CountryChick

Hello everyone. I've been nervous about posting on here. But here goes.
I've been struggling to get sober for at least 15 years. The past 5 years have been the hardest. It seems to get worse each time I drink now. I may have lost my fiancé because of it. I have also shown my 15 year old son what a drunk his mom has become. And for that I'm so ashamed but I still continue to drink. When will enough be enough for me? I ask myself this each time I screw up.
Last year I drove drunk & passed out on the side of the road and luckily didn't kill someone or myself. I woke up with cops staring at me. I was very lucky that night because I didn't go to jail either. I thought I'd had enough, I got sober for 90 days. I relapsed in May and I've been drinking ever since. During this time I've made a total a** of myself. I keep trying to control how much I drink but it never works. Last night I got so drunk while making supper I passed out on the couch. I woke up to my fiancé yelling that I could've burned the house down. Will this be enough to make me quit for good this time?!?! I think it will be but it seems like I always go back to it. I'm so tired of doing this over and over! I feel like nothing but a failure!
Anyway, thanks for listening.

MrPL

Hi CountryChick,

Posting here is already a very good beginning. It is only up to you to make it different this time. Not for your fiancée or for your son, but for you. Why is it that you want to be sober and what do you want life to look like in the future?

Hang in there for this first few days, we are here to support you.

P

cwood3

Hi CC. Welcome. It seems like you have been receiving the messages. I'm not sure where they come from, but I received them too recently. I didn't have that much to loose, but I realized I didn't want to lose the rest of it. I knew I had to make a conscious decision to try and overcome my unconscious alcoholic mind. Making that decision to quit drinking for good, honestly with myself, took enough weight off of myself that I was able to slowly begin doing some work/action towards becoming and staying sober. I'm a newbie, Day 40 for me.

Don't try to think about way into the future, or about too many things in general. Try to find inside yourself where you want to be...and commit. That will get you going and be a great start.

Glad you are here...relax.

Windancer

Hey CountryChick. Welcome to SR!
Many, many people on this forum can relate exactly to how you are feeling.
Please, stick around. There is loads of info, experience and support here.
I would strongly suggest you make a plan for your sobriety. There are some excellent links on this site somewhere that would help you get started.
I hope to see more posts of yours!
((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

Soberwolf

Hi CountryChick nice to meet you you have found a great source of recovery

CountryChick

Thank you all! I really do want to quit. I hate doing things that I can't remember. I'm so tired of hurting the ones I love. I hate waking up each morning with feelings of regret and guilt. How do I want my future to look is a good question to ask myself. I've let alcohol screw up my hopes and dreams. I hardly look for good things to happen anymore.

Behappy1

BTDT and have the t-shirt. Take today and recoup, rest and come up with a recovery plan. You're not alone. I shudder and hate myself for all of the STUPID things that I've done while drunk. I cannot change the past though. All I can do is make sure those things don't occur in my future. I owe it to myself, my family and most importantly my kids.

Mountainmanbob

You remind me of me in my past.
You are sick and tired of being sick and tired.
You were sober for a period before and you can do it again.
Possibly, stay very tight with this site and post often and AA ??

MB

Algorithm

My experience has been that there is no "bottom", as it is usually referred to, that will automatically put an end to things. It's difficult to remember the bad times, but not so difficult to remember the good times, so we go back to it. I would not rely on that.

If you read back through some of the old posts on this forum, there are people who drove drunk, seriously hurt themselves and others, and still kept drinking. There is no bottom, except death.

The good news is that you can quit and put an end to the downward spiral, no matter for how long you've been drinking, or how many times you've tried to quit before. I'm sure others will chime in with some good advice. Welcome.

CountryChick

I definitely need to remember that there is no bottom. I've never thought of it like that but its the truth. Thanks

CountryChick

I am so sick of being sick and tired... I went to AA a few years ago but I didn't like it. I will try to keep posting on here and read everyone's stories. It definitely helps knowing that I'm no the only one. And it helps seeing how people succeed.

Soberwolf

Have you seen this cc

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Inchworm

Welcome, CountryChick. We've all been there many times. It's enough when we say it's enough and mean it.

Ruby2

Hi CountryChick. Your story sounds like my story. I tried so hard to control how much I drank because I was afraid to let go and just stop drinking. Each morning I woke up feeling awful.

You can do this. I needed to go to inpatient rehab to stop. You may not need to. What I did need was support and an absolute conviction that I couldn't drink. Ever. That I couldn't ever just have a couple on occasion. Check out the link Soberwolf put up about recovery plans. Stick close to SR.

Why didn't you like AA? I'm not pushing it but during my first go 'round with quitting I went to AA and hated it. This time, I actually enjoy going to meetings. Things do change over the course of time. The first time it felt really preachy to me and it was a turn off.

Stick around and it's nice to have you here.

CountryChick

Thank you for sharing that link Soberwolf. I will definitely print it off and read it. It looks very helpful.

CountryChick

Well I never wanted to go because I was afraid someone might see me. So I went to another county hoping I wouldn't. One of my high school teachers was there. I was so embarrassed at first. I swore I wouldn't go back. I did go several more times. I just didn't feel like I fit in, I didn't feel like I was like most of those people. They couldn't even walk down a grocery store aisle without wanting alcohol. Some were sober for several years and were still going to meetings 3 times a week. I know all of that sounds silly and I know that's no reason not to go. I probably give it another try. I was reading that link and I probably do need to get a plan or I won't succeed.

cwood3

I wouldn't worry about somebody seeing me. So what? You're talking about your life. Go to the AA meeting closest to your home. Go often. You'd be surprised how it becomes routine, kinda like a bridge club. There is good to be had if you can pick through the other stuff. Everybody is different. Don't try to be like everybody there, just be you.

I hope you find a way to a happy life.

least

Enough will be enough when you make it so. Why not go back to AA and give it a good try. There's worse things you could do with your time.

CountryChick

I really don't know why I worry about someone seeing me. Everyone is there to help and support each other. I may give it another try. I've learned a lot about my addiction since I last went.

CountryChick

Thanks. I may give it another try. It definitely can't hurt.