2muchpain

Been drinking off and on for a while now. More on than off. I'm not drinking like I used to but I know my pattern and it's just a matter of time. With around 2 and a half months off from work ahead of me, things are not looking good. Nothing to do but watch tv and drink.
I am looking hard into volunteering in an animal shelter, and there are a few places close to me, but I got be be at least several days sober to even show up for the orientation and fill out an application.
I know all you know how this goes. Start off with a few beers, than the next thing I know it, I pick up some more. Except for one day, I've managed to avoid the vodka, but drinking is drinking and I think it's tearing up my stomach. Threw up the other day, but keep drinking anyway. Actually, the drinking seems to sooth my stomach for some reason.
I don't have a choice anymore. Tomorrow I will wake up sober and stay sober all day, no matter what it takes. If I don't pull this off, I'll end up back in the hospital and that's not fun. Besides; it's a terrible way to spend the summer. I'll deal with the shakes and sweating if that's what it takes. I was doing great a few weeks ago and felt really good. Sitting here watching tv and drinking just not fun. It does lessen the boredom, but I know that will last only so long. Hope everybody is doing well. John

2muchpain

I did sign up at a meetups group, but so far, all they have going is a trip to Greece in September. I'm trying, but apparently not enough. I also booked a long weekend next week near the beach with a festival going on to help me get out of my apartment. John

Anna

John, try thinking of the animals in the shelter who will so appreciate all the love and support you can give them. You can truly make a difference in their lives. Stay strong and get your application in and you will feel really good about what you're doing. I should add, it was a volunteer job I found in week 1 of my recovery that saved my life.

nova84

Hi 2muchpain...wake up tomorrow and make it Day 1 as you've planned and immediately log in to SR and use the site and the support available to devise a robust recovery plan. I look forward to hearing from you tomorrow x

tomsteve

john, ive read a LOT of great advise and support from you to others.
i hope ya use that advise. you deserve to be happy, joyous, and free!
yes, there ARE things to do other than watch T.V. and drink!
volunterring at an aminal shelter,imo, would be a great thing for you, but even more importantly, for the critters. you have a lot of compassion and care and them critters would benefit from it.
i thouhgt i read you mention f2f support before- is there any recovery programs( not just AA) that have meetings near ya you could attend?

and howz about hobbies? got any hobbies you USED to have that ya enjoyed?

doggonecarl

Your choice.

You are stuck in a drinking mindset. You blame having nothing to do, then cite fear as being the reason you can't get out of your situation. An activity may keep you busy, a hobby will give you something to do. But will it get you sober? Will it remove the fear that is crippling you?

Or will a solid program of recovery do that?

least

I hope you can get sober so you can volunteer at the shelter. You might just find a dog there that's meant for you.

Verdantia

Hey, John. You have given such good advice to others. I hope you can get sober for the volunteer job. When I left rehab in 2012 I began volunteering at a major museum in my area and it has helped me immensely. I do lots of guided tours for young people and really get so much from it-a sense of purpose, a structure, the necessity to think about others instead of getting stuck in my own head. In November 2016 I was named volunteer of the year; it was a great, totally unexpected honor and it never would have happened if I hadn't given up the drink for good. I wish you the best; you can do this.

Dee74

I think you'd be a great help at the shelter or in any kind of volunteer work.

There's no rule that says you need to be bored and drunk all summer John. You can do this

D

2muchpain

tomsteve, I've checked on other recovery programs in my area but the only one is AA. I have no problem with AA, but I know as a new person they will ask me if I have a sponsor and have gone through the steps. If I'm honest with them (and I hate lieing), that always leads to problems. I'll keep looking. John

SoberLeigh

My heart sank when I read your post, John.

Please stop drinking and apply for that volunteer position. I think that you would be a great fit at the animal shelter and that it would be a great way to spend your Summer.

Alcoholism happens to the good and the not so good alike but I personally believe that you are far too good a man to flounder among the seas of this awful disease. Pick yourself up and put drinking aside for good. Do whatever it takes to set recovery permanently in place for you.

Treat John the way that we would treat John if we could.

2muchpain

I've always appreciated your candid posts, though I don't always agree with them. I like your no excuse approach. Don't know what would remove the fear that is holding me back. I'm sure quitting drinking would open my mind to other possibilities. Joining a meetups group is a start. I recently joined another social group. I definitely will try volunteering at an animal shelter. I know there's more to life than just watching TV and drinking. You barely have to have heart-beat and a few brain cells to do that.
I'm not sure what you mean by a solid program of recovery. If you mean AA; that's only a tool. No offense to AA. People here know I have a lot of respect for that organization. Everybody's program is different depending on their needs.
All I know is that I'm floundering right now and could use some direction but I do feel hopeful for the future. I've been through much worse than this. John

2muchpain

Tomorrow will be a sober day, if it's the only thing I do. John

SoberLeigh

Thank you, John.

doggonecarl

I mean active engagement in a comprehensive approach to getting sober, staying sober, and more importantly learning to live and love the sober life. Emphasis on LIVE. Living to the fullest, to your potential, happy. Be it self help, counseling, therapy, even medical attention if the root of the issue is depression or mental health. Recovery is more than not drinking. Recovery is capturing the life you want and deserve.

teatreeoil007

This is so not just an AA saying, but just do it one day at a time, John. Try not to future trip and try to hang on to any positive thoughts you can grasp. I also agree with Carl that getting medical attention, if needed is good. For many addicts underlying depression is quite common and they've been self medicating. It sounds like you have a tendency to isolate and I get not wanting to be around people...but sometimes we need to do just that and get out our own heads.

thomas11

Hi John, I hope you can head this off at the pass, you've been a beacon of light for many on this forum. Boredom is the enemy, we must fight. Hang tough man.

FreedomCA

Maybe try some form of exercise, that really has helped me get 8 days.

strategery

I remember feeling the same way. There is so much more out there, especially once you get the alcohol away. Volunteering and starting new hobbies is a good place to start, along with a recovery plan.

Nowsthetime

I'm here too 2much and I'm following.

We have your back. Hang here tomorrow, lean on us as much as you need to. You don't have to be in this cycle anymore.

You are having all this ideas about the future like what will happen if you go imto AA or that you have to be sober x amount of time before you can sign up. Don't think future, think now. AA isn't the only way, but do commit to building a plan. What are you going to do now to not drink.

We are here. Rely on us.