chickady

The longer it's been since I've gotten away from my addict exbf and his failed attempts to "get to me"... I'm just wondering IS THERE SUCH THING as a HAPPY RELATIONSHIP with an active addict?? Ever?? By the sounds of all the stories I've read on here and other websites .. The spouse or partner ALWAYS not 100% in as in feeling as if things aren't right or off and of course the financial burden/lies/cheating that come a long with addiction... I consider myself a relatively healthy person... I'm happy on the inside and grateful every day.. I may not be where I want to be career wise but that's the only true emptiness I feel but I'm only 23 so I'm getting that taken care of!

When I began dating an opiate addict I realized how UNHEALTHY I became which is crazy to me bc I am NOT a clingy person.. I became that bc of his manipulation. He ALWAYS had to be with me except for his "errands" ... I'm not sure where my life turned but 4 months in and I was MISERABLE. I wasn't myself in that SHORT AMT of time?? Shocks me when I look back but thankful that it happened bc now I pay attention to the red flags when I first meet someone..

BUT I'm very curious if there is ANY POSSIBLE way for a healthy relationship w an addict.. I mean it's a stupid question bc out takes TWO to have a purely healthy/undramatic relationship... But I'm still curious anyway!

horriblethisis

At 23 years old, you seem to be a very wise woman chickady. I commend you for your actions in getting away from your addict which allowed you to now know what the red flags are when you meet someone new. Trust me...at your tender age of 23, I only wish the best for you because you deserve to be with someone who will treat you well without the complications and whirlwind of addition. You don't need the complications of addiction. The reason why i know this, is because I married at 22. I am now 47. It took me 25 years before I finally left my husband! I wasted so many years of my life with him, the lies, the struggles, and complications of the world of addiction...it is a horrible existence. You have your whole life ahead of you, to be a strong woman, someone who doesn't have to "settle"...so I guess in my opinion no, I don't believe there is a possibility for a healthy relationship with an addict...no matter how hard you try. I tried for many years, and I wish I was as wise as you are now, when I was 23. Good luck to you my dear...and remember take care of you, know who you are, love yourself first, make wise choices and your future will be bright and healthy...but not possible with an addict. Hugs to you.

AnvilheadII

sure, if you don't mind taking second to the dope...if you don't mind a loaded partner, if you don't mind all the available cash going to drugs...if you don't mind erratic behavior, drugs in your home, mood swings, disappearing acts...etc etc. but you will never have a full 100% present partner...

horriblethisis

True That AnvilheadII!!!

blackandblue

I second what Anvil said. There are very brief and fleeting moments of perceived happiness with an active and/or non-recovering addict. It's mostly pain and fear. The perceived happiness can be so intense and deceiving because it is short-lived, which is why these relationships are so addicting themselves because we end up craving more. It's like hanging out on a sinking ship and waiting for the firework show, and in the meantime, while we are going down with the ship we are mesmerized by all the pretty lights and explosions and can't see the impending doom. I think it's the adrenaline rush and not true happiness- just from my experience.

Lily1918

Oh well you put two people together who use the same drug and they are much happier than one using and the other being sober, until one steals the others stash...

blackandblue

Lily- thanks for a laugh even though its more true than funny

chickady

Horriblethisis, that was a very sweet post! I wish you ALL the best and am happy for you that you were able to escape because that takes an enormous amount of strength. Although I WILL NOT go back for ANYTHING... I still have my days of struggling. I don't tell myself "oh well he might be clean NOW that he's not with me" YEAH RIGHT. What I do tell myself is "HOW do these people act SO charming, sensitive, so full of deceit on the outside?" I still hurt today. I can't sit here and lie but I'd rather feel pain and know that it will eventually pass. I hurt because I finally came to a point in my life where I wouldn't fully give myself to a man until I knew it was true... I'm just hurt because I DID fall (not in love per se.. But in like) and to think that our relationship began... He asked me to be his girlfriend when he was high/drunk off his a#% and I was drunk off of mine! I remember waking up the next morning thinking "oh I hope he doesn't remember that I said yes under the circumstance that he stops smoking cigs" ... He remembered and he kept smoking of course... WHY I didn't run earlier or even fall upsets me bc I'm the one at the end of the day still hurting... BUT I do have my amazing sober filled moments with NO drama ...

Blackandblue... Your post is very true in the sense in the reasons as to why those relationships are so addicting... But I KNOW so quickly how internally I was MISERABLE. I'm not miserable anymore internally. I'm happy and full of peace but I still do hurt a month and a half later. I try and keep busy but I still think of him and this new girl who (I can tell) has already been fully manipulated into thinking he's the "best thing ever." Im thankful for the fact that hes found someone else to be a leach on because that means he will leave me alone! So disrespected I feel. :/ but so peaceful I feel too.