hello, is it silly of me to refer to 'SWIM' as 'Phoenix'?
lol
anyways i think im at 33 hours now since my last suboxone dose.
i have some energy but my body feels heavy, i have a runny nose, and my mind is racing.
its weird cuz i feel normal, somewhat.
i haven't been to any meetings...
last time i tried to go to meetings was when i was trying to get off in 2007-2008 and it ended up a disaster.
i know that the whole point of going is to surround urself with people that will help you, but everytime i went for some reason i ended up getting lured into getting some more.
this caused me to get like 5 more connects and i literally screwed myself up the butt.
i DO want to get clean.
i think if i didn't go to the school that i did, then it would be a lot easier.
i go to a school and the copping block is right next to campus (literally 5 minute walk)
i have class in about an hour...
i hope i can fight the urges.
i'll report back.
perhaps i do need to get some counseling.
im thinking about going on vacation out of town again for a month.
i think if i can get past the physical part, the mental part won't effect me as much.
it's not so much my mind is wanting it like crazy. that's why i said i felt somewhat normal.
it's more like my mind is telling me i need it cuz my body aches.
i know what the consequences are, but i donno.
REALLY CONFUSED
hopefully 'Phoenix' will win this bout.
thanks
+100 hour since last use