Ok now it's serious...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Ok now it's serious...
On friday night I mixed 12-15 beers with a bunch of benzos.
It wasn't on purpose. I didn't want to die. It was an accident. Maybe I did want to die subconsciously. I don't know. How I could do something so stupid is beyond me.
I never smoke pot, but I had acquired a little vial and I thought I would use it to have a spiritual awakening. The one they always talk about in the big book of AA. I'm not religious and I thought I'd find my higher power by getting really high and writing down my thoughts. It might have worked but I happened to have two beers in my house and while I was high I thought I'd have those two beers and say goodbye to drinking. Well before I had those beers I had a panic attack from the weed. So I took a benzo... which normally I'll take 1/2 or a 1/4 rarely to subdue very strong panic attacks. It didn't work and I ended up taking 5 which still didn't work but I was so high that each min felt like hours and I probably didn't wait for them to kick in fully. Then I had the two beers. By that time the panic was gone and I felt good. I woke up a bit later... not literally I was still sitting at my desk...but I counted 12 empty cans of beer... I started to feel very sleepy so I had 4 coffees...because I knew it was too dangerous to go to sleep....this was about 10pm and then I was all hyper and a full bar night ensued.... I was kicked out of many bars I was told... I don't remember. I covered myself in suntan lotion prior to going out because I believed that I was going to go to the beach (were having a massive snow storm where I live so that idea was insane).... this was all friday night... I drove many places... I drove on friday night to house party, then to a bar, then home. I also drove to another girls house and then drove and picked up a didfferent girl on saturday afternoon I don't remember any of this... I woke up sunday at 3pm.... feeling shaky as hell and scared out of my mind.... two more benzos down he chute and I felt good enough to get out of bed and eat .... went to work today feeling fine...I'm just so shaken up. I can't drink ever again.... I can't have caffeine ever again. I can't smoke cigarettes ever again. I've lurked here for about a year mostly arguing with people because I thought I could moderate and I thought I could do it my way. My way doesn't work. Please help me. Tell me what to do. I will do anything you suggest. If I have another coffee again, I will smoke a cig, and then I'll drink a beer, and that will be the end of me... I know it... this is my life or death. I can feel it. Please tell me what to do. Ive read your suggestions a million times before and I took them with a grain of salt.... I shouldn't have and I'm sorry. Please tell me what to do, even if you have told me before. My ears are wide open.
It wasn't on purpose. I didn't want to die. It was an accident. Maybe I did want to die subconsciously. I don't know. How I could do something so stupid is beyond me.
I never smoke pot, but I had acquired a little vial and I thought I would use it to have a spiritual awakening. The one they always talk about in the big book of AA. I'm not religious and I thought I'd find my higher power by getting really high and writing down my thoughts. It might have worked but I happened to have two beers in my house and while I was high I thought I'd have those two beers and say goodbye to drinking. Well before I had those beers I had a panic attack from the weed. So I took a benzo... which normally I'll take 1/2 or a 1/4 rarely to subdue very strong panic attacks. It didn't work and I ended up taking 5 which still didn't work but I was so high that each min felt like hours and I probably didn't wait for them to kick in fully. Then I had the two beers. By that time the panic was gone and I felt good. I woke up a bit later... not literally I was still sitting at my desk...but I counted 12 empty cans of beer... I started to feel very sleepy so I had 4 coffees...because I knew it was too dangerous to go to sleep....this was about 10pm and then I was all hyper and a full bar night ensued.... I was kicked out of many bars I was told... I don't remember. I covered myself in suntan lotion prior to going out because I believed that I was going to go to the beach (were having a massive snow storm where I live so that idea was insane).... this was all friday night... I drove many places... I drove on friday night to house party, then to a bar, then home. I also drove to another girls house and then drove and picked up a didfferent girl on saturday afternoon I don't remember any of this... I woke up sunday at 3pm.... feeling shaky as hell and scared out of my mind.... two more benzos down he chute and I felt good enough to get out of bed and eat .... went to work today feeling fine...I'm just so shaken up. I can't drink ever again.... I can't have caffeine ever again. I can't smoke cigarettes ever again. I've lurked here for about a year mostly arguing with people because I thought I could moderate and I thought I could do it my way. My way doesn't work. Please help me. Tell me what to do. I will do anything you suggest. If I have another coffee again, I will smoke a cig, and then I'll drink a beer, and that will be the end of me... I know it... this is my life or death. I can feel it. Please tell me what to do. Ive read your suggestions a million times before and I took them with a grain of salt.... I shouldn't have and I'm sorry. Please tell me what to do, even if you have told me before. My ears are wide open.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Serper2014 
Ive read your suggestions a million times before and I took them with a grain of salt.... I shouldn't have and I'm sorry. Please tell me what to do, even if you have told me before. My ears are wide open.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Go back and read what's already been suggested to you in previous posts. I'm sure they are still valid. You sound a lot more humbled. That's a great place to start the sober journey at...
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
What to do:
You want the spiritual awakening the bb talks about, then go to meetings, get a sponsor, and work the program.
It that simple.
And not argueing with any suggestions given to ya here might might be wise,too.
P.S.
AA worked for me when I worked it.
You want the spiritual awakening the bb talks about, then go to meetings, get a sponsor, and work the program.
It that simple.
And not argueing with any suggestions given to ya here might might be wise,too.
P.S.
AA worked for me when I worked it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Well, from what I read you are putting all your eggs in one basket.
You are dealing with multiple addictions. You appear to want to resolve all of them at the same time. I respect that, however..
Why not attack the first biggest issue, Alcohol? Make a plan, you have options, AA, AVRT, Smart Recovery, etc. Cigarettes can come next, when you have solid legs under you.
Stopping is not that difficult, safe detox is the first step.
Then, once the physical addiction is out of the way, support comes in, and re-learning how to live, how to deal with stress, disappointments, conflicts, etc.
You are dealing with multiple addictions. You appear to want to resolve all of them at the same time. I respect that, however..
Why not attack the first biggest issue, Alcohol? Make a plan, you have options, AA, AVRT, Smart Recovery, etc. Cigarettes can come next, when you have solid legs under you.
Stopping is not that difficult, safe detox is the first step.
Then, once the physical addiction is out of the way, support comes in, and re-learning how to live, how to deal with stress, disappointments, conflicts, etc.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Serper2014
I'm looking for a solution, what worked for you?
Alcoholism is as much a thinking disorder as it is a drinking disorder.
I mention that only because you think too much. Quit thinking and quit drinking.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Hi!
Aw! ((( hug))) addiction is so scary!!
I'm new in recovery so I'm pretty useless other than offering support!
I've tried moderating for years to no avail.
Best wishes and glad to see you here!
Sound like quite the weekend!!!! Good news is you aren't in jail!!! Xoxo
Aw! ((( hug))) addiction is so scary!!
I'm new in recovery so I'm pretty useless other than offering support!
I've tried moderating for years to no avail.
Best wishes and glad to see you here!
Sound like quite the weekend!!!! Good news is you aren't in jail!!! Xoxo
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
Serper, you should do whatever will work for you to stop drinking. Get rid of any alcohol you have and don't buy anymore. Begin to find people and activities in your life that bring you fulfillment.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
I'm sorry that things came to a head Serper.
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
read around, find a way., or ways, that make sense to you, and then give your all.
D
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
read around, find a way., or ways, that make sense to you, and then give your all.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by Thepatman
Well, from what I read you are putting all your eggs in one basket.
You are dealing with multiple addictions. You appear to want to resolve all of them at the same time. I respect that, however..
Why not attack the first biggest issue, Alcohol? Make a plan, you have options, AA, AVRT, Smart Recovery, etc. Cigarettes can come next, when you have solid legs under you.
Stopping is not that difficult, safe detox is the first step.
Then, once the physical addiction is out of the way, support comes in, and re-learning how to live, how to deal with stress, disappointments, conflicts, etc.
You are dealing with multiple addictions. You appear to want to resolve all of them at the same time. I respect that, however..
Why not attack the first biggest issue, Alcohol? Make a plan, you have options, AA, AVRT, Smart Recovery, etc. Cigarettes can come next, when you have solid legs under you.
Stopping is not that difficult, safe detox is the first step.
Then, once the physical addiction is out of the way, support comes in, and re-learning how to live, how to deal with stress, disappointments, conflicts, etc.
Yeah I'm not addicted to pot. I smoked it once last year. I'm not addicted to benzos either. I take 1 a month if that, and I've never abused them. I'm totally addicted to drinking and smoking cigs though. I had a safe detox... I'm going into day 4 and I feel physically fine, just an emotional wreck..... anger is the worst. I'm such a happy and calm person, it's very foreign to feel angry... that has what has kept me smoking.... you are right though. What is one more month of cigs when it's been 3 years of cigs, and I can't even hit more than 10 days sober....sobriety needs to come first until I get solid footing...
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Serper2014
Yeah I'm not addicted to pot. I smoked it once last year. I'm not addicted to benzos either. I take 1 a month if that, and I've never abused them. I'm totally addicted to drinking and smoking cigs though. I had a safe detox... I'm going into day 4 and I feel physically fine, just an emotional wreck..... anger is the worst. I'm such a happy and calm person, it's very foreign to feel angry... that has what has kept me smoking.... you are right though. What is one more month of cigs when it's been 3 years of cigs, and I can't even hit more than 10 days sober....sobriety needs to come first until I get solid footing...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Serper, I have not read your background but I can tell you this: You are damn right this is serious. You could have killed someone or a family. I have every sympathy in the world for your addiction problems. I am also an alcoholic. But if you are driving around out of you mind drunk and high then you have a major problem and it needs to stop.
Coffee is not causing this and neither are the cigarettes. The booze, benzos and weed are. If the booze is leading you to weed and benzos then start with that. Whatever way you cut it all three need to go. If you are an alcoholic and that is your main problem then start with that.
You joined a year ago. So you now know full well that moderation does not work in virtually all cases and it does not work for you. So therefore you need to quit completely, forever. This is a truth that you need to face and you need to quit immediately. See a doctor if you are conceded about DTs, by now you know all about those also.
This means doing it the hard way: Quit, draw up a recovery plan, never drink even a single beer again ever, identify your triggers and plan around them.
Smoke or don't smoke and drink or quit coffee, whatever helps. Whatever stops you drinking. Pick up new activities, eat as much as you want or need. Whatever it takes just don't drink. Consider attending AA, it sounds like you need as much help as you can get so I would recommend it. Again, whatever stops you drinking.
Your way does not work. You need help and support and an iron resolution never to drink again. So here is what I do EVERY DAY and it got me to 11 weeks:
- use AVRT to combat cravings and keep my addiction at bay
- attend an AA meeting for group support and to understand RECOVERY as opposed to ABSTINENCE
- read and post on this site to learn more, engage with people and to help where I can
- read the AA big book and research online
All in all I spend 3 or 4 hours EVERY DAY on my recovery. Obviously I will not do this forever but in these early weeks and months I personally feel it is necessary. And do you know what, if your alternative is killing someone else in a car crash then it should be your priority too.
Coffee is not causing this and neither are the cigarettes. The booze, benzos and weed are. If the booze is leading you to weed and benzos then start with that. Whatever way you cut it all three need to go. If you are an alcoholic and that is your main problem then start with that.
You joined a year ago. So you now know full well that moderation does not work in virtually all cases and it does not work for you. So therefore you need to quit completely, forever. This is a truth that you need to face and you need to quit immediately. See a doctor if you are conceded about DTs, by now you know all about those also.
This means doing it the hard way: Quit, draw up a recovery plan, never drink even a single beer again ever, identify your triggers and plan around them.
Smoke or don't smoke and drink or quit coffee, whatever helps. Whatever stops you drinking. Pick up new activities, eat as much as you want or need. Whatever it takes just don't drink. Consider attending AA, it sounds like you need as much help as you can get so I would recommend it. Again, whatever stops you drinking.
Your way does not work. You need help and support and an iron resolution never to drink again. So here is what I do EVERY DAY and it got me to 11 weeks:
- use AVRT to combat cravings and keep my addiction at bay
- attend an AA meeting for group support and to understand RECOVERY as opposed to ABSTINENCE
- read and post on this site to learn more, engage with people and to help where I can
- read the AA big book and research online
All in all I spend 3 or 4 hours EVERY DAY on my recovery. Obviously I will not do this forever but in these early weeks and months I personally feel it is necessary. And do you know what, if your alternative is killing someone else in a car crash then it should be your priority too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
I don't have much advice I'm only 10 days in (though actually AA meetings are helping me so far, just the meetings not big book etc yet, so I guessid recommend that) but I had a very similar night to you, minus the driving as I don't have a licence, but I understand the fear i thought I'd die too. I hope we both learn from this scary time,
I hope you find a way to stop drinking.
I hope you find a way to stop drinking.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
Hi. Much good advice above if you take it. I’ll add a suggestion, print out your first post above and in sober moments re read it to understand what AA refers to as insanity of our ways.
Only you can get yourself sober by the process of NOT picking up the first drink one day at a time in a row!
We need to be honest about OUR drinking with our self and accept the fact we cannot drink alcohol in safety again. It’s that simple tho too many don’t get it.
BE WELL
Hi. Much good advice above if you take it. I’ll add a suggestion, print out your first post above and in sober moments re read it to understand what AA refers to as insanity of our ways.
Only you can get yourself sober by the process of NOT picking up the first drink one day at a time in a row!
We need to be honest about OUR drinking with our self and accept the fact we cannot drink alcohol in safety again. It’s that simple tho too many don’t get it.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 72
Originally Posted by Serper2014
I'm looking for a solution, what worked for you?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Central Massachusetts
Posts: 2,051
I think outpatient rehab at a minimum is needed because of the dangerous binge you went on. Go to meetings too. Who cares if you don't believe. I don't either, most of the time. I used AA for the social support early on and it worked well.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hi Serper,
If I recall correctly, you are a student of medicine. There are completely confidential resources available to you as a student. You need to believe that now is the very best time to tap into these resources. If you finish medical school without seeking help or trying to do it on your own in real life and head to residency be assured that the problem will remain and likely multiplied.
Welcome back and best wishes.
If I recall correctly, you are a student of medicine. There are completely confidential resources available to you as a student. You need to believe that now is the very best time to tap into these resources. If you finish medical school without seeking help or trying to do it on your own in real life and head to residency be assured that the problem will remain and likely multiplied.
Welcome back and best wishes.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
