the ****** thing is my naltrexone doesn't seem to work at all anymore. I'm already buzzed after just 6oz of 21% vodka when this medication is supposed to block the buzz. I'm already thinking of having 6 units again like the past few days but I'm fighting myself in my head that NO I can't do that and I have to get this taper over with. I wish I could just go cold turkey but I don't want to risk that either.
Infact, I'm going to go dump the rest of the alcohol right after I post this to make sure I don't **** up, I'll just have to buy 2 units worth tomorrow, and thank god I don't work tomorrow. I know people can't give medical advice, and my dr refuses to help me, all he says is go to the er as soon as he hears alcohol with drawal and tells me I'm smarter than this =\
I have 3 25mg pills of librium left which have a really long half like and thank god I wasn't drinking huge amounts this time. Trying to figure out the best time to take the 3 I have, my dr won't even help me with this question when I'm not even asking for more pills. I think I'll just take one around 24,48,72 hours of withdrawal since when I do go to the ER he keeps me for 72 hours.
I just want to this to end already and not have to worry daily if I'm going to embarrass myself at work with alcohol seizures. Having general and social anxiety to the extreme only makes it so much worse.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Made my last drink for the night, total 4 units as scheduled and dumped the rest of it. I'm trying to go down 2 units a day. I already called my parents and told them and they have some 5% beer at their house so I'll just take only 2 of those tomorrow and finish the taper. Already looking at SMART, AA and NA meetings. My psych place hasn't called me back in 3 days now -_-
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 57
Way to go on the dump! And glad you told your parents. Maybe they can bring them to your place/hang with you for the eve until local liqueur places close so your not tempted? I actually had asked my husband to take my credit cards & id so I had no means of purchasing anything but he wouldn't do it as he didn't want to "police me" plus he'd have to either go shopping with me or do it all himself. But if your parents live close and are willing, maybe they could be your grocery shoppers for a while? You could give them some cash and your credit & bank card(s). Just an idea and likely wishful thinking...but ideal cause if you don't have the means to purchase, and your loved ones know you need to quit, case solved, at least temporarily for the first couple of really hard weeks.
Originally Posted by SpankedbyLife
Made my last drink for the night, total 4 units as scheduled and dumped the rest of it. I'm trying to go down 2 units a day. I already called my parents and told them and they have some 5% beer at their house so I'll just take only 2 of those tomorrow and finish the taper. Already looking at SMART, AA and NA meetings. My psych place hasn't called me back in 3 days now -_-
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 57
And at least where I live we gave grocery stores where you can place orders online...then you can just drive up and get them.
Originally Posted by Hopedeferred
Way to go on the dump! And glad you told your parents. Maybe they can bring them to your place/hang with you for the eve until local liqueur places close so your not tempted? I actually had asked my husband to take my credit cards & id so I had no means of purchasing anything but he wouldn't do it as he didn't want to "police me" plus he'd have to either go shopping with me or do it all himself. But if your parents live close and are willing, maybe they could be your grocery shoppers for a while? You could give them some cash and your credit & bank card(s). Just an idea and likely wishful thinking...but ideal cause if you don't have the means to purchase, and your loved ones know you need to quit, case solved, at least temporarily for the first couple of really hard weeks.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
After only 4 drinks last night I'm already feeling a lot more alert and like myself. Tonight is hopefully the last 2 drinks of my life. I had a hard time sleeping because the jolts woke me up 20+ times but I still got a lot of sleep. From what I've read the jolts are nothing to worry about, they're kinda fun actually lmao.
lol
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Just finished what I hope was my last drink forever, its 2:13 am here now. It ended up being 4 units instead of 2 because I ****** up but now there is no more alcohol in the house. I'm not going to risk trying to drink just 2 more tomorrow, I'm done at 4. I'm sure I'll be fine since I only drink at night and I get no withdrawal during the day. I'm heading to bed since I have work and a meeting at 4pm est. Thanks for all the support guys. I have 3 Libriums if I need them in an emergency but the house is 100% clear of all alcohol. Sober clock on my NOMO app started >.>
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
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crappy update, kinda. Fell off track just a little bit. drank 6 units last night instead of 4 due to a company work meeting. My naltrexone doesn't work anymore, it doesn't block the happy alcohol effect like it should or anything. I paid the price today and had a headache for some reason, only 6 units but it still gave me a killer head ache.
I'm just finishing my 4 units for tonight and I've been drinking it slowly enough that I'm still sober and won't drink any extra thank god. Tomorrow I'm down to 2 units and then done with my taper as long as withdrawal doesn't kick in making me drink more since I can't go to the hospital again. I know I'm drinking such a small amount. 6-12 units a day for the past month or two, but its been daily. Not sure if I need to be scared of withdrawal from this amount or not. The past times I went through it I was drinking much more 30-50 units a day. I still don't know how my liver and blood work is perfect. I'm mainly just writing this for myself to read in the future to remind me not to drink.
I'm just finishing my 4 units for tonight and I've been drinking it slowly enough that I'm still sober and won't drink any extra thank god. Tomorrow I'm down to 2 units and then done with my taper as long as withdrawal doesn't kick in making me drink more since I can't go to the hospital again. I know I'm drinking such a small amount. 6-12 units a day for the past month or two, but its been daily. Not sure if I need to be scared of withdrawal from this amount or not. The past times I went through it I was drinking much more 30-50 units a day. I still don't know how my liver and blood work is perfect. I'm mainly just writing this for myself to read in the future to remind me not to drink.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Tomorrow should be fine, I have a friend from work who said she'll stay over to make sure I don't touch the emergency vodka for a few nights unless I start withdrawal and need to taper more. She'll kick my ass if I try to get extra drinks.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by SpankedbyLife
Tomorrow should be fine, I have a friend from work who said she'll stay over to make sure I don't touch the emergency vodka for a few nights unless I start withdrawal and need to taper more. She'll kick my ass if I try to get extra drinks.
I've been following this thread and wishing you the very best. It doesn't seem like the tapering is working for you. Have you considered the possibility that this isn't the way to go? I mean no offense at all - just want for you what you want for yourself!
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Well I did stick to 4 drinks last night as planned, didn't oversleep for once and I actually have energy this morning. Tonight will be my last night of tapering, it has to be. 2 drinks and done.
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