Innerchild

My boyfriend took me out on a date for sushi last night and I really wanted a some Pinot Noir so we bought a bottle of it and my boyfriend was really afraid Id get smashed. Actually, I was thinking if I had one glass would I continue drinking like I always did.

I drank them both slowly enjoying the taste of it. I asked him if they had a non alcohoic Pinot Noir bc Id be happy with that because its the only type of alcohol I drink for taste. Something weird happened...I wasnt craving to get drunk. I started thinking about how good I felt waking up without being hungover or the messes I got myself into drunk.

When we left the restaurant we took a trip to Walmart before we went home. On the way there I said to myself I dont want another glass of wine. All I want to do is put my pjs on and have a glass of orange juice. So we went home and that is what I did. I had no desire to continue drinking to keep a buzz going. I didnt want it at all.

I am not beating myself for having two glasses because I felt I didnt need it. Getting drunk isn't fun I prefer to be sober. I am actually proud of myself because its the first time in a long time I didnt want to continue drinking to the point where I drunk or completely tipsy I didnt like the feeling as much as I used to. Ill stick to my orange juice for now lol.

MemphisBlues

So you think you can do it again? Many have. Many, many here have failed.

Innerchild

I don't know and I really don't want to find out to be quite honest with you. I dont have that same voice in my head where I think I can control my drinking because I have believed that but continued drinking. This is the first time in a long time that I havent gotten drunk after telling myself Ill have one or two.

All I know is that my mind set is changed for the better and I will take one day at a time. It feels better being sober and I will continue to remind myself of that.

I noticed my tolerance has also decreased and instead of enjoying that feeling I didnt want to feel buzzed so I stopped.

langkah

Thanks for sharing.

susanlauren

InnerChild,
I really hope you can pull it off. Not just once. Not just twice. Not just three times. But forever. The worst thing that happened for me when I relapsed was NOT that I lost control and binged myself into oblivion. The worst thing that happened was that I stayed in control -- one or two drinks -- and the seed was planted. Maybe I could control my drinking? Maybe I wasn't alcoholic after all? And I had a number of "safe" drinking experiences. Of course, because I am an alcoholic, my "controlled, social drinking" inevitably led me to daily drinking (to excess) with weekend binges (to great excess). At that point I could no longer deny that I was and I am an alcoholic. But you are right about one thing: the controlled drinking experiment is a good thing if it results in knowledge (and full acceptance) of one's condition. I wish you well.
Susan

Innerchild

Thanks Susan....that kind of thinking does worry me and I dont want to test it too much.

If I ever went down that path of binge drinking again I have way too much to lose. I am being very honest now I am not sneaking around drinking more and I am telling my boyfriend or whomever the truth. I said to my boyfriend before having that glass of wine if I feel the need to get drunk after one glass I am going to stop it right away. I still do not want to put myself in a situation where I can get drunk.

I dont think I am different from anyone else or believe that I will not go down that road I am well aware that it could happen whether I had a glass of wine or not so its better I just take a day at a time.

Ill be starting therapy and group therapy at the hospital soon and I think it will help a lot bc I have an outlet for my emotions and will be able to learn healthy ways of dealing with my emotions and I am looking forward to that.

I didnt have a glass or two of wine yesterday bc I was depressed or angry which usually leads me into trouble. That is what scares me the most not having a glass or two just for the taste but using it to numb my emotions.

SSIL75

I think a lot of us have engaged in this kind of madness in the past so we 'get' it. But it is ridiculous behavior. A normal drinker just doesn't behave like this. Drinking even though they think they are an alcoholic. Drinking on psych meds. Drinking just days after getting out of the psych unit. 'checking' to see if they are still addicted.

I get it, I really do. And know that there is an end to all that!

Charon

So right on. A normal drinker doesn't have to control their drinking. I would, ergo I cannot ever drink safely/normally. Any attempt at that puts me in imminant danger. I just can't go there. THere are too many other beverages to enjoy.

keithj

Yep. Many 'out there' in the real world have failed at this as well. I've literally seen thousands engage in this insanity, almost never with good results.
In theory, I like the idea, InnerChild. You didn't overdo it, and you weren't drinking to block out emotions. But in practice, I never see it work. It's a subtle insanity that says, "I'm drinking because I want to, because I enjoy it," which is how non-alcoholics drink. But it just doesn't work out well for folks like me (alcoholics).

You say that you don't think you are different from anyone else here, but your actions say that you are the exception, that one, rare person who can have a few drinks 'for the right reason' and get away with it.

Best of luck.

recoverywfaith

Denial. Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful. Please do not kid yourself with this kind of thinking. Why, do I say this? Been there done that in previous relapses. It always started of with just a couple of drinks...and I was so proud of myself that I did not over do it...in no time at all it progressed to dangerous amounts. I am usually very gentle in my approach when suggesting to others and the only reason I am sharing this with you now is because I care and do not want you to go down the same path. For me I can never drink alcohol ever again.

Innerchild

I wish I didnt post this...I dont need to be judged I didnt do anything bad

recoverywfaith

Just sharing ESH and glad you shared your honesty. We care and recover together and are not bad. I have relapse in my history to and can identify with your original post. The good news is you/we never have to go back out.

michelle01

It's just saying, I had a few odd occasions when I could control my drinking, just have one or two, and that would be enough. I didn't even feel like more! But it can be an illusion, at least it was for me. I can never predict the consequences when I drink. It's either I am sensible, or completely overboard. I can usually tell by the second drink, but by then it's typically too late if it's going to be the latter.

It's up to you how bad you think this problem is, but I know for me, there's no going back to being a 'normal' drinker able to partake in moderation.

aeo1313

I read everything and don't think you are being judged, just given others' personal experiences. Everyone is different and has a different story and I thank you for sharing yours.

Elisabeth888

I truly do not believe anyone is judging you. They are sharing their experiences. And kind of giving you a warning that thinking you can drink can lead you back to a dangerous road.

Sunny27

I would love to be able to have two glasses of wine and drink them slowly and I have but that is not sustainable for me. i can do it for a few weeks but in the end, what happens is what ALWAYS happens eventually. That two one night become 3 or 4 and I am back to where I was.

Wanting to moderate and being able to sustain moderation are very different things - especially for someone with a drink problem.

I am not judging you, just telling you that I tried to do what you did at dinner for 20 years.

Like you I thought 'dang, this isn't that hard' and it isn't when your resolve is strong but once you have done it a few times and stopped at two glasses a time will likely come when you again go too far.

Just be wary. You may think you are out of the woodwork, but most likely you aren't.

All the best.

Sunny xx

wheresthefun

You didn't see this coming... REALLY???????

Do you read other threads on SR?????

If you do read other threads on SR, please point me to one remotely similar to your original post, where the original poster received confirmation that their actions were "okay", "acceptable", seen as being "different" from all the "rest of us"...?

That last one is a rhetorical question.

oshun

I'm not really sure why people post about their "successful" drinking on a sobriety forum. It seems like bragging and rubbing people's noses in their inability to drink normally.

I'm sure that wasn't your intention but I just don't see the point.

quitforme79

Hi innerchild, I have had many experiences like that in the past but it's the times I lose control that make me believe I can't drink at all. I am glad you had a good expereince just be careful..

Sunny27

Sorry, just saw this so am posting again...

No you are not sneaking around yet. Right now you see what you have to lose etc, but that is because you have been off the drink.

Only you can know what is right for you, but hand on heart, I wish I could do what you profess, but nope. I am deluding myself 100% thinking a few glasses here and there will not lead me back to where I was.

I am an alcoholic and can't moderate. Oh, I have, but it has not been sustainable and never will be no matter how well intentioned I may feel about it.

Sorry to have rained on your parade. Just putting my thoughts out there. xx