I won't be one month sober...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
I won't be one month sober...
...unless I get through this weekend. Today is Day 30. My husband is away this weekend, I won't see him till Monday evening. As I've written before many times on SR, being left alone for a few days is the #1 trigger for me, and has been for years.
I have made a loose sort of plan, but I'm scared nonetheless. Any words of support would be appreciated.
Here are some bits of my 'plan':
Saturday:
1. Check in with SR and start this thread
2. Put laundry out
3. Go for 5-mile walk in the woods and by the river
4. Watch some netflix / read / write / check SR / do some housework
Evening: Have a bath, do a face mask, listen to soothing music, pig out on leftover Halloween candy or crisps if I feel some compulsivity coming on, maybe watch a film.
Early to bed to read and sleep.
Sunday:
1. Check in with SR.
2. Housework / writing / gardening
3. Bake banana bread to give to my husband tomorrow
4. ??? (Haven't got that far ahead yet).
Today is a real danger zone, and I felt the familiar sense of dread when my husband left about half an hour ago. If I can get through today, I will feel better about tomorrow I think. It's all about taking things in small doses, just thinking about the next few hours rather than the whole weekend.
This will sound sad, but I bought two big bags of spicy crisps this morning in case I wanted to 'binge' at something, and I've already had half of one. My husband has been gone for half an hour! I'm not a binge-eater usually, at all; I'm kind of a health nut and only ever eat healthy foods in sensible portions. But I knew I would feel some sort of panicked compulsivity today, and I thought I should channel that into *anything* but drinking.
I have my one month chip waiting for me in my drawer, and I want to earn it, but I won't lie: I'm scared. Sorry for rambling on!
I have made a loose sort of plan, but I'm scared nonetheless. Any words of support would be appreciated.
Here are some bits of my 'plan':
Saturday:
1. Check in with SR and start this thread
2. Put laundry out
3. Go for 5-mile walk in the woods and by the river
4. Watch some netflix / read / write / check SR / do some housework
Evening: Have a bath, do a face mask, listen to soothing music, pig out on leftover Halloween candy or crisps if I feel some compulsivity coming on, maybe watch a film.
Early to bed to read and sleep.
Sunday:
1. Check in with SR.
2. Housework / writing / gardening
3. Bake banana bread to give to my husband tomorrow
4. ??? (Haven't got that far ahead yet).
Today is a real danger zone, and I felt the familiar sense of dread when my husband left about half an hour ago. If I can get through today, I will feel better about tomorrow I think. It's all about taking things in small doses, just thinking about the next few hours rather than the whole weekend.
This will sound sad, but I bought two big bags of spicy crisps this morning in case I wanted to 'binge' at something, and I've already had half of one. My husband has been gone for half an hour! I'm not a binge-eater usually, at all; I'm kind of a health nut and only ever eat healthy foods in sensible portions. But I knew I would feel some sort of panicked compulsivity today, and I thought I should channel that into *anything* but drinking.
I have my one month chip waiting for me in my drawer, and I want to earn it, but I won't lie: I'm scared. Sorry for rambling on!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SE Arizona
Posts: 1,099
I know you'll make it till Monday night. You're tough and determined. Good for you for stocking up on a "binge" food, it'll keep your mind off of booze. My "in case of emergency" food is salted-in-the-shell peanuts. Eating them requires enough effort and concentration that the thought of drinking never occurs to me while eating. Not too good for the waistline though. Best wishes.
Cas
Cas
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
You can do it, Snowbunting. Step by step. Don't think too far ahead. Just keep doing stuff, planning stuff, so long as it's anything but drinking. Even if it's eating crisps, so long as it's not drinking. Great idea to start this thread so you can jump back on if you need to. Stay strong, love.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
I'll be thinking of you today snowbunting. Time alone and certain social things are my two biggest triggers ....especially time alone.
It looks as though you have a good plan in place. I think staying busy will be key to your success. Check in here on SR to let us know how you're doing....You CAN do this! And once you do, you'll be more confident the next time around.
It looks as though you have a good plan in place. I think staying busy will be key to your success. Check in here on SR to let us know how you're doing....You CAN do this! And once you do, you'll be more confident the next time around.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
snowbunting..... Being alone was always a huge trigger for me. I use to look forward to hunting season because the guys would all leave for the camp for the weekend and I could drink alone. Isolation was my downfall.
I'm actually alone as I type. The Guys are gone and I'm sitting by the fire drinking coffee. I think if you consciously do everything you listed, you won't even have time to drink. I finally made out a list of my own, and when hunting season rolls around, I just do something on my list and stay active. My project this morning is to go to a farmer's market with a friend, go for a pedicure, and then make some gumbo later...... Activity! Keeps me sober and sane..... I'm almost 2 years sober now and I still have a plan of action.
Keep busy, stick close to,SR, and feel free to PM any of us. You will fee so amazing when you grab that one month chip!
I'm actually alone as I type. The Guys are gone and I'm sitting by the fire drinking coffee. I think if you consciously do everything you listed, you won't even have time to drink. I finally made out a list of my own, and when hunting season rolls around, I just do something on my list and stay active. My project this morning is to go to a farmer's market with a friend, go for a pedicure, and then make some gumbo later...... Activity! Keeps me sober and sane..... I'm almost 2 years sober now and I still have a plan of action.
Keep busy, stick close to,SR, and feel free to PM any of us. You will fee so amazing when you grab that one month chip!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi snowbunting 
in the early days I found it quite hard to stay sober for myself - it was easier some how for me to stay sober for other people...so those times I was alone were a trial.
Think about it tho - think about who you want to be...you can move forward closer to that goal this weekend, or you could head back the way you came to all that unhappiness and self-loathing.
There really is only one choice. You really are worth it.
You can do this
D
in the early days I found it quite hard to stay sober for myself - it was easier some how for me to stay sober for other people...so those times I was alone were a trial.
Think about it tho - think about who you want to be...you can move forward closer to that goal this weekend, or you could head back the way you came to all that unhappiness and self-loathing.
There really is only one choice. You really are worth it.
You can do this
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 76
I used AA meetings to get through these types of situations early on. Usually I would only have to mention I was alone for the weekend and I would end up with all sorts of invites and/or company from sober people. Just sharing what worked for me.
Good luck with it, sounds like you are going to be busy. Don't forget to rest!
Good luck with it, sounds like you are going to be busy. Don't forget to rest!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Snowbunting..... you can do this!!!
Something that arose for me in your post was that you wrote;
"being left alone for a few days is the #1 trigger for me, and has been for years. "
Yet nothing in your plan addresses the BEING ALONE.
For me, alone time can be either incredibly nourishing or incredibly toxic. Isolation led to alcohol a lot.
I wonder if there is anything you could do this weekend to introduce something new to your life that addresses this? Is there perhaps a group exercise class near you? Is there a craft you've thought you might like to explore which might have a club or a class this weekend? Is there a friend or two you might invite along on your hike in the woods?
Yesterday I went for an hour long hike in the woods with a friend. It was the first such hike or walk with anyone other than my Lady or my dog in.... wow, I don't even remember how long. It felt nourishing and helped connect me. It helped me realize how out of balance this area of my life has become!
Is there a volunteer center of some type where you might go offer a few hours of service? Service to others is a great boost and sense of purpose and helps get us outside of ourselves.
Just some ideas. I offer you my strength and prayer for success at meeting your one month milestone and heading off on a long path of joyful living in sobriety!
Something that arose for me in your post was that you wrote;
"being left alone for a few days is the #1 trigger for me, and has been for years. "
Yet nothing in your plan addresses the BEING ALONE.
For me, alone time can be either incredibly nourishing or incredibly toxic. Isolation led to alcohol a lot.
I wonder if there is anything you could do this weekend to introduce something new to your life that addresses this? Is there perhaps a group exercise class near you? Is there a craft you've thought you might like to explore which might have a club or a class this weekend? Is there a friend or two you might invite along on your hike in the woods?
Yesterday I went for an hour long hike in the woods with a friend. It was the first such hike or walk with anyone other than my Lady or my dog in.... wow, I don't even remember how long. It felt nourishing and helped connect me. It helped me realize how out of balance this area of my life has become!
Is there a volunteer center of some type where you might go offer a few hours of service? Service to others is a great boost and sense of purpose and helps get us outside of ourselves.
Just some ideas. I offer you my strength and prayer for success at meeting your one month milestone and heading off on a long path of joyful living in sobriety!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
Snowbunting, you can do this!
I'm the same way about being left on my own -- I'm afraid to be on my own, I think back from years ago when I was afraid that I'd do something stupid and get myself into trouble and not be safe, because I was really afraid that I wasn't grown-up or adequate enough to handle myself by myself. I turned that fear into a nasty self-fulfilling cycle of self-destructive drinking. You can break your own cycle!
Don't apologize for binge-eating now -- if it hasn't been a problem for you in the past, it won't likely become one, so go ahead! When my husband leaves, I proudly eat spaghetti, popcorn, and ice cream in bed, stay on SR all day, and watch rom-coms on Netflix.
This is the time for whatever keeps you sober. This is the time to pull out the big guns -- like ice cream. If you can get to an AA meeting, even if you don't usually or you hate them, this might be the time for that. Or invite someone over for (alcohol free) lunch -- maybe someone elderly who could use the companionship? -- company is a great distraction from cravings.
You'll do great and it will be easier next time!
I'm the same way about being left on my own -- I'm afraid to be on my own, I think back from years ago when I was afraid that I'd do something stupid and get myself into trouble and not be safe, because I was really afraid that I wasn't grown-up or adequate enough to handle myself by myself. I turned that fear into a nasty self-fulfilling cycle of self-destructive drinking. You can break your own cycle!
Don't apologize for binge-eating now -- if it hasn't been a problem for you in the past, it won't likely become one, so go ahead! When my husband leaves, I proudly eat spaghetti, popcorn, and ice cream in bed, stay on SR all day, and watch rom-coms on Netflix.
This is the time for whatever keeps you sober. This is the time to pull out the big guns -- like ice cream. If you can get to an AA meeting, even if you don't usually or you hate them, this might be the time for that. Or invite someone over for (alcohol free) lunch -- maybe someone elderly who could use the companionship? -- company is a great distraction from cravings.
You'll do great and it will be easier next time!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Down South, USA
Posts: 173
Snow, you CAN do this. Take it in small chunks; don't think about the whole weekend right now....
Any chance you could get to a meeting? That always helps me-being around others who understand... passes some time also.
I love cooking also. It nourishes the body as well; something I neglected while drinking.
We are all here for you!
Any chance you could get to a meeting? That always helps me-being around others who understand... passes some time also.
I love cooking also. It nourishes the body as well; something I neglected while drinking.
We are all here for you!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 199
of course you can do this. focus on one hour at a time if you need to. I would hate to see you loose that much time of sobriety, and for what? one night of drinking for may nights of regret. No one here can do it for you, but we are all in this together fighting for our lives.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
You can definitely do this, Looks like a great sober plan for the weekend. Do you have any sober friends you can call or invite to join you for any of your activities?
Judging by your schedule, you are probably enjoying that 5 mile walk now!!!!
Check back in with us and let us know how you are doing.
Judging by your schedule, you are probably enjoying that 5 mile walk now!!!!
Check back in with us and let us know how you are doing.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 1,372
snowbunting - Being alone was always a trigger for me too. You have a great plan that you are putting into action and you've come here to post - you are well on your way to making it through! Be prepared to change your plan as necessary, so you are doing anything but giving in to drinking - Even if that means having to go buy more spicy crisps 
Check in often if you need to - you can do it!
Check in often if you need to - you can do it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
Okay so thank you so much everybody, you are awesome!!?!
I've just returned from my five mile walk, it's a fabulous crisp November day with blue skies and fluffy white clouds. My feet are sore though (my walking boots are half a size too big, oof!).
Those of you asking about friends / support / meetings - my husband and I are relatively new to the area we live in, and our friends live miles away. But it's okay because I'm an introvert Until my drinking became a problem, I was much happier alone than with people, and in theory I'd like to use this time to remind myself of those days when I would enjoy my own company. If I can just march happily to the beat of my own little sober drum again, I'll be so much better off. I would definitely consider going to an AA meeting if I thought I was in a crisis, don't worry. Right now, I'm fending off that crisis with activity, SR, and crisps.
Some of my favourite phrases from all that you've said to me so far: ' You're tough and determined'; 'Great idea to start this thread'; 'You CAN do this! And once you do, you'll be more confident the next time around'; 'I think if you consciously do everything you listed, you won't even have time to drink'; 'You really are worth it'; ' I offer you my strength and prayer for success at meeting your one month milestone and heading off on a long path of joyful living in sobriety!'; 'When my husband leaves, I proudly eat spaghetti, popcorn, and ice cream in bed, stay on SR all day, and watch rom-coms on Netflix' (GOOD FOR YOU!
); 'We are all here for you!'; 'Of course you can do this'; '5 miles! Girl you'll be to tired to drink!'; 'You can definitely do this'; ' You have a great plan that you are putting into action and you've come here to post - you are well on your way to making it through!'.
Feeling all the love here, thanks so much everybody, I'm totally leeching all your collective strength to help me make it through. I'm having some down time now with netflix and herbal tea (and okay maybe a crisp or three), and then when my energy comes back I'm doing yoga, cooking dinner, and having a bath while listening to my recovery playlist (mostly very soothing and nostalgic songs and pieces). I'll definitely keep checking in here, particularly if I start to wobble. Thanks again everyone
I've just returned from my five mile walk, it's a fabulous crisp November day with blue skies and fluffy white clouds. My feet are sore though (my walking boots are half a size too big, oof!).
Those of you asking about friends / support / meetings - my husband and I are relatively new to the area we live in, and our friends live miles away. But it's okay because I'm an introvert
Until my drinking became a problem, I was much happier alone than with people, and in theory I'd like to use this time to remind myself of those days when I would enjoy my own company. If I can just march happily to the beat of my own little sober drum again, I'll be so much better off. I would definitely consider going to an AA meeting if I thought I was in a crisis, don't worry. Right now, I'm fending off that crisis with activity, SR, and crisps.Some of my favourite phrases from all that you've said to me so far: ' You're tough and determined'; 'Great idea to start this thread'; 'You CAN do this! And once you do, you'll be more confident the next time around'; 'I think if you consciously do everything you listed, you won't even have time to drink'; 'You really are worth it'; ' I offer you my strength and prayer for success at meeting your one month milestone and heading off on a long path of joyful living in sobriety!'; 'When my husband leaves, I proudly eat spaghetti, popcorn, and ice cream in bed, stay on SR all day, and watch rom-coms on Netflix' (GOOD FOR YOU!
); 'We are all here for you!'; 'Of course you can do this'; '5 miles! Girl you'll be to tired to drink!'; 'You can definitely do this'; ' You have a great plan that you are putting into action and you've come here to post - you are well on your way to making it through!'. Feeling all the love here, thanks so much everybody, I'm totally leeching all your collective strength to help me make it through. I'm having some down time now with netflix and herbal tea (and okay maybe a crisp or three), and then when my energy comes back I'm doing yoga, cooking dinner, and having a bath while listening to my recovery playlist (mostly very soothing and nostalgic songs and pieces). I'll definitely keep checking in here, particularly if I start to wobble. Thanks again everyone
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