chefgeno27

Hi,

At tonight's meeting I noticed a young court ordered kid scaling scamming members to sign slips. I brought it to their attention and they didn't seem to care. S o I waited for the meeting and the kid was there again and put her another slip in the bucket without a name on it or any care. He had already conned 3 put of various members. So I got up and game it back to him and explained that's not how it works. He then tried to bully me! I'm 46 years old, now one of my fears I'm working though in my inventory is just this, being confronted by a bully or situation that causes high anxiety. Now he was aware I was on to him and brought it to the coordinator atention. She took him aside and said whatever to him. He stayed half way though and left.

Now, doing a 10th step I believe I owe her an amenze for confronting the kid and not just bringing it to her. I reacted without contempt its how I am wired and working on unwiring that old fear. Maybe I should share my fear with her and the amenze or just leave it at that..... Any input would be considered. My sponsor had me read pg. 567 again and I sure was in compemt in my eyes and I think this is where he wanted me to go with it.

Any feedback?

PhoenixJ

I can control only me. I am not responsible for others.

Pagekeeper

Is this your home group? If so, bring it to the group conscience meeting.

Tradition 2
For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority - a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

As an individual, I am out of line when I try to police others behaviors. However, if I bring it to the group conscience and it is voted on, that result is an expression of a HP through the group conscience -- regardless of whether it goes the way I think it should or not.

Mountainmanbob

You were in the right to call the little cheater out, although many in AA would not.
No amends required to anyone.
M-Bob

When these court slippers cheat -- they only cheat themselves.

tomsteve

just myself- if someones getting a sig at a meeting, ok.
if someones getting multiple sigs at a meeting,then tries to get mine, not happenin. im not going to enable.

amends for it? welp, I don't think you owe an amends for being an adult and handling it on your own.
however, you could talk to this woman( whats a coordinator?) and get her OPINION on how to handle it if it happens again.

Gottalife

I think it was the right thing to do as well. Completely consistent with the Toronto Declaration. When people are cheating the system it reflects on AA and eventually we lose the opportunity. The only issue would be if your action was in breach of some group policy which had been explained to you previously. Otherwise your action was fine, and perhaps the next action might be to see if the group wants to adopt a policy for this sort of thing.

NewRomanMan

You owe no amends at all. It's the kid who was cheating on getting his slips signed that owes the amends. Not you.

chefgeno27

I like all the feedback. I did a 10th. Step, made an amenze for reasons and it will be brought up to the group conscience at the next business meeting . thank you all!

I love my new life in recovery. Stick around and work the step with a sponsor, go to meetings and your life will change.

DayTrader

I've had court sheets signed for close to 10 years now. Over those years, I've experienced just about every reaction to them possible. My thoughts on the matter:

My "duties" in AA are to carry the message of having a spiritual awakening as the result of working the 12 steps, to help others find a God of their understanding who will solve their problems, to lead tables and keep them on track, to sponsor people who are alcoholic AND want to recover.

As Bill and Bob wrote about rather extensively, it's not my job to carry the message to people who don't want it. It isn't my responsibility (nor even advisable) to try and force our recovery process on anyone.

I'm not an officer of the court. I don't work for a judge. I'm not at AA to enforce court rules in any way whatsoever. The courts have NO authority over what happens at a meeting.

If someone walks in with a court sheet and asks to have it signed so they can leave before the meeting even starts - see me. I'll sign it in a second and send them on their way. Even IF that person is alcoholic, it's not my job to make them stay so they can what.........get pissed off at AA?

Now, if I sponsor that person, we're going to have a talk about being honest and accountable but it's their life to live and IF they are alcoholic, such actions will likely result in enough pain that perhaps they'll become willing to be honest, attend meetings, and work the steps with or without having to have court sheets signed.

Do you owe amends, not my call nor is it anyone's here. That's between you and and the God you made a decision about in step 3. If between the two of you (you and God) you determine those actions are in line with His will......you're good. If you see that they're not..... then of course you owe amends.

Much more simply: This whole thing sounds to me like a perfect opportunity to work the program rather than scout for advice. Do the ABC's on page 60....consider them. Relook at your 2nd step consideration (that God's everything or nothing) and your second step question (that I believe / willing to believe....) Go over your 3rd step decision - is my life on run on self will successful? Am I running my life (or that moment you posted about, for example) on self will? Did I consult God first? Did I make an emotional decision? so on and so forth.....

Now the good part. The 4th step. Chuch that guy's name up in column 1 and do columns 2, 3 and 4. Since it's only 1 resentment, it'll be easy to do some somewhat in depth looking at it with God's help and direction. Then hit your sponsor in a small 5th step with what you wrote and found.

I'll betcha $100 you'll find some really interesting things out.....enabling you to do another 6th and 7th step and by then (likely before the end of 6) you'll know with 100% assurance whether you owe amends or not. If you do, 8 will help you with what you owe amends for because it'll consolidate what you learned in 4 and 5.

The program (ie, working the steps) is a design for living. It works, it really does.

WMJ1012

I have a lot of experience with this kind of thing, so I'm glad you brought it up.
I always suggest to never make amends to a bully. It'll cause you more harm, and them as well, because they run with that and act out playing the victim, and that's not good fir them or you.

Sit with the pain & fear. It's okay, you're not alone.
Ask sponsor to show you pg 61 in the BB I think it is, and read the paragraph about the actor. Which we all are too, which is why we're here.

You done good asking for help

Mountainmanbob

What would the judge say, " don't sign that stinkers court slip." And usually these slips are for the courts. Sober ones in AA need to show some integrity. Maybe something that we weren't that good at when drinking?
M-Bob

paulokes

AA has taught me to stand by my principles.

Sometimes I can do this calmly, assertively and with warmth and humour

IMO you did good. In situations like this I often think I did the right thing, but maybe the WAY I did could be improved.

P

DontRemember

As a court slip guy here... I have another week or so but, I'll be continuing the program for the rest of my life.. In my opinion..He's only hurting himself. I could have never went to another meeting after an old timer told me he would sign off on all my days. He told me if I didn't want to be there, he didn't want me there! Now he's a lunch buddy. No amends needed, IMO.

chefgeno27

That is how I handled it. A bit late but that's how it worked, just as in the book.

chefgeno27

Well little court slip cheater came back Thursday night. He sat for 2 meetings also. Maybe He gets it? Anyways the message got through I guess. Thanks for all the awesome feedback.