I keep messing up, trying to stay sober again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Spanked,
Seems to me you will need more than you've done thus far to get sober. You're trying the same things and getting nowhere fast. I would recommend that you consider inpatient treatment. Getting sober is not a one size fits all proposition - some people can get sober with IOP, some need more than that. I went to a 6 week inpatient program and afterwards worked with a Psychiatrist and did AA meetings as recommended. The more tools you apply to the problem, the more likely you are to find what works for you. Inpatient scared me to death, working with a Psychiatrist made me uncomfortable, and the thought of going to AA was hard to accept... but I did them, and committed to doing whatever I needed to not pick up a drink. If all goes well, I will have 8 years sobriety this Friday. There's nothing special about me that got me sober, I was simply desperate enough to do whatever it took to get sober. Nobody can give that to you, you have to bring that to the table and keep it there or eventually the time and circumstances will find you in a situation where you pick up. That's the reality of being an alcoholic, our disease never goes away, the best we can do is work a program that keeps it at bay. It's a lifetime commitment, but then again, so is the alternative.
Best of luck, please stay in touch.
Seems to me you will need more than you've done thus far to get sober. You're trying the same things and getting nowhere fast. I would recommend that you consider inpatient treatment. Getting sober is not a one size fits all proposition - some people can get sober with IOP, some need more than that. I went to a 6 week inpatient program and afterwards worked with a Psychiatrist and did AA meetings as recommended. The more tools you apply to the problem, the more likely you are to find what works for you. Inpatient scared me to death, working with a Psychiatrist made me uncomfortable, and the thought of going to AA was hard to accept... but I did them, and committed to doing whatever I needed to not pick up a drink. If all goes well, I will have 8 years sobriety this Friday. There's nothing special about me that got me sober, I was simply desperate enough to do whatever it took to get sober. Nobody can give that to you, you have to bring that to the table and keep it there or eventually the time and circumstances will find you in a situation where you pick up. That's the reality of being an alcoholic, our disease never goes away, the best we can do is work a program that keeps it at bay. It's a lifetime commitment, but then again, so is the alternative.
Best of luck, please stay in touch.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi SBL
I'm not ready to count you out yet
I was a drinker of the hopeless kind - never more than a few days sober but I nearly died in my last detox.
It made me see what a waste my recent life had been and how much more I could be giving to the world and the people I love.
Staying sober takes a lot of work but I really don;t think it's anymore work than walking to the liquor store everyday or goign to the ER once a month.
It meant walking away from the no responsibility life I had, but there was a lot of darkness associated with that freedom.
It really was no freedom at all.
You're obviously a determined guy. Use that stubbornness for good instead of evil
I don't believe it's ever too late to turn things around
D
I'm not ready to count you out yet
I was a drinker of the hopeless kind - never more than a few days sober but I nearly died in my last detox.
It made me see what a waste my recent life had been and how much more I could be giving to the world and the people I love.
Staying sober takes a lot of work but I really don;t think it's anymore work than walking to the liquor store everyday or goign to the ER once a month.
It meant walking away from the no responsibility life I had, but there was a lot of darkness associated with that freedom.
It really was no freedom at all.
You're obviously a determined guy. Use that stubbornness for good instead of evil
I don't believe it's ever too late to turn things around
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Hi, guys. Knowing my bad luck my Dr's office called last night to say he would be out of the office today and cancelled my appointment for this morning and still hasn't returned my call from when I called back to reschedule but it seems like I won't be having withdrawal affects or my librium plan with my 9 pills is working. I feel great but I've slept almost all day today, but thats from either my crohns disease or 40mg of paxil for social anxiety. My sober timer app says its been 1 day 18 hours and 12 minutes since my last drink so all is going well. Just gotta stay sober. If my psych's office doesn't call back tomorrow before work to schedule my appointment I'll just drive up there Friday morning to make one.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Hi everyone, I'm doing great so far again. Its amazing how just a week or two away from booze can make you feel SO much different and better. I feel so much more awake and well rest when I wake up in the morning even though I sleep less when sober. I'm also so much more productive in taking care of my dogs and house. I NEED TO STAY SOBER
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
SBL - Your opening post on this thread was one of the saddest I have ever read. If you want to gain strength and resolve through difficult times then you could do much worse than reading through that post again?
It terrifies me - and it wasn't even about me!
Stay strong. You're doing amazingly.
Tony
It terrifies me - and it wasn't even about me!
Stay strong. You're doing amazingly.
Tony
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Hi guys, this morning I went to my regular dr for a tetanus shot and flu shot. He is the DR who would visit me every day in the hospital during my 3 stays this summer. Even with all my heavy daily relasping all my blood work to came back being in the completely normal range, even with my crohns disease and eczema. No signs of any damage at all from the alcohol.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Well I ****** up within 3 hours of my last post January 10th. I used that good news from the DR as an excuse to drink again. From that night on I drank around 10-11pm after work, drinking 24 ounces of cheap 21% vodka which I believe is about 8 units. My PCP refuses to help me with medication to get off cold turkey and so does my psychologist, he said he already gave me a chance and I blew it. Last night I cut back to 6 units worth and am feeling perfectly normal except for my anxiety but I have anxiety disorders anyways. I have a 4 hour shift tonight, starting in a hour and plan to cut back to 4 units tonight, 2 tomorrow and then off. I only have 2 25mg pills of librium left from a past with drawal. I don't even know if I'll have any problems quitting using this plan. Already poured each days of drinks into separate cups and labeled them with what night to drink each cup on and dumped the rest. =\ Oh, and I'm on 50 mg naltrexone which seems to do nothing at all for cravings or to stop me from getting that nice buzz when drinking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Though I guess its a good sign that I only drink late at night with no symptoms within the 24 hours of when I drink. Well besides the anxiety of thinking that theres going to be something worse and the shame.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
My PCP refuses to help me with medication to get off cold turkey and so does my psychologist, he said he already gave me a chance and I blew it.
so consider that option, SBL.
Got any ideas how you'll stay sober once you hit the 0.0 mark?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Sorry for the slow reply been too ashamed to post. I have an appointment with my psch Monday morning but I don't know what good that'll do since he said over the phone he wasn't prescribing librium again.
I can't go to the ER, Been there 4 times since July and 3 of the times they kept me for 3 days and the other time I was there only a few hours and kicked out with a librium script since the dr that time said alcoholics don't deserve a room. I can't take more time off work since its a new job and I'm in so much debt, I also have 2 German Shepherds and no one will watch them anymore.
I work 6-10 tonight again and once I get working I feel great for the rest of the night, I get home take my naltrexone , eat dinner and wait a hour for my alcohol taper since I'm not quitting cold turkey. I've been having 6 drinks a night for a few nights now, only real side effects are bad jolts when I sleep and over sleeping. My anxiety is increased but I have anxiety disorders anyways and medication for that.
I plan to drop down to 5 drinks tonight, 5 tomorrow, then 4,4,3,3,2,2,1,1 off. I have just 2 25mg pills of librium left so if my dr doesn't help me I'm going to take 1 on sober day 2, before work if I work that day, and the next pill on day 3. Just so hopefully nothing happens at work. I really don't think I'll have with drawals from only having 8-12 drinks a night for a short time but with my anxiety issues I'm just scared as hell.
I don't want to go to slow or too fast. I know medical advice isn't allowed here so I'm not asking for it. I'll be on 4 drinks a night still when I get in to see my DR Monday morning. Hopefully seeing me in person he'll pity me one last time.
I can't go to the ER, Been there 4 times since July and 3 of the times they kept me for 3 days and the other time I was there only a few hours and kicked out with a librium script since the dr that time said alcoholics don't deserve a room. I can't take more time off work since its a new job and I'm in so much debt, I also have 2 German Shepherds and no one will watch them anymore.
I work 6-10 tonight again and once I get working I feel great for the rest of the night, I get home take my naltrexone , eat dinner and wait a hour for my alcohol taper since I'm not quitting cold turkey. I've been having 6 drinks a night for a few nights now, only real side effects are bad jolts when I sleep and over sleeping. My anxiety is increased but I have anxiety disorders anyways and medication for that.
I plan to drop down to 5 drinks tonight, 5 tomorrow, then 4,4,3,3,2,2,1,1 off. I have just 2 25mg pills of librium left so if my dr doesn't help me I'm going to take 1 on sober day 2, before work if I work that day, and the next pill on day 3. Just so hopefully nothing happens at work. I really don't think I'll have with drawals from only having 8-12 drinks a night for a short time but with my anxiety issues I'm just scared as hell.
I don't want to go to slow or too fast. I know medical advice isn't allowed here so I'm not asking for it. I'll be on 4 drinks a night still when I get in to see my DR Monday morning. Hopefully seeing me in person he'll pity me one last time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 419
Hey man,
I know what you're doing right now seems like an impossible endeavor but just hang in there. I know what helped me to get through the really early days of sobriety was to read posts of when i was in the thick of it. That may help to remind you that alcohol is your sworn enemy and will do you no good. Don't be ashamed of the past. Take this time now to build a future!
I know what you're doing right now seems like an impossible endeavor but just hang in there. I know what helped me to get through the really early days of sobriety was to read posts of when i was in the thick of it. That may help to remind you that alcohol is your sworn enemy and will do you no good. Don't be ashamed of the past. Take this time now to build a future!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Ohio
Posts: 116
Well I've been failing at this tapering crap. My regular DR won't help me as out patient and I slept through my alarms for my psychologist appointment, he wasn't going to give me a new script for librium anyways. Last night I had between 6-7 drinks, my last one being at 3:15 am. I feel completely fine almost 11 hours later except for the random jerks, especially after I went to bed. I had these jerks last time too but they started after my 2-3 days in the ER when I was already home and sober.
My pulse is in the 80s which isn't bad with my anxiety disorders and my bp is 115/84 so its ok. I just hope I avoid the withdrawals and make sure this is the last time I ever have to go through this. I found that I have 3 librium pills left from last time and I'm going to spread them out starting tomorrow night over the next 3 days I guess, I really don't know what to do anymore and I know people here can't give medical advice.
My pulse is in the 80s which isn't bad with my anxiety disorders and my bp is 115/84 so its ok. I just hope I avoid the withdrawals and make sure this is the last time I ever have to go through this. I found that I have 3 librium pills left from last time and I'm going to spread them out starting tomorrow night over the next 3 days I guess, I really don't know what to do anymore and I know people here can't give medical advice.
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