ChaongeL

I'm currently at the end of day 4 of Suboxone withdrawal. I took my last dose on Sept. 20th. Friday was my first full day of sobriety.

I have been on the drug for 5 years. Started at 24 mg (which was waaaay more than i needed) but for the last 2 and a half years have been on 6mg. I had reached my wall. After I quit smoking 6 months ago I made a conscious decision to get off the meds. Getting rid of one poison gave me the confidence too consider the other.

I have kept a full log of my day to day activities and will continue to do so for some time. When I'm finished I'll post it in hopes of helping those in my position. But for now I would like any insight you guys can offer on the subject. To be honest just typing this helps. Typing the log helped me get my focus off the pain but knowing you guys might read this is even better. So pardon me running on and such please. It's therapeutic.

Maybe it was my low pain pill usage (4-6 lortabs a day for 6 months) or the low Suboxone dose for the last 2 years but quitting cold turkey wasn't that bad. Unless the worst is yet to come and man do I hope not. I mean based on what I have read, at 4 days I am at where most are at around day 8-10. Maybe it's my body chemistry I dunno. Knock on wood and so on.

But that doesn't mean it hasn't been hard. Boy it has. Day one was cake and like opiate withdrawal I expected day 2 to be the worst but after walking a quarter mile with the wife today, up hill mind you, I came home and experienced the worst of it yet. Up until now the fatigue hadn't really been so bad. Tolerable ya know. But I think the walk over did it cause damn it hit me bad. I have felt like hammered crap for the last 8 hours.

On day 1 I took a walk with the kids. Wasn't too bad. Just a little drained like it was time for my dose ya know? Runny nose, mouth watering in anticipation of the drug etc. But an easy day really. But whats one day, pfft!

On day 2 I made the mistake of watching The Grey right about time the depression kicked in. I whaled like a baby to be honest. A lot of the life death situations were like reality checks. Later that day I went to Wal-Mart with my son. The fatigue hadn't gotten too bad yet so I was able to manage and as long as I stayed active the feverish hot/cold chills/flashes were manageable. Sitting still wasn't fun anyways. Well if you can call shifting in your seat every few seconds sitting still. This restlessness is terrible. But still yet I was reasonably able to stand on my own without feeling like I was wearing hip weights.

On day 3 I woke up feeling decent, even though I hadn't slept much at all since starting this due to RLS and the chills. I thought hey maybe I'm gonna be one of the lucky ones! Nope. Little later the anxious "I wanna crawl outta the top of my head" feeling set in. My god how do people manage. It's like a snake needing to shed it's skin for Christ's sake. That night was the worst yet. The kids slept in the bed and with me needing the room to thrash I slept in the floor. The wife has been off work with me so far to help with the kids btw. So no worries there. I don't think I slept more than an hour total in little 5 minute segments.

This morning after the kids went to school I climbed into bed and got an hours sleep or so. Btw NEVER take Lyrica while doing this. I knew it could ****** my respiratory process but damn man. I took it at 7:30 am and I am still taking deep breaths. My chest still feels tight and painful. But it did allow me that hour or so of sleep. So I got up from the nap, ate, showered, and got dressed then did something stupid. I went for a 1/4 mile walk with the wife up a hill behind my house. Granted I didn't plan it but we ende dup walking half an hour. I was amazed at the energy it gave me. Every step was easy than the last. If not for the Lyrica making me breath hard I literally could have jogged it, and it's a steep grade. Switchbacks and such.

But as soon as I got home and sat down it hit me. This overwhelming feeling of anxiousness and restlessness and the chills set in to the bone. I was miserable and I figure it's a result of trying too hard but I read yesterday that people have said the more you do the faster you recover. They didn't, however, tell anyone about the nuclear fallout your body will suffer. The fatigue has been a *******. This is the first time so far that I really felt like i might not be able to get up and move. That walk was 8 hours ago and I still feel a little bad.

Even though the fatigue was heavy and the general badness was kicking my ass I got up and cleaned the house. The wife crashed on the couch after 3 days of doing most of the running around the house so I let her sleep a couple hours and watched the kids. Just being with them gave me the strength to fight the fatigue. Ohh I wanted to crash and the crazy buggy feeling was oozing off me but I put on a smile for them.

Then my mom called and offered some advice. Now I'm not a religious man. Never have been. I believe in God but I don't know much beyond that. Too many religions not enough time to sort them out. But my mom is and she urged me to pray to Jesus. This, like most, is something I usually only do in extreme circumstances, but I thought "What can it hurt" So i went into the bathroom, while the kids were occupied, and took 5 minutes to pray.

Coming out of the bathroom I couldn't help but feel energized. I walked around feeling for the fatigue, and while it was there under the surface, it didn't seem to bother me. I felt stronger. The chills seemed to slip away and the restlessness felt much better. Maybe it was just the thought of praying but I'll take it savior or no savior. I felt better and it felt good.

It was time for the kids to hit the bed. So we headed that way and low and behold the cat got the squirts and crapped the nastiest most wretched smelling pile of god awfulness I have ever had the misfortune of experiencing right behind the kids bunk beds. Damn animals. We gave them worm medicine at a very bad time. So after cleaning up nine kinds of wide open ass smelling foulness and fighting the urge to vomit I got the wife up and moved the kids to the couch. Still I felt good. I was expecting the badness to creep back but I'm telling ya it was so much more bearable.

So I got online, found this sight, signed up, and decided to post. And here we are. Now I know you are wondering why I am detailing my day but I want others in my position to see that you don't have to be curled up in the bed feeling sorry for yourself. I thought that was how I was going to be to be honest but it just isn't THAT bad.

Now I realize this isn't your typical post and I don't mean to ramble, but truth is I'm not really typing this to ask for help. I want this. I want it to hurt. Pain reminds us we're alive and it teaches us a lesson in the process. But just sitting here reading about people like me who are going through the same bad thing, well, it's raised my spirits even more.

I'll probably be popping in to post now and then when I need the morale boost so bear with me. I just hope this ends soon. I want to get back to the person I used to be. Fingers crossed.

YoungAndClean

Wow I found your post so uplifting! I'm on Day 6 from opiates and WD truly is hell on earth. But you are going to feel so good soon, better than you have felt in a long time! What are your plans to prevent future relapse? Also if you drink alcohol be very careful because that always made me crave opiates insanely bad. Hang in there, and stick around SR.

ChaongeL

Thanks for the support. As far as not relapsing, it's simple. I never really craved the pills, or the high I should say, when I started the Suboxone. Having the strength to juggle the things in my life at the time was the addiction for me. As disgusted as I have been with myself for so long I don't ever see me going back. In fact I have a hiatal hernia that will need to be fixed soon. I don't want to because they will try to give me narcotics. I haven't even once thought that might be good. Not while on the Suboxone and not now.

I have my babies and my wife to be strong for and that's a good enough reason to stay away from drugs if there has ever been one.

Good luck to you as well. Stay strong!

ChaongeL

Day 5:
I, of course, still haven't slept more than an hour or so a day. Nights are impossible. The dark depresses me. That's the worst I think. It's making me tired mentally weakening my resolve. One good nights rest and I would feel a great deal better I imagine.

The only sleep I have gotten since I started really is in the mornings. My wife works third shift so I used to sleep a couple hours at night then get the kids off to school then go back to bed with her. It was the only real way we would get to lay together. i think that's why my RLS is bad at night but fades in the morning when i would sleep my bulk. My internal clock is set that way.

BTW I discovered a trick to stifle the RLS. Soak your lower half in very hot water. The sensation calmed my RLS. Had it not been for the crippling depression caused by my family being asleep and me being up in the dark I would have slept, then the indigestion set in from me producing large amounts of saliva and sinus drainage down the throat.

It's 2:30pm and I feel a bit better. Not sleeping any last night and only getting an hour between 3 power naps on top of hernia trouble made me feel pretty bad this morning. These deep bone chills are kicking my ass. So I got outta the bed clothes and shed the sheet I have toted around half of each day and put on my normal clothes and shoes. Somehow that kicked the chills. Well that and a cup of coffee. But now that fever feelin is coming back. Kinda hot on the surface.

Does anyone know how long that should last? Really?

YoungAndClean

My guess would be no more than 2-3 days more. I bet your Day 6 and 7 will be much better! You are doing the right thing, your not going through all this struggle in vain!

SeekingGrowth

I have a friend who used subs to kick heroin. He was on the subs for 10 months. He said the withdrawal symptoms lasted for about 10 days - much longer than heroin withdrawal because subs have a longer half life. Withdrawal symptoms not as severe as heroin withdrawal, but still tough to take, especially since they lasted so much longer. 30 days out, he was feeling OK physically but struggling with depression. But he stuck with it, is doing much better now, and tells me that things are getting better every day.

Hang in there! Soon you'll be feeling better too.

ChaongeL

I didn't have the willpower to post last night. So far the evening of day 5 was the worst of it all. I ate a chicken quesadila (sp?) around 5 pm and managed a 15 minute doze on the couch with my son. Had my jeans t shirt and jacket on to stay warm and was covered in a blanket. When I woke I felt trapped. Claustrophobic. I got up a little fast and got my heart beating too quick. This on top of the worst indigestion/heartburn of my life caused by that spicy sauce in the food. But I didn't know that was what it was. I hadn't felt it in over 5 years. At all due to hernia constriction from the Subs.

So a panic attack set in. The anxiety was terrible. My wife was about to go back to work after being off for several nights so the closer the time came for the kids to sleep and her to leave the anxiety mounted. I was freaking out. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

But I made it. I laid in bed with the kids (They sleep with me while the wife is at work. This helped to clam me. Them being close and still awake for a bit. After 4 hours of laying there and getting past the RLS I nodded off for about 2 hours. It was the first REM sleep in days and man I needed it. It must have kicked started the synapses because it's now midday of the 6th day and I have slept a total of 5 hours.

So those of you who think the sleep won't come, it will. I was fearing a heart attack or psychotic break and being a paranoid person that made my anxiety and depression sky rocket.

After waking from the last 2 hour nap at 10 am I took a hot shower to kick those deep bone chills. For those of you wondering about when the crawling outta your skin feeling fades, for me it's been today. Knock on wood, it seems that symptom is passing.

I actually feel hopeful. I took a 20 minute level ground walk into the sun. I didn't even wear the jacket. The sun itself was enough for the first time in a week to warm me. I don't want to jinx myself but it feels like after sleeping the worst is behind me. My wife had been worried. She got a xanax off her mom and tried to get me to take it last night. After reading the bad effects of using it during this I passed. I wanted to sleep so bad but not at the cost of prolonging this hell. I am so glad I did. I got to sleep under my own power and a great many prayers over and over. The stomach pain is gone and things are looking up.

My mind feels sharper now with rest but over the last 3 days since the subs have mostly left my system my glasses have been rendered nearly useless. It's like this ordeal has worsened my vision a fuzz so I'm having to squint to try to bring things into focus, unsuccessfully.

I was wondering if anyone out there has experienced the same and can tell me if this will pass or if I will need new glasses soon?

Now I'm sure I still have some pain, fatigue and discomfort and yes even those damn chills to deal with in the following days. And we can't forget probably months of depression but I somehow feel so hopeful.

I can't wait til the day that I can get right outta bed, wake up in a couple minutes, and take the kids outside to play. THAT is my motivation. making up for lost time. This damn medicine has sapped me of many memories over the last 5 years. It's time to make new ones.

I want to thank all of you who have been reading this and even more those who have
given me your support. It helps a great deal to know you guys are out there.

ChaongeL

From 6 pm yesterday til pretty much now I have felt terrible. I tried taking benadryl to sleep and while i slept some it made me feel terrible all day. just as soon as it was fading, before realizing why i felt bad, i took vistaril to get some rest this evening, day 7, and once again i feel the same terrible way.

trust me, it may suck not to sleep but there are worse things to endure.

God give me the strength to get through this. it is the worst experience of my life.

ChaongeL

Well it is now 1:40 pm of day 9. I want to say that I feel a lot better because mentally I do, but the effects of too much vistaril have left me sleepy as hell with weak limbs without the ability to actually sleep. But I want to explain about why I suggest Vistaril in a moment so don't assume I am putting it down.

Two days ago when my wife started her first of two days of doubles back to back me and the kids went to my mothers. That was the best choice I could have made. They helped watch the kids while I got through the massive depression and terrible restlessness. I believe that this was the last of my really bad days. Knock on wood.

The wife went to work Thursday night and the kids were of course asleep so I had to contend with that gripping depression that sets in when you are alone with your thoughts. So for those reading this for ideas on what not to do don't be alone. Having someone to talk to is key. I made the choice to go to my mom's because Thursday morning, Sept. 27th, will forever be the worst day for me to always relate to when talking about depression and pain. I was wracked with it in a way I didn't know existed.

This could have been avoided had I taken Vistaril. Now here's the part i want you guys going thru this to know. This is a wonderful drug for getting through these hard times but you have to start out slow with it. Very small doses. it may be an anti-histamine like benadryl but it is way stronger. Now you think that would know you out, and for me and this point it does for a few hours at a time which is a godsend, but if you take a full 25mg dose your body in full will want to sleep. You will actually feel groggy as hell but your mind won't shut down due to the insomnia.

What to do, take slivers at first. About a 1/4 of a 25 Vistaril will curb the depression without making you want to sleep when the mind won't let it. I'm telling you all this because there doesn't seem to be a lot of discussion about the drug on the forums anywhere i can find. I had to hope for the best when i took it. But I'm glad I did. I just wish I took a little less that first day. I took 25mg at 5pm Thursday and didn't clear up from it til about 11 ish am Friday.

But once the anti-histamine haze cleared it was the best I had felt in years. I took last night's full dose at 10:00 pm so I still feel it now and will for about an hour or so more.

I'm not gonna lie to anyone. i know positive thinking is needed, and my final point will be, but you will HAVE to go through some bad days before you start to get better. I didn't have the urge to even post when I felt bad but when I felt better I didn't want to ruin it by sitting at the laptop so I opted to post today, now that i am home. You will go up and down a little but after you bad days it's all downhill. I actually went into Wal-mart last night and didn't feel bad about it.

The key to getting past this hell is sleep. You HAVE to try and rest. Every few hours go into a quite room or where ever soothes you and shut your eyes for a bit. If you don't sleep the worse that happens is you feel a bit better than when you went in. Another thing, take your pinch of vistaril about 9:00 then lay down an hour later. Sleep a few hours but when you wake up feeling restless, and you will meds or not, just get up and watch tv for a few hours on the couch. Then go back to bed and you will have skipped 3 hours of tossing and turning and getting your back hurting.

each day since about the 6th the cold chills have slowly dropped off. I just feel them in my shoulders and sides of my arms a little bit. The more rest/sleep you get the more that fades.

Anyway I hope my posts can someday help someone out there or maybe even someone now. For those in the future i suspect you will find at the end of the thread, in a week or so, I am back to normal sleeping good and being happy. I know because I have actually started feeling happy again for the first time in years. Laughing and joking, telling stories.

So cheer up guys, I know it gets bad but remember we brought this on our selves, and our loved ones didn't ask to put up with it, so how is it right we get out pain free. A bd week or two and life goes back to the way it should be.

Guess I'll be posting tomorrow. Don't know if it will be good or bad but hey, I'll take the small victories anytime.

Maylie

Keep it up! You have come so far and every day you move forward gets you closer to putting this hell behind you!

ChaongeL

Thanks for the support!

I've decided to stop posting everyday from here on in. Some people say marking your progress helps but for me it forces me to analyze each and every detail. I already do that. It makes the time tick by so slow. The best advice I would give for those nearing the end of this like myself, keep busy and exercise. You crash some after a workout but it feels like you are shaving off hours of badness at the end.

I have to say I was very naive of this whole process. My doctor was either terrible at her job or a liar. Doesn't matter anymore. I got myself into this and I shouldn't have jumped on the first easy way out. I believe I said it once before in this thread, I was dependent not addicted. I know that even more so now. So why my doctor put me on so much meds and kept me on them for so long doesn't make sense other than greed. She always made it an easy choice for me to stay at my current dose. She never tried to urge me down, and I was afraid of that crash.

It's funny you know. I got on Suboxone for my family so that I could have the energy to enjoy life with them. And i didn't want to lower my dose anymore once I hit 6mg cause I felt so bad when I did and wanted to be able to play with the kids. Then here I am now wanting this experience to be over as soon as possible for the same reasons. I just feel generally bad and unmotivated now. The only time I can say I really feel that good hopeful feeling swell up inside is when I'm talking. When I'm talking about feeling better.

I had some VERY bad days up until now. Some days where the physical pain from WD and depression/anxiety was so bad I thought I would literally die. I was terrified to be alone. I still am to a degree. At times it spikes and I start thinking, oh God here it comes again. I'm tired of living with that fear. I want this to be over.

Yes I am rushing it but if you knew my kids you would understand. There are some terrible children in this world. Come on lets face it. Most kids are just little ***** ya know? No sense in lying. They aren't all sugar and spice. But our kids, their the best. I mean, sure, all parents say that, but other people actually say that about our kids. We have been blessed with two amazing children who deserve the most healthy upbringing as possible. This poison has been in their life, on the sidelines of course, but in their life, for far too long. Half my sons life and all of my daughters. It's time to give them the life they deserve.

This is 11am of day 12. I took a walk/run to try to kick the depression and anxiety that's slipping in. That is the worst for me. I get SO depressed thinking about how long some people battle these feelings. I know, right, not everyone has the horrible experience others do. But it's possible and I have always been a worrier. A generally paranoid person deep down.

I'm still not sleeping more than maybe 2 hours or so a night and you can't really call it sleep. It's more like 20 min cycles where I step my toe into REM sleep then jerk myself awake. It feels like I'm not getting enough air. Like Apnea. I've never had it but it feels like it sounds. My nose is getting a little stuffy at night. I have a deviated septum which leaves me with 90% air flow coming from just one nostril. So when I get clogged it's so much harder to get those naps.

I want a good nights rest so bad. Everyone says the true turning point is that first good night's sleep. I have tried Vistaril but the following days effects are bad. Muscle fatigue and energy drain. Ambien makes me feel a little bit tired for maybe a couple hours but it still doesn't knock me out.

I want to avoid harder chemicals but family gave me ativan and xanax. I tried a sliver of xanax on like day 6 or 7 and it didn't help. I know I should try to get natural sleep but I for one can't get drowsy enough to fall into deep sleep. And when my anxiety is up, pfft, forget it. Laying in bed while everyone is asleep or gone at night trying to NOT think about depressing or anxious things is impossible.

I know I should let me brain bring it's own chemical bins back online a little at a time but just knowing one nights rest would change things is torture. Anyone know a trick or herbal tea or anything?

Thanks ahead.

ChaongeL

Day 17

i want to clarify for those of you going through this that may be...frightened by how bad it got for me. First of all I didn't taper. Second I already had anxiety and depression before starting this. Not bad but present and of course everything was amplified due to the shock and no sleep.

So did I have some terrible days? Yes. Like everyone says it probably wasn't as bad as I THOUGHT it was a the time, but relativity is a bitch like that. Because even though I got through those terrible days, a week later when I'm not feeling 100% i find myself thinking "God I feel bad" then I remember how bad I felt before and ponder why the hell I can't be complacent for even a moment.

That's the rub though. Complacency or lack thereof. When readjusting to the normal world your body will NOT allow you to become complacent for hardly a moment. THAT is what makes this a grueling process. The lack of breaks from the agony. It's not really THAT bad but you can't see a light at the end of the tunnel so it feels like forever.

Of course I will say that now that I am feeling much better now it's easy for me to say these things. We forget pain rather quickly. Women would NEVER endure child birth more than once if they didn't forget the pain and remember the joys that it brought. i equate our scenario to something like that. Maybe that's why people relapse. I've been thinking the whole time "Why would anyone go through this more than once?" But I suppose to someone who really loved the high they will forget the pain and remember the "joy" it brought. I'm just glad I was physically dependent and not mentally so much. I haven't thought about a pill in 5 years, not even through this hell, so I don't fear relapse.

For those of you on day 10+ still feeling bad I'll bet my wallet you still aren't sleeping. I don't mean normal sleep, that won't come for some time. I mean dreaming. Even if you only nod off for an hour at a time that's ok. I hadn't really slept in weeks and the only time I did was when I took vistaril at like day 8 or so. But I HATED how tired I felt all day because of it after waking up from it.But out of desperation, and after taking xanax, ativan, ambine, etc with no help I decided to go back to the only thing that really helped. Vistaril. I was just taking too much. I have 25mg and was taking the whole thing. It was hammering me. I take a 1/4 in the morning and either 1/4 or 1/2 late in the evening depending on if my stomach is full.

I want to make something clear. I didn't just take the Vistaril for sleep. I took it to kick the anxiety and depression. Once I was able to hold those symptoms at bay for a day that night I actually slept decent and had extended dreams. So do yourself a favor, start taking Vistaril at day 3 when the subs are gone and you start true WD. Take it in the morning and in the evening. Give it time to get in your system. I'm having to deal with that tired limb feeling from anti-histamines (Which is all Vistaril is with a little kick) when I should be nearly normal. If I stuck with the medicine early on my body would already be used to that feeling and I could be doing more.

On the subject of dreams I will say this, on Subs my dreams were weird as hell. Abstract even. I hardly remembered them but when I did I would wake up and think...WTF. I mean whacky abstract. Like riding a tricycle through the white house lawn but you only KNOW it's the white house lawn, it looks like your neighbors yard from when you were 7. But now that I am sleeping again my dreams are much more...tangible I guess would be a better word? They make sense and follow a logical order of events. (Well as much as normal dreams can) On subs they felt so far away in my psyche, out of touch, but now they feel like they are where they are supposed to be.

For anyone who as read my previous posts and felt scared and afraid, I'm sorry. I know that I NEEDED to put those words down when I did and I don't regret laying myself out for examination, but I do regret knowing that I may have taken away someone's hope. So understand you CAN avoid how I felt, don't quit cold turkey, take vistaril or whatever works for YOUR anxiety, and don't try to tough it out. I waited too long to start taking meds cause I wanted to have a clear head. Turns out even with no meds my head wasn't that clear. Anxiety saw to that as well as depression.

I could go on and on if I don't stop, as if you can't tell, but it just feels so good to be on the mend you want to articulate the feeling, to put it out there to touch and feel and to remind you of what was and will be. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to be ready to see it. It won't come to you, you have to find it.

ChaongeL

Well it's the evening of Day 20, woohoo! (Posting this on the morning of day 21. Had to cut it short last night in mid post and never came back to the PC. So overlook the post date.)

I gotta admit I felt a little better yesterday than today to be honest but that is expected. It isn't a steady climb to recovery but a ping pong effect with an overall steady climb. I feel worse today than yesterday but today is better than the day before. And of course relativity being the bitch that it is, no matter how well I improve I can't help but to think damn I want to feel better. The body and mind are a greedy duo. They will take and take til they reach the top. Hence the reason we become dependent on chemicals.

Let's see, progress overall for those looking for comparison. I'm at about 85% of my old self. Well sorta like my old self from just before this but more like my old self from before drugs. But then again not. I'm 6 years older than I was before I started any pills or Suboxone. That in itself makes me a different person than I was back then. You throw in the havoc the drugs and Subs had on my emotions and psyche and well...your overall gonna be a different animal all together.

But I can say this, each day I feel more mentally stable. Less depression, less anxiety, but a little more anxiety in general I guess cause I'm still having to use Vistaril to relax at night enough to sleep. I sleep the first 4 hours waking every 45min-hour then I can't get back to sleep. So I have to get up for a while then go back and suddenly the medicine is working again. I think it's a cross between my metabolism being outta whack and my stomach problems including my damned hernia. So I wouldn't apply too much of this to your situation unless your stomach is outta whack too.

At this point the best advice I can give, again, is to stay busy. Push through the pain and fatigue, but not til you crash hard. Learn your limits then slightly increase your work load each day. Personally I walk up that steep ass hill behind my house each morning at 10am. It's hard as hell but each day I go a little further. Today I went to the second switch back and thought my lungs would cave in if my calves didn't explode first but after my breathing slowed from the pace down I felt better than when I started. Like exercise is supposed to be.

Yesterday, my best day yet, I took that walk and then walked around the yard for like another hour just talking out loud. I know I looked psycho to the cars passing but this is a self therapy I discovered when I was a kid. I would basically go through good memories from the past in chronological order, as best I could, based on a certain topic in my life.

You see, you won't just wake up one day and suddenly have a want to do all the things you used to enjoy. You have to train your brain how to enjoy them again. Dopamine is a VERY important part of your life and opiates and such they do a number on your levels. Dopamine effects everything from your ability to move, to your want to do things, to your chances of actually sleeping, and even your libido. It does a whole lot more than that but those are just a few aspects of the body they believe is directly related to Dopamine production and use.

Most importantly, in this situation, it controls the reward/punishment system of the body. Take me for example; I was on subs for 5 years. So for me it's gonna be a lot harder to retrain my body how to enjoy things that I used to love. I have to walk myself through the motions of life like a puppet a few times until enough dopamine receptors are fired based on certain reward triggers. In so many words. This is I'm sure not exactly how it works but it's the gist.

So basically if you are going through this laying around all day thinking "Why don't I want to do the things I used to do?" It's because you have to remind your brain WHY you want to do them. That's all. Like eating. We all lose our appetite through this then get it back like a vengeance. Reason being is when Dopamine production is down, like in the first week of this, your participatory receptors aren't urging you to eat. Even though you need to eat you just can't manage to WANT to. But once you start forcing your self to eat little by little you begin to enjoy it. That's the consummatory receptors triggering a dopamine response to help encourage you to do this MORE as you did slightly enjoy it. Next time, I suppose more neurons fire and so on until you rebuild your appetite. Now I can't seem to stop eating, myself.

The more you do the better you will feel.

Lyoness

Thanks for your posts, ChaongeL! I'm just getting ready to go on subs to get off a terrible oxy addiction and I appreciate reading everyone's experiences, good, bad, etc. It gives a lot more realistic picture of possibities while reminding me that me experience will be unique to me.

You bring up important stuff, especially retraining the brain. I think that's the part I'm most worried about. Hopefully I'll develop patience for the process that is.

ChaongeL

I'm glad to see my log is helping someone. I plan on refining it once I reach that 100% mark .

Don't let my bad posts scare you, I was on subs for 5 years and jumped off at 6 mg I'm sure that's a factor. If you read the parts where I talked about the appropriate duration to use Subs then I may be repeating myself here but just in case I'll say this; Take my advice or leave it but at least consider weaning yourself off the subs as soon as you feel mentally ready.

There is a difference between dependency and addiction and nobody really knows which they are fully until being on something OTHER than your drug of choice for a while. If you find yourself hopeful and ready to put them behind you, then in my most sincere opinion, get off the subs before your brain adjusts to something new.

I had friends and co-workers that were doing oxy 80's in large amounts daily. That is a tough drug to kick so don't beat yourself if you HAVE to stay on subs for a while. But when YOU are ready, and not your doc, do yourself a favor and start the wean. You, of course, don't want to relapse so it's better to be on subs for a year than to go back and forth. I'm basing this on my experience and the suboxone experience of friends who were taking handfuls of 80's a week.

Good luck with your recovery. I really hope your experience is as painless as possible.

ChaongeL

Day 24.

I don't plan on posting progress daily as my progress now is minimal from day to day as being at about 90%. It's feeling like 1% a day so no point in posting every day.

I got some better sleep last night. Ambien is now starting to effect me again. i took it twice early on and didn't so much as feel tired. I took it when I laid down last night and slept for a solid 6 hour block. I f I woke up during that time I don't remember.

This is what I been waiting for. Real sleep. I've said since day one that I wouldn't feel like I'm headed towards normal until then. Few more days and I'll be sleeping through the night, assisted probably, but I realize now that assisted sleep is WAY better than no sleep.

Early on I took the advice to stay hydrated and it helped alot. I had been slacking off on that fact recently and yesterday evening I felt BAD lol. My dumbass hadn't drank much and forgot that I'm not as far along as I'd thought. My limbs were exhausted and weak and my motivation and drive were low. When my head got hot I realized what it was. One bottle of water later I made a total turn around so let that be an example for you. You will require more water than normal for weeks.

Gotta take the daughter to her soccer game. Good luck to anyone reading this that's in the same boat!