Spending my second year of sobriety trying to find a way out of Alcoholics Anonymous. I almost did via suicide. I was working too good of a program to take a drink
The pain and misery of self will drove me to another turning point(yup, more than one) and another surrender(you guessed it, more than one of these too). I had some deeply ingrained beLIEfS about the effects of the actions of others in the fellowship and what was required of them to stay sober and happy vs what was required for me to stay sober and happy.
In hindsight I wasn't acting like a good member of AA, yanno, the one's that are sincere in that third step decision. That was the most brutal, painful phase of my nearly 4 years to date. It's when we look where? back, when we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned.