Am here for advice about my partner
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 4
Am here for advice about my partner
My partner and I have been together for 3 years, and we have a good relationship and we live together. But Im worried about his drinking. I am not sure if I should be worried, or if Im overreacting?
Ever since we met hes drank more than most - he drinks most nights, usually 3/4 beers or a bottle of wine. This is by himself, as I go to bed before him as I work early shifts. Also, if he goes drinking with his friends, I always hear humiliating stories of how drunk he got/the embarrassing things he's done. And recently he got drunk and cheated on me. I forgave this, but told him that his drinking has impacted our relationship badly, and he needs to realise he often drinks too much. He also wets the bed when drinking heavily, (happens maybe every 4 weeks), and this can be from having a few pints with his friends then carrying on drinking on his own at home. I recently bought a £500 mattress after having a long discussion about his drinking and him saying he was going to cut down and that he wouldn't drink to that point again. He did, and he wet the bed on that mattress. His granddad was an alcoholic and his dad drinks every single night, and other members of his family have drug addictions.
I have tried speaking to him, getting angry/upset, listening to him for hours talking about how he feels about things in his life, explaining the health problems but nothing is helping. Does he have an alcohol problem or am I being too anal? And if he does, how can I get him to realise this? Also, he is 25.
Ever since we met hes drank more than most - he drinks most nights, usually 3/4 beers or a bottle of wine. This is by himself, as I go to bed before him as I work early shifts. Also, if he goes drinking with his friends, I always hear humiliating stories of how drunk he got/the embarrassing things he's done. And recently he got drunk and cheated on me. I forgave this, but told him that his drinking has impacted our relationship badly, and he needs to realise he often drinks too much. He also wets the bed when drinking heavily, (happens maybe every 4 weeks), and this can be from having a few pints with his friends then carrying on drinking on his own at home. I recently bought a £500 mattress after having a long discussion about his drinking and him saying he was going to cut down and that he wouldn't drink to that point again. He did, and he wet the bed on that mattress. His granddad was an alcoholic and his dad drinks every single night, and other members of his family have drug addictions.
I have tried speaking to him, getting angry/upset, listening to him for hours talking about how he feels about things in his life, explaining the health problems but nothing is helping. Does he have an alcohol problem or am I being too anal? And if he does, how can I get him to realise this? Also, he is 25.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
It would be wise to get a grip on this asap. I was expecting to hear this person was 50ish. So if he's at that point at 25 yrs of age, there is a high likely-hood there is trouble in the future if he doesn't slow down.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
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Thanks thomas11. I was most concerned this morning when his solution to him wetting the bed yet again was to buy a mattress protector, rather than consider that he is drinking too much. I am very worried. But hard when I try and discuss it as he genuinely doesn't really think he has an issue so I always question if I am being a nag or if I'm way overreacting. Thanks for taking time to read.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
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In my opinion, he definitely has a problem with alcohol. You can only set boundaries for yourself, and NO you're not being anal. If he denies having a problem, ask him to go three months without drinking.
You may want to check out our Friends and Family forum... lots of great support and reading there.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
On a side note, you might consider a plastic cover for your mattress.
You may want to check out our Friends and Family forum... lots of great support and reading there.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
On a side note, you might consider a plastic cover for your mattress.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 4
Thanks Opivotal. I have said to him about going for a set time without drinking, but he always says about working long shifts and 'beers in the evening is his time to relax and chill out', making me feel guilty for asking him to go without. I also worry this will push him to cover his tracks, and still have drinks in the evening but get rid of the evidence before I could see.
Maybe this time I need to go through with asking him. Appreciate the advice. I will visit the forums.
Maybe this time I need to go through with asking him. Appreciate the advice. I will visit the forums.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
elysiajade, I understand your concern.
Al Anon has something called the three C's
You Didn't Cause It; You Can't Control or Cure It
You may want to check out a local Al Anon Meeting.
Here's a link to explain what Al Anon is all about. I hope you find it helpful.
http://www.al-anon.org/
Al Anon has something called the three C's
You Didn't Cause It; You Can't Control or Cure It
You may want to check out a local Al Anon Meeting.
Here's a link to explain what Al Anon is all about. I hope you find it helpful.
http://www.al-anon.org/
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by elysiajade 
Thanks thomas11. I was most concerned this morning when his solution to him wetting the bed yet again was to buy a mattress protector, rather than consider that he is drinking too much. I am very worried. But hard when I try and discuss it as he genuinely doesn't really think he has an issue so I always question if I am being a nag or if I'm way overreacting. Thanks for taking time to read.
Lastly, based on what you wrote, I feel strongly that he certainly has a problem and your concerns are valid.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi elysiajade & welcome
I'm sorry for what brings you to SR, but I know you'll find support here
For what it's worth no, I don't think you're overreacting. I'm sorry he's not being responsive to your concerns.
I hope you'll also check out our Family and Friends forum as well, you'll find a lot of experience and support down there too
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
I'm sorry for what brings you to SR, but I know you'll find support here
For what it's worth no, I don't think you're overreacting. I'm sorry he's not being responsive to your concerns.
I hope you'll also check out our Family and Friends forum as well, you'll find a lot of experience and support down there too
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
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