ClimbHigh

I am posting this to see if anyone else has had similar issues or even any advice. I went to go to a meeting this morning, was trying a SMART meeting, and when I got to the area of town it was in (I live in a large city) I felt as though it was more harm then could be good. There were 30 or more vagrant types eyeballing me and my vehicle, and offering every substance imaginable. To me being in this type of environment is worse than staying at home where I am safe.
Now I understand why the meetings are here, as this is where the greatest need is, quite obviously, but is there not somewhere for the addict whom hasn't hit that dark a place. I am a high functioning alcohol and cocaine user (meaning I keep a job, keep money, have a house etc...). In the past I have had issues with crack as well, and those are the places I went to pick up!!
I don't think I am any better than anyone else, but being in that situation made me angry, and feel like using. I also had the time wrong and missed the meeting by 1/2 an hour. I don't know, maybe I have to get there(lower than I am and lose everything) before I will really get help?? Has anyone else been an addict like me and found a support group that fit?? I want some contacts and people in my life I can call on when in need and vice versa, but I am in a different spot then many addicts seem to be??!!! To me it's like holding an AA meeting in thew basement of a liquor store.
I will try another location and see if I have better luck maybe (there are only two). I am not a big believer (no offense to anyone) of the 12 step programs and whole surrendering to a hp to save me, I believe it's me and my choices which will either save or destroy me.

Anyhow maybe someone out there has had similar issues or could offer any advice??

Thanks
CH

neferkamichael

ClimbHigh, I was in a similiar situation to yours. I had a Mercedes Benz, condo filled with expensive furniture, yadha, yadha, yadha. Now I life in a rundown RV, on the outskirts of the hood and the hood is growing. Please, do not underestimate how powerful addiction to chemical substances is. All you have can vanish in the blink of an eye, I know. You have found a good place for support right here on SR, I know that too. Thanks to this place on September 11th, I'll be 2 years of cocaine. Rootin for ya.

ClimbHigh

Thanks for replying! It's not that I think I can't end up there just because I still have managed to keep my **** somewhat together. I realize if I were to pick up and get back on the pipe it would make very short work of what little self respect I have left.
I guess I feel as though putting myself in that area of town is very uncomfortable because that's where I would go after I left the bar and pick up. Also I feel as though its difficult to find support for where I am in my recovery. It just seems that many believe I am not that bad because I do still have a job, and home etc. I will try and get to another meeting I guess and put more effort in.
Part of me wants to say f$&$ it and just let go and get there so I can start rebuilding from where everyone else is, and alot of me knows that's my inner addict trying to get me to give up. I'm over a week clean from my doc, and even off pot at 6 days (haven't been 100% clean like this in many years) but feel depressed and angry. I thought getting sober was supposed to be the opposite of this. I thought I was supposed to e happy and grateful??!!!
Instead I'm pissed, and mopey etc etc. sorry for sounding like such a bi$&h, I'm just at a bit of a loss as to why I'm feeling the way I am. My wife has also quit drinking and is super happy which I don't get and makes me feel as though I'm missing something. Being able to post here has been my only outlet and I know that with only my wife as support its like two teepee poles, if one of us falls the other will come crashing down as well.
CH

Coldfusion

Hello, Climb High!

My first experience with meetings was at in-patient detox. Volunteers from different groups came to our program to hold meetings, so I was exposed to several different groups. I quickly learned that meetings involved taking what I needed and leaving the rest. I find meetings are important to my sobriety, so I go even to meetings where I don't agree with everything that goes on.

My wife quit drinking at home alone while I was at detox. She does not go to meetings, and is happily sober.

ClimbHigh

My wife is not drinking for 30 days (is the plan) then plans on moderating, which is another point of concern for me, as I'm not sure how that will work and is why I NEED outside support. Because while alcohol is not my doc it always led me to pick up, and I therefore plan to abstain completely from it. I will continue trying to get to a meeting, and hopefully find some sober support outside of home. I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond here.
Managed to drag my ass off the couch and get to the gym which has helped me feel substantially better.

CH

DecBaby

What you're feeling is normal. My first few months were forcing myself to do things "normal" people do. Showering, cleaning up after myself, going to work, waiting for the bus, eating even. It wasn't until a few months later where I started to see the rewards of being sober. And I wouldn't trade my sobriety for anything else.