stepping

innerchild - forgot to add in my earlier post..... please keep posting and do not think people are being mean to you. It is simply advice from experiences. To each their own and what worked for one may not work for the other. Take it or leave it. You have to find YOUR way! i hope your feelings are not hurt and that you take this for what it is simple advice not judgement. innerchild you are in my thoughts today.

Dee74

I hope you'll continue to post too Innerchild

D

jocata

Please keep posting innerchild.

We can't just sugarcoat what happens to us when we start thinking alongs these lines.

At least consider what has been posted in response to your OP.

God bless.

kiki5711

As a matter of fact actually everyone here IS being totally honest. Why would they lie just to make you feel like shi...t?

Maybe you're having second thoughts and everyone's shares are making you feel guilty and angry that someone is trying to take your ability to control alcohol away from you.

No so at all. What you do in your private life in non of our business, but you cannot control how other people respond because of their experience.

Best of luck and good year ahead.

bluoval

Innerchild,

I suggest reading the AA Big Book (pp. 30-34). I found it quite helpful to me and it might help you. Peace always.

HenryKrinkle

I don't think anyone is judging you. I think the people here are trying to help you.

Please don't leave. Please come back and continue to post.

kabrock

If you are still enjoying alcoholic drinks you are in danger. It is important I think to realize how much alcohol destroys the brain cells and attacks the vital organs even in small quantities of drink. It is poison to cells.

Are you sure you want to stop drinking any alcohol?
It is so difficult to drink only a little bit if you enjoy alcohol and the buzz
az you are telling us.

Please be sure to google "the effects of alcohol on the body" as I did.

Especially on the brain.

My father drinks a bottle of wine each day and he lost sensitivity in
his fingers he complains also of very bad memory. He is very old and thinks that it is too late to stop. As I said it is so difficult to drink only a little bit. A half of bottle is not so much and you see what it does over the years.
The most important is what we decide and the limits we fix to drinking
especially when the problems and stress comes. We are so tempted then to drink on a regular basis and the habit is then established.

I wish you good luck in stopping alcohol. Since I realized how much alcohol is poisoning me I decided to become totally abstinent and I am pretty sure that I will succeed to stop the poisoning of my body and brain.
--
kabrock

ReadyAndAble

I'm not judging you because believe me, I've been there.

The most treacherous moments in my long and pathetic drinking career were the periods when I "succeeded" in drinking like a normal person. Because it gave me the validation I needed to rationalize months and years of continued drinking. Just one more way alcohol cajoled and reassured me as I journeyed closer and closer to the abyss. I have no idea if that's true for you; I can only share my own misadventures in moderation.

langkah

IC, you've been asking for help with your drinking problem here since '06. Why would you suddenly stop now?

kabrock

Hello,

I agree totally with you. It is so much easier to decide to not drink at all that to decide to drink only two glasses of wine. This decision is then always reconsidered as the alcohol has entered our bloodstream and the possibility to continue drinking additional glasses is there as well as the pleasure of alcohol. Why to stop then? It has really to be a good reason.
Especially if we have some big problems and feel the need to relax?
I have the similar experience as you. Every time I tried to drink only a little bit I became gradually alcoholic a few time later.

kabrock

I feel that you are not judged as I read the thread. We are trying to help you, to advice you, to share our individual experiences with you.

OxyClean80

I know if I hang where its slippery I'll slip. Thanx4sharing.

Sapling

I hope you don't take this as judging...Just an observation. You sound like you have a history of this...Been hanging around here since '06?...Normal drinkers probably wouldn't do that. I'm a firm believer that if you want to put down the drink for good...You have to be DONE. I think if you ask anyone on this site that has some sobriety if they were done or not...You'd probably get the same answer. I know I was done...Not even a desire to see if I could have a sip of alcohol...Can't do it. This isn't a game for me...It's my life. You're not getting any pity from me. You basically posted you are an alcoholic and drank. I don't get the point. I guess you'll just give it up when you're done.

Anna

InnerChild, I don't think people are judging you, but offering their concern about your actions. So many of us have been where you were, quietly drinking two glasses of wine. I did it myself dozens of times, only to jump off the deep end a few days or a few weeks later.

betterlate

Well, I can add that I actually wore this one out. I said to myself over and over that I could control it and then most nights wouldn't be too bad, but all it takes is that one drunk where you lose it all...just read the archives for plenty of examples from all kinds of people.

Mammyof3boys

I so agree. I can look back now and see that validation. Misadventures in moderation, great saying! I can't moderate. And I'm tired of lying to myself and trying to convince myself I can. One drink starts a sort of morbid acceptance to a lie that I'm not an alcoholic. And then I start telling myself how I deserve to get drunk and then another day, "so what if I am an alcoholic" I have actually said that. And there is so much of my day thinking, discussing, convincing and lying to myself; so much time spent thinking about drinking. My day is really a lot easier now, I don't drink. Thats it. No more time wasted. No more discussions, (have 1 now, hide the bottle, pretend the baby was up thats why you look so tired...). No I just don't drink. Life is getting a little calmer each day.

NewBeginning010

Hi Innerchild,

I hope you are doing ok, please realize that you are posting in the Newcomers section. There are a lot of people that come here struggling with this horrible addiction and for some this is their last hope before death.

Most of us have been successful at having one or two for a period of time then BAM right back to where you were or more often far worse. Please don't feel judged, I believe the intent of most of the posters comes from loving experience (myself included ;-).

From going back over your posts it sounds like you have been through a lot of pain & torture (Psych wards & hospital visits) with this horrible disease. Its definitely not worth considering having one or two for the taste, as you mentioned in a previous post... having one or two is silly, I drink for the buzz (I did too). I have also had a few scary visits to the hospital that were related to my drinking so I know the deal.

I think you were in the right place regading not drinking in a previos post that I have quoted below, I pray that you can get back there and find your path back to sobriety.

All of the best to you, I hope you stick around & keep posting.

Take Care ~NB

SixStringZen

Let's say that the best case scenario happened, and you can stop at 2 glasses EVERY time....just look at the amount of thought and obsession you're putting into those 2 glasses! My wife has zero drinking problem....if she had a glass of wine (though, it'd be more like half a glass), she wouldn't even think about it again...much less go on a forum and talk about it....
Even if you were able to control it forever....that kind of mental obsession is no way to live...

Innerchild

Thanks to those who responded positively to my posts. This is the reason I do not like AA because I don't need others posting labels on me. I grew up in a family of being judged so I don't slap labels on myself because I get enough of it on my own.

I was in psych wards for depression. I admitted myself into the last psych ward to get a handle on my depression. Ive suffered from depression and debilitating anxiety since I was nine years old and at 22 I used alcohol to cope with it.

I wasnt diagnosed in the hospital as an alcoholic I was diagnosed with mental health issues. The first time in the hospital I was admitted against my will not because of alcohol but because the doctor told me that there is something other than alcohol that has brought me there.

I am not going to beat myself up for having a few drinks or tell myself that I am an alcoholic and I cant drink. I came to the decision on my own this weekend that I prefer not drinking. I would rather just sit on the couch and watch my TV shows with a glass of orange juice rather than going back to my old drinking habits. What I was trying to get across in my posts was alcohol doesnt have the same effect for me. I have been an on and off binge drinker for years and this is t he first time that I didnt enjoy drinking and didnt have the craving to get drunk.

I don't know if I can ever drink again I am taking a day at a time. I know for now I dont want to drink because I ever want to get back where I was. I am getting into therapy and group therapy soon and I want to work hard on my deep seeded issues without alcohol. So as of now I am not drinking anymore and my posts wasnt to brag about having two drinks it was more about how my mind set has changed towards alcohol. I dont need it and dont want it.

michelle01

I've been there too, I tested it further and it didn't work, it was a temporary feeling and it was misleading, I wasn't really 'over it'. I'm trying to understand where you are coming from, it's as if you're leaving open the possibility to drink again in the future, or think if you address some mental health issues you will be able to. That's the way I see it going. I had the same idea too, but for me it didn't work too well. I have suffered clinical depression much of my life (psych units, the works), I'm doing much better these days but with regards to alcohol, there's just no going back.

I'm not an AA person and don't worry too much about the definitions anymore, I never fitted some of the stereotypical descriptions of an 'alcoholic', but I've accepted that I cannot drink safely and to think that I can is deceiving myself.

But then I'm not you, all I can do is say what happened to me, I'm on medication for the depression these days and I know that drinking would interfere with their action, and drinking actually exacerbates my anxiety/depression.

Good luck with it, I'm glad you're getting some help but I don't think this is an issue you can afford to take lightly. When I made a commitment to overall recovery, I had to make a hundred percent commitment to sobriety as well. Otherwise, I think I would still be seriously struggling.

I'm sorry if you got upset by what people may have said, but I remember in my early days sober, feeling very sensitive, being offended by what people may have said to me, later on though I could see that maybe, just maybe... they may have had a valid point (shock). What comes across as harsh and judgmental to you in this print context maybe is really people expressing their own concern, based on their own learning experiences (emphasis on learning, we've all made mistakes) dealing with this problem.