Humbled84

Hi all,
I'm new to this and after yet another weekend of not being able to controle myself I've decided enough is enough. I'm scared.
I've tried AA in the past but didn't stick with it as I had problems with the religious aspects of it. I'm going to try again though and stick with it for a while. I'm sure everyone here knows the feeling of hating yourself, being embarrassed and the shame that comes with all this.
I'm going to try though. I want to get better and I know I need some help. Please tell me this fear will pass and I can do this.
Thanks for reading this

Foolsgold186

Hi Humbled,

Welcome to SR. Things will get better if you stick at it.

I hated AA initially, felt there was a gun to my head to go. Its not for everyone but took a few goes before I felt the benefit.

Wishing you the best. You can do it.

L x

JanieJ

Welcome, Humbled

My first post here also contained the words "I'm scared". Lots of people are, at first.


Glad to have you with us, keep posting and reading, there is lots of support and info here.

RDBplus3

Hello Humbled,
I drank for 40 years, and struggled very hard at trying to fix myself and get myself sober. I went thru a good rehab program and still drank afterward. I went to AA meetings and then straight to the liquor store. Then I hit the worst state of mind I had ever been in, and I 'gave up'. I committed myself to the AA program and worked the 12 Steps with my sponsor. I did the 3rd Step Prayer almost continually because my sponsor recommended it. It was still a struggle, but working the program, reading the AA Big Book daily, and listening to AA speaker messages I found on internet web searches, has renewed me to a new state of mind that can only be described as a 'Miracle'. I am 1 year Sober & FREE. After getting sober through that process, I realized that I could not FIX myself.

I know you can be truly FREE.

The AA Big Book really is a TEXTBOOK for getting and staying FREE from the addictive obsession and craving cycle of 'Alcoholism'.

RDBplus3...Sober & FREE

Soberwolf

Welcome to the forum & the SR site Humbled youl find lots & lots of support here

Nice to meet you

SW

Humbled84

thank you all for the support. i feel so ashamed of my behaviour when i've been drinking and the fact that i can't stop once i start. i thought for a long time that i could moderate my drinking but i'm coming to realise that is not me right now.
i didn't like AA because of the religion and some of the terms they used. I don't believe that I'm hopeless and have to give myself up to a higher power. i do know i need help though and i need to try this. i'm 30 years old and it takes up so much of my life already. i'm a binge drinker, not an everyday drinker but i know there's little to no difference. it is my attitude to drinking thats the problem.
i'm really scared of what life will be like after stopping. but i know i don't want to keep going.
sorry im ranting a little, i'm just upset.
thanks for all the support

ccam1973

Welcome humbled. Fear is a huge part of this addiction. My fear kept me drinking for years after i knew I had a problem. 21 yearsvof heavy, daily drinking.. i didn't know of a life without drinking...

now 138 days sober I can tell you it is the hardest and best decision I have ever made.it does get much easier.

you can do this. Stay close to SR and stay strong.

FeelingGreat

You and most of us too Humbled. I've never used AA for similar reasons to you, but I would have if I couldn't quit on my own.
The understanding that we can't moderate is a key breakthrough in thinking, so I'm really glad you've got there. I notice you hedge it with the words 'right now', but 'never' is more likely to be the truth.
You'll get lots of support here so post as often as you need.

Humbled84

thanks feelinggreat,
im not sure how i will react when i go back to an AA meeting. I don't agree with a lot they say there but i do know i've tried to quit on my own and keep failing. i need help of some sort but maybe AA isn't for me. I know I won't drink today or tomorrow. But i always hit a point where i think it will be different this time and drink for maybe 2 or 3 days straight. it makes me awful sad when i think about it. im scared and feel alone and weak.
thank you all for being so understanding. i just hope the guilt and shame will pass soon

Chillly

Congrats and welcome!
Firstly I think it would be very beneficial if you'll be really honest with yourself, and I think you'll find that moderate drinking is not you "right now" because it is not you "ever".

Scary right?
Yeah.. Effin SCARY!!!!

Here's a tip I learned from someone in this wonderful community;
"Don't think of it as forever, think of it as a lot of days, one day at a time"

P.S. Use this community and what it offers, extensively, and at least for a while, ALL THE TIME!!

Good Luck!!

Humbled84

youj're right chilly, but its too scary to admit right now. its also something that i find incredibly hard just to admit to myself. i'm not trying to fool myself but the fear is too much right now to be able to accept that. does that make any sense to you guys?

sprout50

Welcome to SR. There are other options besides AA if that is a problem for you. There is a secular board here you might want to check out. I am sure members who use other programs will chime in about them to let you know. The key is tto find what works for you and stick with it.

IOAA2

Hi Humbled ?
When I “discovered” my drinking was getting far beyond normal I gave AA a half a$$ed try and for 2 years my pains increased because I wanted to stop the pain my way. Un Like the huge majority who can’t get sober doing it their way I surrendered to the professionals who were long term sober. In the beginning there were things I didn’t care for but if it works I succumbed and didn’t try to fix it.
I’ve had the jug plugged since before the internet was heard of and it works when we follow the program. The biggest cause of failure is between our ears, which ends with a huge number left in misery and wet brains and very early and horrible deaths.
I’m not a religious person and in all these years have never been asked what I believe in as a Higher Power. I realize some areas are more spiritual than others but it’s life we are talking about by simply not picking up that drink one day at a time in a row.

BE WELL

Humbled84

can anyone give me some advise for the early days of this. i'm scared and feel lonely, im also dealing with a lot of guilt and feeling embarrassed. i could really use some pointers to help me through the first few days
thanks

FeelingGreat

Hi Humbled, hang onto the thought and motivation that the only way you can truly make amends for the past is to become sober. So if you really are sorry and guilty make sure it never happens again. Forgiveness will take care of itself.
This helped me, but everyone is different. 1. Went to my doctor and told him about my problem. He didn't do much but I felt I wasn't alone. 2. I read a lot of information about alcoholism - look up stages of alcoholism if you want to see in the future. 3. Tried to predict cravings and changed my routine to avoid triggers. 4. Stayed well away from social activates involving drinking for a few months. 5. Substituted food for drink. 6. Read and posted on SR.

Hope some of these help. Also read the stickies at the top of the forum for more information.

gracetuesday

Humbled, welcome....

I get that you don't agree with everything in AA - but honestly, that is NOT a requirement.... Nowhere does it say you have to agree with everything. The only requirement is a DESIRE to stop drinking, which I think you have. You say you are lonely and afraid - well, the first thing I think of is going to an AA meeting - where you will find others who have felt EXACTLY like you are feeling now....

If for nothing else, maybe consider going for that reason?

If you don't drink, it WILL get better. If you drink, it will get WORSE. I think all of us here can agree on that point.

Wishing you the best!

Humbled84

thank you both feelinggreat and gracetuesday. i will keep all that in mind

least

Welcome to the family.

HeartsAfire

Welcome. You have received some fantastic advice here. Please take it to heart.

Your recovery is just that. YOURS. The great thing about recovery is that you get to make it whatever you want it to be. My personal plan is a cafeteria plan of sorts - a little here & a little there. I love it because it's all mine.

I too do not believe in God as most people define him/her but I do believe in something bigger than me. That keeps me humbled & I believe that's the point behind the higher power thought of AA.

As for being scared, all completely normal. I was scared poopless 101 days ago. Use SR as a lifeline. I do. There are some days/weeks I never log off! Someone is always here & will carry you when you need it. It gets better. I promise.

Once again welcome! This is the best decision you e ever made.

2muchpain

It took me a while to get past the religious tone of some of the AA meetings I have gone to. Because of that and some other issues I had with AA, I would be in and out of AA for years. Whenever I stopped going, I drank.
It eventually dawned on me that the only reason I go to the meetings is to help me not drink. I keep going now because I learn a lot from what people share at the meetings. That's what I focus on, nothing more. I learn a lot from what other people have gone through and what they did to quit drinking. There is a lot of wisdom in the rooms. I pretty much ignore the rest, but it took me a long time to get there. Good luck, John