Lennox

Hi everyone....after a month of being sober back in may this year I found out some really bad news and since then I have been on a downward spiral! My drinking is out of control...I'm have started to do drugs when I am drinking now (something I would NEVER do sober) I am so ashamed! This weekend was the final straw. I was caught doing drugs whilst I was very drunk by my brothers partner who happens to be a police officer! She has said she will not say anything (after going mental at me) and has said she will not tell my family as what I choose to tell them is my choice. I think I needed something like this to happen to make me realise what I am doing is so wrong. I need help. I just don't know where to start. I have not drank now since Saturday night - so I guess my day 1 was yesterday (25th October) I know my brothers partner is so angry at me and I'm so frightened she may say something...we are all meeting over the weekend for a family function - i have already decided I am not drinking and maybe this will show her I'm trying to sort myself out! Everything is such a mess! My drinking is ruining me. I hate that I have this problem with alcohol! No body likes going out with me anymore as I get so out of control! I think I need a sponsor...anything to help me. I feel so alone in my head

FreeOwl

You're pretty fortunate that the cop who 'busted' you wasn't also in the process of arresting you....

Something to be grateful for.

Now - you're NOT alone. A lot of us have been there. A sponsor is probably a really good idea. So is a PLAN.

You need support and you need to take clear action. Obviously your desire is there, so that's great. Now it's down to MAKING IT HAPPEN.

We're here for you.

Lennox

I know I am very lucky. I think I had a clean break if I am honest and need to be grateful for that and also need to realise how close I came to being in serious trouble!!!

I do I go about getting a sponsor. I need a plan yes. Right now it's not to drink but I need to continue with it.

Argh I hate this feeling of guilt etc!!

biminiblue

Sponsors are to be found at AA meetings. Here's the official AA brochure about sponsors:

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

Berrybean

We don't have sponsors on Sober Recovery - but there is lots of support and advice.

Are you joining AA? That's where you would get a sponsor, but usually you'd go along for a bit first so you know who to ask - and which meeting suits you best to make it your home group. In the meantime you would be able to ask someone there to be your temporary sponsor.

You're not alone - we all remember that shame and hopelessness. Things can change. You're right about getting yourself a plan together. I tend to think of it a bit like writing a risk assessment: thinking first about the places; people; times; and events that are likely to be slippery to you, and then think of ways to minimise these risks - maybe avoid altogether (if possible), prepare yourself, or have emergency exit strategies in place or people to call, or access to this forum on your phone. Those things are just examples, obviously.

Take a deep breath. It might seem the end of the world at the moment, but things can get better.

Ghostlight1

I felt very alone in my drinking, too. I also did drugs that I never would have sober.
The thing with me was, this went on for years. I sincerely hope you can nip this in the bud and miss the misery I went through.
It sounds like you've had a wake up call. Learn from it. Realize how easily things could have gone South, and been even worse.
So, are you going to go to AA and get a sponsor? I think tat would be a great idea.

You came hear and admitted what happened, it may be a relief to tell another person face to face.
Congratulations on day two, and remember, there never has to be another day one.
I wish you the best.

gonzo51511

Yes i would say you got a good wake up call and it certainly could have been much much worse. Now youve identified you have a problem so first step is addressing it. I strongly recommend AA. There you will get support and safe place to talk. If you are serious about getting sober, you may as well tell your family. They will find out soon enough. And admitting to other people (family) is huge step in recovery. It shows that you have a genuine desire to get better and do whats needed.. good luck

Lennox

Thanks so much everyone! I just feel so angry and disappointed in myself. I hate this feeling of worry. I don't want to tell my family for like the 100th time I am quitting as they never believe me...why would they? I think I need to get sober for a good period then sit them down. They do not think I have a problem...they just think I'm a "party animal" I live about an hours drive from them so they do not actually see me that much and when they do they just think I'm drinking because ok celebrating seeing them etc. sometimes I can drink fine but when it goes wrong it goes VERY wrong! I'm nervous about aa meetings tried to go to one once before and saw someone I knew from work outside the door so walked straight away. I know I need to go to one though desperately!

SoberInCLE

Welcome, Lennox! Come here often, it helped me a lot. Best wishes.

asdf72

Hi Lennox, hang in there. You are definitely not alone. The feelings of shame and embarrassment are overwhelming but know that many of us have been there too. It does get better once you make a commitment to changing your life because you'll realize if you never drink again, you'll never feel that shame again. And that's a welcome feeling Read everything you can on this site, there's so much to learn and so much that can help us recover. I can't join an AA where i am now but i try to visit this site everyday to keep me grounded.

ClearLight

You won't feel so alone if you can get yourself to an AA meeting. You don't even have to talk to anybody. Just sit there. You'll feel less alone.
Then just keep coming back to meetings. Eventually you'll get the hang of it.

ccam1973

Welcome Lennox. You're definitely not alone. We've all been in your shoes in one way or another, at some point in our lives. I know my family never thought I could or would give up drinking. That's why I didn't tell them until I had some sober time under my belt. It was tough, not telling them, but I knew the burden of getting me better was totally on me and no one else.

Bottom line is you can get your life back. It is going to take a lot of work and will power, but you never have to feel the way you are feeling now ever again. The solution,...don't drink today, and repeat tomorrow. Trust me, the work you will put in to getting yourself better is so worth what you will get out of it.

Welcome aboard, don't be shy around here.

Soberwolf

Have you got a plan

Lennox

Thank you so much for all the advice all of you. I feel better already just reading these replies. My plan right now is to not drink. I'm going to get to an AA meeting this week, I can't do this in my own and I think being around others with the same issues may help me. Alcohol is seriously ruining my life...I have forgotten anything I used to enjoy before drinking. Nothing seems fun without alcohol...will this always be the same?

teatreeoil007

Good on you for coming on here, being honest and asking for help. That in and of itself is HUGE! Being honest about the problem was the first step for me and that wasn't so hard...what WAS hard was ASKING FOR HELP! Why? Because I've ALWAYS prided myself in being strong, tough and capable of helping myself! (how dare anyone suggest otherwise?!).

So-my PRIDE had to be dealt with without delay...because I was finally able to SEE that pride was holding me back from so much!!

Pride itself is a CHEATER!!!! It can cheat a person out of so much, while at the same time making a person feel on top of the world!!! Like, how much more deceitful can it get?

Anyways...be thankful for that person who found out about your addiction problem...she likely instilled some good fear into you...someone you likely have some respect for because of her profession...perhaps a no-nonsense person as well who doesn't mess around, but takes this VERY serious...you NEED folks like that in your life...doesn't feel good at first, but is a blessing in the long run...

Loneliness: One thing that helps me is to identify with others who share the same interest as me (as long as it's a healthy interest)...for me listening to my favorite musicians/singers helps transport me into a good frame of mind as well as give me a sense of comraderie...this is perhaps because I am very musical/creative and was once a semi-pro musician....

Hope this helps!

Blessed Be...and hang in there...

You can do this....you've got this...

Keep us posted!

Berrybean

You'll remember things you like doing without alcohol, and find more besides. If you work on your recovery, before long you'll find that you can be at peace with yourself, and can have a good old giggle with no alcohol involved. But that's the difference between being 'sober' and 'recovery'.

One thing I'd recommend reading is the AA (thin) book called Living Sober - it has a lot of tips and certainly helped me find some hope that I could find a meaningful sober existence when the idea of a sober life seemed bleak and unappealing...

Alcoholics Anonymous : Living Sober

PS I was the same about being seen going into AA. Strikes me as odd now how I was never that fussed about being seen stumble-bumming round the streets of my home town drunk as a skunk, but recovery seems shameful somehow. If your work colleague is another AAer, that's where the anonymous aspect comes in. You will be expected to exercise the same discretion for him as you will rely upon for yourself. In fact a lady came for her first meeting at my home group yesterday and met a long term member there who she's known for years. After the initial shock she was pleased to see a familiar face. After all, we all remember our first meeting and everyone in that room will be happy to welcome you and help you any way they can.

Good luck - and let us know how you get on

ccam1973

Absolutely not. You will actually enjoy life so much more without all of the anxiety and deception drinking brings. After 21 years of heavy drinking every day; and I mean every day; I was scared of being sober too. I had no idea how to live a life without drinking.

It's great to live life on your terms when you aren't being controlled by alcohol. You're going to have to re-define how you spend your time, but that's the beauty of it all. You don't have to worry about alcohol f***ing up your days anymore.

Lean on us as much as you need to get through this.

soberclover

I think one of the things I appreciate the most about my sober life is that it doesn't have the chaos and the worry and the shame that it did when I was drinking. Nothing ever went well when I drank. My days were spent trying to repair and cover all the damage I did. I would spend the night drinking to try and forget everything I had done earlier.

Life is so much better now that I'm not drinking. Granted there are days when things go wrong or aren't perfect, but I am so much more able to deal with things with a sober mind and a peaceful heart. Every day that you don't drink....it will get better and better.

wpainterw

You're not alone. You have us. We're always here, night and day (it's past midnight where i am). Be very careful about family gatherings at the beginning. They are very dangerous places. Some may try to shame you, patronize you, or even encourage you to "drink sensibly". I remember my father in law asking everyone what they wanted to drink and then turning to me and saying, "And what will you have? GINGER ALE!" in a loud voice. A little like talking-to the dog. So be careful. And do everything to avoid it if you can't figure out a way to tolerate it. What about putting all the cards on the table and say in a loud voice, "I'm sick and tired being the family drunk! Will someone else take over that job for me?" And if they still don't understand, maybe just say, "I really don't give a sh-- what you think of me. I'm going to get well but for myself, not for you." Probably bad moves but there must be some way to get the message across to butt out and let you get on with it. There's a big job ahead and it takes courage, strength of character and stamina. Sheer guts. Got it? Hope so! Good luck.

W.

asdf72

Life will be fun again Lennox! It's a switch that we have to make in our minds. Just remember there's a whole world out there of people who do everything sober and always have. They go to concerts and trips and meet friends. I used to think, why aren't they drinking? Don't they know they are missing out? Now i think they knew something we have to work to realize. That every experience is richer sober. It becomes about the experience and the friends you are with and not the alchohol. And you remember it the next day! Obviously i am still battling with this as well because i have a lifetime of memories of doing things drunk and there was fun along the way. But i have to remember how many nights ended up and where the fun stopped and realize i might have had fun without drinking too. We have to make some good happy sober memories now.