Thanks Dutch, greeneyes, kit, Rose and everyone from earlier.
Dutch, I hear what you are saying about small tasks. I too have started to have what feels like total lapses in brain activity...where I can't do anything productive and it's like I'm just zoned out. It's weird and VERY scary because it feels like there are wires in my brain that just aren't connecting. The A is out of my everyday life, I'm on anti-depressants, I'm getting plenty of sleep (even though I am always tired. My grandma use to think I was anemic growing up, but the docs said no), I make myself go to work every day even when I don't feel like it and can't focus well enough to get anything done.
It makes me feel so stupid. I have a college degree and yet I'm doing good to get just one of my 100 daily assignments done. It's very overwhelming. My comprehension level has GREATLY declined.
And I HATE going to the doctor. I have finally made myself stick with the same doctor for a year now and I had an appointment 6 weeks ago to check on how my anti-depressants were working and everything seemed fine then. he told me to come back in 6 months. I'm confused. Some days I don't notice it as much, but today has been a doosy. I feel like I can't even function.
And I've heard the serenity prayer a thousand times, but I can't remember it. I think I just need to go home. Maybe things will be better tomorrow.
Greeneyes, I'm making myself suit up and show up and when I do then I feel better for a while and then feel this blahhhh again. I know I have to be patient and I can't expect everything to change at once. The third step sounds wonderful, but I'm only on step one right now.
Kit, that is weird what you said because I use to party quite a bit in the first years in college and then I "grew up" so to speak and got down to business and my ex would to beg me to drink every once in a while to "loosen me up" but one beer and I'd be out like a light and then there have been literally 100's of times I've turned down alcohol and not thought twice about it because I don't like the taste or the way it makes me feel. But last week for no reason, I was driving to a work assignment and got a craving for a alcohol. I'm 28 years old and it's the only time that has EVER happened. It freaked me out. I thought that maybe all the al-anon and AA meetings and all the reading and just all the "talk" about alcohol may have triggered it. Then of course that's what started this post. Thinking maybe I am and just don't realize it. I don't know, very scary. I am going to go see the doc because that is the last thing I need is to become addicted to alcohol myself. God willing, I'm hoping that was just a fluke and praying it doesn't happen anymore.
DangerousDan - thanks for the link. That helped to clarify some. I also re-read Magic's post and do you think the craving could possibly just be from obsessing too much about the whole situation?
Very confused and feeling lost at the moment,
Jenna