How to tell drinking friends that you've stopped?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 14
How to tell drinking friends that you've stopped?
I'm on day 9 and got through my first weekend sober. Hallelujah!
The problem is that all of my friends drink and I don't know how to tell them I've quit drinking without spilling my guts with too much information.
When my friend asked on Saturday why I wasn't having wine with them, I just told them I'm on a diet and alcohol was making me fat. It's the only thing I could think of on the spot and they understood but jokingly made a comment when leaving about how "I better not be on a diet next time we hang out."
Just wanted advice on ideas to get it through to friends that I've quit without being given a hard time or teased...even though they mean well?
The problem is that all of my friends drink and I don't know how to tell them I've quit drinking without spilling my guts with too much information.
When my friend asked on Saturday why I wasn't having wine with them, I just told them I'm on a diet and alcohol was making me fat. It's the only thing I could think of on the spot and they understood but jokingly made a comment when leaving about how "I better not be on a diet next time we hang out."
Just wanted advice on ideas to get it through to friends that I've quit without being given a hard time or teased...even though they mean well?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 39
I ran into the same thing yesterday, I felt horrible for not being completely honest with some one that I consider a brother ! Truth is I need time to deal with everything in my head first and then will be able to go on from there. I'm thinking that when I do "come out" if their truly my friends they will be supportive. I can still be there with them having a good time just not drinking 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 39
I ran into the same thing yesterday, I felt horrible for not being completely honest with some one that I consider a brother ! Truth is I need time to deal with everything in my head first and then will be able to go on from there. I'm thinking that when I do "come out" if their truly my friends they will be supportive. I can still be there with them having a good time just not drinking
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
I think in time honesty is the best policy though I understand you may not want to tell them straight away. If they are real friends they will understand and support your decision. Though think a lot of people do lose some friends along the way but these were maybe not true friends, just drinking buddies
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: IL now
Posts: 218
Just have to tell the truth, that you're not drinking as a personal choice, and would appreciate if they don't push on you to do so... That's all I've found that works.. you don't have to spill your guts about your problem if you don't want to. A good friend will respect your decision.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 14
Thanks guys. This is all so new to me and I admit that I'm scared that I'll be looked at as a "buzzkill" now. I remember feeling so left out when I was pregnant a few years ago and I don't want to feel that way again. But, if they defriend me because I stop drinking, then they really weren't friends anyway.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
The first time someone asked me why I wasn't drinking, I automatically lied. It felt terrible and I realized that my recovery had to be based in honesty. That said, I don't discuss my recovery with friends because for me, it's a very personal journey. In my opinion, I don't owe anyone an explanation as to why I am drinking or not.
And, I wasn't able to be around people who were drinking for several months when I stopped drinking. And, even now, I don't want to be around people who are drinking very often.
And, I wasn't able to be around people who were drinking for several months when I stopped drinking. And, even now, I don't want to be around people who are drinking very often.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
This was pretty easy for me...I had two sets of friends....The ones I drank with...(most of them)...And the close friends....
The ones I drank with..I told them I was quitting and that was about the last thing I told them. My priority is never drinking again...Not keeping my drinking buddies. Now that I have a little time and I work a pretty good program of AA...If one of them were to call me today and say...Let's go do something that doesn't include drinking...I'd do it. So far that hasn't happened yet.
My close friends....Knew I was quitting and every one of them expressed JOY at the fact I was getting help. They are still close friends. Most of them I had harmed in the past and was able to make amends with them with my 9th step in AA.....Which turned out to be pretty easy because they were happy I was getting my life back.
Now I find myself with a whole new group of friends...Recovered alcoholics...Which are probably the coolest and and most dependable friends I have ever had. They are like family. I guess to sum it up....Out with the old....And in with the new.
The ones I drank with..I told them I was quitting and that was about the last thing I told them. My priority is never drinking again...Not keeping my drinking buddies. Now that I have a little time and I work a pretty good program of AA...If one of them were to call me today and say...Let's go do something that doesn't include drinking...I'd do it. So far that hasn't happened yet.
My close friends....Knew I was quitting and every one of them expressed JOY at the fact I was getting help. They are still close friends. Most of them I had harmed in the past and was able to make amends with them with my 9th step in AA.....Which turned out to be pretty easy because they were happy I was getting my life back.
Now I find myself with a whole new group of friends...Recovered alcoholics...Which are probably the coolest and and most dependable friends I have ever had. They are like family. I guess to sum it up....Out with the old....And in with the new.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Originally Posted by Sapling 
This was pretty easy for me...I had two sets of friends....The ones I drank with...(most of them)...And the close friends....
The ones I drank with..I told them I was quitting and that was about the last thing I told them. My priority is never drinking again...Not keeping my drinking buddies. Now that I have a little time and I work a pretty good program of AA...If one of them were to call me today and say...Let's go do something that doesn't include drinking...I'd do it. So far that hasn't happened yet.
My close friends....Knew I was quitting and every one of them expressed JOY at the fact I was getting help. They are still close friends. Most of them I had harmed in the past and was able to make amends with them with my 9th step in AA.....Which turned out to be pretty easy because they were happy I was getting my life back.
Now I find myself with a whole new group of friends...Recovered alcoholics...Which are probably the coolest and and most dependable friends I have ever had. They are like family. I guess to sum it up....Out with the old....And in with the new.
The ones I drank with..I told them I was quitting and that was about the last thing I told them. My priority is never drinking again...Not keeping my drinking buddies. Now that I have a little time and I work a pretty good program of AA...If one of them were to call me today and say...Let's go do something that doesn't include drinking...I'd do it. So far that hasn't happened yet.
My close friends....Knew I was quitting and every one of them expressed JOY at the fact I was getting help. They are still close friends. Most of them I had harmed in the past and was able to make amends with them with my 9th step in AA.....Which turned out to be pretty easy because they were happy I was getting my life back.
Now I find myself with a whole new group of friends...Recovered alcoholics...Which are probably the coolest and and most dependable friends I have ever had. They are like family. I guess to sum it up....Out with the old....And in with the new.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: in the shadow of the rockies
Posts: 338
"no thanks , Ive had enough"
" 'they' told me i just had to stop "
"think I 'll sit this one out"
"Gonna try something different for awhile"
" i don't think its agreeing with me"
all of them the truth!
" 'they' told me i just had to stop "
"think I 'll sit this one out"
"Gonna try something different for awhile"
" i don't think its agreeing with me"
all of them the truth!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
Congrats - you're doing great !!!
I don't discuss my sobriety with anyone in real-life. All I say when someone offers me something is "no thanks". If pushed I'll say something like about how I don't drink because it hasn't been agreeing with me lately.
Most people don't push beyond that and if they do ..... well ..... they are probably people I don't want to hang out with anymore anyway.
I don't discuss my sobriety with anyone in real-life. All I say when someone offers me something is "no thanks". If pushed I'll say something like about how I don't drink because it hasn't been agreeing with me lately.
Most people don't push beyond that and if they do ..... well ..... they are probably people I don't want to hang out with anymore anyway.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Just say what you feel like saying at the time. You don't have to tell them you've quit for good if you don't feel ready for it yet. It's no one's business but your own. Just say you're taking a break; you're not drinking tonight; no thanks, you don't want any right now. A real friend will understand and drop it. (This is a good way of distinguishing between "real friends" and "drinking buddies.")
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Healthyfood
Sapling
Well my friends would start testing me to see how strong I am to say no to a drink.
Well my friends would start testing me to see how strong I am to say no to a drink.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Three friends knew I quit last time. They knew about my health scares, and I said I really should not drink anymore. It was not an alcoholic confession. With the larger masses, they all noticed a 60 pound weight loss and just presume and accept I drink less for health. They are envious and or proud of me for the weight loss, so do not challenge me, but congratulate and ask how I did it. I tell them I cut wayyy back on the wine, and changed my eating. All very true. If I get into it at all.
I will be brutally honest here, in case it helps anyone else. This is not a good thing, but the truth. I really do not come clean and tell people I have "quit" drinking, or am doing so because I "drink too much" or am an "alcoholic" because I do not want the stigma they may assign to that, or the stigma I will get if I slip or relapse and fail. Good or bad, it is the truth. I also do not want rumor hurting my children, who are young and in elementary school.
I do not do AA as of yet, anyway, but I am sure there is some step about all of that shame and accountability. And I know it is still about shaking off the stupid notion of hoping and wishing to drink on occasion or with some control.
Anyway, whatever I have ever told people, I have never been pressured to drink in my crowd. But my heaviest drinking was in isolation. I toned it down for the masses.
rochele
I will be brutally honest here, in case it helps anyone else. This is not a good thing, but the truth. I really do not come clean and tell people I have "quit" drinking, or am doing so because I "drink too much" or am an "alcoholic" because I do not want the stigma they may assign to that, or the stigma I will get if I slip or relapse and fail. Good or bad, it is the truth. I also do not want rumor hurting my children, who are young and in elementary school.
I do not do AA as of yet, anyway, but I am sure there is some step about all of that shame and accountability. And I know it is still about shaking off the stupid notion of hoping and wishing to drink on occasion or with some control.
Anyway, whatever I have ever told people, I have never been pressured to drink in my crowd. But my heaviest drinking was in isolation. I toned it down for the masses.
rochele
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
