Dkstinem00

My husband is moving out this weekend - he's an alcoholic. We've been married for almost 2 years. He's been out of rehab for 2 months and relapses every week or two weeks. He's trying to stay sober and doesn't want to drink...but he does. He got drunk this past Friday and when I got home from work, he started in on his usual tirade of insults (which he only does when he is drunk). I've been dealing with this for the last 18 months and I've finally had enough. I told him to move out. He's found an apartment and is moving out this weekend. The problem? I know he has to leave to get better, but I didn't realize it was going to be this hard. He's hurting, I'm hurting. I'm at work and all I want to do is cry. There is no other option, but for him to leave. Still it's hard -really, really hard. Is there someone who has gone through this that can offer some support? Thanks for listening. Danielle G.

Gabe

Hey Danielle,
I'm sorry that you're going through all this. It's very difficult to end a relationship, no matter what the circumstances. Just remember that what looks like an ending, may really be a new beginning.
Stick around, there are lots of people here who understand what you're going through.
Hugs,
Gabe

kj1221

I am sorry that you are sad-and be at work too! I don't have a problem like you do (did) - but you were great to take a stand. If you just want to chat with someone, I am female and you can email me.

Hugs

KathyJ

cwohio

danielle

i'm not in your shoes, but we can all identify with the hurt! you are in my prayers and many hugs to you!

cwohio

TomsGirl

Hi Danielle,

Yes, I've been there but it wasn't a hard thing for me to do unlike you. Of course, I had lived with it for 16 years. I did try to do it at 10 years but couldn't. I guess all I really have to say is that if he doesn't stop drinking for good it will never get any better than it is right now and chances are it will only get worse. You didn't mention children. Adding them to the mix does not make it better, it makes it much worse. You obviously still love your husband. That's good in a way. If he does straighten out then possibly you can get back together. As for me, by the time I told my ex to leave there was not a single shred of love for him left. Being told over and over again that you are a failure as a human being, as a mother, and as a wife certainly does not make the heart grow fonder! Remember, no matter how much you love someone you should always love yourself just a little bit more.

Take care and good luck,

Janet

Dkstinem00

Thanks all. My husband and I talked earlier this evening. He is still moving out, but at least I don't feel a bit better...

Magichappens

Hi Dk,
Have you considered attending some Al-Anon meetings? It has helped me find some healing and peace in the midst of addiction. To find a meeting in your area, http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/ and select Find a Meeting. Hugs, Magic

jalacola

My husband has been out of rehab for 2 weeks. Today is (was) his 30 day sobriety day. He celebrated by drinking. We have been together for 9 years, married for 6. We have 2 beautiful children, a 5 year old son and a 3 month old daughter. He went with some buddies for a fantasy football draft. He even called his sponsor twice before he got there for support and strength. He proceeded to drink 5 beers and a shot. But what's worse is that he lied about it all, even after he was caught. He doesn't feel remorseful at all. His main concern was covering his a**, which is what he has always attempted to do when drinking. He risked his job by drinking tonight, as he was honest about going to rehab and tonight when he chose to drink, the VP of his company was there. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he is fired when he gets there tomorrow. This is where I have a difficult time seeing alcoholism as a disease. People with cancer don't chose to have cancer. But my husband CHOSE to drink tonight. He had the choice. No one FORCED him to be stupid. I can't do this with him again. It was the most peaceful time in our marriage while he was in treatment and it has been wonderful since he has been home. But now, I have all of the same feelings, worries, stress, everything that I did before. In one night, he just undid everything. Please email me if you need to talk. I am in your shoes right now.

Magichappens

Hi jala,
I know how hard it is when someone tries and stumbles. I know how hard I am on myself when I try and stumble. I try to have compassion for them, because they try, but they don't know what's on the other side. It takes a while for them to see the results of recovery. I try to encourage them when they are trying, and let them alone when they stumble. It's hard to wait while they do their thing, but that is when I turn to my support and what I've learned. Al-Anon allows me to have a life when others are choosing not to have one. I don't have to get sucked down with them. I can stay on some sort of course and when they are able to pick themself up again, I'm still there.

Letting go and letting God is the hardest thing, but it is possible and the results are much better than when I get in there and try to fix it or control it. Family recovery does have an influence. It won't get them sober, but it allows me to encourage them when they make good choices and not go crazy when they don't. Hugs, Magic