Mentium

Although I go to AA it is for the fellowship. company and the sharing of experience more than the 12 Step program or the 'spiritual' element. I am not going to bash AA, but I think the concentration on 'personal shortcomings' and 'wrongs' and the focus on the negative when so many addicts are decent people who have fallen into the trap of addiction - is unhelpful and potentially a barrier to recovery.

Many AA members who get and stay sober use the Steps as a way of guiding their lives to be more fulfilling and meaningful. I know from direct observation that it works for some of them too, which is great for them.

I am now past the withdrawal and early recovery stage of my addiction to alcohol. I plan to continue going to AA for support for as long as it feels helpful - a year - maybe a lot more. And sure I have shortcomings and 'faults' but I don't think, as far as I can tell that they have any real connection with my addiction to alcohol, so I don't feel any pressing need to address them as part of the next phase of 'recovery'.

All of which is a rather long winded way of asking what people who don't follow the 12 Step tradition think that recovery, once the initial phase is over, is about and what one can do during that time to reinforce ones commitment to sober living.

nandm

There are a variety of recovery programs available that are not 12 Step based like AA is. I would suggest that if you do not want to do the program of AA which is the 12 Steps that you consider checking out some of the other recovery programs available as they may be a better fit for you. AA is not for everyone but I do believe that there is a recovery program that can fit everyone. Utilizing one of these programs might be the best way for you to reinforce your sobriety and maintain a long term commitment to sobriety. That is not to say that you are not welcome in AA just because you have no desire to try the 12 Steps as the only requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking. I only bring up other programs because they may be a better fit for you since you are opposed to the major part of the recovery program of AA which is the 12 Steps. Here is a pretty good list of many of the recovery programs out there if you are interested: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

Threshold

One thing I have found crucial (and my boyfriend, sober 5 months is also discovering) is that I have to create a life I want to live.

For me, taking booze and drugs out was a great start, because it gave me the freedom to live...but I had these gaping holes in my life where substance abuse used to be. So I've had to consciously work on finding new ways to spend time, and put my mental and emotional energy.

Positive things! Because heck, at first complaining about work and other people seemed to be the thing that started filling up the holes and THAT was just another waste of my life.

So, making some active decisions about how to spend my time. Trying new foods, tv shows, books, etc.

Congrats on getting sober! Glad you joined us.

foolsgold66

Hmmm. I'm not sure you can consciously know whether your wrongdoings were due to alcohol or not. I did AA during rehab and for a while afterwards, and worked the steps as best I could manage.

Regardless, I think that steps 4, inventory, and 5 sharing with another are pretty damn useful for personal growth, for anyone - not just addicts\alcoholics. I had stuff in my inventory from my childhood, before I ever took a single drink.

Boleo

Contrary to popular belief, the inventory process does not lead us into feelings of fear, guilt and shame. Instead it leads us out of feelings of fear, guilt and shame.

The practical reason for doing an inventory of our shortcomings is to see what the root cause of them is. When we see that, we can avoid the kind of thinking that leads up to more of the same in the future. Anything that disturbs us can serve as a trigger. By nipping that kind of thinking in the bud, we can throw most of those triggers in the trash so that they never disturb us again in the future.

Abstinence is needing to think about NOT-drinking.

Recovery is NOT-needing to think about drinking.

It all depends where you want the NOT.

awuh1

The “concentration” on shortcomings and wrongs is just a part of the process of doing the steps, albeit a necessary one. When it’s done it’s done. No need to stay there and dwell on it

I look at it a little like garbage... It’s a good idea to set aside the unneeded byproducts of everyday living and put it in the garbage. But if you leave it there too long it starts to stink, and can even turn into something harmful. It needs to go to the dump.

My alcoholism was like leaving garbage all over the house. Not drinking was like starting to put some of the mess in the trash. The steps were like cleaning the house having the trash removed to the dump.

freshstart57

Seemed like your question and those to whom it was directed was pretty clear. Yikes!

For me, as one who does not follow a 12 step tradition, a life free of addiction is a commitment to life, to your own life, and to the lives of those whom you love. It is a realization that our potential is more than we can imagine. If we can break addiction and become securely and unconditionally sober through a triumph of our spirit over our nature, our limits are few.

It is timshel, thou mayest.

Our commitment to sober living is made stronger and whole by these realizations, and by pursuit of our potential. We only need to believe in ourselves.

deeker

A.A. Recovery - The Missing Piece: The Spiritual Malady

Interesting link

mecanix

For me , where does the recovery end and the living a great life start ? It's not really a question i ask myself ever , why would i ? i'm happy , free , joyous and sober .

Part of living a great and authentic life meant giving up alcoholic drinking , for me alcohol was a way of improving my quality of life to start with , then it all went bad and quitting alcohol improved the quality of my life .

If your looking for a guide to living a glorious life then there seem to be plenty of books in the self help market , i've read a few but when i read something about enjoying the infinite potental of now by sitting in a room with a lot of other people being quite , i realized i wouldn't be able to tell the difference between that and just sitting quietly in a room being quite , then i thought i may as well go and do something fun ..

Bestwishes, m

Mentium

Thank you all for your comments. I am still of the view that AA has the tendency to view addicts as having 'done wrong'. I do agree that an inspection of one's character and personality - an inventory if you like - to explore why one might be prone to addiction is an excellent idea and one I will be pursuing via one or more of the links kindly suggested above.

My local AA group is very relaxed in terms of outlook and I think it will be possible to use Step 4 in this sort of way. Thanks again all.

Threshold

thank you for this!

I think a great deal of my drinking and drugging was trying to escape from the "trapped" feeling in my head...frustration with all the things I felt I could not do.

Mizzuno

[/QUOTE] what one can do during that time to reinforce ones commitment to sober living.[/QUOTE]

My own personal observation for my own life is that I do not want to focus on my short comings, or focus on the thoughts that I have character defects. I am a human and with being human I make mistakes, I get impatient at times, I can be judgemental, close minded at times.....I think this is a part of the human condition. What I do choose to focus on is the positive in my life and the things that I am good at.

One way that I stay sober thus far, is I remind myself that I have worn out my Welcome with the bottle. When alcohol is in my life, I sabotage to a large degree......I am better than that and I know it. Alcohol helps me to stay trapped in a self pity and depression that can only be remedied if I remove the substance from my life. I believe in myself, and this was far from the truth awhile ago.

If I am to live an authentic life, I have to try.

LadyBlue0527

I support and applaud anyone who finds a way to become and remain sober regardless of how it's done. We're all different.

My experience is that I did AA previously without doing the steps. I thought the sum total of my involvement was going to meetings and listening to people lament over how they couldn't drink. Then I walked away from it because I stated that was what AA was all about. I wasn't ready.

This time through I am doing the steps. I haven't understood the full capacity of what this program will do for me yet because I'm on step 4 currently. What I do know is that already, my life has changed and I'm sober and happy about it. I've progressed more in my life already than I ever did with the assistance of therapy. I've learned that I can't change the world but I can change me and I can let go of what I can't change. It's very freeing. I now refer to it as the program that gave me back myself, someone who was lost for a long time. Oh yeah, in the process I got to remain sober while doing it.

This program, just like sobriety, is something you have to want. In both cases, if you don't have that want then it's not going to work.

This is true for any program.

wakko

My best thinking almost killed me. For the first time in my life I started to listen to people who knew more than I did. If someone with 30 years tells me to work the steps I work the steps. AA has saved countless people so I do not need to fix something that is not broke

Mizzuno

Inherently we know the answers to what we are supposed to be doing. There is this compass/ inner voice that speaks loud and clear when we are running into a danger zone. Now, whether we choose to listen to that voice is another thing. I do think that the program of AA has helped millions of people. However, the one shoe fits all approach is not really what this world is about. We are all so diverse and so unique in our stories and experiences. If I continue with this mission of listening, reaching, and knowing that Alcohol will be the demise of my life, then I feel like I am recovering just fine. I think we are given the "wisdom" enough to know where to walk........Hoping this is not too esoteric.

whiskeyman

Part of my inventory is pointing out my assets as well.
It isnt about finding all the faults, its finding why and how those fault start.
But i have many things that are good about me too

Jimstan

AA has no opinion that someone there is "wrong" or behaved "badly".
I think you are listening with a preconceived notion, or are feeling "badly" about your own behavior.
AA, however, is not for everyone which is why most people don't stay or bother to develop a personal understanding of the program. Alas, there are many who simply parrot the slogans and jargon with nary a passing acquaintance of their import.
Hope that you find what you want. Jim S.

freshstart57

Really. You can't be serious.

5: Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Fully half of the twelve steps are concerned with defective character aspects, dishonesty, wrongdoing, contrition, reparation for harms committed, and so on. AA appears to be of the opinion that these wrongs and defects of character must be addressed in order that the promise of divine intervention is fulfilled and obsessions to drink are removed.

Welcome to SR, Jimstan, hope you continue to post and that you find what you are looking for too.

Boleo

It is not a "opinion" that we have character defects. It is just a fact of life - no judgement needs to be made in the inventory process.

The fact that "we/ourselves" do the inventory transforms it from being a humiliation experience into being a humility experience. To an outside observer it may look like humiliation, but from an inside perspective, there is a huge difference. The goal of self-appraisal is to detach from all judgement and condemnation. Not attach to it.

That's where experience is critical to guiding a person through the inventory process. To a spectator, the process looks completely different. You can't analyze this kind of stuff using logic and reason. Logic and reason are the wrong tools to use to get to the truth about spiritual matters. Thus my tag line:

Johnston

I prefer the term character traits to character defect. Anxiety is the trigger for my traits to become exaggerated, sometimes leading to problems with life. I don't need a moral inventory to tell me that.