Growing into Recovery
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Growing into Recovery
I read a lot of stories here about people who drew a line in the sand and just quit. I really wasn't like that. The first step for me was I withdrew at work and had to be taken to a hospital.
In the beginning all I knew is things couldn't continue as they were but permanent abstainance was not on the radar. I still hoped and prayed that someday I could drink again even though everything in my life was falling apart.
Step 2 - I went to a Doctor was honest and was referred to an alcohol treatment center. I went 3 days a week for four months and didn't drink. Ever so slowly the brain fog was starting to lift but permanent abstinence was still not something I was willing think about.
Step 3 (at about a year sober)- Went to AA six times a week, read the big book, got a sponsor. The brain fog continued to clear. I realized at least intellectually that permanent abstinence seemed to be the only real solution but the the door was still open a crack.
Step 4 (at about 2 years sober) I had worked the steps and my life was better than it had ever been. I slowly realized that this sobriety thing was pretty darn cool. It was then and only then that I shut the door on alcohol forever. There just was no need to drink. I was happy with my life and who I was.
The point of my post is recovery is a journey not a destination. We all get from point A to B in different ways and it takes time but the keys are not drinking and continually moving forward. I had to change my thinking and life. I accomplished both and today I'm sober
In the beginning all I knew is things couldn't continue as they were but permanent abstainance was not on the radar. I still hoped and prayed that someday I could drink again even though everything in my life was falling apart.
Step 2 - I went to a Doctor was honest and was referred to an alcohol treatment center. I went 3 days a week for four months and didn't drink. Ever so slowly the brain fog was starting to lift but permanent abstinence was still not something I was willing think about.
Step 3 (at about a year sober)- Went to AA six times a week, read the big book, got a sponsor. The brain fog continued to clear. I realized at least intellectually that permanent abstinence seemed to be the only real solution but the the door was still open a crack.
Step 4 (at about 2 years sober) I had worked the steps and my life was better than it had ever been. I slowly realized that this sobriety thing was pretty darn cool. It was then and only then that I shut the door on alcohol forever. There just was no need to drink. I was happy with my life and who I was.
The point of my post is recovery is a journey not a destination. We all get from point A to B in different ways and it takes time but the keys are not drinking and continually moving forward. I had to change my thinking and life. I accomplished both and today I'm sober
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 248
Thank you for this MIRecovery - I'm on 11 days and have no plans to drink today, tomorrow or next week... But part of me still thinks that I will be able to moderate in the future because I'm not a "proper" alcoholic. I *want* to be at the point where I accept that I need to stop forever - and it would be an enormous relief to just take booze out of the equation completely - but the truth is that I have the door open. It's encouraging to read your post and see that adjusting your mindset can be a longer process. Thanks again.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Very interesting. Thanks for sharing your story- I like hearing the different ways people get sober. As my devotional this morning said - my way isn't the only way and I need to observe others' ways sometimes, in order to remember that when I think there is one (my) right way, I am wrong, and judgmental.
I was one of those in the former category you mentioned- I just stopped. I knew, and I know, that I can simply never drink again. The "is this permanent" thing wasn't ever an idea, and isn't. Alternately, my boyfriend stopped and initially told his kids that he was going to adopt a new way of life (which meant more than just not drinking, but spiritual growth, health, everything) for a year; I asked why and he said it just seemed like the right way to frame it as a start. He just hit 90 days this week and probably around 30 days had already seen that this would be his permanent choice.
As someone who has committed to AA from the beginning (nearly 7mo ago), I am intrigued by a story about coming into it later.
Thanks!
I was one of those in the former category you mentioned- I just stopped. I knew, and I know, that I can simply never drink again. The "is this permanent" thing wasn't ever an idea, and isn't. Alternately, my boyfriend stopped and initially told his kids that he was going to adopt a new way of life (which meant more than just not drinking, but spiritual growth, health, everything) for a year; I asked why and he said it just seemed like the right way to frame it as a start. He just hit 90 days this week and probably around 30 days had already seen that this would be his permanent choice.
As someone who has committed to AA from the beginning (nearly 7mo ago), I am intrigued by a story about coming into it later.
Thanks!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by MIRecovery 
I suppose in some ways I just stopped drinking but the road to embracing abstinence took a long time and took a lot of changes
Although it's a scary thought once you truly let go and finally accept it, it's the most profoundly freeing experience you can have.
MI, one of the things you've said that hangs with me and is so true is that you have to build a new life, you can't make your old life work without alcohol.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
I suppose in some ways I just stopped drinking but the road to embracing abstinence took a long time and took a lot of changes
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Thanks for the post, it's encouraging. I've had a lot of Day 1-s and every time, the process (or the cycle, rather) seemed to repeat itself. Drink, feel ashamed, stay off it for a time, repeat. Whenever the fog started to lift even a little bit, a scary two-part thing occurred. The first was asking myself while sober whether 'I can even be abstinent forever' , it's a daunting thing and that cracked door is the dangerous thing everybody in early sobriety is terrified of. The second thing, although positive in essence but difficult to grasp, is the wealth of opportunities a sober life can bring you. It's that anxiety (that's only amplified by addiction) of actually, sincerely facing the real world and not only facing it, but fully participating in it.
Those are the biggest slips for me, so it is very encouraging to read that it is okay to feel slightly off even when a considerable time has passed since the last drink. It gives me hope. And that's usually the only thing you need when you're not sure about something.
Thanks again for the post.
Those are the biggest slips for me, so it is very encouraging to read that it is okay to feel slightly off even when a considerable time has passed since the last drink. It gives me hope. And that's usually the only thing you need when you're not sure about something.
Thanks again for the post.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 486
I know for myself, I failed MANY times. The only reason this time feels like "drawing a line in the sand" is I no longer realize that I have no hope of moderatio one day. I cannot do it. And instead of being upset by that fact, I feel free.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,133
I think yours is one of the most valuable posts I've read here. I would be willing to bet that an awful lot of people continue to drink, because like so many of us, in their heart of hearts aren't ready to mentally tell themselves they're done for good. Describes me to a "T" -- knew intellectually that I needed to stop, but emotionally still wanted to drink.
I think it's invaluable to spread the word that you DON'T have to be there mentally in order to at least physically start the journey of recovery. That you can stop drinking now, do the work and that the true desire of never drinking again can come later.
I think it's a potentially lifesaving message -- thank you!
I think it's invaluable to spread the word that you DON'T have to be there mentally in order to at least physically start the journey of recovery. That you can stop drinking now, do the work and that the true desire of never drinking again can come later.
I think it's a potentially lifesaving message -- thank you!
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
One thing I would like to add is even at the beginning I knew alcohol was at the root of all my problems. I thought that until I could figure out how to control my drinking I wouldn't drink. After continuing to hear epic fail after epic fail from people who had gotten back in the ring with alcohol it started to dawn on me that an awful lot of smart people said that controlled drinking was impossible. Slowly the idea that it may be impossible for me as well started to take hold and grow. One day I realized they spoke the truth. I gave up the fight and surrendered. I heard someone say surrender was nothing more than joining the winning side and that made a lot of sense to me
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,580
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
I suppose in some ways I just stopped drinking but the road to embracing abstinence took a long time and took a lot of changes
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,021
Nice post with a lot of wisdom and experience MIR.
Personally, I firmly believe that many people can reach Step 4 in a period of months ( if not weeks) if they can intellectually and emotionally understand they are not giving-up something that offers any authentic pleasure, benefits or relief.
From my experience, sobriety is incredibly difficult and exhausting if one constantly feels deprived or feels they are somehow missing out or parting ways with something beneficial and pleasurable. And judging from many posts on this site, this feeling of being deprived is very common among the newly sober (and sometimes among members with many months or even a few years of sobriety).
Instead of fighting frequent feelings of deprivation; instead of feeling as if you've lost a dear friend, wouldn’t it be so much better to simply not have those feelings and cravings; to realize to your core that you’re not removing something beneficial and important in your life; to completely comprehend you’re not missing out on anything at all?
For anyone who wants help with potentially achieving that state-of-mind and attitude, I highly recommend Allen Carr's book Stop Drinking Now. I can't say for sure that it will help everyone, but it has helped me to significantly change my perspective about alcohol and drinking culture, and that change in perspective has made my most recent attempt at sobriety very comfortable and fulfilling.
Personally, I firmly believe that many people can reach Step 4 in a period of months ( if not weeks) if they can intellectually and emotionally understand they are not giving-up something that offers any authentic pleasure, benefits or relief.
From my experience, sobriety is incredibly difficult and exhausting if one constantly feels deprived or feels they are somehow missing out or parting ways with something beneficial and pleasurable. And judging from many posts on this site, this feeling of being deprived is very common among the newly sober (and sometimes among members with many months or even a few years of sobriety).
Instead of fighting frequent feelings of deprivation; instead of feeling as if you've lost a dear friend, wouldn’t it be so much better to simply not have those feelings and cravings; to realize to your core that you’re not removing something beneficial and important in your life; to completely comprehend you’re not missing out on anything at all?
For anyone who wants help with potentially achieving that state-of-mind and attitude, I highly recommend Allen Carr's book Stop Drinking Now. I can't say for sure that it will help everyone, but it has helped me to significantly change my perspective about alcohol and drinking culture, and that change in perspective has made my most recent attempt at sobriety very comfortable and fulfilling.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 322
instead of fighting frequent feelings of deprivation; instead of feeling as if you've lost a dear friend, wouldn’t it be so much better to simply not have those feelings and cravings; to realize to your core that you’re not removing something beneficial and important in your life; to completely comprehend you’re not missing out on anything at all?
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by Time2Rise
Nice post with a lot of wisdom and experience MIR.
Personally, I firmly believe that many people can reach Step 4 in a period of months ( if not weeks) if they can intellectually and emotionally understand they are not giving-up something that offers any authentic pleasure, benefits or relief.
From my experience, sobriety is incredibly difficult and exhausting if one constantly feels deprived or feels they are somehow missing out or parting ways with something beneficial and pleasurable. And judging from many posts on this site, this feeling of being deprived is very common among the newly sober (and sometimes among members with many months or even a few years of sobriety).
Instead of fighting frequent feelings of deprivation; instead of feeling as if you've lost a dear friend, wouldn’t it be so much better to simply not have those feelings and cravings; to realize to your core that you’re not removing something beneficial and important in your life; to completely comprehend you’re not missing out on anything at all?
For anyone who wants help with potentially achieving that state-of-mind and attitude, I highly recommend Allen Carr's book Stop Drinking Now. I can't say for sure that it will help everyone, but it has helped me to significantly change my perspective about alcohol and drinking culture, and that change in perspective has made my most recent attempt at sobriety very comfortable and fulfilling.
Personally, I firmly believe that many people can reach Step 4 in a period of months ( if not weeks) if they can intellectually and emotionally understand they are not giving-up something that offers any authentic pleasure, benefits or relief.
From my experience, sobriety is incredibly difficult and exhausting if one constantly feels deprived or feels they are somehow missing out or parting ways with something beneficial and pleasurable. And judging from many posts on this site, this feeling of being deprived is very common among the newly sober (and sometimes among members with many months or even a few years of sobriety).
Instead of fighting frequent feelings of deprivation; instead of feeling as if you've lost a dear friend, wouldn’t it be so much better to simply not have those feelings and cravings; to realize to your core that you’re not removing something beneficial and important in your life; to completely comprehend you’re not missing out on anything at all?
For anyone who wants help with potentially achieving that state-of-mind and attitude, I highly recommend Allen Carr's book Stop Drinking Now. I can't say for sure that it will help everyone, but it has helped me to significantly change my perspective about alcohol and drinking culture, and that change in perspective has made my most recent attempt at sobriety very comfortable and fulfilling.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Fantastic post MIR.
One I think a lot of newcomers need to hear.
Definitely a process and a journey that is different for all of us.
The basic fundamentals are the same, such as the drink has to stop before we try figuring out what we were trying to fill inside ourselves.
But we all have a different path that brings us here and we find our own path in our own time (hopefully) on the other side. The line in the sand remains the same no matter what. Or door closing.
I've accepted that I can't drink anymore. I drew the line in the sand, then still toed it. When one had me writhing on the floor in pain, I figured my body had had enough and then it was easy for me.
I had to try the one or two a few times before I accepted my body hates alcohol. Now my brain is ok with it too
I don't suffer the fog so much as a tunnel vision. Scraping away the layers of crap I shat on my life makes me want to keep my focus square on staying sober and taking care of myself as best I can for now. Like you said, the rest of the work will come as I continue forward. And I have faith that it will get better.
Thanks for posting this. You are a wise, kindhearted gentleman.
One I think a lot of newcomers need to hear. Definitely a process and a journey that is different for all of us.
The basic fundamentals are the same, such as the drink has to stop before we try figuring out what we were trying to fill inside ourselves.
But we all have a different path that brings us here and we find our own path in our own time (hopefully) on the other side. The line in the sand remains the same no matter what. Or door closing.
I've accepted that I can't drink anymore. I drew the line in the sand, then still toed it. When one had me writhing on the floor in pain, I figured my body had had enough and then it was easy for me.
I had to try the one or two a few times before I accepted my body hates alcohol. Now my brain is ok with it too I don't suffer the fog so much as a tunnel vision. Scraping away the layers of crap I shat on my life makes me want to keep my focus square on staying sober and taking care of myself as best I can for now. Like you said, the rest of the work will come as I continue forward. And I have faith that it will get better.
Thanks for posting this. You are a wise, kindhearted gentleman.
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