Wtbaf16

So last night it happened. I knew it would one day but hoped that I would have my act together before it did. Recently I have become more and more aware of the fact that my daughter was watching how much I drank but I turned a blind eye to it. Most days I commit to stopping then something, anything happens, and I fill up my glass. Yesterday I was celebrating the birth of my nephew, or was it the 4th of July, or Monday evening. It doesn't matter really. At the end of the night of course I was drunk. I don't really remember as don't remember much when I'm drinking. I was drunk and after putting my daughter to bed she finally said, "mamma, maybe you shouldn't drink so much."

I didn't know what to say so of course I denied drinking. Or at least I slurred the words at her. She quickly said "oh" and put her head under her sheets. First thing this morning, after I sent an email to work saying I would be taking sick leave , she asked me if I would not drink anymore because it scares her. I said that I would stop. She is now watching me recover from my hangover. I've been able to hide the hangovers and "sick" days in the past as she's usually in school but she's out for the summer now.

I don't know what to do here. I've tried stopping before but it doesn't last too long. I'm beyond embarrassed by this weakness so I don't talk to anyone about it, I simply bottle it up inside of me. I act as if everything is OK but it is anything but. I do know that I don't want my child afraid of me and my drinking.

I'm open to suggestions from people on what to do, if you have any. I'm so lost at the moment. I keep coming back to this site for inspiration and while I'm doing that I typically keep on track. As soon as I stop, I go off the rails.

RDBplus3

Have you read the book, Alcoholics Anonymous?

Sounds like you will see yourself all thru it ... I saw myself all thru it.
Also, after years of gut-wrenching, face-in-the-asphalt struggling I found the Solution in it.

I drank for 40 years ... it was too late to get those years back, years I spent Drunk while my kids were growing up ... I would drink myself into oblivion right now just thinking about it ... except I am now Living the Solution.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2

doggonecarl

It's not a weakness. It's an addiction. A strong one. Stronger than our decision to quit, at times. But you can quit, you can be stronger than the obsession to pick up a drink.

But it can't always be done on our own. Something has to be put in place to support the decision to quit and action must take place to maintain it. If SR helps, use it. If face to face support would help, seek it out. Don't reject what may help you for reasons of discomfort, fear, or embarrassment. Do what it takes to get better. Show your daughter you have it in you.

Wtbaf16

I will buy the book. I need the solution as I don't want to miss anymore if my daughter's life.

Wtbaf16

You are right, I need to see a therapist to help with this addiction. Thank you for your kind words .

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Wtbaf16. Hearing those words from a child are especially heartbreaking, but they can also come from a spouse, parents, friends, employers, doctors, etc. It does put into perspective how incredibly selfish alcoholism really is though - and i'm not singling you out, we've all felt it at some point.

The solution or "what to do" now is really up to you. There are a host of recovery plans/programs that people follow and the link at the bottom of this message covers a LOT of them, definitely worth a read. The bottom line though is that the bulk of the responsibility and work falls on you. There is no easy way to get sober, but as you have seen last night and this morning - the ramifications of continuing to drink only get worse and they affect a lot more people than we like to think,

You mention you've tried stopping before - did you follow a plan of any kind ( meetings, counseling, rehab, etc? ).

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Trees39

Oh hugs to you. And what a brave little person you have there who has asked you to stop.
I guess we have to make the choice to do this for ourselves as shame can pass and addiction feelings can be so strong.
But what a wonderful and powerful motivation you have in wanting to be a role model for your child.
Be strong, be you.
All the best.

Meraviglioso

That was heartbreaking to read. I know exactly how you feel. My children came home with their many once to find me passed out mid-day on our front porch. The nanny told the children I "had a headache" and needed to rest and took them inside. She told me later that she had told them this. My older son then started referring to my "headaches" saying things like "mommy, please don't get a headache at the restaurant tonight" or "I hate it when you get a headache" I knew then I had to give it every last effort. Every possible effort on the planet to get sober. So I went to rehab. I had always thought "I can't leave my kids for a month!" (or work, or life, or whatever) but I could leave all those things for a month in order to get on the road to sobriety and become a better mother and general human being. In a very short time (just nearing four months now) my relationship with my kids has improved enormously. They love me, they trust me, they are happy, they are secure and at peace. I see it, feel it and they say it.
It is worth anything and everything you can possibly do to get sober for you and your daughter. And yes, that means going to rehab for a month or more if you need it. If you like you can click on my name and find my rehab report thread. I also have a current thread going chronicling these pasts months after getting out. It was so worth it. I hope you will get the help you need.
Sending you a huge hug.

HeartsAfire

What a courageous, loving daughter you have! She loves you so much that she's willing to stand up to you and ask you to stop doing something that she knows is hurtful to both you and her family.

I understand this well as my son was the catalyst to me quitting. All he did was ask me, "Do you remember what you said last night?" I didn't. Then he watched me drink a mimosa for breakfast as I laughingly explained what "hair of the dog" meant. Before then I thought I was hiding my problem from he & his sister. I also always told myself I would quit before they would be able to remember their drunk mother.

Too late.

I thank the universe almost daily for listening to my son that morning. In his own way it was him telling me, "mama maybe you shouldn't drink so much." Take this gift from your precious child and start your recovery today. Do whatever it takes (therapy, meetings, rehab, etc) to find away to stop. We're here to support you however we can, but it's up to you to do the work. It's hard, but so worth it.

Why don't you visit the 24 Hour Thread? It saved my life. All that is asked is that you commit to 24 hours of abstinence. That's it. You don't have to worry about tomorrow, next week, your 50th birthday or even your daughter's wedding day (yes, I used to worry about distant milestones). It's just 24 hours of sweet freedom. I'd also recommend joing a monthly thread. The people on both of these threads are understanding, compassionate, encouraging and (best of all), judgement free.

Don't ever give up - on yourself or your family. You're not weak and this is not a weakness. In fact, I think the hardest, bravest thing to do is to wave the white flag and ask for help. You've already done that! So look at you go!

I wish you hope & light as you start this journey. Stay with us. We understand like no others.


24 Hour:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-145-a.html

I don't see the Class of July thread, but here is June:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-3-a.html

tomsteve

theres jillion meetings in the D.C. area you could attend where you could buy the book.

you can also read the book online. search 'big book online."

Bobbieka

Wtbaf16, I couldn't quit by myself. I see an addiction counselor once a week, AA once a week, every book I read is regarding recovery and I'm on here a lot.

You can do it. You just have to build your tools.

D122y

My advice is accentuating the fact....scientific fact....

You are addicted to booze.

It is a drug. Like cigarettes, coffee, crack, meth, pot etc.

You are a drug addict.

Treat yourself as such and the crave, insomnia, anxiety, spacey feelings, insane feelings etc...

Will be easier to deal w.

Fight for your life. Pray to be strong.

It takes about a month of physical and mental anguish. Depends how hard you drink. The mental part could take a year or more to stabilize.

I'm at 14 months and I still don't know what normal feels like.

It's ok. I am an addict.

The best advice I ever read here.....

It gets better every day.

My son, 13, knows I drank a lot. He also knows I quit. I tell him to never drink. It will ruin his life. I was lucky to make it this far being such a drunk.

Being honest w him about booze helps me stay accountable.

Keep reminding yourself...you are an addict. It gets better.

Get clean. Change your life a bit to be happy w out booze. Stay clean.

HeartsAfire

Class of July Thread (thanks, Bimi):

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html

Anna

You've gotten lots of good advice here. It's so hard to deal with the fact that we hurt our children, but sadly we do. The good news is that you can stop this today and you never have to hear your child say that again.

tate9685

Hugs. That was heartbreaking to read and all too familiar to me. I don't know how old your daughter is but they pick up on things and she knows now so the answer to your question is do EVERYTHING you can to get and stay sober. Call AA hotline and ask for a female to meet with you today. Do what th y suggest and don't allow the addiction to make your daughter sick

tate9685

Start by being kind to yourself and follow through. That will be a beautiful example of self love to your daughter. Also apologize to her for scaring her and tell her how much you love her. Keep us posted

Berrybean

It's free to read online .... Alcoholics Anonymous : Alcoholics Anonymous

I'd suggest heading to a meeting as well. Any meeting will do, but you might feel safer and happier at a woman's meeting.
http://www.aa-dc.org/meetings

At the moment it's likely that you're feeling that this is the end of everything. That's only kind of true. This can be a whole new beginning of something beautiful. A life where you can find serenity and be content to sit with yourself. A life where you can be emotionally available for your daughter. A life where you enjoy time with her rather than wishing her off to bed so you can have a proper drink. There is so much waiting for you, should you decide to get sober and work on your recovery. Wishing you well. We're rooting for you. Ask any questions you like.

graciepearl

As an adult child of an alcoholic ( and now one myself) please do all that you can to put your sobriety and family first. Each time we choose to drink we are making a choice to exclude something or someone. My Mother chose alcohol over me for as long as I can remember. My rational adult mind understands why she drank and Lord knows I know how hard it is to stop. But that inner child part still yearns to have been more important to her than a bottle. Your daughter obviously loves you so much and I hope you can hold onto that love and let it support you in your sober journey.

Wtbaf16

Thank you to everyone for your advice, links, and words of support. This is a long journey but a one I have to take. Being honest with you, the thought of it all makes me feel sick and very depressed. I want to be happy that I've made the decision but I'm very nervous about it. If I fail her, I will lose her trust and her belief in me. That's the worst self-created outcome that I can imagine .

Darwinia

I was an AA sceptic and riduculed the bunch of bible bashers. In the AA worked for me. A fellowship of people in the same predicament is truly a "higher power". It works, give it a shot if you like.