EzziePup

Hi everyone...I'm so glad I found this place...I have had a drinking problem for 9 years. Its to the point I'm drinking a 30 pack every 2 days. I woke up for work this morning, hungover, and I realized I have to stop now. Most mornings I wake up not even remembering tucking my kids into bed. Its killing my marriage. I'm spending over 300$ a month on booze. I normally start boozing as soon as I walk in the door from work, which was 5 hours ago, and I haven't touched any alcohol. I called my doctor, I am seeing him for blood work and a full physical tomorrow. We discussed rehab options. I am already starting to feel withdrawal symptoms, head pounding, shaking, heart pounding, I'm so scared of this, but I know its for the best. I sat and cried for hours today, realizing I am rock bottom right now. My 7 year old daughter looked at me today and said mommy I love you, and I broke down. I don't want my kids growing up with the alcoholic mom. I'm 30 years old with high blood pressure and high cholesterol. My head is racing, I'm having trouble wrapping my head around all of this. I'm scared of the withdrawals...Im sorry for going on and on, but I had to get this off my chest. I'm not getting much support from my husband. He is the first person to call me a lousy drunk, but as soon as I admit I have a problem and decide to do something, he tells me I'm overreacting and a hypochondriac. I don't understand...I thought he would be proud of me. I'm so depressed right now

quitforme79

First off, good for you for taking the first step and calling your Dr. You should be VERY proud of yourself. You will find a ton of support here at SR...there are a lot of wonderful supportive people and I am so grateful to have found this community. Please let us know how you are doing. I find that even simply reading thru old threads helps me because it makes me see I am not alone in this and neither are you ((hugs))

EzziePup

Thank you for those words of encouragement, I'm just struggling with the routine thing right now...I'm also a smoker, so I've been chain smoking like crazy all evening. I'm so used to checking my case of beer right now to make sure I have enuf for tomorrow...I don't know how I managed to stop myself from going to the liquor store right after work. The thought of no beer in my fridge terrifies me. I have been drinking 15 beers a night for 2 years. I'm trying to stay strong

CaiHong

Hi Ezziepup

Well if your husband is not proud or supportive of you yet, we are. I can sense strong resolve in your post. You are taking the right steps. Crying is good I cried a lot, still do. I understand that I am releasing emotion that I kept locked down with alcohol.

I go to AA and use this website to stay sober,I need the support. I suggest you find some support group to help you through this.

Keep posting and I know you can make it and have a much happier life.

CaiHong

ontherightpath

I can relate to you so much ezzie. I too am the mother of young kids and i constantly hear the echo of my little guy telling me that he is mad that I drank. He hasnt said it in a long time. But honestly, what kind of fear are we filling our own children with? How scary is it to them? I used to go out with my friends and get blasted, then after the brth of my dd, i started staying home. I would sit home and drink all night, on the phone, on the computer, playing video games with the kids, listening to music. celebrating an occasion, mourning something bad... it didnt really matter. I have given sobriety a go a couple of times, only to relapse. I am again ending day 1 and I am very happy about it. I know the proud feeling of not drinking at all. I know the feeling of happiness when I wake with no regrets, no questions of the night before. The first few days are the hardest for me, i dont sleep well, I can tell that tonight I wont sleep well already. But I have melatonin on hand and am gonna take some shortly and then its off to bed i go. You can do this! You have it in you!! just take it one moment at a time if neccesary. Keep in touch with us!! Best of luck to you on your journey!!

alcoholsux

You need to do this for YOUR KIDS..and FOR YOU! You are reaching out to people on this site who are so supportive and thats a great first step. You've called your doctor. You've recognized you have a problem. Kudos to you for wanting something better. ANd forgive me for saying this but shame on your husband....maybe he's scared of what you will be when this is all said and done. Maybe he's afraid that if you are making this big step, he might have to too with something, or maybe that you'll be better than him. Whatever the reason, i hope and pray he becomes supportive. Stick with it! Don't give up no matter how hard it gets. Listen to me, i sound like a pro....And i'm just wrapping up day 3!

suki44883

Welcome to SR, Ezzie! You will find a lot of support here! Good for you making the decision to stop drinking. It's great that you have contacted your doctor and have an appointment for tomorrow. He can help you get through the worst of the withdrawals, and if it's possible, I highly recommend a professional detox facility. They will safely get you through the withdrawals while monitoring your blood pressure and heart rate, which can really go crazy.

I hope you'll stick around and let us support you.

EzziePup

Thank you all so much. I have strong support from my mom, she is my rock. I too am worried about insomnia. Normally I'm hammered and passed out on the couch about now, but I'm wide awake. I never thought it would be this hard to let go. I always told myself...I can stop whenever I want...but then that same night I was at the bottom of a case of beer. I used to wake up to headaches, but lately I've been waking up still loaded. There are times I will go to break at 10 a.m and not remember the first 2 hours of work. Luckily I've skated the random drug tests, they test for alcohol. I wake up drunk and think that would be the day I fail a test and lose my job. I just can't live like this anymore

wpainterw

Don't pay any attention to your husband right now. Right now it's you who's important and there are serious medical issues which you seem to be in the process of resolving. Good for you! You can do this, my friend. Lots of folks out there have been where you are right now and lots of folks on this web have been right there and they've made it back. Your doctor comes first. Then when you're feeling better, it's a good idea to get in touch with a group, either AA or some alternative program. Get involved with other alcoholics who have had some success in recovery. So grit your teeth and get through this. You're going through the worst of it right now and it will soon get better. Good luck.

W.

Dee74

welcome ezzie

Knowing I couldn't live 'like this' one more day was my starting point too...nearly 5 years on it's the best decision I ever made

Try not to worry too much about your husband right - the changes can be scary for us and they can be for our loved ones too....I hope he'll come round

good to have you with us

D

EzziePup

Thanks to you all I can definitely see this place is going to be a good place for me! Its wonderful to have support from people who have suffered from alcoholism

least

Welcome EPup. Glad you found us and joined us. You're right about there being lots of support here. And we truly understand cause we've been there and done that. Welcome to the family.

EzziePup

So I'm still wide awake, shaking like a leaf, migraine out of this world...now I'm starting to feel like throwing up. My husband is begging me to have a beer. He thinks I'm crazy for going cold turkey. He told me I should ween myself off. I told him NO...that's just setting myself up for disaster. He told me he is just worried about me getting sick from going cold turkey. So he is supportive of me quitting(thank goodness) he just doesn't like seeing me go thru this. So I do feel better about it, but I'm withdrawing pretty bad right now. I already have heart palpitations and irregular heartbeat from an autoimmune disease, if this gets much worse I may end up taking a trip to the ER

LaFemme

Hi Ezzie and welcome! Congratulations on making the decision to take back your life.

Don't hesitate to go to the ER.

Hugs...you can do this!

Tina

eJoshua

Welcome Ezzie!

Sorry for your lack of support at home. I'm very happy you've decided to make a change and excited to hear how gun-ho you are about your sobriety already! Keep it up!

Be safe medically and don't be afraid to go to the ER if you need to -- better safe than sorry.

Best wishes

Tigger41

EzziePub - Congratulations on deciding to take your life back. Now get to a doctor - go to the ER - get medical assistance. It can be very bad to go cold turkey and there are medications (none that make you feel high) that you may NEED to avoid some dire withdrawal. Your body is used to a fair amount of depressant (alcohol) and now it's doing it normal compensation but your not drinking. Please go see a doctor now.

Hang in there though and stay committed - we'll be there for you.

Tigger41

By the way - 4 kids 10, 10, 6 and 4 and I so get the comments they make that you referenced. It was my son that finally realized I had a problem. Not my other half. Funny how that happens - they're most aware of who you really are - maybe it's because they need us so much.

WritingFool

Welcome Ezzie! I agree with Tigger. Get help now if you need it!!!!!!

EzziePup

Hello day 2...and its not a good one I made it thru the night without a trip to the ER, but a rough night it was. I hardly slept, and when I did I would jerk awake because I felt like I was falling...irony perhaps? I managed to drag myself to work, but 2 hours in I just couldn't take it and I had to leave. I do have a doctor appointment so I had a valid excuse. I figured I would feel sober this morning, or hopeful I would, but almost feel like I do after a night of 15 beers. I normally don't eat much cuz I always feel full from the beer, but I am starving! I tried eating when I got home but it came right back up I was not expecting this at all

CamilleBelle

Today is my day one! Im 27 and just got married in april, although we've been together over 10 years. Hes the same way when ive tryed to quit, always begging me to wean myself off... But that NEVER has worked for me. Hes the type of drinker who has a beer and goes to bed, never giving it a second thought. I think it worries him about what others will think if im not drinking, since our social life has revolved around it for years. But I thank you for your story, I want kids, and I certainly want to be there for them in a sober mindset. Im worried about withdrawls today, but im going to use xanax instead of alcohol to control it. Then quit that too. Its not going to be an easy time of year to do this... I wish you, and myself luck!