FamilyMan2153

I have been sober a little over 9 months and going to regular AA meetings. I really love going to them. So many people talk about their great relationship with their HP and how it has helped them. I wish I was the same way. I keep working the program and keep my mind open and slowly I think it is coming around. I guess impatience is a defect as well. Maybe my mind is not as open as I think?? Who knows.

Music

The fact that you're willing is the best news possible. Patience is the key. Easy Does It.

Soberpotamus

The Higher Power concept seems to be wide open, from what I understand. It can range from Jehovah God to "Group Of Drunks" or "Good Orderly Direction"... personally, I tend to think of it in quantum physics or particle theory terminology. That's on a good day, lol. Otherwise, I identify as agnostic... but this doesn't prevent me from retaining an open mind spiritually. Hang in there. Your reality is what matters.

Tommyh

I want it and I wanted it yesterday
seems like a common thread among us

Kathleen41

Certainly, patience is key. but I was wondering what seems to be the issue? Not a believer, can't depend on something other than yourself, bad childhood memories, science fan?

tomsteve

yer HP already has helped you if you put on a different pair of glasses.9 months sober?? did you do that or did ya get help? did you put people in your life to help you along the way or did yer HP?

patience isn't about what im doin while im waiting. its about what im thinkin, and patience isn't something I find very good to pray for.

sugarbear1

Are you meditating?

Have you worked all 12 steps? Had a spiritual awakening or experience?

It all makes a difference.

Veritas1

Maybe what you are looking for, or what you think you may not have, is already there, working in you.

God is love...I have heard. Love, goodness...life...

9 months sober? Yes, it sounds like God is with you.

BadCompany

The spiritual life is a journey, not a destination.

Michael66

Hi FamilyMan

Some people do seem to have quite sudden spiritual awakenings. For many of us, though, it's a much more gradual development of awareness. I quite like the slow path though

GracieLou

I have to agree with this. There is a story in the BB, A Drunk, Like You, that basically says just that. Some have dramatic events, for others it is a gradual change.

9 months sober is wonderful.

Boleo

My experience with spirituality is that it comes as the result of action rather than time. Have you tried getting a sponsor and working the steps?

muvinon

I think that when you notice you're relaxing, after stressing out over something, because someone in a meeting or whatever reminds you how worry and fear are so often just our own perception.....you're starting to have that relationship. Hope that I'm wrong about my worst fears turned into faith as I kept walking through life.

Changing the way I perceive events, people is lifelong. Looking back, I can see an astounding change. In the moment, my understanding is far more iffy. I merely wake up, try to be aware spiritually, practice looking at things differently, challenge my old ideas, let go of some, keep others for the time being, keep putting myself in the midst of others who may be more plugged in right this minute than me or who might need my extra bit of goodwill and optimism...

It's a lifestyle. A friend of mine says it's like holding mercury in your hand. When you have it, it's a solid looking ball. Then it shatters into a million pieces. Then it comes back together.

Nobody has 100% faith all of the time. If they suggest they do, they are lying or insane. But I have 100% faith that faith is within me, if that makes sense.

I know a huge turning point for me was when I sincerely wanted to be in the flow and serene MORE than I cared about my own touchy ego-driven feelings. I was surprised at just how much easier it was then to tap back into a power greater than myself.

Makes sense, actually. That self-centered ego stuff really was the source of self-destruction. Letting go of it is the source of creative life.

What I do know is that my spiritual experiences are consistently rich, regardless of where I'm at. My awakenings in the beginning were powerful moments, and they still are. I'm always surprised by that. What has changed, mostly, is that when I am NOT feeling particularly spiritual, I don't fret today. It's temporary. I have the program, which lays out a design for living, so I don't have to feel spiritual to be spiritual.

Staying close to the program is the key for me.

Mountainmanbob

For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.

For there is a time and a way for everything, although man's trouble lies heavy on him.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

But he said, “What is impossible with men is possible with God.”

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

So that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

Veritas1

Thank you!

Joe Nerv

For me what worked was getting on my knees and praying as sincerely and openly as I possible could. Still works.

People have different ways of praying, and we all have to find what works best for us. For me it means talking with what is still an unclear undefined God (it's just more of a focal point for me that I label God), as though it were my absolute best friend. I let go of all my fears, all my worries, my concerns... and I ask for the strength to be the best human being I can possibly be, and to be able to completely let go. To be open to the flow of all that's good in the universe and to allow "god" to work through me. The deeper I get into my prayers, the more it seems to have an effect on my life. Through this type of praying I've had coicidences that actually blew me away... I'll share a fairly recent one...

I'm a musician. Got involved with some guys putting together a Led Zeppelin tribute. Put about 8 months hard work, money and commitment into it... and then a new member came along and started making it not fun at all anymore. We weren't making any money, and it was becoming a real burden, but because of my commitment I couldn't/wouldn't let it go. I love playing zep too, and learned about 40 of their songs. But the situation was making me miserable. Got on my knees and completely turned the band, my music, and all those involved over to god. Even wrote a letter for my god box on this one (a rare happening). Situation came to a head, it was either me or the new guy and I bowed out. It was easier to replace me than him, as he was the singer and had friends he wanted to take my place anyhow...

The following week I put an ad on craigslist, bassist available, and the first response I got was... "any interest in having a go at a Zeppelin tribute?" Immediately called, immediately hit it off with these guys, and found out about a month later that the main guy is in the program. It's a better band than the first, I'm making money with them, and I enjoy all their company.

Coincidence? Maybe, but these things have happened so many times at this point that I really think not. And they always happen at the same time, when I feel something click inside me that tells me I've completely surrendered. And that takes a lot as I'm as much a control freak as the next alcoholic. I can usually only arrive at that point of surrender through heavy duty prayer.

I've got countless stories like that, most of which I've posted about here at one time or another.

Bottom line, prayer works for me. Without it, I don't have much of a relationship with my HP at all.

Threshold

Sometimes we think we know what a spiritual life will (should) look like, feel like, smell like. And we think we must not have it because isn't it all about being serene, rolling with it, etc etc?

I think it's about staying in the game, staying aware that no matter what we feel, what we are experiencing, it's all part of this thing called life. When we stop assuming that something is wrong, or that we are doing it wrong because THIS couldn't possibly be how it's "supposed to be"...and are aware that yup, this is life, and this is life, and this is life, and we are doing it...we are there.

and that might come in an instant, or come over time, or in flashes, or in a slow seep...drip drip dripping into our daily awareness.

some people think that being spiritual means that regular life somehow stops happening, but that's not it. Being spiritual means we keep engaging in regular life, because we've stopped looking at is as a mistake.

paul99

I don't try to paint a picture of how my relationship with my HP is or should be or of the spiritual landscape that I am traversing on. I know I have a relationship, always have but was asleep to it, and for me that's in the proof of my mental obsession being lifted. It shows itself in subtle ways and not so subtle ways. I thought I needed to feel my HP every second of every day, like a scarf around my neck, but that's not how He reveals Himself to me. It's not my place to set the parameters and conditions.

My spiritual life is something that grows slowly. I have had some powerful and profound spiritual experiences, and some tiny, yet impactful ones as well. But I don't rely on them as evidence of a new born spiritual plane - but they certain point to something that is outside of myself. My spiritual practice involves certain things, but faith in a power greater than myself is the foundation for this. I don't understand my HP, but I know Him a smidgen more every day in regards to my own experiences.

It just takes time.

FamilyMan2153

Thank you all for your responses. I just got around to reading them now. It was like a little AA meeting with my fellows saying what helped them and it was very helpful. I never would have gotten to 9 months on my own. Very true tomsteve. Yes, I do have a good sponsor now and I am working the steps. Slowly but working them. I do take some time to meditate which I love to do. I have also taken your advice and am trying to see the wonders that are all around me but sometimes my mind was not open enough to see them.
Thanks again

GracieLou

Thanks for replying to this as it brought it to the top of the page and I needed to read this again.

I was reading the day reflections for today and it also talks about patience.
I have been having a rough time today and I think it is because I am being impatient. Not so much with people but I think with myself. I have been feeling like I am in rut. Like I can't move on. I keep spinning in one place and it is starting to frustrate me.

I have a lot of issues with resentment and one thing happened yesterday and it set me into a really bad place and in a bad mood. It is still hanging on today.

I think I need to learn to be patient. I say I like working slow and I do but some times I just want it to all go away and leave me alone. I know that will not happen until I work through it but it still hurts in the meantime.

My sponsor has mentioned how in the BB it says that more will be revealed and it has but some of the things I don't want to face. I want to bury them and ignore them like I always have.

The Daily reflections said "Before I give God a chance to slow me down, I explode, and that's what I call being quicker than God."

That really hit home. I guess I have been trying to rush through it so I can skip feelings that I not only don't want to deal with but some I did not know where there or I should say I did not recognize.

I have had a hard time praying or meditation. I just can't seem to get there.

I took the leap of faith to AA. I guess I need to take a leap of faith to a HP.