Smiley Jack at a meeting running for Mayor!!?
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Smiley Jack at a meeting running for Mayor!!?
Man, I am sitting in something and just need to get it out........I have to let it go and this is part of that process.
A week or so ago a new gent from another state came into the home group I attend. Great, love new folks!
But, this cat comes on like he's running for effin mayor - has stacked some time, but huge ego. A lot of blah, blah, blah. Hey, if anyone needs a sponsor come see me. Very controlling, puffed up with himself.......
Signs up to chair at two different groups immediately - really long sharing with details of his story constantly. Just way too much yakking........Has relocated here and is not going to go away.
So, this fine cloud of spirituality I reached at a year has been punctured today by letting Smiley Jack get in my head, take up space and he's not paying rent.
More work to do......Ouch, I really thought I was better than I am
ESH appreciated on others who have aggravated you more than just a little in meetings?!!?
.
A week or so ago a new gent from another state came into the home group I attend. Great, love new folks!
But, this cat comes on like he's running for effin mayor - has stacked some time, but huge ego. A lot of blah, blah, blah. Hey, if anyone needs a sponsor come see me. Very controlling, puffed up with himself.......
Signs up to chair at two different groups immediately - really long sharing with details of his story constantly. Just way too much yakking........Has relocated here and is not going to go away.
So, this fine cloud of spirituality I reached at a year has been punctured today by letting Smiley Jack get in my head, take up space and he's not paying rent.
More work to do......Ouch, I really thought I was better than I am
ESH appreciated on others who have aggravated you more than just a little in meetings?!!?
.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
Ha! Smiley Jack comes and Smiley Jack goes...where he comes from nobody knows 
All I can say my friend is this sounds familiar. If you ask me, he will be around for a while, maybe kick up a whirlwind then just like that - he will be gone, and normal service will resume Or maybe (gasp) he will stick around and become a new friend My money is on coming and going like a whirlwind though hehe.
Live and Let Live...if you stick by what you need to do, this will probably be a funny story for you in a few years time
P
All I can say my friend is this sounds familiar. If you ask me, he will be around for a while, maybe kick up a whirlwind then just like that - he will be gone, and normal service will resume
Or maybe (gasp) he will stick around and become a new friend My money is on coming and going like a whirlwind though hehe.Live and Let Live...if you stick by what you need to do, this will probably be a funny story for you in a few years time
P
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I had the same situation, talked to my sponsor, and this hurt. He said, "S_cks looking in the mirror." He went on to explain in his experience that people that bugged him were exaggerated versions of himself. The reason he picked up on their character defects so strongly was because he was insecure about the same things. This painful lesson has stuck with me and whenever it happens I examine myself.
-OR-
The guy is a blow hard and hopefully will calm down once he realizes people don't want what he has
-OR-
The guy is a blow hard and hopefully will calm down once he realizes people don't want what he has
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by MIRecovery 
I had the same situation, talked to my sponsor, and this hurt. He said, "S_cks looking in the mirror." He went on to explain in his experience that people that bugged him were exaggerated versions of himself. The reason he picked up on their character defects so strongly was because he was insecure about the same things. This painful lesson has stuck with me and whenever it happens I examine myself.
-OR-
The guy is a blow hard and hopefully will calm down once he realizes people don't want what he has
-OR-
The guy is a blow hard and hopefully will calm down once he realizes people don't want what he has
Struck a (painful) chord........
You may have something here, ouch and
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
Originally Posted by Flynbuy
I really thought I was better than I am
"You spot it, you got it," always reminds me of the spec in the others' eyes and the plank in my own (Matthew 7:3-5).
Who we see here, what we say here, when we leave here let it stay here...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Flynbuy
...really long sharing with details of his story constantly. Just way too much yakking.
.
.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
I had the same situation, talked to my sponsor, and this hurt. He said, "S_cks looking in the mirror." He went on to explain in his experience that people that bugged him were exaggerated versions of himself. The reason he picked up on their character defects so strongly was because he was insecure about the same things. This painful lesson has stuck with me and whenever it happens I examine myself.
-OR-
The guy is a blow hard and hopefully will calm down once he realizes people don't want what he has
-OR-
The guy is a blow hard and hopefully will calm down once he realizes people don't want what he has
I see this “if you spot it, you’ve got it” stuff a lot and while it can be true in some instances, I think it’s often a knee-jerk diagnosis that is over-applied.
Loud, obnoxious, controlling, overbearing people bug me simply because they’re loud, obnoxious, controlling and overbearing — not because they reflect some character defect of my own that I haven’t addressed, but precisely because they’re the kind of people I DON’T want to emulate (or to be around).
Sometimes other people are going to rub me the wrong way. It doesn’t always mean they’re echoing something that's wrong with me. There’s something wrong with me only if I’m unable to prevent my annoyance with them from festering and growing into something that interferes with my ability to live life on life’s terms.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
Dang Axiom
"It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. But are there no exceptions to this rule? What about “justifiable” anger? If somebody cheats us, aren’t we entitled to be mad? Can’t we be properly angry with self-righteous folk? For us of A.A. these are dangerous exceptions. We have found that justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it."12 and 12, Step 10
Not my business to judge 'em. Who's problem is that?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
bubbles
Oh, and there's this little helpful tip my sponsor shared:
Meditation/visualization exercise for overcoming a resentment
Picture yourself near a gurgling mountain stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear. You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water. Look. It's the person who caused you all this stress in the first place. What a pleasant surprise. You let them up... just for a quick breath... then ploop!...back under they go... You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want.
There now... feeling better?
Meditation/visualization exercise for overcoming a resentment
Picture yourself near a gurgling mountain stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear. You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water. Look. It's the person who caused you all this stress in the first place. What a pleasant surprise. You let them up... just for a quick breath... then ploop!...back under they go... You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want.
There now... feeling better?
Friend of Jimmy B
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 667
I know Jack. There were times I've probably been Jack. This brings to mind the following paragraph from the 10th step essay in the 12&12.
"Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means. It will become more and more evident as we go forward that it is pointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who, like us, are suffering from the pains of growing up."
"Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means. It will become more and more evident as we go forward that it is pointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who, like us, are suffering from the pains of growing up."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Flynbuy
Struck a (painful) chord........
You may have something here, ouch and
Thanks
You may have something here, ouch and
Thanks
After pretty much the same response from my sponsor for pretty much the same situation he said put pen to paper or let someone else be the poison that was gonna kill me.
I put pen to paper.
Selfish. Selfcenteredness. That we think is the root of our problems.
Blahblahblah.
But true.
Then went on with the rest of the steps on it.
Freedom!!!
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by tomsteve
There's a high probability that either MI a d myself have the same sponsor or our sponsors have the same sponsors.
After pretty much the same response from my sponsor for pretty much the same situation he said put pen to paper or let someone else be the poison that was gonna kill me.
I put pen to paper.
Selfish. Selfcenteredness. That we think is the root of our problems.
Blahblahblah.
But true.
Then went on with the rest of the steps on it.
Freedom!!!
After pretty much the same response from my sponsor for pretty much the same situation he said put pen to paper or let someone else be the poison that was gonna kill me.
I put pen to paper.
Selfish. Selfcenteredness. That we think is the root of our problems.
Blahblahblah.
But true.
Then went on with the rest of the steps on it.
Freedom!!!
I appreciate everyone's input.
Went to meeting today, was a bit early. Smiley Jack came in to the room, garnered more votes passing out cigars - shaking hands and kissing babies all around.
I was fortunate he plopped in chair right next to me, smiled and we shook hands.
I won't vote for him, but didn't relocate either.....
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by CousinA
I know Jack. There were times I've probably been Jack. This brings to mind the following paragraph from the 10th step essay in the 12&12.
"Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means. It will become more and more evident as we go forward that it is pointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who, like us, are suffering from the pains of growing up."
"Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means. It will become more and more evident as we go forward that it is pointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who, like us, are suffering from the pains of growing up."
........and when we were wrong probably (I mean promptly) admitted it.....
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by Andante
I'd go with Door #2.
I see this “if you spot it, you’ve got it” stuff a lot and while it can be true in some instances, I think it’s often a knee-jerk diagnosis that is over-applied.
Loud, obnoxious, controlling, overbearing people bug me simply because they’re loud, obnoxious, controlling and overbearing — not because they reflect some character defect of my own that I haven’t addressed, but precisely because they’re the kind of people I DON’T want to emulate (or to be around).
Sometimes other people are going to rub me the wrong way. It doesn’t always mean they’re echoing something that's wrong with me. There’s something wrong with me only if I’m unable to prevent my annoyance with them from festering and growing into something that interferes with my ability to live life on life’s terms.
I see this “if you spot it, you’ve got it” stuff a lot and while it can be true in some instances, I think it’s often a knee-jerk diagnosis that is over-applied.
Loud, obnoxious, controlling, overbearing people bug me simply because they’re loud, obnoxious, controlling and overbearing — not because they reflect some character defect of my own that I haven’t addressed, but precisely because they’re the kind of people I DON’T want to emulate (or to be around).
Sometimes other people are going to rub me the wrong way. It doesn’t always mean they’re echoing something that's wrong with me. There’s something wrong with me only if I’m unable to prevent my annoyance with them from festering and growing into something that interferes with my ability to live life on life’s terms.
Well stated about those considered to be bombastic blowhards, got it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
Originally Posted by Flynbuy
I have more work to evolve into not letting others sit in my head. Not quite there, yet.
For me at least, the point is to try to strive consistently in a direction towards the sort of ideal represented by Bill’s “spiritual axiom,” while acknowledging that it’s a rigid abstraction that is neither attainable nor even desirable in the real world. Real-world interactions with real people are going to involve conflict at times. How skillfully I deal with that conflict is what measures my progress in recovery. Beating myself up for actually having feelings about people and falling short of perfect adherence to “axioms” accomplishes nothing but to create needless frustration. People are going to “rent space” in my head sometimes — it’s part of being human. How quickly and skillfully I can apply spiritual principles to evict a “bad tenant” is what’s important.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Well, you could go with the Big Book
" Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one."
Also, is it possible that your next spiritual teacher has just arrived More growth in store
" Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one."
Also, is it possible that your next spiritual teacher has just arrived More growth in store
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
So, this fine cloud of spirituality I reached at a year has been punctured today by .....
...kinda like i had so much serenity this morning and was just appreciating it all while walking on a trail with my dog and then there came someone yakking yakkity-yak on their cell-phone and i started grimacing and muttering about how these loud people with their loud cellphone-voices just make my serenity all KAPUTT...like that, Flynbuy?????
i had to laugh when i saw myself do it! haha yeah, serenity when it's easy, sure!
...kinda like i had so much serenity this morning and was just appreciating it all while walking on a trail with my dog and then there came someone yakking yakkity-yak on their cell-phone and i started grimacing and muttering about how these loud people with their loud cellphone-voices just make my serenity all KAPUTT...like that, Flynbuy?????
i had to laugh when i saw myself do it! haha yeah, serenity when it's easy, sure!
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,903
did he offer his services as your sponsor yet?
one day you may be thankful for him.He is ruffling the feathers of a few.Let your defect(s) take you into the solution of the 12 steps and he will,in reality,be helping you get better.It takes what it takes to get us deeper into the steps,and I have been there also.I ended up on page 552 of the big book,praying for some guy.I didn`t even make it 2 weeks before I started seeing him in a different light.
Man,did I screw up a good resentment or what?
one more thing,service,think of being of service.You may think I have rocks in my head,but do something good for him,more than once.
Unconditional love sometimes starts with unconditional service to those in our path,whether we like them or not.If i just did service to those I like,it would be conditional service
Right action on my part helps me get better,not what they do,but what I do in response to them builds character and my character needed a rebuilding
one day you may be thankful for him.He is ruffling the feathers of a few.Let your defect(s) take you into the solution of the 12 steps and he will,in reality,be helping you get better.It takes what it takes to get us deeper into the steps,and I have been there also.I ended up on page 552 of the big book,praying for some guy.I didn`t even make it 2 weeks before I started seeing him in a different light.
Man,did I screw up a good resentment or what?
one more thing,service,think of being of service.You may think I have rocks in my head,but do something good for him,more than once.
Unconditional love sometimes starts with unconditional service to those in our path,whether we like them or not.If i just did service to those I like,it would be conditional service
Right action on my part helps me get better,not what they do,but what I do in response to them builds character and my character needed a rebuilding
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by Andante
Well, sure. Don’t we all! Progress, not perfection.
For me at least, the point is to try to strive consistently in a direction towards the sort of ideal represented by Bill’s “spiritual axiom,” while acknowledging that it’s a rigid abstraction that is neither attainable nor even desirable in the real world. Real-world interactions with real people are going to involve conflict at times. How skillfully I deal with that conflict is what measures my progress in recovery. Beating myself up for actually having feelings about people and falling short of perfect adherence to “axioms” accomplishes nothing but to create needless frustration. People are going to “rent space” in my head sometimes — it’s part of being human. How quickly and skillfully I can apply spiritual principles to evict a “bad tenant” is what’s important.
For me at least, the point is to try to strive consistently in a direction towards the sort of ideal represented by Bill’s “spiritual axiom,” while acknowledging that it’s a rigid abstraction that is neither attainable nor even desirable in the real world. Real-world interactions with real people are going to involve conflict at times. How skillfully I deal with that conflict is what measures my progress in recovery. Beating myself up for actually having feelings about people and falling short of perfect adherence to “axioms” accomplishes nothing but to create needless frustration. People are going to “rent space” in my head sometimes — it’s part of being human. How quickly and skillfully I can apply spiritual principles to evict a “bad tenant” is what’s important.
Well stated
Thanks......
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
