InnerChild,
I really hope you can pull it off. Not just once. Not just twice. Not just three times. But forever. The worst thing that happened for me when I relapsed was NOT that I lost control and binged myself into oblivion. The worst thing that happened was that I stayed in control -- one or two drinks -- and the seed was planted. Maybe I could control my drinking? Maybe I wasn't alcoholic after all? And I had a number of "safe" drinking experiences. Of course, because I am an alcoholic, my "controlled, social drinking" inevitably led me to daily drinking (to excess) with weekend binges (to great excess). At that point I could no longer deny that I was and I am an alcoholic. But you are right about one thing: the controlled drinking experiment is a good thing if it results in knowledge (and full acceptance) of one's condition. I wish you well.
Susan