What does "support" mean to you?
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What does "support" mean to you?
I see the word "support" repeatedly thrown around in the context of addiction recovery, but obviously, people have varying ideas as to the nature of support one should provide. For me, support means moral support. It means telling people that they can indeed achieve what they feel they cannot achieve from within the bubble of addiction. It does not necessarily mean coddling, however, but neither does it mean deflating someone's ego for their own good. A difficult balance to strike sometimes, but worth thinking about, IMO.
What does "support" mean to you?
What does "support" mean to you?
I have no idea.
The good people of SR were my cheerleading squad and that was the only support I ever got. There were some who criticized my approach. I did not find that helpful. I don't know if that is what you mean by not coddling.
The good people of SR were my cheerleading squad and that was the only support I ever got. There were some who criticized my approach. I did not find that helpful. I don't know if that is what you mean by not coddling.
I used the word today in a post, talking about how my sister has supported my decision to quit drinking. By supportive I guess what I meant was her encouragement on my journey and a willingness to lend an ear. But as for my recovery, I don't expect a lot of support. As for my wife, when I ask for support, I usually mean support the decisions I make to keep my recovery foremost in my efforts, not that it happens that much...passing on a Christmas party and so forth.
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I mean not telling people that the lowest common denominator and the path of least resistance are good enough. People can do much better than they usually think they can. They just can't always see it from within the bubble of addiction.
Hmmm...I was sober when I got here (5 days) so maybe it's a little different.
I try and offer encouragement. When I find myself wanting to "speak the hard truth" to someone who is still drinking I stop myself. This is the Internet. I can't look someone in the eye and see what state they are in. If I think there is potential for my words to cause harm I don't say them. It would be different if it was someone I was in the real world with.
I try and offer encouragement. When I find myself wanting to "speak the hard truth" to someone who is still drinking I stop myself. This is the Internet. I can't look someone in the eye and see what state they are in. If I think there is potential for my words to cause harm I don't say them. It would be different if it was someone I was in the real world with.
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I'm sure we all do to a certain extent. I myself am keenly aware that my own chosen method of recovery, AVRT, is the "secular" equivalent of the hardliners ("Book Thumpers") in the 12-Step fold. Patterned after the addictive mindset itself, it is inherently ruthless, austere, and unforgiving towards that same addictive mindset. I do recognize that it is a paradigm, however, and that human beings are actually far more complex. This is in large part why I am interested in this topic, however, and I do hope that others chime in.
Support to me is having comfort & security of people who really care what happens to me. My family is supportive and although they don't lend advice or tell me 'what to do' I find that just 'knowing' the feeling that I have people that do care about my future, my life and truly want for me to be happy and love me helps to keep me within the goals.
None of my family members know anything about recovery -except my brother who's done counseling as a pastor and now has all kinds of letters after his name.
Even though he's my big brother and I can call him and whine -I don't. I just want to know they are there. Support to me is more of a feeling. I don't need someone sitting next to me with a big foam #1 finger waving it my face. I just need to know you love me and will be there for me when I need a friendly voice.
None of my family members know anything about recovery -except my brother who's done counseling as a pastor and now has all kinds of letters after his name.
Even though he's my big brother and I can call him and whine -I don't. I just want to know they are there. Support to me is more of a feeling. I don't need someone sitting next to me with a big foam #1 finger waving it my face. I just need to know you love me and will be there for me when I need a friendly voice.
RandA...I agree...but do you think it's okay to give a hard message to someone who you can't see and who can't see you?
The internet is a delicate place, where tone, sarcasm and context disappear and morph. As a group of people in various stages of recovery I think we need to be extra careful to first do no harm.
How's that for not biting my tongue
The internet is a delicate place, where tone, sarcasm and context disappear and morph. As a group of people in various stages of recovery I think we need to be extra careful to first do no harm.
How's that for not biting my tongue
Very good question, Terminally Unique.
My idea of support is mainly having someone to listen, understand, and offer helpful suggestions without being condescending and presuming to have The One True Way. If they've been where I am, they already know they can't really tell me anything; I have to figure it out for myself. Good support, then, would mean giving me room to make the mistakes I need to make and discover the truths you already know (and may have suggested to me already).
My idea of support is mainly having someone to listen, understand, and offer helpful suggestions without being condescending and presuming to have The One True Way. If they've been where I am, they already know they can't really tell me anything; I have to figure it out for myself. Good support, then, would mean giving me room to make the mistakes I need to make and discover the truths you already know (and may have suggested to me already).
I bite my tongue often, LaFemme...or moreso find myself typing than erasing, being more subtle, erasing...then finally I just hit 'post quick reply' and just hope for the best. LOL
All I can do is share my experience and I try not to be judgemental. Sometimes its hard.
All I can do is share my experience and I try not to be judgemental. Sometimes its hard.
my idea of support has changed over the years, as I have.
These days I try to simply share my experience and let that speak for itself as much as possible. I try always to add a little hope, too.
I try to avoid being too blunt at least until I get to know people a little better and think it might be useful....if I drive people away that's not a win for either of us.
Of course, some days I'm better at all this than others...
D
These days I try to simply share my experience and let that speak for itself as much as possible. I try always to add a little hope, too.
I try to avoid being too blunt at least until I get to know people a little better and think it might be useful....if I drive people away that's not a win for either of us.
Of course, some days I'm better at all this than others...
D
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How's that for not biting my tongue
I agree style matters; at least it did for me. In the words of Mary Poppins, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. I was pretty raw when I arrived, and responded better to posts that were framed as personal experience, rather than universal truth.
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RandA...I agree...but do you think it's okay to give a hard message to someone who you can't see and who can't see you?
The internet is a delicate place, where tone, sarcasm and context disappear and morph. As a group of people in various stages of recovery I think we need to be extra careful to first do no harm.
How's that for not biting my tongue
The internet is a delicate place, where tone, sarcasm and context disappear and morph. As a group of people in various stages of recovery I think we need to be extra careful to first do no harm.
How's that for not biting my tongue
I'm on this forum to recover just like everyone else but I love helping others recover and seeing how their posts change during their sobriety. We all have "off-days" where we are crabby and sometimes words come out a little too strong, even when you mean the best. Sobriety is a big roller coaster and learning to be sober requires re-learning a lot of aspects of life that you lost during the years you were drinking.
Now as far as your question, that'll take only one line to answer LOL - support is giving someone the attention that they need and helping them overcome obstacles that they normally wouldn't be able to overcome on their own.
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