The Suboxone Diaries
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: atlanta
Posts: 144
The Suboxone Diaries
hello, my pet phoenix is an opiate addict and will forever be an addict.
he has accepted this fact now and is now trying to utilize everything that he has learned in order to stay sober and fight the inner demons each and every day. Phoenix started opiates in 2006 and ended up shooting H for a year. he left town with suboxone for a month. got clean. came back and ended up using again. then he left the country in february of 2008 and had close to 4 years clean... until he decided he was ready to face reality and relapsed the week he got back. since he got back he has been using H almost everyday for the past 6 months. he has weaned himself down to doing a dime bag everyday. $10 worth IV. he has bought some suboxone in order to ease the withdrawal symptoms. he has had previous experience with suboxone and knows how to taper accordingly. it has been only 21 hours since his last fix and he has taken 0.75 mg of a suboxone and is feeling better. he will use this thread as a diary for he will only take one more dose of suboxone and then ride out the withdrawals. he has given up his car keys, his wallet, his cards, and his freedom to family. he is being supervised at home until thanksgiving. hopefully his diary will help others as much as it helps him... anyone that wants to know anything about Phoenix or opiates in general is welcome to comment. Phoenix believes that he should have studied chemistry or gone the pharmacy route due to his knowledge on meds. lol. if there was a narcotics major, he would have probably gotten a PhD.
21 hours - had last fix at 11:00 am in the morning yesterday. kept busy all day. slept around 5-6 hours. woke up with a runny nose and heart palpitations. anxiety level was pretty high and began scheming ways to get around to another fix. decided to IV 0.75mg of suboxone. (very stupid he knows, but please don't hate or judge. he only has 1/4 of a suboxone pill left >_<) felt normal 10 minutes later. he is now starting a diary and hopes to be normal by november 22, 2012. he knows that the mental aspect will linger on forever, but hopes that he will be better physically.
next post... will be at 36 hours.
he has accepted this fact now and is now trying to utilize everything that he has learned in order to stay sober and fight the inner demons each and every day. Phoenix started opiates in 2006 and ended up shooting H for a year. he left town with suboxone for a month. got clean. came back and ended up using again. then he left the country in february of 2008 and had close to 4 years clean... until he decided he was ready to face reality and relapsed the week he got back. since he got back he has been using H almost everyday for the past 6 months. he has weaned himself down to doing a dime bag everyday. $10 worth IV. he has bought some suboxone in order to ease the withdrawal symptoms. he has had previous experience with suboxone and knows how to taper accordingly. it has been only 21 hours since his last fix and he has taken 0.75 mg of a suboxone and is feeling better. he will use this thread as a diary for he will only take one more dose of suboxone and then ride out the withdrawals. he has given up his car keys, his wallet, his cards, and his freedom to family. he is being supervised at home until thanksgiving. hopefully his diary will help others as much as it helps him... anyone that wants to know anything about Phoenix or opiates in general is welcome to comment. Phoenix believes that he should have studied chemistry or gone the pharmacy route due to his knowledge on meds. lol. if there was a narcotics major, he would have probably gotten a PhD.
21 hours - had last fix at 11:00 am in the morning yesterday. kept busy all day. slept around 5-6 hours. woke up with a runny nose and heart palpitations. anxiety level was pretty high and began scheming ways to get around to another fix. decided to IV 0.75mg of suboxone. (very stupid he knows, but please don't hate or judge. he only has 1/4 of a suboxone pill left >_<) felt normal 10 minutes later. he is now starting a diary and hopes to be normal by november 22, 2012. he knows that the mental aspect will linger on forever, but hopes that he will be better physically.
next post... will be at 36 hours.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: atlanta
Posts: 144
29 hours
i saw that a lot of people viewed the post but didn't reply or leave a comment. that's okay.
Phoenix just woke up from a nap and he had very vivid dreams...
the dreams were of copping of course and the specific dream he had was so real.
it was like in real life; he had let his friend borrow 20 dollars a while back for something and never got the full amount back.
so he decided to call his friend and ask for that money for an "emergency".
as he went to his friend's place which was located right next to his copping spot, he woke up with severe anxiety.
this is the part that Phoenix hates the most.
during getting clean, he always wakes up.. whether it be in the morning or from a nap during the early morning or late night, with that scheming mindset.
it's like a disease that is plaguing over his whole mind.
he hates this feeling, and it leaves him fiending and being super anxious for a few hours.. contemplating if he should scheme and find a way to score.
it's weird cuz Phoenix has made the ultimate decision to quit, but when this happens he is at his weakest point and ultimately gives in to his inner demons.
this time, he will sit it out and write to himself to take his mind off things.
and it seems to be working... ^^ anyone else have these problems?
+29 hours
Phoenix just woke up from a nap and he had very vivid dreams...
the dreams were of copping of course and the specific dream he had was so real.
it was like in real life; he had let his friend borrow 20 dollars a while back for something and never got the full amount back.
so he decided to call his friend and ask for that money for an "emergency".
as he went to his friend's place which was located right next to his copping spot, he woke up with severe anxiety.
this is the part that Phoenix hates the most.
during getting clean, he always wakes up.. whether it be in the morning or from a nap during the early morning or late night, with that scheming mindset.
it's like a disease that is plaguing over his whole mind.
he hates this feeling, and it leaves him fiending and being super anxious for a few hours.. contemplating if he should scheme and find a way to score.
it's weird cuz Phoenix has made the ultimate decision to quit, but when this happens he is at his weakest point and ultimately gives in to his inner demons.
this time, he will sit it out and write to himself to take his mind off things.
and it seems to be working... ^^ anyone else have these problems?
+29 hours
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: atlanta
Posts: 144
46 hours and counting.
Phoenix took 0.50mg of suboxone last night and woke up today with his heart pounding again.
didn't have severe anxiety though. that's a good thing.
still he thought it was a better idea to go ahead and take another 0.50mg of the sub.
waking up knowing that he is fueled by some sort of opiate medication (suboxone) doesn't motivate him much, but... one has to do what one has to do right?
in two hours, a full two days will have past since his last fix.
he's read in another forum that it's good to count the days and say "already day 2?!" instead of looking at it as "man only 2 days...?"
he's trying to brainwash himself into thinking positively about everything.
as for the symptoms, he really can't say much since the suboxone is masking most of them...
so far Phoenix has taken close to 2mg of suboxone in the past 48 hours and will discontinue the suboxone intake tomorrow morning.
he has a little crumb left and hopes that he can make it through the physical part of withdrawals next week.
i suppose that is when his REAL diaries will surface this thread. ^^
Phoenix has work tomorrow from 3-10 so hopefully that will keep his mind occupied for that day...
on Monday, he has class at 3 next to the block that he always used to cop from. (it sucks when you go to a prestigious engineering school that is located smack in the middle of the dope block)
he tells himself that he needs to be able to fight off the demons face to face.
he knows that it's good to not go to locations that set triggers off, but it is the only way he'll ever know that he can beat those evil urges.
last time he ran away to another country (which allowed him to get 4 years clean) but came back only to relapse the same week.
this time he has to go face to face!
will update if there are any symptoms or unusual signs with suboxone within the next 24 hours!
and to everyone who is reading this, although these posts aren't really detailed and/or helpful at the moment, i hope that just by reading it, you will have at least taken your mind off of scoring or getting high.
b/c i know that sometimes, i just get on these forums and read all the threads to keep myself occupied. ^^
good day!
+46 hours and counting...
Phoenix took 0.50mg of suboxone last night and woke up today with his heart pounding again.
didn't have severe anxiety though. that's a good thing.
still he thought it was a better idea to go ahead and take another 0.50mg of the sub.
waking up knowing that he is fueled by some sort of opiate medication (suboxone) doesn't motivate him much, but... one has to do what one has to do right?
in two hours, a full two days will have past since his last fix.
he's read in another forum that it's good to count the days and say "already day 2?!" instead of looking at it as "man only 2 days...?"
he's trying to brainwash himself into thinking positively about everything.
as for the symptoms, he really can't say much since the suboxone is masking most of them...
so far Phoenix has taken close to 2mg of suboxone in the past 48 hours and will discontinue the suboxone intake tomorrow morning.
he has a little crumb left and hopes that he can make it through the physical part of withdrawals next week.
i suppose that is when his REAL diaries will surface this thread. ^^
Phoenix has work tomorrow from 3-10 so hopefully that will keep his mind occupied for that day...
on Monday, he has class at 3 next to the block that he always used to cop from. (it sucks when you go to a prestigious engineering school that is located smack in the middle of the dope block)
he tells himself that he needs to be able to fight off the demons face to face.
he knows that it's good to not go to locations that set triggers off, but it is the only way he'll ever know that he can beat those evil urges.
last time he ran away to another country (which allowed him to get 4 years clean) but came back only to relapse the same week.
this time he has to go face to face!
will update if there are any symptoms or unusual signs with suboxone within the next 24 hours!
and to everyone who is reading this, although these posts aren't really detailed and/or helpful at the moment, i hope that just by reading it, you will have at least taken your mind off of scoring or getting high.
b/c i know that sometimes, i just get on these forums and read all the threads to keep myself occupied. ^^
good day!
+46 hours and counting...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: atlanta
Posts: 144
54 hours.
Phoenix took a nap around 12-2pm.
woke up with that anxiety and depression feeling.
just took 0.25mg..
he has 0.25mg left.
he will take his final suboxone tomorrow mid afternoon.
we shall see what the outcome is.
+54 hours and counting
Phoenix took a nap around 12-2pm.
woke up with that anxiety and depression feeling.
just took 0.25mg..
he has 0.25mg left.
he will take his final suboxone tomorrow mid afternoon.
we shall see what the outcome is.
+54 hours and counting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: atlanta
Posts: 144
+74 hours
it's daylight savings time
an hour has moved back, but Phoenix knows he is at 74 hours since his last fix of smack.
he took his last 0.50mg of suboxone five hours ago (69 hour mark)
his anxiety is already rising due to the fact that he knows that he is without suboxone.
the real battle begins tonight.
he will keep updating his diary by himself.
he is doing this for himself so motivation and self awareness is what he needs.
hope people find inspiration through this diary, as he has found lots through other people's success.
+5 hours and counting (POST SUB)
it's daylight savings time
an hour has moved back, but Phoenix knows he is at 74 hours since his last fix of smack.
he took his last 0.50mg of suboxone five hours ago (69 hour mark)
his anxiety is already rising due to the fact that he knows that he is without suboxone.
the real battle begins tonight.
he will keep updating his diary by himself.
he is doing this for himself so motivation and self awareness is what he needs.
hope people find inspiration through this diary, as he has found lots through other people's success.
+5 hours and counting (POST SUB)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: atlanta
Posts: 144
+15 (since 7:30am) post Suboxone use
last dose was 0.50~0.75mg...
it's 10:30pm and the warm weather has suddenly gone to freezing.
body temperature is rising and nose is starting to run.
the mind games have started.
Phoenix got paid today.
he decided to keep the majority of it at work and left it for his boss to hang onto.
but he did slip a 20 due to the fact he knows he's going to school tomorrow.
man... he should get rid of that 20 dollars but his mind is telling him "just wait it out and see what happens"
at this point, perhaps it's better to buy another suboxone pill and maintain until his mentality gets better... blah.
will update again tomorrow morning.
hate this part!
+15 hours
last dose was 0.50~0.75mg...
it's 10:30pm and the warm weather has suddenly gone to freezing.
body temperature is rising and nose is starting to run.
the mind games have started.
Phoenix got paid today.
he decided to keep the majority of it at work and left it for his boss to hang onto.
but he did slip a 20 due to the fact he knows he's going to school tomorrow.
man... he should get rid of that 20 dollars but his mind is telling him "just wait it out and see what happens"
at this point, perhaps it's better to buy another suboxone pill and maintain until his mentality gets better... blah.
will update again tomorrow morning.
hate this part!
+15 hours
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
Maybe Phoenix should go talk to a doctor or I guess it would be a veteranarian. Phoenix's sub dose is pretty small and if he/she was really only doing a bag a day I wouldn't think the physical part would be that horrible, but meantally it is a b*tch I am sure.
What other kinds of support is Phoenix getting? Does Phoenix see a therapist or go to meetings? When I truly wanted to quit, but couldn't I knew it was time to pull out all of the stops. Dive into recovery like my life depended on it. Actively seek out support because I knew how it went when I was on my own. Phoenix doesn't have nine lives and if he does he has already used up 8 of them. I hope everything works out for you and Phoenix.
What other kinds of support is Phoenix getting? Does Phoenix see a therapist or go to meetings? When I truly wanted to quit, but couldn't I knew it was time to pull out all of the stops. Dive into recovery like my life depended on it. Actively seek out support because I knew how it went when I was on my own. Phoenix doesn't have nine lives and if he does he has already used up 8 of them. I hope everything works out for you and Phoenix.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: atlanta
Posts: 144
hello, is it silly of me to refer to 'SWIM' as 'Phoenix'?
lol
anyways i think im at 33 hours now since my last suboxone dose.
i have some energy but my body feels heavy, i have a runny nose, and my mind is racing.
its weird cuz i feel normal, somewhat.
i haven't been to any meetings...
last time i tried to go to meetings was when i was trying to get off in 2007-2008 and it ended up a disaster.
i know that the whole point of going is to surround urself with people that will help you, but everytime i went for some reason i ended up getting lured into getting some more.
this caused me to get like 5 more connects and i literally screwed myself up the butt.
i DO want to get clean.
i think if i didn't go to the school that i did, then it would be a lot easier.
i go to a school and the copping block is right next to campus (literally 5 minute walk)
i have class in about an hour...
i hope i can fight the urges.
i'll report back.
perhaps i do need to get some counseling.
im thinking about going on vacation out of town again for a month.
i think if i can get past the physical part, the mental part won't effect me as much.
it's not so much my mind is wanting it like crazy. that's why i said i felt somewhat normal.
it's more like my mind is telling me i need it cuz my body aches.
i know what the consequences are, but i donno.
REALLY CONFUSED
hopefully 'Phoenix' will win this bout.
thanks
+100 hour since last use
lol
anyways i think im at 33 hours now since my last suboxone dose.
i have some energy but my body feels heavy, i have a runny nose, and my mind is racing.
its weird cuz i feel normal, somewhat.
i haven't been to any meetings...
last time i tried to go to meetings was when i was trying to get off in 2007-2008 and it ended up a disaster.
i know that the whole point of going is to surround urself with people that will help you, but everytime i went for some reason i ended up getting lured into getting some more.
this caused me to get like 5 more connects and i literally screwed myself up the butt.
i DO want to get clean.
i think if i didn't go to the school that i did, then it would be a lot easier.
i go to a school and the copping block is right next to campus (literally 5 minute walk)
i have class in about an hour...
i hope i can fight the urges.
i'll report back.
perhaps i do need to get some counseling.
im thinking about going on vacation out of town again for a month.
i think if i can get past the physical part, the mental part won't effect me as much.
it's not so much my mind is wanting it like crazy. that's why i said i felt somewhat normal.
it's more like my mind is telling me i need it cuz my body aches.
i know what the consequences are, but i donno.
REALLY CONFUSED
hopefully 'Phoenix' will win this bout.
thanks
+100 hour since last use
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
No Phoenix is okay - kind of funny actually. Whenever I used to be on forums looking for drugs or drug info I remember the SWIM terminology very well, but here since it is called SOBERRECOVERY and hopefully that is the goal it is okay to come out of the closet.
Yes you have to be a bit careful with meetings. I honestly have found more sobriety and less people just passing time or hanging out at AA meetings versus NA, but there are some great NA meetings too if you are willing to look around a bit. In Chicago the NA crowd is younger and much higher percentage of people with less than a year (at least the meetings I go to). AA seems to focus on the steps more and I do have some differences of opinion sometimes, but when you are jonesing and you can talk to people face to face it can save your life. I got into some major trouble with people I met at rehab and detox and learned to just throw any phone numbers I got straight into the garbage.
It is not my #1 tool, but definitely has its place. I found one on one counseling with an addictions counselor to be the most helpful to me. I too have gotten through the worst of the physical withdrawals a dozen or more times and would be cruising along fine, but inevitably I would fall back into it. I would have a really bad couple of days and my mind would start working on me to go pick up and eventually it would happen. It is important to learn some healthy coping skills - for me at least.
I still get a queasy feeling when I drive past the West Side down the Eisenhower Expressway into the city where my old spots used to be. I get an actual physical reaction from the craving. The body has a great memory - too bad my mind has selective memory quite often.
Congrats on your 100+ hours and I mean that!
Yes you have to be a bit careful with meetings. I honestly have found more sobriety and less people just passing time or hanging out at AA meetings versus NA, but there are some great NA meetings too if you are willing to look around a bit. In Chicago the NA crowd is younger and much higher percentage of people with less than a year (at least the meetings I go to). AA seems to focus on the steps more and I do have some differences of opinion sometimes, but when you are jonesing and you can talk to people face to face it can save your life. I got into some major trouble with people I met at rehab and detox and learned to just throw any phone numbers I got straight into the garbage.
It is not my #1 tool, but definitely has its place. I found one on one counseling with an addictions counselor to be the most helpful to me. I too have gotten through the worst of the physical withdrawals a dozen or more times and would be cruising along fine, but inevitably I would fall back into it. I would have a really bad couple of days and my mind would start working on me to go pick up and eventually it would happen. It is important to learn some healthy coping skills - for me at least.
I still get a queasy feeling when I drive past the West Side down the Eisenhower Expressway into the city where my old spots used to be. I get an actual physical reaction from the craving. The body has a great memory - too bad my mind has selective memory quite often.
Congrats on your 100+ hours and I mean that!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: atlanta
Posts: 144
thanks for your input!
i know exactly what you mean.
as for the withdrawals, they are no where near how it extreme they were back in 2007-2008 but it's just the cravings while my body is feeling heavy and i'm bored and depressed.
i know after like a week they will be gone, but it's hard to hold on that long...
and as for the 100 hours, they have gone to waste.
i'm back at hour 4 now.
this time i'm not going to fall back on the suboxone, b/c i've realized that this time around withdrawals will be manageable as long as i just keep my head on.
i won't post again until i get past 72 hours with no aid.
i gotta stay strong.
the withdrawals won't be as bad as 100 hours ago right?
since technically i got through the first 4 days?
blah... gotta stay strong.
i'm gonna brainwash myself into thinking that if i use again, i'll die.
3:00pm. Reloaded Diaries begin.
thanks again for reply!
day 1... one day at a time sub0!
i know exactly what you mean.
as for the withdrawals, they are no where near how it extreme they were back in 2007-2008 but it's just the cravings while my body is feeling heavy and i'm bored and depressed.
i know after like a week they will be gone, but it's hard to hold on that long...
and as for the 100 hours, they have gone to waste.
i'm back at hour 4 now.
this time i'm not going to fall back on the suboxone, b/c i've realized that this time around withdrawals will be manageable as long as i just keep my head on.
i won't post again until i get past 72 hours with no aid.
i gotta stay strong.
the withdrawals won't be as bad as 100 hours ago right?
since technically i got through the first 4 days?
blah... gotta stay strong.
i'm gonna brainwash myself into thinking that if i use again, i'll die.
3:00pm. Reloaded Diaries begin.
thanks again for reply!
day 1... one day at a time sub0!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
Sorry to hear about the relapse. I had quite a few false starts, but be careful. Once you pick up again the momentum starts and next thing you know you are flying downhill 100 miles an hour with no brakes. The compulsion of active addiction scares me the most.
I guess you predicted it. Had 20 bucks on you a block from the spot. Self fulfilling prophecy. Well try not to let Phoenix off the leash again. The animal control officer might pick him up and lock him in a cage.
I guess you predicted it. Had 20 bucks on you a block from the spot. Self fulfilling prophecy. Well try not to let Phoenix off the leash again. The animal control officer might pick him up and lock him in a cage.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: atlanta
Posts: 144
hahaha thanks!
yeah i'm sick of the cycle.
i think i'm a little better.
prior to this, Phoenix and i always schemed plots hours and days before.
i find myself keeping busy now.. or try to.
thanks for the support!
Phoenix says thank you.
LOL
real day 1 again tomorrow...
+7 hours
yeah i'm sick of the cycle.
i think i'm a little better.
prior to this, Phoenix and i always schemed plots hours and days before.
i find myself keeping busy now.. or try to.
thanks for the support!
Phoenix says thank you.
LOL
real day 1 again tomorrow...
+7 hours
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
I am only 9 months clean from dope (and booze) so am far from being free, but something is definitely different this time. I struggled for over 6 years to get this far. I was using 2 grams of raw a day which is about 40 bags.
There is not one specific thing I can put my finger on, but mainly it was just being so f@cking sick of it all. I was sick of it for a while, but I had to be completely demoralized. Self worth, integrity, self esteem all zero. Blew through hundreds of thousands of dollars and just absolutely hating who I was. It was destroying my family. My wife and 3 young kids. I squeezed every last ounce of pleasure out of that junk and then some. Using was hard work. Probably been through withdrawals 20 times or more. I had been to treatment before. Been to hundreds of meetings and worked the steps. Lived in a halfway house for a while. Yes this drug is a b@itch.
Put myself back into an intensive outpatient program. Started seeing a counselor and got back to some meetings. My brain still tries to go there every now and again, but I am able to stop it in its tracks. Still very disgusted with myself, but am giving myself a break. I have been to hell and back so beating myself up is useless. The past is the past. Remember, but don't repeat. Happy to be alive today. Have some integrity, a good job, family life is getting better. Why *** up a good thing? I can't do just one or just use for a day. That is all it would take to send me back there because once I start I get that momentum that I was talking about going again and can't stop until I crash. Don't do what I have done. Get yourself together now. Life is too short!
There is not one specific thing I can put my finger on, but mainly it was just being so f@cking sick of it all. I was sick of it for a while, but I had to be completely demoralized. Self worth, integrity, self esteem all zero. Blew through hundreds of thousands of dollars and just absolutely hating who I was. It was destroying my family. My wife and 3 young kids. I squeezed every last ounce of pleasure out of that junk and then some. Using was hard work. Probably been through withdrawals 20 times or more. I had been to treatment before. Been to hundreds of meetings and worked the steps. Lived in a halfway house for a while. Yes this drug is a b@itch.
Put myself back into an intensive outpatient program. Started seeing a counselor and got back to some meetings. My brain still tries to go there every now and again, but I am able to stop it in its tracks. Still very disgusted with myself, but am giving myself a break. I have been to hell and back so beating myself up is useless. The past is the past. Remember, but don't repeat. Happy to be alive today. Have some integrity, a good job, family life is getting better. Why *** up a good thing? I can't do just one or just use for a day. That is all it would take to send me back there because once I start I get that momentum that I was talking about going again and can't stop until I crash. Don't do what I have done. Get yourself together now. Life is too short!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 304
Went from back strain with doctor recommended dosages to liking the effect of the treatment. There in lies the problem. I liked the damn high I got. Placing me right into addict, prone to it, no doubt. Liked alcohol or anything else that altered my mind to what I considered feeling good. Been that way my entire life. So percocets were just perfect.
I have found the ways to circumvent, still working on the cure. Good post here. Best to you all.
The Phoenix thing is kind of funny by the way.
I have found the ways to circumvent, still working on the cure. Good post here. Best to you all.
The Phoenix thing is kind of funny by the way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: atlanta
Posts: 144
that relapse sent me down a bad path. Phoenix was scurred. haha
after three days of finding myself doing the most craziest things to get around to a fix... i gave up my phone, and my facebook account to my parents.
i did this b/c i was using facebook to message people and setting meeting times up and working my schemes like a super junky.
i last used nov. 8, 2012... at 11a.m. before and after class.
that feeling sure did suck.
having 100+ hours under your belt and then blowing it all for an hour of feeling warm and good.
i tell myself every time that its not worth it, but nothing stops me when i become desperate. i wonder if this has anything to do with how i was brought up. i was quite spoiled as a kid.
anyways, i'm 26 now. and i took 4 years off school to straighten my life out, only to return to what i tried so hard to quit.
i'm currently at 29 hours since my last fix. and the anxiety is coming in waves. i think i've smoked nearly two packs of cigarettes sitting on the porch staring off into the sky.
time is going by so slow, and this is one of the things i hate about withdrawal. i with there'd be something that could distract me, but everything is not one bit entertaining...
reading this forum and other people's success stories actually give me more motivation.
i made a huge mistake, and i promised myself it was the last time for any of that stuff..
i still constantly think about dope, but when i do, i try to think about something else, brainwashing my mind into thinking about anything besides heroin.
it's november and it's freezing even though it's still like 55-60 degrees. my fingers feel frostbitten, and my heart keeps racing. my body is hot and im out of energy, and i am easily irritated...
my supplements include:
vitamin b-6
vitamin b-12
vitamin c
vitamin e
multi vitamin
valerian root
melatonin
whey protein!!!
unlimited bottles of gatorade
Phoenix the mental cheerleader
prescription:
propranol (for heart palpitations)
i have used benzos in the past, but they only make my feel super tired. they don't help at all with the RLS; in fact they make it a lot worse so i decided to not get any of those this time.
i'm rambling and i apologize, but at least i got through 10 minutes without feeling sorry for myself and my racing heart.
gosh... if only i could feel like this when i see a pretty girl.
i miss that butterfly feeling. lol
ok.. hopefully i'll make it to 48 hour mark.
do withdrawals start to subside after 72 hours after last dose?
i tapered down to doing 1 bag a day.... switching from a bag to suboxone and staying on suboxone for 3-4 days going back to a bag for a couple of days. started in early april so it's been around 6 months. i had a few weeks when i was just on suboxone. will my withdrawals be bad?
right now i don't have any RLS... which is weird.
usually i had RLS way before the 24 hour mark.
that is.. from what i remember back in 2007-2008...
thanks..
-Sub0
after three days of finding myself doing the most craziest things to get around to a fix... i gave up my phone, and my facebook account to my parents.
i did this b/c i was using facebook to message people and setting meeting times up and working my schemes like a super junky.
i last used nov. 8, 2012... at 11a.m. before and after class.
that feeling sure did suck.
having 100+ hours under your belt and then blowing it all for an hour of feeling warm and good.
i tell myself every time that its not worth it, but nothing stops me when i become desperate. i wonder if this has anything to do with how i was brought up. i was quite spoiled as a kid.
anyways, i'm 26 now. and i took 4 years off school to straighten my life out, only to return to what i tried so hard to quit.
i'm currently at 29 hours since my last fix. and the anxiety is coming in waves. i think i've smoked nearly two packs of cigarettes sitting on the porch staring off into the sky.
time is going by so slow, and this is one of the things i hate about withdrawal. i with there'd be something that could distract me, but everything is not one bit entertaining...
reading this forum and other people's success stories actually give me more motivation.
i made a huge mistake, and i promised myself it was the last time for any of that stuff..
i still constantly think about dope, but when i do, i try to think about something else, brainwashing my mind into thinking about anything besides heroin.
it's november and it's freezing even though it's still like 55-60 degrees. my fingers feel frostbitten, and my heart keeps racing. my body is hot and im out of energy, and i am easily irritated...
my supplements include:
vitamin b-6
vitamin b-12
vitamin c
vitamin e
multi vitamin
valerian root
melatonin
whey protein!!!
unlimited bottles of gatorade
Phoenix the mental cheerleader
prescription:
propranol (for heart palpitations)
i have used benzos in the past, but they only make my feel super tired. they don't help at all with the RLS; in fact they make it a lot worse so i decided to not get any of those this time.
i'm rambling and i apologize, but at least i got through 10 minutes without feeling sorry for myself and my racing heart.
gosh... if only i could feel like this when i see a pretty girl.
i miss that butterfly feeling. lol
ok.. hopefully i'll make it to 48 hour mark.
do withdrawals start to subside after 72 hours after last dose?
i tapered down to doing 1 bag a day.... switching from a bag to suboxone and staying on suboxone for 3-4 days going back to a bag for a couple of days. started in early april so it's been around 6 months. i had a few weeks when i was just on suboxone. will my withdrawals be bad?
right now i don't have any RLS... which is weird.
usually i had RLS way before the 24 hour mark.
that is.. from what i remember back in 2007-2008...
thanks..
-Sub0
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: atlanta
Posts: 144
im at 34 hours and my skin is crawling out my skin..
i stayed in the bathtub for like an hour and i almost fell asleep in there and drowned. =(
thanks to the hot bath though, i was able to feel human for about an hour afterwards as its close to 35-40 degrees outside. (feels like below 0)
now it's 8:30 and i was doing research online about how to help withdrawal symptoms in a desperate attempt to make myself feel better.
nothing seems to work and i probably will have to ride this out.
my heart is started to throb out of control and i probably look like a dancer doing the heart thump while tickin' and poppin'.
oh man... i think the good thing is that my mentality is okay. i don't feel depressed. its just my body is wack and my mind keeps telling me, SCHEME BOY SCHEME!!!
i even thought about getting my friend to pick me up from my house and driving me to the pawn shop so i could pawn some stuff and then drive me back home, where i'd continue my plot to score and call my dealer and ask him to drive to my house for an extra like 30 dollars (which he would do) damn... but!!! i decided to take a hot bath and drink a protein shake which did nothing.
i only ate one meal this morning and im starving but i don't want to eat anything.
every emotion i have right now has two sides.
this is the most frustrating thing.
my body is constantly twitching due to the electrical shock that keeps going up my spine.. i keep sneezing like pikACHOO! ok im goin insaneee.
ahhhh i know for sure im not gonna get any sleep tonight.
i hope this is over by the day after tomorrow..
tomorrow is day 3 so i know im gonna be in for a ride. FML
-34 hours cold turkey from dope
i stayed in the bathtub for like an hour and i almost fell asleep in there and drowned. =(
thanks to the hot bath though, i was able to feel human for about an hour afterwards as its close to 35-40 degrees outside. (feels like below 0)
now it's 8:30 and i was doing research online about how to help withdrawal symptoms in a desperate attempt to make myself feel better.
nothing seems to work and i probably will have to ride this out.
my heart is started to throb out of control and i probably look like a dancer doing the heart thump while tickin' and poppin'.
oh man... i think the good thing is that my mentality is okay. i don't feel depressed. its just my body is wack and my mind keeps telling me, SCHEME BOY SCHEME!!!
i even thought about getting my friend to pick me up from my house and driving me to the pawn shop so i could pawn some stuff and then drive me back home, where i'd continue my plot to score and call my dealer and ask him to drive to my house for an extra like 30 dollars (which he would do) damn... but!!! i decided to take a hot bath and drink a protein shake which did nothing.
i only ate one meal this morning and im starving but i don't want to eat anything.
every emotion i have right now has two sides.
this is the most frustrating thing.
my body is constantly twitching due to the electrical shock that keeps going up my spine.. i keep sneezing like pikACHOO! ok im goin insaneee.
ahhhh i know for sure im not gonna get any sleep tonight.
i hope this is over by the day after tomorrow..
tomorrow is day 3 so i know im gonna be in for a ride. FML
-34 hours cold turkey from dope
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
