starsailor

Help me I lapsed last night. Got stressed out in work and bought a bottle of wine for the train journey back home. Met up with some friends and continued drinking. Made a complete fool of myself. I'm shakey today and can't keep anything down. I'm anxious and terrified I can't do this

biminiblue

You can do it. Anyone can.

When you get home try to eat something, take a shower and go to bed early, and sober.

I had to stop spending time with people who were only interested in drinking. It holds nothing for me any more.

You'll have to learn to deal with stress without buying a bottle. You can do it.

doggonecarl

Go back and read your first post. Lots of advice on forumulating a recovery plan. A plan is supposed to address the situations that lead us to drink. If you have a plan, you might add a non-drinking solution for when you get stressed like you did yesterday.

And if you don't have a plan...

MariahGayle

You will be OK SS.....I know how you are feeling right now & just know you never have to feel this way again! Get something to eat & get some rest. Know you are not alone in this

D122y

Star,

Depending on how long you have been clean, sounds like you might have been in the end stages of detox.

How many days?

Imo ...anything less than about 30 days clean...a person has not yet been sober long enough to feel what clean is.

I was drank for the last 15 years w out more than a 30 day break.

Now that I am over 8 months clean, I have dealt w some serious brain healing. The booze nulls receptors deep in the brain. When those cease to be nulled, they freak.

The result is hyper anxiety and awareness, insomnia, etc. Basically, you think you are going insane. But, you are not. You are healing.

Getting over the 30 day hump was tough. After that it gets easier.

They key is to never drink again.

I have not been sick since I quit. When everyone at work was destroyed and calling in, I was fine.

That is reason enough to never poison myself again.

Be a proud sober man. Don't believe the hype.

Thumpalumpacus

I thing I've noticed in my own (thus far short) recovery is that AV will use both good and bad days to speak up -- "What a great day, a couple of drinks would be the perfect ending" or "What a crummy day, go home, have a couple, and unwind" -- and what that tells me is that external events don't really matter, the AV will use whatever it can to insinuate itself into your thinking.

The upshot of this observation, for me, is that internal factors are far more important to my sobriety, and the most important internal factor (again, for me) is the ability to recognize my AV, and to absolutely refuse to listen to it.

Hope that helps. Good luck, and more importantly, good strength, in getting back on course and maintaining. You can do it.

PurpleKnight

You CAN do this Starsailor!!

Draw a line under it, change up your plan and keep pushing forward!!

Zebra1275

So what's your plan to prevent this from happening again?

Delilah1

I'm sorry you are feeling bad today, but good for you for coming right back on here. I had several relapses in the past and didn't come back here right away, which led to longer periods of time when I was drinking. I have been sober 16 days today, after relapsing this past October. I am determined to make 2016 an alcohol free year for me.

You can do this, there is lots of support on here. Take care of you today, and just spend some time reading and coming up with a support system.
❤️Delilah

Anna

I hope you feel better.

I think it's SO important to have a firm plan in mind because we all know that stresses and life are going to happen. So, being prepared ahead of time can be the saving grace.

SoberLife90

Yes you can! Keep coming back here. Have you considered going to any AA meetings? I'm telling you those are the truth! You don't have to do this alone.

SoberLeigh

Here are some great links to read and utilize when you are feeling better, starsailor:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-99-a.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s+january+2016

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...SMA12-4474.pdf

Hevyn

Starsailor - everyone's right - of course you can do it. Drinking made you miserable - you learned something from your lapse. You'll be more determined now.

thomas11

How long had you been sober? You can do it, but you know you shouldn't (i.e. can't) drink today. Hang in there.

Soberween

There is a saying in regards to finally wanting to be sober more than drunk. "I needed every single drink to get me here." Maybe you have finally had that drink that makes you sit up and take note that you can not go on living in this manner.

I've read some very good advice on this thread. Having a sober plan in place is essential to changing your life for the better. When that witching hour comes (and it will) on a Friday night after a long day at work, what are you going to do make sure you don't drink? Those are the exact moments that many get stuck in that horrible cycle of stopping drinking for a few days, deciding they can handle a few only to realize this is not the case and then continue the cycle. Rinse and repeat.

Start writing things down on what you plan to do to achieve your goal of putting an end to your misery. Life is so much better on the other side of sobriety. Keep coming back to SR. We are rooting for you!

Soberwolf

Make a point of reaching out in times of urges & cravings from now on its such a big tool in recovery

Rootin for you

Dee74

how are you feeling now starsailor?

D

starsailor

Thanks a lot for your messages guys. I'm still feeling awful. Really weak and shakey. I was only up to 8 days, so not really sober I guess. My AV was so loud and I felt in its grips. I had so many plans for my weekend but haven't been able to go through with them, I'm gutted. Beating myself up a lot at the mo. What is wrong with me? I hate myself. I felt vaguely positive mid week and now feel like this. It's a reminder of how quickly things can degenerate.

starsailor

I've not really given the whole plan thing a real chance. I just thought I could do it on my own, but on reading about the plans they seem to give a real sense of prolonged effort and accountability. I'm going to start my plan today I think.

Mags1

I tried and tried Star, to do it on my own but it's an addiction we need help with, well most of us, anyway.

For me, I came to SR daily, read posts and related to everyone and knowing I wasn't alone, somehow helped. When I needed help or felt the old tugs of the AV I posted, still do, and the cravings pass,mother really do and then they get weak and you learn how to control it when you do get any.

You can do it, all of us are proof of that.