endlesspatience

Being sober has affected how I feel about an event I used to enjoy: music festivals. I went to an open air gig yesterday because I won free tickets. I liked the headline band so I went close to the stage but it was like standing outside a pub, which is something I used to do but now avoid.

In fact not only was there a lot of drinking all around me, there was a lot of smoking - so much so that my clothes reeked of smoke when I got home and this was an outdoor event. Bear in mind that indoor smoking is banned in my country.

I moved a bit further away from the stage to try to avoid the smoke but I still felt uncomfortable. Many people were being a bit stupid by that stage and certainly not sensitive to the other people around them. They weren't really listening to the band.

I couldn't concentrate either. I kept thinking how does smoking and drinking improve the enjoyment of music? The beers were really expensive and the toilet was quite unpleasant. And tobacco just makes me feel I want to cough. When I am at an indoor gig or listening to music at home, I don't think to myself I would enjoy it more if only I was a bit drunk and had a cigarette in my hand.

I just feel that now may be the end for me in terms of outdoor gigs and festivals. But there are other things I can do. I now go to dancing lessons and the music there is very contemporary and loud. Because my breathing and fitness are now really good having quit smoking for five years, I can dance with a lot of energy for an hour. Also, I don't get a hangover - in fact I feel pretty high during and after the dance session.

Do you think I should feel regret about the festivals and outdoor gigs though?

MythOfSisyphus

How long have you been sober? How old are you? Funny...when I was young I despised concerts where you had assigned seating and were expected to sit down. Now I'm an old fart and I loathe concerts where I can't sit down!

When I first quit drinking I couldn't really enjoy music the way I had my whole life. That bummed me out since music and audio gear has been a passion of mine for at least 35 years! But listening to music had become to inexorably intertwined with getting drunk that I couldn't enjoy it sober. Fortunately that didn't last however! After sobriety "took" for me and became my regular mode of living I found the joy in things returned- including music.

As far as enjoying concerts where people are drinking and smoking...not so much. Maybe it's because I'm older but my tolerance for other people's crap has lowered considerably.

endlesspatience

"Maybe it's because I'm older but my tolerance for other people's crap has lowered considerably."

Ah, thanks for that. Made me smile.

madgirl

Maybe standing and trying to hold onto your patch of earth while hordes of people are thrashing about swilling beer and getting increasingly clumsy and obnoxious is truly uncomfortable - regardless of age.

Maybe when you get older, you just see it for what it is. 😏

IvanMike

This topic is near and dear to my heart. As an actual musician, it's even more relevant. (There are some other activities which have similar dynamics in terms of people likely to be using as well that fall into this category for me as well).

I quit playing in bands except for one that does summer fairs (alcohol is absent or infrequent). I've thought about starting to play gigs in situations where alcohol will be much more present. One thing that I have discussed with my friends in recovery is not only am I not sure if I'll be comfortable with being exposed to alcohol and other drugs, but also watching others get loaded seems to be injurious to my spirit, especially if they are doing it alcoholically/addictively. It's not just that I have trouble tolerating their behavior, but it saddens me to watch.

Last year I had the opportunity to play Musikfest in Bethlehem PA. I got a kick out of this sign on the backstage entrance to the stage...



The bandleader knows I'm in recovery. I showed him and let him know that they might need to ask the audience if there were any qualified bass players out there as I wasn't allowed on stage...

blueberry2015

Im sorry it feels like this for you. The only thing I can say is that doing things you really enjoyed now your sober, is different. It could be as your first experience of doing something like this you were heightened to what you didnt like rather than what you do enjoy, Id say thats normal, the whole event is like alien like so your seeing things from a completely different perspective.

I personally love music festivals and gigs sober, in fact more so than I did drunk. The way I see it is that Im there for the music and nothing else, its great to be able to be in control, enjoying the music, remembering every last detail. Yes I do stand back a bit from the crowd now a days, I kinda like having a bit more personal space, but also im quick to move myself away from any drunken brawls.... Its better than being involved in it!!!

Try not to focus so much on what you didnt like, look at the positives of the evening I hope your experience hasnt put you off going to future events! Music plays a huge role in my recovery actually, listening, playing, gig going etc is a healthy way to escape.

endlesspatience

Thanks for these encouraging replies. Actually I have every reason to enjoy music and concerts more now that I am sober. Also, last night, I sat and played a few records at home in the evening without any wine or cigarettes. I noticed many more details about music and the lyrics and when I woke up this morning the room still looked nice and clean and I didn't have a hangover.

LadyBlue0527

A few years back in one of my many attempts at sobriety I attended my first sober concert. It wasn't planned that way but from the time I bought the tickets to the date of the event something happened (as it always does) that led me to quit drinking. When I bought the tickets I decided that you only live once and got front row at a RUSH concert in Boston. I also paid for a limo to take us down there because I was setting up my ability to drink. Then, the incident occurred where I had to stop drinking.

It was hard because we had invited friends who were big time drinkers to take the limo with us. They showed up with cooler in tow. It was pretty tough to watch them pull those ice cold beers out of that cooler as I sipped my seltzer water.

We found our seats and were right in front of Alex Lifeson. Our friends were about 20 rows back. I had the best time that night playing air guitar and engaging directly with band members. No RUSH groupie here, no, not at all. Had a great time! On the way home in the limo all the others were passing out and I sat there smiling with some realizations.

1. Had I been drinking I would have spent a large amount of time leaving the arena to go to the bathroom with my friend who kept texting me.
2. I would have most assuredly made a complete ass of myself somehow.
3. I wouldn't have experienced the concert to the fullest degree. I would have been in an alcoholic haze and thinking more about when I could go get my next beer than paying attention to the music.
4. Who knows if I would have even had the capacity to walk all the way back to the limo. It was about 4 blocks from the Fleet Center so that we could get out of Boston easily when the concert was over.

Society leads us to believe that music and partying go hand and hand. It's interesting to find out that in many cases it can keep us from enjoying the music to the fullest degree. I think it takes some practice to realize it though.

strategery

With sobriety, we change, sometimes in ways we wouldn't anticipate.
I used to be into watching sports. I used to drink at the events as well. As I've grown in my sobriety, watching sports is not that important since my interests have changed to other things.
It sounds like you've also found you enjoy other things more too. It's not a bad change, but I know how it is to be surprised to find you don't enjoy the same things any more since it comes as a bit of a shock.

LadyBlue0527

Thank you for this insightful post! I took into consideration that the people I hang out with and the places I go would need change. It only makes sense that interests may change too even if there was no realization of the association of it to alcohol.

Anna

I love listening to live music, but I never drank or smoked while doing so. However, things do change and this might be something that no longer works for you as something fun to do. This could be a chance for the Universe to find you something new and different.

endlesspatience

Thanks everyone. I love Ladyblue's story about the Rush gig. I have found that indoor shows are generally OK but I've decided this is the closing chapter on the outdoor ones. Still, if Aretha Franklin announces she's going to play in local park, I'm definitely going!

blueberry2015

Its sooo cool eh?! I love it, totally absorbs me! I love music first thing in the morning, it lifts my mood and has me dancing about first thing lol x x

Db1105

I've lost count at the number of concerts I've been to over the years since I've been in recovery. The older I get the less tolerance I have for big events or festivals. The partying doesn't bother me, I'm just getting old and lazy. I prefer small venues with a nice dinner beforehand and home in bed early.

But, I did get tickets for Desert Trip this October where I'm flying 3000 miles for a 3 day concert. Hopefully, it will mostly old bastards like myself.

Zebra1275

I've been to a lot of concerts in my time.

I attended some great concerts in my 20's and don't remember much about them, because part of the agenda was to get wasted.

Since the wife and I are now empty nesters we go to a lot of concerts. Since we don't drink anymore, we actually remember the setlist and can drive home safely. It's much better this way.

bigsombrero

I don't think you should feel bad about this, endlesspatience. Look around at those venues. Teens, young adults, and old burn outs make up a good portion of the audience. And of course there are plenty of sober folks who enjoy a good concert too! Alas, I am not one of them. I ditched concerts when I ditched alcohol and the bar scene. Why cram yourself into a loud, booze-filled arena or club? What's fun about that? Stay home and rock out with your headphones or home stereo system. You still get the same great tunes, but without the traffic, noise, and headache. Plus, you can crawl right into bed as soon as the set's over. I don't think you should feel bad for being a grown up.

fred59

my soon to be ex and I have gone to countless outdoor festivals, I have no problem abstaining from alcohol. The group I have gone with over the last 25 years it seems they miss so much of the shows going back and forth for more drinks, bathroom breaks more drinks smoking weed etc.. I am not sure if they even enjoy the shows it is all about getting loaded.
Remember why you are there, to enjoy the music.

Forward12

I use to be huge into going to concerts, often times a couple a week, but as time went on, I really lost interest in it. High costs, annoying people, often times not that great sound quality, etc,.. I've found just sitting in my room with the albums to be more enjoyable now.

HopeandFaith1

I really love concerts but will not go to any until I feel I can handle it. There is a show on PBS, I believe it's called Austin City Limits. I've seen some great live shows on there...the Lumineers, Foo Fighters, Mavericks, Born, Kurt Vile...to name a few. Not sure what you're into but there's a little bit of everything, and in my opinion it's quite entertaining. The artists tend to show off in this venue. More than usual. Anyway hopefully you might have access to some sort of concert channel. With a little bit of imagination, you can feel like you're right in the front row without all the extra hassle.

endlesspatience

So the majority of concerts I've been to are in London. My favourite venues are Brixton Academy and Shepherd's Bush Empire. They are quite small, the sound is great and the atmosphere's generally terrific. Out of the many hundreds of live bands I've seen, here's a quick taster of some of my favourites in no particular order: Nick Cave, Bjork, Prince, James Brown, McCartney, REM, Smiths, Tom Waits, White Stripes and everything with Jack White in it, Bob Dylan, Kings of Leon, Arctic Monkeys and lots of soul and reggae acts which really require another list.