kiwigirl

My A and I had a big fight about 3 weeks ago. We'd been not talking alot over Xmas and New Year and it all came to a head. The next day I told him to go but we decided to go to counselling and try and work it out. The first session he turned up after having a few beers. At first I was disappointed, but it was good to have someone else see what I have to put up with, and, man, was he obnoxious. The counsellor suggested he go and see a male counsellor, which he thought was great, but I think she just had had enough of him!

Anyway, I've come to the decision that it's the booze or me, and with help of the counsellor I'm trying to get up the guts to tell him. He is trying really hard, although he is still drinking he is being nice to me and in his mind he is trying but for me it's still not enough. Hopefully his sessions will help him understand where I'm coming from. And I hope I get the strength to see this through. I don't want to leave, I love him very much, but I'm not prepared to live like this forever.

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Kiwi...
Just wanted to send you a (((((hug))))). I know how hard it is to be on the brink of having to make a move. Hang tuff!

Smoke

Rose56

Kiwi, I have been in your position in the last 30 days. My husband has been out of work and drinking for the past 6 months. About 3 weeks ago I asked him to leave the house, and I stuck to my guns and didn't back down. He went to his parent's house for two weeks. Several times he called and asked to come home other times he called and told me he was coming home. Each time I told him I was not ready to have him back unless he joined a program for his drinking. After two weeks I agreed to let him come home even though he did not agree to join a program - but he did agree not to drink and to get a job. He has been home for two weeks and he has not been drinking. He is looking for a job although not at the pace I would like. We have had a few fun times and a few agruments.
I don't know where things are going from here but I do know that something has shifted inside me and in our relationship. I pray that he is able to get his life back together but it doesn't feel essential to me anymore. I guess I will be ok if he gets his life together or not.
I hope this encourages you to take some action if you feel you are ready. I should tell you that I have been struggling with this problem for 18yrs and only now have taken effective action. But during that time period I was getting stronger to make myself heard. I wish you the strength and insight you need right now. take good care...

magpie

Hey there... The booze or me was my last stand as well... My sweetie chose me. We went through her withdrawal, the pink cloud of initial sobriety, and 8 months of really intense transformations, not always pretty, might I add. But, she was sober and I had high hopes. Then one day she came home and told me over dinner that she had to know what it was like to be independent and sober. She moved out within the week.

What I lost was my sweetie and partner in my life. What I am amazed at is that regardless of how much that hurt, what I am learning from the experience is something I'm actually thankful for. My entire identity as an adult child was wrapped up in who I was caretaking. Without my alcoholic and on my own, I've finally had to learn who I am, all alone in this world, without anyone else's mirror reflecting back to me who I am.

I gave the ultimatum. Things seemed to be going exactly as I wanted, but God had other plans
Magpie
recovering and grateful