KyrieEleison

I relapsed. Please someone, take over the daily readings. I am sorry.

KyrieEleison

I am very sorry, but for some reason I cannot live life without some substance.

I have been here for years but am unable to function without some mood altering drug.

I relapsed.

I suck.

I am sorry.

I am a failure.

Goodbye

Kyrie aka alcoholic.

Carlotta

Hey Kyrie, you don't suck! You have been doing some good service here and I want to thank you.
You relapsed and drank, well then get back on the horse and start again.
Why don't you join us at the 24 hours club? http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...elcome-18.html

Let me tell you what, I ll do the daily readings commitment for you for a week. That will give you a break to detox and amp up your meetings in real life and get some step work going then you can take back your commitment.

Don't quit till the miracle happens.

Jeni26

Thank you Carlotta. The daily readings are an important part of my day. It means a lot that they continue x

TigerLili

Can I help out? I have Daily Reflections and the Big Book. I'd be happy to put those ones up each day. It will help keep me on track.

TigerLili

KyrieEleison - I hope you feel better soon. Remember what your name means, ok? The Lord always has mercy and that extends to you, too.

Gal220

You don't suck, and you're not a failure! Don't use this as an excuse to drink more. We're here for you. What happened? What's your next step?

Dee74

Like I've said many times - it took me 15 years to stay sober.

I was convinced I needed some substance too - and the fear of not having anything between me and the up and downs of life was a very real fear.

In the end, the only way I ever knew if I could deal with life sober was to try it - that's a huge leap of faith especially when things go bad as they often can in life...

but I was determined to try...I'd given 20 years to drink and drugs - I vowed to give one year to recovery.

7 years later I'm still here...

every problem I solved sober...every uncomfortable emotion I sat with sober, every resentment, every flash of anger, every fearful night I got through sober...they all helped me grow strong in recovery, and to change who I was into someone closer to who I wanted to be.

I know you have a strong Christian faith Kyrie - maybe it's time to really trust that faith...make that leap of faith and leave the past behind...and give the outcomes and the worry over to God?

Your part of the bargain is to refuse to bow down to your addiction and drink again - no matter what

D

sugarbear1

maybe medication can help you out, kyrie?

tigerlili, some of these can be found online, so all you do is cut and paste

Threshold

Kyrie,

You do NOT suck. Addiction sucks. Stay with us, and we all help one another journey on, and help each other up when one falls.

I've relapsed before and getting back up again, and staying here in the fellowship of friends was WAY better than staying down.

This is a very very tough time of year for many of us, more challenging on a real basic biological level and we can get lost in that, and think it means we can't make it. But we can. even though the sucky feelings may come back for a time, they are not the truth, they are not who we fully are.

I do hope you stay with us, stay connected. We believe in you.

paulokes

Readings are important but some things are more important.

Stay well Kyrie, focus on recovery for a while

P

Joe Nerv

Dammit Kyrie! I really enjoy your posts here. Not talking about the daily word things, though I have nothing against them. I always felt the things you yourself posted were honest, thoughtful, and well stated.

I've been one of the forunate ones who got sober once, so I don't have experience in going back out. If I did however, I know I'd give it my all to get back on the horse and find what I could do differently this time.

I've seen lots of people not be able to get sober for years and years, and then something clicks and they never drink again. I've seen people pick up after years of sobriety, and then get right back into it. They lose their sober time, but that's all they lose. And they gain new perspective and put things into place. Things that needed to be put into place.

I say hang in there... and stick around here. I believe you're wise enough to know what you need to do. Just do it.

Fernaceman

When I relapsed, my sponsor recommended I get some more service commitments to help get out of myself. I am now a GSR for two meetings. It's helped so far!

KyrieEleison

Thank you everyone. I got drunk. I drank after not drinking for 3 months and now I must start over. Day one.

I feel awful today, and I realize that I will destroy myself and everything if I don't drastically change.

I called my sponsor, and will return to meetings, and stop isolating.

Thank you for your support

TigerLili

Recovery is a hard road. Drinking is harder. I'm glad you are sticking around.

paul99

Glad you're back, Kyrie. As mentioned already, it's not you who sucks, it's this thing we call alcoholism. If it weren't so alluring, so inviting, so cunning, baffling and powerful (and patient) then we wouldn't be here doing the deal that we do. Online stuff is great, and can be helpful, but that face-to-face stuff - sponsor time, meetings, talking to others, plus step work - that's what got me past the hump of mental obsession. The basics. The full monty. Half measures avail us nothing.

Service is a great way to get out of isolation - a bad place for any alcoholic.

I am so happy you've come here and shared this and are committed to recovery. It's a beautiful thing.

KyrieEleison

I thought about your question "what happened"?

The answer is I wasn't willing to let go of my way of living.

I wasn't willing to give it all to God. I wasn't entirely ready.

I wanted to hold on to certain things.

I was selfish.

I wasn't willing to let go of certain character defects, and I succumbed to the inevitable. The reward for a dishonest life.

I believe this is what happened.

Half measures, and reluctance to give it all to God. I wanted to hold on to certain defects.

I realize more than ever, not that I didn't "know" I was doing wrongly, but the reluctance to give up all of my ideas on how to live...and go for the way I know I should live was my downfall.

I wasn't willing to let go of my defects...all of them.

Now, I let go.

My Creator,

I am now willing that You should have all of me,
good and bad.
I pray that You now remove from me
every single defect of character which stands in the way
of my usefulness to You and my fellows.
Grant me strength, as I go out from here,
to do Your bidding.

Amen

7th Step Prayer

liss74

Falling flat on your face is still moving forward get back up and do the next right thing I've been doing the same thing to, we can do this x

liss74

needed this thanx

Brian316

Kyrie, I'm sorry to hear this happened. As someone who has relapsed a lot of times, I agree with what everyone else has said and I would just add that we cannot rest on our laurels, for alcohol is a very subtle foe. I hope that you will continue to spread the AA message and renew your commitment to sobriety. And keep coming back! It works if we work it.