What Has Been Your Most Challenging Experience Since You Got Sober ?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Laconia
Posts: 813
What Has Been Your Most Challenging Experience Since You Got Sober ?
Can you briefly describe the hardest event or catastrophe
you have faced since you became sober ? How did you
get through it without taking a drink ? What program
tools did you rely on (ie: the fellowship, your sponsor,
the steps, prayer etc.) ?
This thread may be helpful to others who are suffering
and trying to stay sober in spite of the hardships they
are facing.
you have faced since you became sober ? How did you
get through it without taking a drink ? What program
tools did you rely on (ie: the fellowship, your sponsor,
the steps, prayer etc.) ?
This thread may be helpful to others who are suffering
and trying to stay sober in spite of the hardships they
are facing.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
About one year after getting sober my sponsor talked me into taking a job as a long-haul truck driver because I had a clean driving record and could not find anything else. Little did I know that it is one of the loneliest, scariest most boring jobs imaginable ( at least at first).
I felt like Murphy's Law was all about me. Every day was a disaster, at least for the first couple months. I called my sponsor and AA friends so much and so early and or late in the day, some of them quite taking my phone calls. I worked many 14 hour days, many 70 hour work weeks and got home only about 2 days per month. The pay was fair but the expenses ate up way more than I expected (10$ for a shower at a truck stop).
The end result was I knew I had to find a new way of coping with all the stress and boredom. I started working steps 10& 11 with the desperation of a drowning man. It was not long before my internal life changed drastically. One day my sponsor called to ask how things were going. I told him about the thousand things that went wrong that day and then said:
"I don't know where all this peace of mind, joy and sense of purpose is coming from? It sure ain't because I had a good day."
I felt like Murphy's Law was all about me. Every day was a disaster, at least for the first couple months. I called my sponsor and AA friends so much and so early and or late in the day, some of them quite taking my phone calls. I worked many 14 hour days, many 70 hour work weeks and got home only about 2 days per month. The pay was fair but the expenses ate up way more than I expected (10$ for a shower at a truck stop).
The end result was I knew I had to find a new way of coping with all the stress and boredom. I started working steps 10& 11 with the desperation of a drowning man. It was not long before my internal life changed drastically. One day my sponsor called to ask how things were going. I told him about the thousand things that went wrong that day and then said:
"I don't know where all this peace of mind, joy and sense of purpose is coming from? It sure ain't because I had a good day."
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: atlanta ga
Posts: 69
I can not list all the hard things
but here are a few
death of my parents
divorce
lack of work
my daughter was raped
the death of my best friend and sponsorlkju
pets that have died
been lied about
gossiped about
ripped off
house broken into
car stolen not once but twice
the bottom line is no mater what happens I do not have to drink unless I insist on it
AA works but I have to do the work
what got me through this was first having God not only in my life but I have a personal relationship with him
all 12 of the steps
not just some great sponsors but some real close AA friends
deb
but here are a few
death of my parents
divorce
lack of work
my daughter was raped
the death of my best friend and sponsorlkju
pets that have died
been lied about
gossiped about
ripped off
house broken into
car stolen not once but twice
the bottom line is no mater what happens I do not have to drink unless I insist on it
AA works but I have to do the work
what got me through this was first having God not only in my life but I have a personal relationship with him
all 12 of the steps
not just some great sponsors but some real close AA friends
deb
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
After 2 years sober, I found out that my then wife of 19 years was having an affair. I asked her to leave and took custody (now joint custody) of our two small children.
My sponsor, sister, and counsellor were all key in helping me maintain my sobriety. I remember telling my counsellor that I was NOT going to start drinking over this (God knows I wanted to) and his response was: "I should hope not! Your kids need at least one sane parent." lol
And prayer...lots of prayer, even when I didn't feel like it. I started to feel better about 6 weeks later. My prayers were answered.
5 1/2 years sober now. Life goes on, better than ever.
Bottom line. Ask for help. It's ALWAYS there for you.
My sponsor, sister, and counsellor were all key in helping me maintain my sobriety. I remember telling my counsellor that I was NOT going to start drinking over this (God knows I wanted to) and his response was: "I should hope not! Your kids need at least one sane parent." lol
And prayer...lots of prayer, even when I didn't feel like it. I started to feel better about 6 weeks later. My prayers were answered.
5 1/2 years sober now. Life goes on, better than ever.
Bottom line. Ask for help. It's ALWAYS there for you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: FL
Posts: 698
Driving away from the mental health hospital when my teenage son was "Baker Acted" for suicidal ideation. I was very upset and only 8 days sober!! I was driving home to get his clothes, and wanted to make a pit stop at the bar, cuz I really needed a drink after that day!!
Something told me call an AA. The first one didn't answer. Something told me to call another one. She answered and talked to me for 40 minutes. I didn't go to the bar. I stayed sober that night, through his 5 day hospitalization, and coming home.
We are still struggling with my son and staying sober is the best thing I can do to help him with his depression. Often I think of the power of that one phone call. Everytime I see that woman I am soo grateful and give her a hug. I feel like she saved my life. She just says "It's what we do, we help each other."
Something told me call an AA. The first one didn't answer. Something told me to call another one. She answered and talked to me for 40 minutes. I didn't go to the bar. I stayed sober that night, through his 5 day hospitalization, and coming home.
We are still struggling with my son and staying sober is the best thing I can do to help him with his depression. Often I think of the power of that one phone call. Everytime I see that woman I am soo grateful and give her a hug. I feel like she saved my life. She just says "It's what we do, we help each other."
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
After reading a lot of posts, web sites and hearing from people F2F that the steps had restored them to sanity, including ending their issues with mental illness, I felt confident that I would get that same "miracle".
So when another episode of mental illness hit I was very deflated. Was even harder when folks told me if I had done the steps the REAL way, the way their sponsor did, with honesty etc etc that I wouldn't need my meds, wouldn't have anxiety, my bi-polar would disappear.
About the same time I was homeless, jobless and had had some of my valuables and sentimental possessions stolen by a meth addict.
How did I get through?
I didn't drink. I didn't use...the meth addict was a fine example of where I'd be and who I'd be if I went back to that.
I read a LOT of inspirations books, spent a lot of time praying, meditating, visualizing, and doing affirmations. Hiked. Surrendered to reality and listened to my sponsor to just hang in there, ride it out, this too shall pass.
Kept on with my step work, working on it every day. Hung around here when I was able to get net access.
Experiencing paranoia and disordered thinking is bad enough without adding booze and drugs to the mix...been there, done that...nearly killed myself.
reminded myself that mind altering substances had NEVER fixed anything.
I spent some time at the cemetery talking to a friend who long ago passed on. I can tell him anything and he didn't get tired or turned off by listening. I'd sit on his grave and cry...may have been weird, but kept me sober. Nothing wrong with an imaginary friend, as long as they are a POSITIVE influence!
So when another episode of mental illness hit I was very deflated. Was even harder when folks told me if I had done the steps the REAL way, the way their sponsor did, with honesty etc etc that I wouldn't need my meds, wouldn't have anxiety, my bi-polar would disappear.
About the same time I was homeless, jobless and had had some of my valuables and sentimental possessions stolen by a meth addict.
How did I get through?
I didn't drink. I didn't use...the meth addict was a fine example of where I'd be and who I'd be if I went back to that.
I read a LOT of inspirations books, spent a lot of time praying, meditating, visualizing, and doing affirmations. Hiked. Surrendered to reality and listened to my sponsor to just hang in there, ride it out, this too shall pass.
Kept on with my step work, working on it every day. Hung around here when I was able to get net access.
Experiencing paranoia and disordered thinking is bad enough without adding booze and drugs to the mix...been there, done that...nearly killed myself.
reminded myself that mind altering substances had NEVER fixed anything.
I spent some time at the cemetery talking to a friend who long ago passed on. I can tell him anything and he didn't get tired or turned off by listening. I'd sit on his grave and cry...may have been weird, but kept me sober. Nothing wrong with an imaginary friend, as long as they are a POSITIVE influence!
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,903
good topic
several things have proved hard
my wife and I have had 7 deaths in our families.2 was suicides.
One of the hardest was my Father dying when I was 1 1/2 yrs sober.
It was sudden and hurt a lot for both my wife and myself.It was hard for me to adjust to him not being there.I felt so lost.My aa home group and other aa friends helped so much.I feel like they pulled us thru that ordeal.
One month later we was homeless,and that turned out to be a 30 day nightmare.During that time,my aa friends did the same as when my Dad died,they pulled us thru by their prayers,good actions and good sound encouragement.
another thing is when the recession hit and we was in financial trouble.My job went down the tubes.
Like Boleo,I hit the road driving a truck,since I was a trucker anyway.I was lucky,I made it home on the weekends.It was a hard adjustment for me.Physically speaking,it kept me wore down and my mind was always in shambles.I couldn`t make meetings much at all.
However,I always took my AA books with me and solely relied on the 12 steps.I had to ,to keep my sanity.This job proved to be a force that drove me back to the big book and the steps,and my relationship with God got better.
I am still driving,and still carrying my big book with me,and still using it.Currently,my latest big book has one half million miles on it.I hope to one day have a "million mile big book".
several things have proved hard
my wife and I have had 7 deaths in our families.2 was suicides.
One of the hardest was my Father dying when I was 1 1/2 yrs sober.
It was sudden and hurt a lot for both my wife and myself.It was hard for me to adjust to him not being there.I felt so lost.My aa home group and other aa friends helped so much.I feel like they pulled us thru that ordeal.
One month later we was homeless,and that turned out to be a 30 day nightmare.During that time,my aa friends did the same as when my Dad died,they pulled us thru by their prayers,good actions and good sound encouragement.
another thing is when the recession hit and we was in financial trouble.My job went down the tubes.
Like Boleo,I hit the road driving a truck,since I was a trucker anyway.I was lucky,I made it home on the weekends.It was a hard adjustment for me.Physically speaking,it kept me wore down and my mind was always in shambles.I couldn`t make meetings much at all.
However,I always took my AA books with me and solely relied on the 12 steps.I had to ,to keep my sanity.This job proved to be a force that drove me back to the big book and the steps,and my relationship with God got better.
I am still driving,and still carrying my big book with me,and still using it.Currently,my latest big book has one half million miles on it.I hope to one day have a "million mile big book".
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
being diagnosed stage 3 melanoma 13 month into recovery.
3 1/2 years of surgery, clinical trial, surgery, chemo, surgery, more chemo, more surgeries, countless blood draws, PET scans, CT scans, MRI's, other tests I don't remember, numerous visits to other specialists, uncountable 300 mile round trip rides to the U of M cancer center.
but that was nothing.
I broke a shoelace in between it all.
3 1/2 years of surgery, clinical trial, surgery, chemo, surgery, more chemo, more surgeries, countless blood draws, PET scans, CT scans, MRI's, other tests I don't remember, numerous visits to other specialists, uncountable 300 mile round trip rides to the U of M cancer center.
but that was nothing.
I broke a shoelace in between it all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: FL
Posts: 698
Originally Posted by tomsteve 
being diagnosed stage 3 melanoma 13 month into recovery.
3 1/2 years of surgery, clinical trial, surgery, chemo, surgery, more chemo, more surgeries, countless blood draws, PET scans, CT scans, MRI's, other tests I don't remember, numerous visits to other specialists, uncountable 300 mile round trip rides to the U of M cancer center.
3 1/2 years of surgery, clinical trial, surgery, chemo, surgery, more chemo, more surgeries, countless blood draws, PET scans, CT scans, MRI's, other tests I don't remember, numerous visits to other specialists, uncountable 300 mile round trip rides to the U of M cancer center.
tools did you rely on?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 625
In 2007 my wife was raped by a prison guard while in prison. They put her in segregation and I wasn't able to see or talk to her for thirty days. She spent another four years in prison after the rape with her rapist watching over us in visiting.
In 2009, she was denied parole because of what the parole board called, "her culpability" in the rape.
In 2013, she relapsed and faced life without parole.
In 2009, she was denied parole because of what the parole board called, "her culpability" in the rape.
In 2013, she relapsed and faced life without parole.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Kathleen41
What a journey tomsteve!! I can empathize with you. I'm glad your with us on our road to happy destiny!! But you forgot to answer the question and I wanna know...How did you get through it without taking a drink ? What program
tools did you rely on?
tools did you rely on?
I got through it by the grace of God, the God of my understanding that AA showed me to find.
Friend of Jimmy B
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 667
The first year or so of my sobriety was the hardest thing I've done. I didn't want to drink but my medication was gone and I have to being dealing with life. I'm grateful for that time because I learned to use the fellowship and program of AA.
Other things along the way...
The death of my sponsor Jim when I was 12 or 13 years sober. He was probably the person who helped me more than any other to become the man I am today. Thanks, Jim.
9/11. I live in NYC and worked four blocks from the site and had family, friends and clients nearby. The first couple of days waiting for news about them was probably the most stressful and surreal time.
Living with physical pain and uncertainty about my health for the past 15 or so years. I have a neurological condition and arthritis in my knees and neck. Some days gettig out of bed is the best I can do.
Financial problems the past few years due to the economy, my physical condition and not being the best manager of my time and resources. I went into Chapter 7 Bankruptcy the summer of my 30th year in sobriety. I found help in this area working the steps in another fellowship.
What helps is what a friend and I were talking about the other day... What we call the short form of the 3rd step... Sh** happens. It has nothing to do with me being an alcoholic and picking up a drink over any of it won't help. What we used to call the "no matter what club".
Other things along the way...
The death of my sponsor Jim when I was 12 or 13 years sober. He was probably the person who helped me more than any other to become the man I am today. Thanks, Jim.
9/11. I live in NYC and worked four blocks from the site and had family, friends and clients nearby. The first couple of days waiting for news about them was probably the most stressful and surreal time.
Living with physical pain and uncertainty about my health for the past 15 or so years. I have a neurological condition and arthritis in my knees and neck. Some days gettig out of bed is the best I can do.
Financial problems the past few years due to the economy, my physical condition and not being the best manager of my time and resources. I went into Chapter 7 Bankruptcy the summer of my 30th year in sobriety. I found help in this area working the steps in another fellowship.
What helps is what a friend and I were talking about the other day... What we call the short form of the 3rd step... Sh** happens. It has nothing to do with me being an alcoholic and picking up a drink over any of it won't help. What we used to call the "no matter what club".
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
I just wanted to say that this thread is fantastic and very inspiring. I haven't had any tragic or very difficult circumstances cross my path (yet) in my recovery so far, but reading these responses really nails the picture onto the wall for me. I have always maintained that my recovery has no conditions on it - job no job, wife no wife, etc. and reading everyone's experiences here while remaining sober puts things into perspective for me.
Thank you everyone.
Thank you everyone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The Trenches, Texas
Posts: 778
Spending my second year of sobriety trying to find a way out of Alcoholics Anonymous. I almost did via suicide. I was working too good of a program to take a drink 
The pain and misery of self will drove me to another turning point(yup, more than one) and another surrender(you guessed it, more than one of these too). I had some deeply ingrained beLIEfS about the effects of the actions of others in the fellowship and what was required of them to stay sober and happy vs what was required for me to stay sober and happy.
In hindsight I wasn't acting like a good member of AA, yanno, the one's that are sincere in that third step decision. That was the most brutal, painful phase of my nearly 4 years to date. It's when we look where? back, when we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned.
The pain and misery of self will drove me to another turning point(yup, more than one) and another surrender(you guessed it, more than one of these too). I had some deeply ingrained beLIEfS about the effects of the actions of others in the fellowship and what was required of them to stay sober and happy vs what was required for me to stay sober and happy.In hindsight I wasn't acting like a good member of AA, yanno, the one's that are sincere in that third step decision. That was the most brutal, painful phase of my nearly 4 years to date. It's when we look where? back, when we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Houston Texas
Posts: 1,003
I wrecked my car at 40 days sober and was broke. Living in an area where a car is a necessity, I was truly between a rock and a hard spot. Even making meetings was a struggle.
What I found was that I was forced to use the tools. I was alone most of the time, and the notion that I would drink again because I was alone in my own mind had to be squashed.
I did not drink. I relied upon God heavily. I found hobbies and did the footwork to dig out from under the rubble. And I am so very grateful today, for I understand the freedom that comes from not being dependent upon others, even others in AA.
Today, I love the fellowship, but I know that when I say, "Sober by the grace of God," I really mean it.
What I found was that I was forced to use the tools. I was alone most of the time, and the notion that I would drink again because I was alone in my own mind had to be squashed.
I did not drink. I relied upon God heavily. I found hobbies and did the footwork to dig out from under the rubble. And I am so very grateful today, for I understand the freedom that comes from not being dependent upon others, even others in AA.
Today, I love the fellowship, but I know that when I say, "Sober by the grace of God," I really mean it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 625
Well heck, I just thought of something and thought it'd be worth mentioning...
In regards to: "What Has Been Your Most Challenging Experience Since You Got Sober ?"
As I've recounted in other places here on SR, my health has taken a nose dive this year. Here's the extent to which that is the case: a couple of months ago my doctors gave me a couple of years to live. I've lost the ability to work and up till two weeks ago, my wife was unemployed as well. We had zero saving and zero income and have lived like that for a couple of months. I haven't been accepted by SSDI or Medicaid yet and am currently uninsured. I've got eleven prescription that need to be filled a month and a minimum of weekly doctors appointments...
I've already responded to this thread and this set of circumstances never made my list of challenging experiences. That is possibly the biggest testimony that I can give to this way of life.
In regards to: "What Has Been Your Most Challenging Experience Since You Got Sober ?"
As I've recounted in other places here on SR, my health has taken a nose dive this year. Here's the extent to which that is the case: a couple of months ago my doctors gave me a couple of years to live. I've lost the ability to work and up till two weeks ago, my wife was unemployed as well. We had zero saving and zero income and have lived like that for a couple of months. I haven't been accepted by SSDI or Medicaid yet and am currently uninsured. I've got eleven prescription that need to be filled a month and a minimum of weekly doctors appointments...
I've already responded to this thread and this set of circumstances never made my list of challenging experiences. That is possibly the biggest testimony that I can give to this way of life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Laconia
Posts: 813
Originally Posted by legna
Well heck, I just thought of something and thought it'd be worth mentioning...
In regards to: "What Has Been Your Most Challenging Experience Since You Got Sober ?"
As I've recounted in other places here on SR, my health has taken a nose dive this year. Here's the extent to which that is the case: a couple of months ago my doctors gave me a couple of years to live. I've lost the ability to work and up till two weeks ago, my wife was unemployed as well. We had zero saving and zero income and have lived like that for a couple of months. I haven't been accepted by SSDI or Medicaid yet and am currently uninsured. I've got eleven prescription that need to be filled a month and a minimum of weekly doctors appointments...
I've already responded to this thread and this set of circumstances never made my list of challenging experiences. That is possibly the biggest testimony that I can give to this way of life.
In regards to: "What Has Been Your Most Challenging Experience Since You Got Sober ?"
As I've recounted in other places here on SR, my health has taken a nose dive this year. Here's the extent to which that is the case: a couple of months ago my doctors gave me a couple of years to live. I've lost the ability to work and up till two weeks ago, my wife was unemployed as well. We had zero saving and zero income and have lived like that for a couple of months. I haven't been accepted by SSDI or Medicaid yet and am currently uninsured. I've got eleven prescription that need to be filled a month and a minimum of weekly doctors appointments...
I've already responded to this thread and this set of circumstances never made my list of challenging experiences. That is possibly the biggest testimony that I can give to this way of life.
who were so kind to share. Your stories are a powerful
validation of the fortitude that comes when we practice
these principles in all our affairs - good & bad.
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