sunshinel

I havent been here lately. I'm scared. I can't stop drinking. I know probably no one is up at this time. In two weeks I am heading back to NYC the place I got sober. But now my mum is dying and my dad is a mess ( in NZ)I want to go home but so scared that I can't handle NYC anymore. But I know NYC is the best place I have been. I came back to NZ to help my parents but it has destroyed me. Any words o* wisdom would be so appreciated.

neferkamichael

Sunshinel, as soon as you believe you can stop drinking you will, rootin for ya.

sunshinel

I should probably calari*y. No abcde*g key!! Since i le*t NYC I have had a complete breakdown ( to do with my mum's terrible illness) and have never recovered ( panic attacks etc).

Nonsensical

1. Come here more often.
2. Alcohol is causing most of your anxiety.
3. You CAN stop drinking, you just haven't yet.

I am sure moving between continents, your mother's illness, and your father's reaction are all very stressful. Pouring alcohol into your face is making ALL of those situations worse.

Whats your plan to stop?

Yogini1603

I'm sorry you're going through so much stress and drinking is only making it worse as it fuels the cycle of anxiety. So you're going back to New York in 2 weeks, so what's your plan for these 2 weeks to stay sober?

I'm going to NYC this week and I've checked out loads of AA meetings to go to and there seem to be a fair few, so if that's something you're interested in, you can explore that a bit more.

FeelingGreat

Sunshine, find a meeting, visit SR daily and take advantage of all the help there is around. You don't have to cope with this on your own.
There may be some phone in support lines for your parents' illnesses.

Gottalife

There is plenty of great AA in Auckland. They have a wonderful young peoples group that meets several times each week. A Strong Primary Purpose group that meets on Fridays, an excellent back to basics meeting in the south and lots of other meetings. Help is all around. you only need to ask.

Dee74

Hi sunshinel

I'm sorry for your breakdown. Can you hook up with a counsellor or therapist back in NYC?

I think that will help you better than any amount of alcohol.

Do remember to treast yopur alcoholism too. Like Yogini said there a hundreds of AA meetings and other approaches to recovery in a city the size of NewYork, and as Gottalife mentioned AA is pretty good in Auckland too....

Fight to get your life back

D

24hrsAday

you got to WANT it...
do you want it bad Enough?
i can Understand being scared.
i know i was when i Finally Managed to Surrender..
it was the Hardest thing i ever did.

sugarbear1

Sending you love, hugs, and empathy

Soberween

The bulk of my anxiety went away when I finally sobered up. If you want to be sober more than you want to drink, you will be able to beat this. Waking up feeling good never gets old. Good luck to you.

Soberwolf

I agree with D's suggestion

sunshinel

Hi. I have only just had the courage to read my last posts, and responses. Thank you everyone for your kind words. Sorry I didn't respond sooner. I did make it to NYC but was drunk and sick the entire time. I felt nothing. Now back in NZ. Trying to find a job but my closest friend told me yesterday I am basically unemployable due to my patchy work history since my breakdown ( 7 years ago) Its hard to take but probably true. I can't believe how far I have fallen. All that study for nothing, and all I ever wanted was to make a difference. Anyway very sad today. Day 1 again. Anxious and in bed. Alcohol has taken everything but I still want to drink. I don't want to feel the loss of everything anymore. I really admire so many people here, and long for what you have but, I know its sounds defeatist, I just feel like its too late. I still read SR every day, and am truly happy and amazed at people that make it out of this addiction.

least

I didn't think I could ever stay sober. But I kept trying until I finally got it right. You can too, but you sound like you need some outside help. I hope you can find the help you need to get sober for good.

Coldfusion

When I thought I was unemployable, I found a job through a fellow at an AA meeting.

SoberinSyracuse

Hi there. The thing that people who make it out have in common is that they're willing to get outside help when they need it. Some people just put the plug in the jug using willpower and a couple of meetings a week. But a lot, and I do mean A LOT of us need to get into detox, followed by either inpatient or intensive outpatient therapy.

If you've been trying and hoping and wishing to stop for months or years and it hasn't happened yet, I'd suggest that you fall into the category of those who need outside help,

If you get outside help and work the program they give you, you have a very good chance of joining the ranks of the people here who are beating their addiction.

You know by now that this is a death sentence and life will not be good until you get free. So, I strongly urge you to get in touch with a detox and/or rehab program and plan to take some time off to get clean.

Soberwolf

So glad to see you Sunshine x

sunshinel

Thank you all for being so kind. I do need outside help. I am hopelessly addicted to alcohol, benzos and antidepressants. I can't believe what has happened. If I don't have my pills I am basically terrified or on the floor with a panic attack. Not the way to live. I have now moved to a small town because it is the only friend that I can stay with ( one step away from homelessness) I will call someone today and, hopefully, make a plan.

SoberLeigh

It is not too late, Sunshinel; you are not hopeless and you are not defeated. I, too, thought that I had been defeated (I had literally thousands of Days 1) but I was wrong, very wrong.

There are a few really great links that Dee has compiled about thre formulation of a plan; I'll find Dee's compilation of links and post for you in a minute.

SoberLeigh

Here it is, Sunshine:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...highlight=Psst