Thanks for replying! It's not that I think I can't end up there just because I still have managed to keep my **** somewhat together. I realize if I were to pick up and get back on the pipe it would make very short work of what little self respect I have left.
I guess I feel as though putting myself in that area of town is very uncomfortable because that's where I would go after I left the bar and pick up. Also I feel as though its difficult to find support for where I am in my recovery. It just seems that many believe I am not that bad because I do still have a job, and home etc. I will try and get to another meeting I guess and put more effort in.
Part of me wants to say f$&$ it and just let go and get there so I can start rebuilding from where everyone else is, and alot of me knows that's my inner addict trying to get me to give up. I'm over a week clean from my doc, and even off pot at 6 days (haven't been 100% clean like this in many years) but feel depressed and angry. I thought getting sober was supposed to be the opposite of this. I thought I was supposed to e happy and grateful??!!!
Instead I'm pissed, and mopey etc etc. sorry for sounding like such a bi$&h, I'm just at a bit of a loss as to why I'm feeling the way I am. My wife has also quit drinking and is super happy which I don't get and makes me feel as though I'm missing something. Being able to post here has been my only outlet and I know that with only my wife as support its like two teepee poles, if one of us falls the other will come crashing down as well.
CH