afla

Hi,

I'm trying to learn more about alcoholism and alcohol abuse, because of my boyfriend's problems with alcohol and him now getting help to stay sober.

I'm trying to understand the hows and whys of addiction and recovery.

So, my question is, for those who are comfortable talking about it, particularly those who have been sober and in recovery a long time now (but please anyone contribute):

What was it that made you (still makes you?) desire drinking or want to go back to drinking each time? Why did you start drinking more? What did it give you that you found hard to give up?

Then, for those who have managed long term recovery, what worked for you to get out of that? What attitude changed, or perspective? Did you change your lifestyle to cope with it? How did you get over the desire so you didn't want to drink anymore? (I've seen a comment on here about, after long-term recovery, no longer wanting to drink).

Thank you!

Bubovski

I choose to believe that alcoholism is an illness.
What else can explain the great physical and mental suffering repeated over and over again, perhaps for decades, or leading to earlier insanity or death.
Some turn to alcohol to overcome a perceived personality problem such as shyness or a feeling of alienation. An escape from depression may also encourage alcoholism. Others, seeking bliss beyond the conventional , will opt for a limited euphoria that in the big picture leads to on going misery.

In my case I needed to develop a spiritual mind set which related to non drinking and also to becoming,over time, a more morally decent person. That is to say, one who could manage without a good deal of the contrived and shallow joys society flung at me, for a price. Along with this I needed to pursue my better convictions with a like minded support group.

As for 'getting sober", I again believe (contrary to moderate drinking teachings) that I need to keep working , spiritually,psychologically, and socially for the rest of my life to maintain this infinitely superior condition of being. There is no end time for me,only back to the varied Hells of alcoholism.

johnatahn1

Im new here I would like to add that when im not busy I want to drink if that makes sense

afla

Hi johnatahn! You mean out of boredom or just wanting something to do?

johnatahn1

both and then I want more and more etc

sugarbear1

I just wanted to drink to escape; escape my own skin, the world, my problems, to escape as a form of celebration, to escape the sun rising and setting....just to drink. Obsessed with my drinking.....

Have you read the book Alcoholics Anonymous? It might help you to understand alcoholism more.

Bubovski

My comments simply reflect my own presently accrued personal views.
Others may see 'alcoholism' and its ramifications quite differently..............

Soberpotamus

Pretty much what Sugarbear said...

But to get a little more scientific, there's a difference in the brain of addicts/alcoholics where the drug of choice becomes sort of a "plug" or "master key" over time... and in some cases, it doesn't take very long. There are neurochemicals in the brain, quite a few, and the feel good chemicals like dopamine are the ones that are effected. There is a rush of dopamine when you drink/use... it opens the floodgates. So you get this euphoric feeling, and it seems that non-alcoholics don't seem to get this same intense reaction. So, for those of us who do get this reaction, we are getting it because of a deficiency in a particular neurotransmitter (such as dopamine). The alcohol plugs this gap, and lets even more out... so, we are not only depleted, we are very very depleted at some point... hence, the depression. Then, the dependence. And so on...

So basically... it feels, for the alcoholic, "normal" when he/she drinks to some extent... until we get so far down the road, and tolerance level so whacked out, that it no longer even helps to drink.

As for the second part of your question... I just decided it was over. That alcohol could no longer be an option. I didn't want to keep suffering the consequences. I wanted a real life.

Boleo

I don't doubt that something about my brain chemistry is different than moderate drinkers. THIQ may in fact still be there.

However, I am one of those who experienced a "Flash of Light" experiences that completely changed my attitude towards liquor 180 degrees in 1 millisecond. So I doubt that brain chemicals alone could have done it that fast and that efficiently.

It was kind of like a miracle or more so. It was more like a rude awakening.

Soberpotamus

Brain chemistry had nothing to do with my desire and decision to quit, Boleo. I think you confused what I said.

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

Boleo

What I was trying to say was - brain chemistry probably got me into an uncontrollable desire to drink but I doubt it was what got me out of it.

IMO there is a certain type of enlightenment that can release a person from a uncontrollable obsession. It has been occurring throughout human history and is well known in Easter religions as Moksha.

Bubovski

I see the materialistic reliance on understanding brain chemistry and evolutionary determinism inadequate in my case, and look to a higher cosmic potentiality for assistance.
Not clear cut by any means, but it seems to work for me.

DayTrader

My drinking problem developed over time and didn't really start until my late 20's to early 30's. While I believe there's certainly a physical component to why I drank, that alone doesn't explain why after a period away from booze I'd go back to it, especially with a very painful and checkered past re. drinking.

Going back to it suggests a mental component as well as the physical. Physically I'm different in that once I start, MY body and MY mind want more. Mental in that once I stop....sooner or later I rationalize a reason to start again. Non-alcoholics don't do this. While it may not make sense, that's what happens.

I also believe there's a third component for an alcoholic (not all..... naysayers relax. lol) that's spiritual in nature. When my spiritual life is in order and I'm focused on others rather than myself......my life usually goes pretty darn well. No big ups to "celebrate" and no big downs to drown out. Life becomes....... smooth.

For question #2, everything changed. Thankfully, I didn't have to figure it all out and make the changes. Many of them just came over time. Being sober 6 year for me is the result of being an active member in AA and continually working the program in my life.

pinkdog

Hi afla, welcome. I am an alcoholic. Over 3 years sober. I thought people who continued to drink just wanted to party. I found out that when you drink on a regular basis, your body NEEDS the alcohol. Physically. That is why it is so hard to quit. Your body is fighting you on it. You can get some good information by googling: progression of alcohol, stages of withdrawal and stages of readiness. I researched everything I could. The reason I quit was because I was truly tired of being sick all the time. Check out al-anon. Best wishes. You came to a good place.

sugarbear1

I had no physical addiction and I drank every day.

Alcohol made me okay in my own skin.

Leongecko

Sweet oblivion. Thats what I crave, I can pretend its to relax me, or to give me confidence, or to make me less inhibited, and it can temporarily, it reallycomes down to the fact that alcohol can obliviate you to the problems in your life, it stops the worry, the guilt, the regret.
Except it doesnt.
It doesnt do any of those things, It magnifies those problems and then gives you bad bowels, crushing anxiety and menacing headaches and says "there, feel better? now try and deal with your life!". It takes away your ability to cope, so you drink to mask those now even bigger seeming problems, and reduces your mental ability to actually cope with them.
Its constantly papering over the cracks.
For me anyway.
Giving up alcohol wont take anyones problems away, but it will enable you to look at them rationally, and as they truly are.
A big illusion really, and in a society where "letting your hair down" is seen as cool, and every store sells beer and bars and pubs are on every street, and this substance is legal, well its no wonder so many people fall into the trap.
Thats how I see it anyway, and that realisation (when it finally sinks in) is enough to make me firstly acknowledge that I have a drinking problem, and secondly to reach out for help.

longbeachone

I've been sober 4+ years. Drinking for me went from something fun that was relaxing and social to an overwhelming compulsion I couldn't live without. It all started innocently enough, like it does for most people. It made fun funner. It was when I began using alcohol to cover emotions that the trouble began. And it didn't have to be anxiety or sadness...any emotions. Sure, if I was anxious, a drink calmed me down, but in the same way if I was happy it made me happier. Gradually, (this took years for me, but it can happen much more quickly) I lost the ability to address any feeling by myself. Emotions became scary things, and only a drink could make them manageable. It begins to take over other things too. Going out? Must have a drink to calm down, get "in the mood". Have to make a call that I don't want to make? Drink. Bored? Drink. The equation became everything that happened in my life equals X, X equals alcohol.

Stopping enabled this giant rush of stuff that I didn't want to face all come crashing over me at once with no liquid protection, and that's scary. It was learning to face life head on, without chemicals, that made me sober.

pinkdog

Hi afla, I would suggest that you watch the youtube video "Drugged..High on alcohol". i had many of the problems this guy did when I went without the alcohol. Best to you.

LadyinBC

Yup, I drank to get drunk and stay drunk to stay in that spot. Looking back I don't think I ever reached it. And I drank by myself.

For me, I do still, at times, still have the desire to drink. I don't think that will ever go away. However, I believe that my cravings have gotten less and now I have different coping skills.

I definitely had to change people, places and things and I have to constantly work on myself.

nomis

I drank to self-medicate the stress away in my life. Sure enough when I'm exposed to stressful situations now, the first thought that pops into my head is "I need to drink."

So for me recovery is all about being mindful, learning my triggers and learning how to deal with stress in a healthy positive manner. It ain't easy, but being an alcoholic for 18 years was no walk in the park either.