secondwind

Lately christmas presents have sucked. I know it is more about giving and i do truely enjoy giving... but once in awhile it is nice to receive from the one you love.

I guess that says most of it "FROM THE ONE YOU LOVE." ADDICTED OTHER does not love me. I have been fooled into believing AO was getting me a Nook 2 years ago. Actually gave money cause he told me if he didnt make the final payment he would lose it. I believed it until Christmas morning and there was nothing under the tree with my name. My son even asked me what happened to it... since AO told my son about this great present i was getting and how much i would love it.

This year i was not silly enough to believe there would be anything. I silently prayed he would give himself the gift of recovery and soberity. He claims he has and has started the whole going to meetings. Hopefully AO is serious this time and has surrendered.

There was nothing under the tree for me again this year. I am not the type who buys presents for myself and puts them under the tree with a "from santa". Lol.

But i received a few presents that cant be wrapped this year - i attended a candlelight service for the first time in over ten years on christmas eve. I am not an overly religious person.. but the peace i felt leaving that night was overwhelming. Gave me the sense that the future is going to be just fine.

AO gave me a late present. He told me that he didnt love me, he didnt want to be with me, and he doesnt want a future with me.

I wasnt upset. I am OK with that. Gave me the strength to just stand up and say "thank you"

I am going to be fine and for the first time in years - i am allowing myself to be happy.

Carrie

jerect

I didn't get much in the way of Christmas gifts either and I was ok with that.. I did give myself a divorce from my AH though.. It was final on the 20th... Even though I'm emotionally drained right now from the five years of hell I lived in.. I'm at peace.. Best Christmas present I could have given to myself.. My sanity, my serenity and my peaceful life back..

LoveMeNow

Sounds like you are ready for some positive changes in year 2013. Let this be your year!!

secondwind

Thank you both for responding.

2013 is my year. I am looking forward to it. I am hoping for a quiet and quick seperation from ADDICTED OTHER.

I have wasted so much time and energy and tears and hope and words on myself trying to stay with him.

Today i start spending that time and energy on myself alone.

CARRIE

Kindeyes

Carrie
Sometimes the kindest thing that someone can do is to allow us move on. It sounds like you have a beautiful attitude about it. You deserve a partner who is kind, loving, and not addicted. Best wishes to you for a very Happy, Healthy New Year!
gentle hugs
ke

secondwind

Thank KE..
I do deserve a partner better than this. More importantly i deserve a life better than this.

I am thankful for him letting me go. I was working towards a separation until there was substained soberity. He decided ending the relationship was right. He did what i could not.

Of course in the end i have to thank myself.

1- cause i am agreeing with him and not trying to hold the relationship together again.

2- because the reason he wants to end it is cause i cant control my emotions. What does that mean - i smacked him hard across the face after being called a "fat c***" one too many times in the last month. The first and only time i let myself physically hit him. Was it right? No. But i am human and reacted (for the last time) to his behavior.

He should he glad that after 4+ years a smack across the face, and 2 charges (one drug related and one not) is all he got.

CARRIE

Carrie

ReflectingOnMe

I believe resentment leads to the anger, it will lessen if you are able to find ways in which to rediscover yourself. I know with my xab, that when he would urinate on himself or fall down in public. Instead of being compassionate towards him like I had once been, or just laughing it off with ease... I began resenting him for the embarrassment of it. I hated going out in public with him; I never invited any one over - not my family and not his. I got to the point where I didn't believe anything he said when he was drunk (which was after 3:00 pm workday and all day on the weekends) and I was just waiting for him to pass out each night. He caught on..realized the winds were changing direction and dumped me like a hot potato for someone he met on FACEBOOK! This was a month ago. Today. I am sad, lonely ..but really determined to be me. I am hurt; but no longer angry. Confused; but no longer blind. Emotionally Wounded; but no longer receiving fresh cuts. I am going to be ok. Rediscovery of one's self is a beautiful thing. Wishing you the best.

Btw: my xab bought me sensible snow boots our first year together and my understanding (now) is that he has always done the same for his previous girlfriends/wives.... wow!

secondwind

Those boots are so you are more likely to pick his drunk butt up in the dead of winter.

I am praying he finds someone else soon. Cause he is storming around , saying crazy things.

But it is easy to ignore for now.

Carrie

Ann

Secondwind, sometimes the best blessings in life come strangely wrapped.

Wishing you wonderful new beginnings for the new year, you deserve so much better than any of this.

Hugs

interrupted

This is a great time for renewal, the merging of the coming new year with the conclusion of your painful relationship. For myself this year I bought a couple books full of daily affirmations. They are structured in a Jan 1, 2, 3... etc. format so starting in the new year I will have a specific meditation to begin each day with focus and positive direction. They were only a few dollars apiece. Perhaps you could buy yourself a gift. You deserve it.

secondwind

Interrupted, i have a few of them already. Just have to dig them out of boxes. Good project for the weekend.

Carrie

LoveMeNow

Fat C***? Only got a slap?? My husband would need a cup and sleep with one eye opne for quite a while. And I am not a violent person but that would probably do it.

Good riddance to him!! You deserve so much better. Better to be a lone then in bad company and he defines bad company!!

secondwind

I had a moment of weakness a month ago and expressed how much i hated that word. Now AO and his father say that to me quite often.

AO knows better than to say at the present because of the slap he got. So he is just trying to get under my skin by saying fat a number of times. I hear it... but it doesnt get any response from me now. He will start throwing the c word around in a few days to test the waters.. but i will refuse to respond.

I am done allowing this behavior to control me.

Carrie

LoveMeNow

Good for you!!! I had a hard time practicing to "act not react," still do at times but it does get easier.

secondwind

I like that - "act not react".

Thankfully he has been out for most of the last couple of days.... and when he isnt out he is sleeping or fixing himself something to eat. So our interactions are very limited. And that suits me just fine.

interrupted

I don't care if you're 80 lbs or 2000 lbs, you are a kind and loving person and you deserve kindness, love, and respect. From others, and from yourself. It is taking me a long time to really understand this for myself. I still have to remind myself every day, and throughout the day. Logically I get it, but I can tell by my actions that I must not believe it. Good for you for not responding to his hurtfulness. I'm sorry that you're living with people who are so hurtful.

helpme33

My EXAH would tell me the same thing, find someone new, usually a stipper or hitcher, then 2 months later call me to say he still loves me and wants to try again.

Be smarter than I was. At the time I thought I did love him.

I also lived away from family and had no gifts for me under the tree. Take a bubble bath and do something special for you.

(((huggs)))

secondwind

So AO was gone for the entire day. It was nice and peaceful. 1/2 thru the day he called... but i did not answer. After six calls he messaged he.wanted to talk to our son. I dialed the number he was at when he answered i put our son on the phone and didnt speak at all.

AO came home later in the evening. I kept my distance and was respectful. 20 minutes after coming home he starts telling me how fake and plastic i am and i am only pretending to be happy.

After hearing him repeat.this to me over and over - i.finally and.calmly said " i am being true to myself. If you dont like it you can ignore me or leave."
It stopped.

The kids went to bed and all hell broke loose. Disgusting name calling, threatening to steal my stuff... telling me he hoped i would get raped walking to the store.... wild accusations.. on and on.

It has been quite a test tonight. But i passed with flying colors. I did not react.

But i am worn out just.listening to it.
It has been over.an hour and i think he is finally.done.

Carrie.

ReflectingOnMe

Sending you virtual hugs.

LoveMeNow

So sorry you are having to deal with his insanity. Hopefully, it will be all over soon enough.