shutterbug

Okay. My sponsor has me doing the following:

1. Each morning: pray for God's will to be done in my life today
2. Read the daily readings from "One Day at a Time" or one of the other books
3. Each night: Thank God for his will being done in my life today (even if I can't see what it was.
4. Call her every day

I asked her to go to dinner with me this evening so we could get to know each other better and to know more about each other's backgrounds. It went well. I asked what I need to do be doing to work on Step 1 and she gave me an assigment � which I like.

The problem is that I work late evening shifts and she is usually in bed by the time I get off work and I'm up for hours at home by myself not being able to sleep and I want more "activities" to do at night than just one assignment a week. (If I had a computer at home I would be able to utilize this site more, but I don't at the moment)

I read a lot of Al-anon material, but sometimes get tired of just reading.

Does anyone have any suggestions?
Am I being too impatient?

God Bless,
Jenna

greeneyes67

Hi and welcome. I just want to say how wonderful that you are beginning this journey into recovery. When I first came in I couldn't sleep either and still suffer insomnia sometimes. Maybe you could find some other meetings to attend as well. Get some other phone numbers and call some members of your group(s). I also would read anything you can find on the first step. Powerlessness is a big concept. There is a lot to read on the subject. Start writing in a journal.

I also listen to a lot of Alanon and AA speaker tapes. They have helped me tremendously. There are some websites that have tapes on them that I can give you if you want. Email me privately. Sometimes reading something other than program stuff helps me sleep. I also try to do fun things just for me. Long baths, candles, etc.

Good luck to you and welcome again! Love ~Lenn

Magichappens

Hey Jenne,
I network. I have a phone list of people from my meetings. I try to talk to a few people a week about what I'm doing and where I'm at. Sometimes we just talk about the weather. It helps. Patience with myself is hard. I want serenity all the time, and that isn't realistic. I am trying to be grateful for the times I do get serenity. Sometimes it seems like an eternity, but as long as I am working on me, it comes. Keep talking and working on you. Hugs, Magic

Rose56

Shutterbug, thanks for the topic, the evening is a tough time for me and always has been. I get to feeling down and hopeless at night more often than during the day. I like Magic and Lenn's suggestions and will take them to heart. Good luck, you are on the right path, Alanon has been such a life saver for me.

tikibee

Thank you shutterbug for expressing what I have been having trouble with. I have trouble at nights especially when my monkey brain kicks in full gear. I am having trouble even getting to the stage you are at...and have been having a hard time finding a sponsor or getting the courage to ask someone to be one! But I know I can't do this alone and need a guide.

KelKel

Jenna...
Welcome.
sending these your way...

First Step Prayer
Dear Lord,
I admit that I am powerless over my addiction.
I admit that my life is unmanageable when I try to control it.
Help me this day to understand the true meaning of powerlessness.
Remove from me all denial of my addiction.
Alternate Prayer
Today, I ask for help with my addiction.
Denial has kept me from seeing how
powerless I am & how my life is unmanageable.
I need to learn & remember that I have an incurable
illness & that abstinence is the only way to deal with it.

Denise posted this and I find it very helpful...

GOD
SAYING THIS WORD I AM ADMITTING THE EXISTENCE OF A CONSCIOUSNESS OR? OF? A HIGHER POWER THAT IS GREATER THAN I.

GRANT

SAYING THIS SECOND WORD, I AM ADMITTING THAT THIS CONSCIOUSNESS OR HIGHER POWER IS ABLE TO BESTOW AND GIVE TO ME AND TO OTHERS.

ME THE
I AM ASKING SOMETHING FOR MYSELF. HOLY BOOKS SAY THAT IF I ASK SINCERELY, IT SHALL BE GIVEN. IT IS NOT WRONG TO ASK FOR IMPROVING MYSELF. FOR WITH THE IMPROVEMENT OF MY CHARACTER, BOTH I AND PEOPLE AROUND ME WILL BE HAPPIER, AND MY RELATIONSHIPS WILL HAVE A BETTER CHANCE TO IMPROVE.

SERENITY
I AM ASKING FOR CALMNESS, COMPOSURE AND INNER PEACE IN MY LIFE WHICH WILL ENABLE ME TO TRANSCEND MY EGO, TO THINK STRAIGHT AND TO GOVERN MYSELF PROPERLY.

TO ACCEPT

I AM RESIGNING MYSELF TO CONDITIONS AS THEY ARE RIGHT NOW. I AM LIVING IN THE NOW, THE PRESENT MOMENT.

THE THINGS
I ACKNOWLEDGE MY TRAGEDY, DEATH, SUFFERING, ILLNESS AND PAIN, AS A PART OF MY LIFE, NEITHER GOOD NOR BAD. I ACCEPT MY HUMANNESS AND FALLIBILITY. I AM ACCEPTING MY LOT IN LIFE AS IT IS. UNTIL I HAVE THE COURAGE TO CHANGE ANY PART OF MY LIFE I DON'T LIKE, I MUST ACCEPT IT, WITHOUT DOING SO GRUDGINGLY.

I CANNOT CHANGE

I CAN'T PREVENT THESE EVENTS OR CONDITIONS FROM HAPPENING TO ME OR TO OTHERS.

COURAGE
A QUALITY WHICH ENABLES ME TO DEAL WITH THE PROBLEMS AND REALITIES OF LIFE WITHOUT RELIANCE ON ALCOHOL OR DRUGS. A DETERMINATION TO STAND MY GROUND AND "SLUG IT OUT" WITH ALL ISSUES, PLEASANT OR OTHERWISE, THAT MIGHT RETURN ME TO DRINKING OR USING. A STRENGTH OF MY SPIRIT TO FACE AND HANDLE THE NEGATIVE. FEARLESSNESS IN THE PRACTICE OF FAITH, HUMILITY AND HONESTY.

TO CHANGE

IN FACING THESE NEGATIVES DIRECTLY AND HONESTLY, I AM ASKING FOR MYSELF AND MY LIFE CONDITIONS TO BE DIFFERENT FOR ME. I AM TAKING AN ACTIVE PART IN THIS CHANGING.

THE THINGS I CAN

I AM ASKING FOR HELP TO MAKE THE RIGHT DECISIONS. EVERYTHING IS NOT THE WAY I WOULD LIKE IT TO BE IN MY LIFE. I MUST CONTINUE TO FACE REALITY AND CONSTANTLY WORK TOWARD MY CONTINUED GROWTH AND PROGRESS.

AND WISDOM

I AM ASKING FOR THE ABILITY TO RISE ABOVE MY EGO AND FORM SOUND JUDGMENTS ABOUT MYSELF AND MY LIFE. I THEN USE MY ABILITY TO ASK FOR GUIDANCE FROM MYSELF, OTHERS AND A HIGHER POWER.

TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

I WANT TO BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND CLEARLY TRUTHS OF FACT. I WANT TO SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY IN MY LIFE SO THAT I WILL BE MORE AWARE OF MYSELF AND OF OTHERS. I NEED TO SENSE A DEFINITE VALUE IN LOVING OVER BEING SELFISH.

From: "Alcoholism & Spirituality"
by Charles Whitfield

cwohio

shutterbug - you are ahead of the game - so eager - that's wonderful! i need to get on the stick and be more assertive in finding a sponsor. i know tho that sometimes it's a matter of my HP steering me to the right person. you are doing fantastic - keep it up!!!!

greeneyes - would you care to share the speaker tape websites with all of us? that might give me food for thought on the way to and from work! thx

cwohio

shutterbug

You all are wonderful. Thank you for all the great suggestions!!!!

And a GIANT THANK YOU to Kel Kel! The prayers are WONDERFUL! I can't thank you enough. One major problem I have discovered through Alanon is that I have continually prayed for the wrong things like "Please help him to stop drinking." My readings have told me that I shouldn't pray for these kind of things since I am powerless over the disease. SO...my problem has been � What DO I pray for? In a way, it's made me hesitant to say much at all in my prayers other than for God's will to be done in all our lives.

So these prayers will help me to feel that I am praying for the things I really should be praying for. Thanks again.

Jenna

greeneyes67

Here are some websites I have found that have excellent speaker tapes. I have been listening every night. You can also download them so you don't have to be online to hear them.
http://www.thehappycouple.com/AlAnon...nSpeakers.html
http://www.elmoware.com/Archives/spktapes_arch.htm

Love ~Lenn

shutterbug

Tikibee I know EXACTLY what you mean about your brain kicking in full gear at night. That is when I am most ready to conquer the world (well, or just try to manage my life actually, but sometimes it feels like I can conquer anything if I could just get my brain to slow down long enough for me to grab ahold of a single thought).

Cwohio and Tikibee: You may or may not know who to choose as a sponsor, but I think any sponsor is better than no sponsor - if you are ready to take that step. AND if you don't really know who then just ask someone who you know has been in the program for a while. You can always just ask them to be a temporary sponsor until you get to know the program better.

It was scary for me to ask a near stranger to be my sponsor, but as I listened to her speak at several of my meetings I was comforted by her words and her wisdom that I just made myself spit the words out. And she was happy to do it and said it would be an honor. Now I have the comfort of knowing that at any time if I really feel I need to talk, I can call her and she will be there for me. I still haven't called her in the middle of the night because I hate to do that to her even though she tells me to, but that is my next hurdle to jump over. (I'm a people-pleaser and waking people up in the middle of the night just doesn't fit my "pleasing" attitudes and ways of thinking).

May God Bless you all,
Jenna


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Take what you like and leave the rest.

chess

Thank you for posting the links. I'm already listening to them

Magichappens

shutterbug,
I pray for Mr Magic. I pray that God hold and protect him while he is going through his lessons. It works for me. I can be at peace with that. Hugs, Magic

cwohio

lenn - thanks for the links - i will be on them today!

shutterbug - thanks for the push about the sponsor - there haven't been too may "constant" folks at the meetings i have been to so far, so maybe i just need to find another meeting to visit. thanks for the words of encouragement - i know what you mean about the "people-pleaser" syndrome - me too!

hugs to all - cwohio

shutterbug

cwohio, GOOD LUCK! I know you'll find someone to ask when you feel the time is right.

Mrs. Magic,
Thanks for the prayer advice. I needed that. I also have been praying for you and Mr. Magic.

Best wishes and may God bless you both,
Jenna

shutterbug

Thanks everyone for your help. My sponsor told me that I am now on step two!!!!!!!!!!!

shutterbug

Just wanted to move this back up because the prayers that Kel Kel listed in this thread are so wonderful!!!!!