Dry Drunk?
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Join Date: Aug 2004
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Dry Drunk?
Could I be a dry drunk and not know it?
First, I'm not sure that I know exactly what a dry drunk is, but I've heard the term used a couple of times and I keep thinking...
"My life is completely falling apart here and I'm not even an alcoholic! What's wrong with this picture?"
• My memory and concentration keeps getting worse and worse. I'm on the verge of losing my job because I can't get there on time and I have slacked off way too much in the past 6 months.
• I can't even remember obligations that I WANT to remember!
• I feel like I'm in a fog.
• I hate letting people down, but I continue to do it more and more. ( My sister called me today at work and I was on the other line and asked if I could call her back. She said "okay, but don't forget to call me back this time." It was 2 hours later when I remembered that she had even called.)
• I've been able to stay on anti-depresants for the first time in my life (almost a year on them now) and I still have very few things that interest me in life anymore. Even the things I once loved.
• Some of my Al-anon sisters at my meetings have told me I have the "ism's" of an alcoholic, but I don't even know what the "ism's" are? I thought, "Maybe, I am an alcoholic and I just don't know it." But then I realized how many times I've refused alcohol just because it didn't sound good to me, even when others REALLY wanted me to drink with them and even when I felt a little acward because I was the only one drinking a can of Pepsi when the beer was free. Since I grew up with an alcoholic father, I have always worried about becoming an alcoholic.
I was thinking that a "dry drunk" must be someone who is an A that is sober now, but still acting like he/she did when they were drinking?
But can you be a dry drunk and NOT be an A?
God Bless,
Jenna
First, I'm not sure that I know exactly what a dry drunk is, but I've heard the term used a couple of times and I keep thinking...
"My life is completely falling apart here and I'm not even an alcoholic! What's wrong with this picture?"
• My memory and concentration keeps getting worse and worse. I'm on the verge of losing my job because I can't get there on time and I have slacked off way too much in the past 6 months.
• I can't even remember obligations that I WANT to remember!
• I feel like I'm in a fog.
• I hate letting people down, but I continue to do it more and more. ( My sister called me today at work and I was on the other line and asked if I could call her back. She said "okay, but don't forget to call me back this time." It was 2 hours later when I remembered that she had even called.)
• I've been able to stay on anti-depresants for the first time in my life (almost a year on them now) and I still have very few things that interest me in life anymore. Even the things I once loved.
• Some of my Al-anon sisters at my meetings have told me I have the "ism's" of an alcoholic, but I don't even know what the "ism's" are? I thought, "Maybe, I am an alcoholic and I just don't know it." But then I realized how many times I've refused alcohol just because it didn't sound good to me, even when others REALLY wanted me to drink with them and even when I felt a little acward because I was the only one drinking a can of Pepsi when the beer was free. Since I grew up with an alcoholic father, I have always worried about becoming an alcoholic.
I was thinking that a "dry drunk" must be someone who is an A that is sober now, but still acting like he/she did when they were drinking?
But can you be a dry drunk and NOT be an A?
God Bless,
Jenna
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by shutterbug
I was thinking that a "dry drunk" must be someone who is an A that is sober now, but still acting like he/she did when they were drinking?
But can you be a dry drunk and NOT be an A?
God Bless,
Jenna
I had charactor issues before drinking (we all do to some degree) With the drinking I did a fine job of practicing the charactor flaws I had. When I stopped drinking they remained. The steps work as they do to treat the whole person. A look in the mirror at self and then starting to work on things that you feel or see that need change. For me I found the steps to recovery from my dry drunk by reading the bible. Working with a sponsor and working the steps of recovery can give you the same (if you work it)
Priorities in place and a focus daily to build a habit to correct found issues will bring a change. "memory and concentration" could be something as simple as looking at where your priorities are. Could also be where you have anti depression meds, you may need to see what the DR says about adjusting them. Could be something as simple as 50 mg to high or to low.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: oklahoma city, ok
Posts: 14
Shutterbug, I hear what you are saying, and I can relate to most of it. I too, feel as if I have the characterisitcs of an A without the drinking. I am new to all of this, and I believe it is because being raised by A's what else would a person learn? Now the hard part begins, and that's working through all the junk learned throughout life, and becoming someone you want to be. From where I am it's a slow process, but I didn't get here overnight, and with the help of my Al-Anon buddies each day isn't near as painful as it used to be.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
((shutterbug))
You are an ANON. We show a lot of the same characteristics as alcoholics, we just cope in a different way. Our addiction is the obsessive thinking. We obsess on fixing other people, we can obsess on food, relationships. We can even obsess on drugs and alcohol. We just don't have that thing that makes us alcoholic. For every alcoholic there are 10 ANONs affected. The more you focus on your recovery in Al-Anon, the less the obsessive thinking will control your life. Give it time. It took us a long time to develop the destructive patterns that got us to Al-Anon. It takes time to heal and become whole. Hugs, Magic
You are an ANON. We show a lot of the same characteristics as alcoholics, we just cope in a different way. Our addiction is the obsessive thinking. We obsess on fixing other people, we can obsess on food, relationships. We can even obsess on drugs and alcohol. We just don't have that thing that makes us alcoholic. For every alcoholic there are 10 ANONs affected. The more you focus on your recovery in Al-Anon, the less the obsessive thinking will control your life. Give it time. It took us a long time to develop the destructive patterns that got us to Al-Anon. It takes time to heal and become whole. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by Karivan
I've heard the term, "dry drunk" a few times and I'm also not sure of what it means. Do any of you knowledgable people have a definition of it?
Alcoholics who aren't drinking can still be extremely miserable. In "dry drunks" we exhibit old behavior, acting out of fear, trying to get our own way using rage, intimidation or withdrawls as weapons. When we act like a "dry drunk" it should serve as a wake-up call, as a reminder that alcohol is but a symptom of underlying problems or character defects -- taking away the alcohol does necessarily resolve any of those issues or problems. If we want to be able to meet challenges calmly, honestly and squarely, we need to actually work the steps, to replace the old weapons with the new tools of sobriety -- honest inventories, sincere admissions where we are at fault, prayers for guidance, and mediatation in which we listen for the answers.
Here's a link to an interesting article...
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info/a/aa081397.htm
The only knowledge I really have about it is that I've been through it, and still have the potential to do so. Not drinking is but a start in being sober. It is not an end.
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
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Thanks everyone. That helps me understand better. I talked to my sponsor yesterday and told her what I was thinking and she basically told me what Magic said. I am an Anon and it is apparently not that uncommon at first for us to start wondering if we are alcoholics in some fashion. But I know now that I am not an A. I was confused and now I'm not. Thank you's all around!
God Bless,
Jenna
God Bless,
Jenna
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Shutterbug, I agree with Best, perhaps your anti-depressant is not working well enough. Many of those symtopms seem to be depression related. Perhaps a trip to the doc would help.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: north of Boston
Posts: 130
Shutterbug,
Boy oh boy does this ever sound like me 15 years ago. When my kids were little, and I stayed home from work to be with them, I felt just like you! I was always in a fog, I felt down all the time, I couldn't fulfill my obligations, I didn't call people back (actually, that was because I didn't want to), I also sighed all the time - which was weird but true. Anyway, my doctor told my he thought I was depressed. I sure didn't like that answer so I went to another doctor who told me the same thing. I didn't go on anti-depressants at the time. Maybe I should have, but I got through it in my own way - by making myself so busy, I couldn't find time to notice my symptoms. I did however, go on anti-depressants about 12 years later which really contributed to my alcohol probelm--so be careful about that. I was on Paxil and it had a weird (and rare)side affect of making me crave alcohol like I've never craved anything in my life. However, it sounds to me like alcohol isn't your problem. Apologies to members who think it is, but I think you are depressed and definately need to tell your doctor your symptoms. I believe you can be helped!!! If you are on anti-depressants and they aren't working, you might need another kind or as Best said, a stronger dose. Call the doctor as soon as you can. Love, Kit
Boy oh boy does this ever sound like me 15 years ago. When my kids were little, and I stayed home from work to be with them, I felt just like you! I was always in a fog, I felt down all the time, I couldn't fulfill my obligations, I didn't call people back (actually, that was because I didn't want to), I also sighed all the time - which was weird but true. Anyway, my doctor told my he thought I was depressed. I sure didn't like that answer so I went to another doctor who told me the same thing. I didn't go on anti-depressants at the time. Maybe I should have, but I got through it in my own way - by making myself so busy, I couldn't find time to notice my symptoms. I did however, go on anti-depressants about 12 years later which really contributed to my alcohol probelm--so be careful about that. I was on Paxil and it had a weird (and rare)side affect of making me crave alcohol like I've never craved anything in my life. However, it sounds to me like alcohol isn't your problem. Apologies to members who think it is, but I think you are depressed and definately need to tell your doctor your symptoms. I believe you can be helped!!! If you are on anti-depressants and they aren't working, you might need another kind or as Best said, a stronger dose. Call the doctor as soon as you can. Love, Kit
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: phoenix, arizona
Posts: 19
I agree with your sponsor and with Magic. I have the same characteristics, I just obsessed over everything instead of drinking or using. And I have to practice the third step daily to help with those obsessions. It is a disease that I have and I can only get a "daily reprieve" if I practice the principles I have been taught by those who have gone before me.
Thank God I have a solution. My partner is an Alcoholic that is not in program and has frequent dry drunks. I swear it's just like when she was drinking. The actions are the same. It scares me sometimes but Alanon is working for me and I just keep "suiting up and showing up." and I hope you find the peace I am finding.
God Bless
Thank God I have a solution. My partner is an Alcoholic that is not in program and has frequent dry drunks. I swear it's just like when she was drinking. The actions are the same. It scares me sometimes but Alanon is working for me and I just keep "suiting up and showing up." and I hope you find the peace I am finding.
God Bless
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 8
Shutterbug,
I've been there with this kind of thinking. I say there Serenity Prayer when I start mentaly spinning. The other thing is you are not alone with this.
I remember staying after work many times to finish up something that wasn't done. The reason? I would just stop thinking for long periods of time.
One thing that has helped me is to do one task at a time no matter how small.
I'm an Engineer so I broke up my tasks go like this:
" Pick-up the pencil." Accomplished.
Next, "Get the calculator." Accomplished.
Next, "Look at the numbers." Accomplished.
Next, "What number do I need to calculate?" Accomplished.
etc.
I broke my tasks into extremely small tasks.
Eventually the fog was lifted. Thank Goodness for Al-Anon.
I've been there with this kind of thinking. I say there Serenity Prayer when I start mentaly spinning. The other thing is you are not alone with this.
I remember staying after work many times to finish up something that wasn't done. The reason? I would just stop thinking for long periods of time.
One thing that has helped me is to do one task at a time no matter how small.
I'm an Engineer so I broke up my tasks go like this:
" Pick-up the pencil." Accomplished.
Next, "Get the calculator." Accomplished.
Next, "Look at the numbers." Accomplished.
Next, "What number do I need to calculate?" Accomplished.
etc.
I broke my tasks into extremely small tasks.
Eventually the fog was lifted. Thank Goodness for Al-Anon.
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Thanks Dutch, greeneyes, kit, Rose and everyone from earlier.
Dutch, I hear what you are saying about small tasks. I too have started to have what feels like total lapses in brain activity...where I can't do anything productive and it's like I'm just zoned out. It's weird and VERY scary because it feels like there are wires in my brain that just aren't connecting. The A is out of my everyday life, I'm on anti-depressants, I'm getting plenty of sleep (even though I am always tired. My grandma use to think I was anemic growing up, but the docs said no), I make myself go to work every day even when I don't feel like it and can't focus well enough to get anything done.
It makes me feel so stupid. I have a college degree and yet I'm doing good to get just one of my 100 daily assignments done. It's very overwhelming. My comprehension level has GREATLY declined.
And I HATE going to the doctor. I have finally made myself stick with the same doctor for a year now and I had an appointment 6 weeks ago to check on how my anti-depressants were working and everything seemed fine then. he told me to come back in 6 months. I'm confused. Some days I don't notice it as much, but today has been a doosy. I feel like I can't even function.
And I've heard the serenity prayer a thousand times, but I can't remember it. I think I just need to go home. Maybe things will be better tomorrow.
Greeneyes, I'm making myself suit up and show up and when I do then I feel better for a while and then feel this blahhhh again. I know I have to be patient and I can't expect everything to change at once. The third step sounds wonderful, but I'm only on step one right now.
Kit, that is weird what you said because I use to party quite a bit in the first years in college and then I "grew up" so to speak and got down to business and my ex would to beg me to drink every once in a while to "loosen me up" but one beer and I'd be out like a light and then there have been literally 100's of times I've turned down alcohol and not thought twice about it because I don't like the taste or the way it makes me feel. But last week for no reason, I was driving to a work assignment and got a craving for a alcohol. I'm 28 years old and it's the only time that has EVER happened. It freaked me out. I thought that maybe all the al-anon and AA meetings and all the reading and just all the "talk" about alcohol may have triggered it. Then of course that's what started this post. Thinking maybe I am and just don't realize it. I don't know, very scary. I am going to go see the doc because that is the last thing I need is to become addicted to alcohol myself. God willing, I'm hoping that was just a fluke and praying it doesn't happen anymore.
DangerousDan - thanks for the link. That helped to clarify some. I also re-read Magic's post and do you think the craving could possibly just be from obsessing too much about the whole situation?
Very confused and feeling lost at the moment,
Jenna
Dutch, I hear what you are saying about small tasks. I too have started to have what feels like total lapses in brain activity...where I can't do anything productive and it's like I'm just zoned out. It's weird and VERY scary because it feels like there are wires in my brain that just aren't connecting. The A is out of my everyday life, I'm on anti-depressants, I'm getting plenty of sleep (even though I am always tired. My grandma use to think I was anemic growing up, but the docs said no), I make myself go to work every day even when I don't feel like it and can't focus well enough to get anything done.
It makes me feel so stupid. I have a college degree and yet I'm doing good to get just one of my 100 daily assignments done. It's very overwhelming. My comprehension level has GREATLY declined.
And I HATE going to the doctor. I have finally made myself stick with the same doctor for a year now and I had an appointment 6 weeks ago to check on how my anti-depressants were working and everything seemed fine then. he told me to come back in 6 months. I'm confused. Some days I don't notice it as much, but today has been a doosy. I feel like I can't even function.
And I've heard the serenity prayer a thousand times, but I can't remember it. I think I just need to go home. Maybe things will be better tomorrow.
Greeneyes, I'm making myself suit up and show up and when I do then I feel better for a while and then feel this blahhhh again. I know I have to be patient and I can't expect everything to change at once. The third step sounds wonderful, but I'm only on step one right now.
Kit, that is weird what you said because I use to party quite a bit in the first years in college and then I "grew up" so to speak and got down to business and my ex would to beg me to drink every once in a while to "loosen me up" but one beer and I'd be out like a light and then there have been literally 100's of times I've turned down alcohol and not thought twice about it because I don't like the taste or the way it makes me feel. But last week for no reason, I was driving to a work assignment and got a craving for a alcohol. I'm 28 years old and it's the only time that has EVER happened. It freaked me out. I thought that maybe all the al-anon and AA meetings and all the reading and just all the "talk" about alcohol may have triggered it. Then of course that's what started this post. Thinking maybe I am and just don't realize it. I don't know, very scary. I am going to go see the doc because that is the last thing I need is to become addicted to alcohol myself. God willing, I'm hoping that was just a fluke and praying it doesn't happen anymore.
DangerousDan - thanks for the link. That helped to clarify some. I also re-read Magic's post and do you think the craving could possibly just be from obsessing too much about the whole situation?
Very confused and feeling lost at the moment,
Jenna
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Jenna,
This too shall pass. Be gentle with yourself. We tend to think we SHOULD be better. I had to allow myself to go through some different phases, not all pleasant. My sponsor helped me to realize that I was going through adjustment periods. In the end, I was a lot better off. I focussed on getting the important things in, like meetings and reading the literature, calling members, and doing the basics.
While I was working the steps, I was a zomby. My emotions were kicking my butt. It was exhausting and overwhelming. When I started getting through some of it, things started getting a lot better. Just remember that the world isn't going to collapse if you don't get everything done today. You are doing something that in the end will make your life so much better. It's frustrating, but it will be worth it. Hugs, Magic
This too shall pass. Be gentle with yourself. We tend to think we SHOULD be better. I had to allow myself to go through some different phases, not all pleasant. My sponsor helped me to realize that I was going through adjustment periods. In the end, I was a lot better off. I focussed on getting the important things in, like meetings and reading the literature, calling members, and doing the basics.
While I was working the steps, I was a zomby. My emotions were kicking my butt. It was exhausting and overwhelming. When I started getting through some of it, things started getting a lot better. Just remember that the world isn't going to collapse if you don't get everything done today. You are doing something that in the end will make your life so much better. It's frustrating, but it will be worth it. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: phoenix, arizona
Posts: 19
Jenna:
The first step is wonderful because we learn we are powerless. You are powerless over what you are feeling right now. Maybe your higher power is the only one that can take this away and help you. You have done everything humanly possible and now it's time to surrender.
My suggestion is to work even harder on your first step, if you don't have a sponsor get one. I know I couldn't have worked them alone. And once you admit complete defeat, you can move on to further healing.
Good Luck hon, I hope it gets better for you soon
The first step is wonderful because we learn we are powerless. You are powerless over what you are feeling right now. Maybe your higher power is the only one that can take this away and help you. You have done everything humanly possible and now it's time to surrender.
My suggestion is to work even harder on your first step, if you don't have a sponsor get one. I know I couldn't have worked them alone. And once you admit complete defeat, you can move on to further healing.
Good Luck hon, I hope it gets better for you soon
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: houston texas
Posts: 9
Hi Jenna I am currently in treatment and a dry drunk is someone who is not working any kind of recovery program. A dry drunk is strickly abstinent from drugs and alcohol. The major thing that I have learned is that recovery requires a complete change of behavior. Before I was not willing to take a look at those terrible character defects. I realize now that I am in a constant battle with my own mind and the only way I can make it is with God's help. I have been clean and sober for about seven months. I am trying to get to know some of the ladies and figure out how to use this darn computer.
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Welcome Christchild. Glad you are here! What a great name. Thank you for your words and gool luck learning the computer stuff.
Magic, thank you so much for your wisdom. I am so lucky that my High Power pointed me in this direction, to Al-anon and to you guys. Mentally I feel better today. I have just been drowning myself in meetings and readings and prayer. I think maybe God was trying to tell me yesterday to slow down and be patient.
I thought trading in my obsession for my A and becoming obsessed with Al-anon was a healthy thing, but I think I have been going overboard because I'm still not really taking care of myself and home very well. I can't seem to make myself think about paying bills unless I absolutely have to (you know, when I get cut off notices or wake up and the water has already been turned off). It's not because I don't have the money to pay the bills, I just don't have the willpower, brainpower or motivation to make myself do it. I don't do well with numbers so bill paying and figuring finances has always been something I always hate doing. I know I have to work on this because my life has become unmanageable and has been for sometime.
All in all, I'm realizing that recovery means working on my whole life and not just relationships. I know I have to work on the whole me and not just part - its hard.
Thank you for giving me hope that it will get better. In my brain I truely believe it will get better, but days like I had yesterday make it seem impossible.
greeneyes, thank you for all your support. I bought two more books at my meeting last night. "Hope for today" and another one that outlines all the steps, concepts and traditions. I felt like I had already past the first step just by coming to Al-anon. I came because I HAD realized I was powerless over the disease and my life HAD become unmanageable. That's why I sought out the program. I needed help (and still do). But I thought I had it whipped and was ready to move on. I may need to allow myself more time to really work the steop. Although, I really don't know how to work it. I've done all the readings I can find on the first step, done the assignments given by my sponsor and applying what I learn to my daily live. What else can I do? I've only been given one assignment and my sponsor has had time to meet with me to go over it with me.
Anyway, I have to get back to work, but I can't express how much all your words and support means to me.
God Bless,
Jenna
Magic, thank you so much for your wisdom. I am so lucky that my High Power pointed me in this direction, to Al-anon and to you guys. Mentally I feel better today. I have just been drowning myself in meetings and readings and prayer. I think maybe God was trying to tell me yesterday to slow down and be patient.
I thought trading in my obsession for my A and becoming obsessed with Al-anon was a healthy thing, but I think I have been going overboard because I'm still not really taking care of myself and home very well. I can't seem to make myself think about paying bills unless I absolutely have to (you know, when I get cut off notices or wake up and the water has already been turned off). It's not because I don't have the money to pay the bills, I just don't have the willpower, brainpower or motivation to make myself do it. I don't do well with numbers so bill paying and figuring finances has always been something I always hate doing. I know I have to work on this because my life has become unmanageable and has been for sometime.
All in all, I'm realizing that recovery means working on my whole life and not just relationships. I know I have to work on the whole me and not just part - its hard.
Thank you for giving me hope that it will get better. In my brain I truely believe it will get better, but days like I had yesterday make it seem impossible.
greeneyes, thank you for all your support. I bought two more books at my meeting last night. "Hope for today" and another one that outlines all the steps, concepts and traditions. I felt like I had already past the first step just by coming to Al-anon. I came because I HAD realized I was powerless over the disease and my life HAD become unmanageable. That's why I sought out the program. I needed help (and still do). But I thought I had it whipped and was ready to move on. I may need to allow myself more time to really work the steop. Although, I really don't know how to work it. I've done all the readings I can find on the first step, done the assignments given by my sponsor and applying what I learn to my daily live. What else can I do? I've only been given one assignment and my sponsor has had time to meet with me to go over it with me.
Anyway, I have to get back to work, but I can't express how much all your words and support means to me.
God Bless,
Jenna
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Des Moines, IA
Posts: 184
I don't do well with numbers so bill paying and figuring finances has always been something I always hate doing. I know I have to work on this because my life has become unmanageable and has been for sometime.
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Just wanted to update everyone.
I am headed to the doctor in an hour. My HP had been putting all these questions in my head so that I would do some probing and have a realization of something I had dismissed a year and 1/2 ago.
At that time I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (also known as manic/depressive). I have been overwhelmed by this realization as it has presented itself to me over then last 2 weeks. Tears, fear, guilt, and complete hopelessness has fallen over me like a 2-ton blanket.
Luckily, my HP is wonderful and sent me an Alanon Angel yesterday. Getting out of bed and to work has been the hardest thing for me to accomplish each day and she showed up at my meeting last night (she is an alcoholic with 10 years sobriety) and she also is bipolar. So WOW! She has helped me more in the last 20 hours than I could have thought anyone could do.
She not only called to help wake me up today, but she brought me coffee to my home, called again to make sure I didn't fall back asleep, she asked a man friend of hers to mow my lawn (which is about 3 feet tall) and she is going to my doctors appointment with me for support and to help make sure I tell the doctor what he needs to know. She also stayed up late to talk to me last night for a couple of hours.
I may end up hospitalized before this is severe depressive episode is over, but after talking to her, I'm not as scared about it now. She too has been hospitalized for it and said it was one of the best things to happen because you get 24-hour care and a bump start with meds and daily evaluations and ajustments. I'm still scared. Mental illness is a hard thing to come to terms with (which I guess is why I dismissed it a year and 1/2 ago. I also didn't realize the true nature of the illness or how it affects me so much). I have just realized in the last few days that this is what I was going through 7 years ago when I had to drop out of college because I couldn't get out of bed. I also became a very irritable and angry person - which I am normally the opposite of. And only today did I realize that I was in a sever manic episode last year when I became a work-a-holic often working 60-70 hours a week even though I only got paid for 40. Now I'm doing good to work 20 hours a week.
It's just a hard thing to understand unless you have been through it or close to someone else who has. Most people just think it's the same as being diagnosed with severe depression, but unfortunately it's not. That's why I am so thankful for the Angel God has sent me. I don't like asking for help and with her, she knows what I need and I don't have to ask. She just does it. A shear God send!
The scariest part so far of this is not being able to take care of myself right now, when I can normally take care of myself and 4 or 5 others at the same time. Yesterday, I had to drive 12 or so miles for a work assignment and on the way there, I had to think very carefully to remember where I was going. It's like waking up from a nap and not knowing what's going on. I just kept forgetting where I was headed to. So needless to say, I have become a very dangerous driver - to myself and others.
Anyway, I have to go now to head to my appointment. But I just wanted to share because without my HP preparing me for this part of my life and sending my this Angel and all of my Alanon sisters and brothers -- I KNOW I couldn't make it through.
Love,
Jenna
I am headed to the doctor in an hour. My HP had been putting all these questions in my head so that I would do some probing and have a realization of something I had dismissed a year and 1/2 ago.
At that time I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (also known as manic/depressive). I have been overwhelmed by this realization as it has presented itself to me over then last 2 weeks. Tears, fear, guilt, and complete hopelessness has fallen over me like a 2-ton blanket.
Luckily, my HP is wonderful and sent me an Alanon Angel yesterday. Getting out of bed and to work has been the hardest thing for me to accomplish each day and she showed up at my meeting last night (she is an alcoholic with 10 years sobriety) and she also is bipolar. So WOW! She has helped me more in the last 20 hours than I could have thought anyone could do.
She not only called to help wake me up today, but she brought me coffee to my home, called again to make sure I didn't fall back asleep, she asked a man friend of hers to mow my lawn (which is about 3 feet tall) and she is going to my doctors appointment with me for support and to help make sure I tell the doctor what he needs to know. She also stayed up late to talk to me last night for a couple of hours.
I may end up hospitalized before this is severe depressive episode is over, but after talking to her, I'm not as scared about it now. She too has been hospitalized for it and said it was one of the best things to happen because you get 24-hour care and a bump start with meds and daily evaluations and ajustments. I'm still scared. Mental illness is a hard thing to come to terms with (which I guess is why I dismissed it a year and 1/2 ago. I also didn't realize the true nature of the illness or how it affects me so much). I have just realized in the last few days that this is what I was going through 7 years ago when I had to drop out of college because I couldn't get out of bed. I also became a very irritable and angry person - which I am normally the opposite of. And only today did I realize that I was in a sever manic episode last year when I became a work-a-holic often working 60-70 hours a week even though I only got paid for 40. Now I'm doing good to work 20 hours a week.
It's just a hard thing to understand unless you have been through it or close to someone else who has. Most people just think it's the same as being diagnosed with severe depression, but unfortunately it's not. That's why I am so thankful for the Angel God has sent me. I don't like asking for help and with her, she knows what I need and I don't have to ask. She just does it. A shear God send!
The scariest part so far of this is not being able to take care of myself right now, when I can normally take care of myself and 4 or 5 others at the same time. Yesterday, I had to drive 12 or so miles for a work assignment and on the way there, I had to think very carefully to remember where I was going. It's like waking up from a nap and not knowing what's going on. I just kept forgetting where I was headed to. So needless to say, I have become a very dangerous driver - to myself and others.
Anyway, I have to go now to head to my appointment. But I just wanted to share because without my HP preparing me for this part of my life and sending my this Angel and all of my Alanon sisters and brothers -- I KNOW I couldn't make it through.
Love,
Jenna
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Des Moines, IA
Posts: 184
It's so great to hear that shutterbug!!! It sounds like you HP really has sent you an Angel. There is nothing that feels more supportive than someone who has been through the same thing you are going through and survived. Sounds like things are on the right track for you and I'm really happy to hear it!
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