Humbled, welcome....
I get that you don't agree with everything in AA - but honestly, that is NOT a requirement.... Nowhere does it say you have to agree with everything. The only requirement is a DESIRE to stop drinking, which I think you have. You say you are lonely and afraid - well, the first thing I think of is going to an AA meeting - where you will find others who have felt EXACTLY like you are feeling now....
If for nothing else, maybe consider going for that reason?
If you don't drink, it WILL get better. If you drink, it will get WORSE. I think all of us here can agree on that point.
Wishing you the best!