RattleAndHum

These days are getting difficult. I'm feeling more tired, and lonely, and blank. I'm allowing regret over past mistakes and missed opportunities eat at me. I still see the light ahead but resent the current darkness. I should be in the light now, a part of my mind screams.

But I'm not, and the reason why is that I've listened to this voice and let it convince me that drinking was ok and would at the very least be fun. Lies, of course, by my addicted brain.

During past attempts at sobriety, this would be around the time that I'd relapse. I recognize it this time, and I'm using this awareness to arm me against caving in. My therapist got into an accident and won't be available for a few weeks, so that's been a line of support taken away. I think I'll go to the gym. When I come home, I'll grab a bite to eat, shower, and then do some meditating and/or read some recovery literature.

Early sobriety is difficult. One positive I can take from this is the knowledge that I don't want to start from zero again and have to climb my way back up to where I am now. I have to remind myself of the progress I've made and just stay sober today.

I'm curious, what kinds of things help(ed) you in early sobriety?

doggonecarl

These can be recovery killers. You have to learn to deal with regrets and shame. If you aren't doing it in a structured recovery program, for instance, through the twelve steps of AA, you have to do it somehow.

Such internal struggles are hard to address on our own. If we had the ability, we probably wouldn't have the problem in the first place. But it can be done.

As for "Seeing the light," I don't know what your expectations are. You didn't get to where drinking brought you in 39 days. A lot of years of drinking went into your problems, so don't expect recovery to work all its magic in a matter of weeks. Thirty nine days is great, but you have a way to go.

Stay strong.

Soberwolf

Meetings, volunteering, group therapy, reading, journalling all things to make a plan out of

Your doing great at 39 days remember you always have us

Acheleus

The longer you remain sober the stronger you will get. I know that I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I quit drinking. Try to keep pressure off of yourself and do not beat yourself up about the past. Focusing on the present helps me. I hope you stay sober and strong.

Dee74

Posting here and reading here regularly really helped me RAH.

have you checked out the Class of December support thread?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-pt-4-a-5.html

or January?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-5-a-8.html
D

RattleAndHum

Thanks, all of you. This has helped, and it means a lot.

I think I do need more structure to my recovery, doggoncarl. I took some benefit from AA before, though I had trouble with some aspects of it, the support is helpful. Posting here and reading everyone's stories and experiences helps as well. Thank you all for that.

Dee, I think I will check out those support threads. I posted once then kind of left it at that. :-)

It's also been a particularly challenging week at work, one of those where everything seems to go wrong, so that hasn't helped! I think I needed this to get my mind back in the right place.