BD84

I post here. I make progress. I strive to do better. I keep throwing it down the drain. I just hate myself today. Any words of encouragement appreciated.

MarioBee

Hello my friend. I for one feel your pain,I kept trying and trying till I figured it out and I am sure you will. Do not beat yourself up and dwell too much on the negatives. It WILL work out if you really want it to and I am sure you do.

Good luck

least

Drinking fuels self hatred. It did mine. When I was drinking I'd wake up every morning hating myself. Once I got a little sober time I stopped hating myself.

Keep trying. Don't give up!

doggonecarl

Take that energy you are devoting to hating yourself to shore up your program of recovery.

And if you don't have a program of recovery, get one. You will like yourself a lot more if you kick this alcohol thing.

MissMar

Try and be positive with yourself we are here for you! I'm starting day 4 today. It isn't easy that I can day for sure. I come here and it helps so much!

zeppodog

You have to just keep trying, try to be positive that things will get better, and quit beating yourself up.

gettingsmarter

BD do whatever you can to get some sober time beneath you. Alcohol seriously messes with your emotions. I used to think I hated myself. Now that Ive have a little time to not be hungover everyday I can see that life is not so bad and i don't hate myself. Keep your head up. Work on the plan.

waywardson8260

Hi BD84, you don't need to beat yourself but some self reflection is in order to find out what mistakes you made and then learn from them.

I have learned a lot during the several times myself in previous failed attempts at quitting. I changed the disgust in myself for that morning hangover to a disgust and loathing for the real culprit- Alcohol!! It is a poison that was ruining my life and slowly killing me. I had to quit.

TennantSmith

^^^^^^

This!!! I also woke up daily feeling as if I was a failure, I was nothing, I was going to die like this. It was the alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant. We are surprised when we become depressed. That's the tricky side of drinking: it starts out fun, a mood lifter, a party creator, the smile maker.

Then it builds in the shame, guilt, and self-loathing.

One thing that always sticks w/ me that is in my thoughts now is:

"You have shown you can stay sober for X amount of days. You survived those days without alcohol. You can be sober. So do it again, just for today"

((((HUGS))))) I've been where you are. It does get better . . . once you stop.

Make a plan. Have the members here look over it to give feedback. Build up your support. Make it a priority and then you will find that joy again, that authentic self.

BD84

I went to the place I hide that awful substance this morning and went to the front flowerbed and poured it out. I have made it 2 days many times to fail at 3. That seems to be the trend with binge drinkers. My first goal is to make it to 3. That includes a weekend. O well. The time has come to get better. I am so tired of embarrassing myself and letting down those who matter most. Thanks for the support.

Anna

Use the energy to help you get through the day sober.

You can do this!

SereneEdition

You can do this. Sounds like you need to do something different, tho on day 2...

What happens on day 2 right before you pick up? What do you plan to do next time on day 2 instead of picking up?

Nofearnobeer

Nothing more defeating that self hate...We've all been there , bangin our heads into the wall...Pounding our fists , lashing out at others , just about to throw that towel in...Until we realize that we have far more internal love for ourselves and others , that it tends to wash over the hatred...And all it takes is time and a few minor changes.. Those changes are up to you to discover...

SoberLeigh

Keep trying; never give up. You can do this, BD84.

(P.S. - Alcohol and self-hatred hang in the same circle; they are buddy-buddy.
Kick alcohol from your life and out the door and that self-hatred will follow right along behind it.)

pleasehelpmeout

Many of us have done that, myself included. There is nothing wrong with failing. There is something wrong with not ever trying. You tried, and that's what matters here.

So put the next foot forward and let's do this together.

Ruby2

Ditto what SereneEdition said. What's going on for you on day 2? If you know you can go two days, start planning now. You can do it, you know. Maybe you don't know, but I'm telling you that it's possible. I drank every single day for years. I managed to string two days, then three. One day at a time.

The key I see is what you will do once you're done beating yourself up and are feeling better. That is the critical time. I'd have firm resolve while recuperating and then like magic forget the misery and do it again. And again. And again. If you know it's going to be tough, stick here extra closely.

Don't beat yourself up. That's not going to get you anywhere but back to drinking.

doggonecarl

You know how you get through day 3 sober? The same way you got through day 2...by not drinking.

Accept that you can never drink. Take drinking completely off the table. Resolve yourself to making it through, without booze, no matter how difficult it is.

Dee74

How are you doing BD?

D

BD84

Better. Fearing having my actions of last night brought up tonight. Feeling sad but the bottle has been poured out and this WILL be my first fully sober weekend in 12-14 years. Thanks for chexking in!

julesonya

I literally posted this same thing. Do I drink bc I hate myself? Or Does the Drink make me feel that way.

Like you I made it 3-5 days and then bam, off the plan. I am back now & ready to do this.