I had two small glasses of wine with Sushi last night but a good thing came out of it
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: california
Posts: 323
Originally Posted by susanlauren 
InnerChild,
I really hope you can pull it off. Not just once. Not just twice. Not just three times. But forever. The worst thing that happened for me when I relapsed was NOT that I lost control and binged myself into oblivion. The worst thing that happened was that I stayed in control -- one or two drinks -- and the seed was planted. Maybe I could control my drinking? Maybe I wasn't alcoholic after all? And I had a number of "safe" drinking experiences. Of course, because I am an alcoholic, my "controlled, social drinking" inevitably led me to daily drinking (to excess) with weekend binges (to great excess). At that point I could no longer deny that I was and I am an alcoholic. But you are right about one thing: the controlled drinking experiment is a good thing if it results in knowledge (and full acceptance) of one's condition. I wish you well.
Susan
I really hope you can pull it off. Not just once. Not just twice. Not just three times. But forever. The worst thing that happened for me when I relapsed was NOT that I lost control and binged myself into oblivion. The worst thing that happened was that I stayed in control -- one or two drinks -- and the seed was planted. Maybe I could control my drinking? Maybe I wasn't alcoholic after all? And I had a number of "safe" drinking experiences. Of course, because I am an alcoholic, my "controlled, social drinking" inevitably led me to daily drinking (to excess) with weekend binges (to great excess). At that point I could no longer deny that I was and I am an alcoholic. But you are right about one thing: the controlled drinking experiment is a good thing if it results in knowledge (and full acceptance) of one's condition. I wish you well.
Susan
Exactly what happened to me. After 6 years of sobriety, I had the crazy idea that it was a good idea for me to start drinking again. I only drank to excess once during my two year struggle, and I drank on and off and actually pretty rarely with long periods (months) of no drinking, but slowly realized what I'd always known. I am powerless over it and the only way to stop it is to admit defeat and not take that first drink. I wish you well also, but I caution you.
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
Hi, I can totally relate to you. I did exactly what you did a couple of years ago. I've been on a constant slow moving roller coaster with alcohol for the last 10-15 years.
I was drinking really heavily and got into one very bad fight with my husband. I decided to quit - and set a start again drinking date which was my upcoming vacay. I drank on my vacay, telling myself I'd just quit again when I got back.
When we got back, I remember having just one or two glasses of wine and saying, see? I'm fine! I honestly can't tell you how I went from I'm fine! to drinking vodka, then drinking tons of vodka, then buying little bottles of vodka to keep in my purse. Mind you, I have never ever drank while at work, or in the morning. I've always not drank until 5pm came. But then I DRANK AND DRANK after 5pm!
Finally, a few mos ago, I decided this is ridiculous. Anyone who has to put this much thought into drinking is not normal. My husband barely drinks. He doesn't give two seconds of a thought about his glass of wine. Half the time he never finishes the glass and actually forgets he had one (after leaving the room and doing something else).
Anyway, I think what you might be seeing here is something I have a twinge of when reading your post - envy. I envy normal people. I envy people who can just have one.
The other feeling you are getting from others here is experience. Others who've been down the same road you might be on and they just really don't want you to end up like they/us/me are.
But...you can't really tell someone what to do or stop them from the inevitable. Maybe you are normal. If you find yourself back where you were drinking heavily, just remember, I've been down this road again! I think this sobriety thing is a just a path and not everyone will find it at the same time as others, you kind of have to get there on your own.
I'm on only 15 days of sobriety so like I said, I can totally relate to you. Good luck in your endeavors.
I was drinking really heavily and got into one very bad fight with my husband. I decided to quit - and set a start again drinking date which was my upcoming vacay. I drank on my vacay, telling myself I'd just quit again when I got back.
When we got back, I remember having just one or two glasses of wine and saying, see? I'm fine! I honestly can't tell you how I went from I'm fine! to drinking vodka, then drinking tons of vodka, then buying little bottles of vodka to keep in my purse. Mind you, I have never ever drank while at work, or in the morning. I've always not drank until 5pm came. But then I DRANK AND DRANK after 5pm!
Finally, a few mos ago, I decided this is ridiculous. Anyone who has to put this much thought into drinking is not normal. My husband barely drinks. He doesn't give two seconds of a thought about his glass of wine. Half the time he never finishes the glass and actually forgets he had one (after leaving the room and doing something else).
Anyway, I think what you might be seeing here is something I have a twinge of when reading your post - envy. I envy normal people. I envy people who can just have one.
The other feeling you are getting from others here is experience. Others who've been down the same road you might be on and they just really don't want you to end up like they/us/me are.
But...you can't really tell someone what to do or stop them from the inevitable. Maybe you are normal. If you find yourself back where you were drinking heavily, just remember, I've been down this road again! I think this sobriety thing is a just a path and not everyone will find it at the same time as others, you kind of have to get there on your own.
I'm on only 15 days of sobriety so like I said, I can totally relate to you. Good luck in your endeavors.
Originally Posted by Innerchild
I wish I didnt post this...I dont need to be judged I didnt do anything bad
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by Innerchild
I wish I didnt post this...I dont need to be judged I didnt do anything bad
You've been on this forum for 6 years now. That's not judgement, it's a fact. You have not been able to stay entirely sober. Another fact. When I was in that position, it was worthwhile for me to examine whether drinking occasionally, for the right reasons, and then justifying that somehow it was OK, was really just the delusional thinking of an alcoholic mind. I needed to consider that in order to get better.
stepping on my way...
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,079
Been there, done that, it doesn't work for me!! NEVER WILL!!
I thank you for your honesty. People are just sharing experiences and advice with you. No one is judging you. Shoot most of us have been there..many, many times; myself included. These people know what they are talking about!! Take what you want and leave the rest.
Ultimately it is YOUR decision.
You are in control of YOUR choices.
BUT as stated...
SSIL could not have said it better. A NORMAL drinker does not obsess like this over drinking patterns/behaviors.
i wish you luck BUT buyer beware!
I thank you for your honesty. People are just sharing experiences and advice with you. No one is judging you. Shoot most of us have been there..many, many times; myself included. These people know what they are talking about!! Take what you want and leave the rest.
Ultimately it is YOUR decision.
You are in control of YOUR choices.
BUT as stated...
SSIL could not have said it better. A NORMAL drinker does not obsess like this over drinking patterns/behaviors.
i wish you luck BUT buyer beware!
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
Wow, Innerchild. I'm definitely not judging you at all, I feel for you. Take a step back from this thread, and the people posting. Look at the threads you have started - I did the same of myself and it really opened my eyes. I try to do this when I want to drink, to remember. It's so easy to forget how we felt and the things we were doing.
What I hate about alcoholism. It's kind of like high blood pressure. You don't really have symptoms, you feel ok physically, and so you repeat the drinking, thinking you are ok. It's hidden from you, and of course you forget the miserable state you are in because who the heck wants to remember that? Plus, you feel fine!
Just take a look at your past threads here. You can click on your name and hit see all threads.
What I hate about alcoholism. It's kind of like high blood pressure. You don't really have symptoms, you feel ok physically, and so you repeat the drinking, thinking you are ok. It's hidden from you, and of course you forget the miserable state you are in because who the heck wants to remember that? Plus, you feel fine!
Just take a look at your past threads here. You can click on your name and hit see all threads.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
That is the great thing about this forum. No matter what you do or have done, you are not alone. Someone else (or many) have done it. And they offer their wisdom to you and it is completely anonymous.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
I also don't think anyone is judging you
From my experience I used to think exactly like you. I WANTED to be a normal drinker who could just have 2 glasses of wine and stop there. So I would stop for a few days then have just a couple of glasses. Great stuff-I was fine! Then the next night 2 glasses just didn't do it and because I knew I was ok and didn't have a problem I had a third then fourth glass. just friday and saturday nights became every night and 2 glasses became 3 bottles.
If you need to ask yourself if you have a problem then you probably have. Normal drinkers don't need to think about it
From my experience I used to think exactly like you. I WANTED to be a normal drinker who could just have 2 glasses of wine and stop there. So I would stop for a few days then have just a couple of glasses. Great stuff-I was fine! Then the next night 2 glasses just didn't do it and because I knew I was ok and didn't have a problem I had a third then fourth glass. just friday and saturday nights became every night and 2 glasses became 3 bottles.
If you need to ask yourself if you have a problem then you probably have. Normal drinkers don't need to think about it
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 189
Well sounds good, but are you working on being sober? Staying sober? because if your in the program the two little glasses of wine still counts as drinking so you'd have to reset your dry date which was the next morning. It's nice to hear your trying of alcohol worked, I felt the same way when I picked up again and two drinks and stopped and thought it was okay. Not more then a week later was the thought of having a bit more came into mind, then I was fully blown to it for 5 months while living on my own and things got worse as I kept saying I can quit it anytime.
I'm not trying to sound discouraging but at some point we all reach that train of thought of thinking we can drink again, that's what makes us alcoholics we all dream that someday we can drink like normal people, even says that in the big book. Sure we can have 1 or 2 drinks and not get drunk, but then the obsession of the mind of wanting more comes into play. But hey, it's not my program. It's yours alone and even though we can provide advice here and try not to preach too much at you, you make your choices and even if they are wrong and you admit them we'll never judge you for it. I learned that as I went along and kept drinking and acting like a dog in trouble with his tail between his legs. My tail was in between my legs for a long time but then I was recommitted to stand up remove my tail and wag it happily today... lol I know... the use of dog as a form of speech
Point is, your happy but always keep in mind it may catch up someday. I was 9 months sober thinking I could do it again. and I could.... for awhile. Anyways I don't want to repeat myself Good Luck! Remember! We're here for ya! 
I'm not trying to sound discouraging but at some point we all reach that train of thought of thinking we can drink again, that's what makes us alcoholics we all dream that someday we can drink like normal people, even says that in the big book. Sure we can have 1 or 2 drinks and not get drunk, but then the obsession of the mind of wanting more comes into play. But hey, it's not my program. It's yours alone and even though we can provide advice here and try not to preach too much at you, you make your choices and even if they are wrong and you admit them we'll never judge you for it. I learned that as I went along and kept drinking and acting like a dog in trouble with his tail between his legs. My tail was in between my legs for a long time but then I was recommitted to stand up remove my tail and wag it happily today... lol I know... the use of dog as a form of speech
Point is, your happy but always keep in mind it may catch up someday. I was 9 months sober thinking I could do it again. and I could.... for awhile. Anyways I don't want to repeat myself Good Luck! Remember! We're here for ya! Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 379
Very good point made about the way alcoholics view drink.
i spent Christmas with a friend in London. On the way back at the airport I had a glass of wine as I had two hours to kill. Of course I got a large glass because I had 2 hours.
When I finished that I got some food and another small glass.
Plane delayed so 2 more large glasses later and I finally boarded. Missed my connecting bus home and had a few hours to wait. 2 more little quarter bottles.
I look back now and think what the hell? Why the need for all that? The problem is and always will be that is how I view alcohol. I'm not a one-glass-girl and NEVER will be.
The next day I thought long and hard about what the hell I was doing and then I made the decision to quit. 15 days in and I am looking back and seeing more and more of that pattern.
I don't ever remember leaving a half-finished glass of wine.
I know what I have to do.
I really hope you read back over the replies again and realise people are only speaking from honest experience.
i spent Christmas with a friend in London. On the way back at the airport I had a glass of wine as I had two hours to kill. Of course I got a large glass because I had 2 hours.
When I finished that I got some food and another small glass.
Plane delayed so 2 more large glasses later and I finally boarded. Missed my connecting bus home and had a few hours to wait. 2 more little quarter bottles.
I look back now and think what the hell? Why the need for all that? The problem is and always will be that is how I view alcohol. I'm not a one-glass-girl and NEVER will be.
The next day I thought long and hard about what the hell I was doing and then I made the decision to quit. 15 days in and I am looking back and seeing more and more of that pattern.
I don't ever remember leaving a half-finished glass of wine.
I know what I have to do.
I really hope you read back over the replies again and realise people are only speaking from honest experience.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Maple Shade, NJ
Posts: 22
I don't see it as people judging you. Normally when people think they are being judged it is because they think they're innocent, which in your case from what ive read makes me think that you are starting to think "hey maybe i'm not an alcoholic!". Which is dangerous thinking if you are in fact an alcoholic. But you are on a sobriety forum so you're not gonna get alot of high fives for drinking successfully. Maybe try to look at things from the other people on here's perspective.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
Originally Posted by Innerchild View Post
I wish I didnt post this...I dont need to be judged I didnt do anything bad
Nope, not judging, lived through and know better. Honestly, what has changed in the last week that makes you think you can handle your alcohol this time around? I've read your threads. Short of a miracle, what steps have been made to transform your black out drinking into controlled drinking? No one is saying these things to judge you or hurt your feelings. We are trying to save you from more pain and suffering. You are playing with fire and the alcohol is fooling you into submission. Soon you will be right back into drinking and will spiral downward. That is the nature of the beast. The only way to control your drinking is to stop completely.
I wish I didnt post this...I dont need to be judged I didnt do anything bad
Nope, not judging, lived through and know better. Honestly, what has changed in the last week that makes you think you can handle your alcohol this time around? I've read your threads. Short of a miracle, what steps have been made to transform your black out drinking into controlled drinking? No one is saying these things to judge you or hurt your feelings. We are trying to save you from more pain and suffering. You are playing with fire and the alcohol is fooling you into submission. Soon you will be right back into drinking and will spiral downward. That is the nature of the beast. The only way to control your drinking is to stop completely.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 35
Experiences are what guides lessons. I am not judging you at all. I've been there many times and every person is different in their journey with alcohol. When I read your post I felt happy for you. There are people out there that can find a way to learn from their past experiences and use them to put a stop to potential bad situations. I wish I could have a few and stop. I know that about myself but it took many years of trial and error to get to that conclusion. In my experience I could control my intake for awhile but it crept on me slowly but surely. You make your own decisions, you pave your own path. Your attitude is fantastic keep it as a way to stay in control. If you know yourself well enough you will be fine, if not don't be deterred from reaching out here. It helps. Good luck.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Dublin
Posts: 90
The inital post here spoke to me as I am in the very start of my recovery and I can imagine myself justifying a glass of wine by saying I can stop and I probably would - fair play to you if you can pull that off time and time again, but even now at the early days of my sobriety I know if I had that one glass ... it wouldnt be long before it was 1 bottle .. I wish you all the luck with your recovery x
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: WI
Posts: 228
Maybe you are not really an alcoholic after all? Perhaps you can control and enjoy your drinking? Sure this is a feat that has eluded many of us on this site, but certainly not all of us.
I wish you best of luck in this endeavor. I hope that you truly are not an alcoholic, however, if you discover that you are unable to control and enjoy your drinking there will always be a solution there for you.
I wish you best of luck in this endeavor. I hope that you truly are not an alcoholic, however, if you discover that you are unable to control and enjoy your drinking there will always be a solution there for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 70
Hi innerchild ,
Please don't think you can not post on here . This is a forum for everyone. I think that this is a good place to vent and to be honest and for asking for and recieving help!
We all have different experiences , different lifes and different opinions. That is a good thing it is all about balance. If you feel that you can drink 1 to 2 glasses of wine than that is your choice . Air caution though .
I do not believe anyone on here is judging or could judge. Addiction bought us all here . We are all different . I hope you will carry on posting if it helps you .
Stay strong xAx
Please don't think you can not post on here . This is a forum for everyone. I think that this is a good place to vent and to be honest and for asking for and recieving help!
We all have different experiences , different lifes and different opinions. That is a good thing it is all about balance. If you feel that you can drink 1 to 2 glasses of wine than that is your choice . Air caution though .
I do not believe anyone on here is judging or could judge. Addiction bought us all here . We are all different . I hope you will carry on posting if it helps you .
Stay strong xAx
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
I'm sorry you are feeling judged, Innerchild. I personally am not seeing judgment here ... just a lot of good advice and people who are concerned. It was that same kind of thinking that led me to two relapses. After a period of being sober, I thought I would "test the waters" and see if I could stop with one or two drinks. I was successful for awhile. Then it became stopping after 3. Then 4. Then 5. Then before I even knew what was happening, I was right back where I had started, and even worse off. I finally had to realize (with a certain amount of dismay) that I could not drink like normal people. That crushed me.
People here are concerned about this type of thinking because they've been there, and they know where that kind of thinking can lead. It was only very recently that I learned this for myself. We just don't want to see you end up where you were, or worse. Please be very cautious about this road you are considering taking. I'm glad you posted, and I hope that you will take what people have said into consideration, rather than feeling hurt by their comments. They just want you to succeed in your sobriety and want you to have a happy life. So do I.
People here are concerned about this type of thinking because they've been there, and they know where that kind of thinking can lead. It was only very recently that I learned this for myself. We just don't want to see you end up where you were, or worse. Please be very cautious about this road you are considering taking. I'm glad you posted, and I hope that you will take what people have said into consideration, rather than feeling hurt by their comments. They just want you to succeed in your sobriety and want you to have a happy life. So do I.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 186
Please keep posting Innerchild. And I don't think anyone is judging you, they are doing what we all use this forum for, to offer advice and from what I can see everyone here has a lot of experiences and a wealth of information.
And I thank you for posting this thread because I thought this the other day, that I could have a few glasses of wine. But I am reminded by these responses that it won't work for me. And to have to place so much thought into moderating my drinks, whats the point. I can drink an entire 2 liter bottle of seltzer with lime and not have to worry about only having 2.
Thank you so much for posting.
And I thank you for posting this thread because I thought this the other day, that I could have a few glasses of wine. But I am reminded by these responses that it won't work for me. And to have to place so much thought into moderating my drinks, whats the point. I can drink an entire 2 liter bottle of seltzer with lime and not have to worry about only having 2.
Thank you so much for posting.
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